Thoughts from Mark "Hat" Rackley

I’m the wife of Lieutenant Deviled Yeggs, Trinity Naomi Tesla, that’s TNT, Yeggs, but most people call me Glyce, pronounced “Gliss,” since it is short for Nitroglycerin.  I explode when shaken.  My husband works homicide in the big city of Tracy.  His partner is Jim Wednesday.  Poached Yeggs works with him, too, but this time I am doing an investigation on my own.

I had just gotten to the bottom of the plague of politeness mystery when Callie, Poached’s wife, and I were interrupted by some visitors.  I will overlap the story a little.

I groaned, “Callie, I have a child in college.  Your first is in diapers, and you have taught me a lot about parenting this afternoon.  Thank you.”

At that moment, the front door opened, and I heard a familiar voice.  Our eldest said, ”Hey, Mom, I brought home laundry.  We may be heading out in about a week, but we had to return and make sure our college credits are all recorded properly.”

Another voice, a little older and more mellow, came from outside.  “Easy!  Is that any way to talk to your mother?”

“Sorry, Doc Seductress, if I simply said that I’m home, she would think I was abducted by aliens, and they were sending a robot version of me here to spy on the rest of the family.”

Ouch! My fantasies about Blaise showed that I have repeated previous fantasies.  I said, “Come back to the kitchen.  Callie is here, and be quiet or Ibie might wake up.  We have tea and pastries.  I don’t think I have ever officially met Doc Seductress, although I think that is a horrible nickname, Easter Yeggs!”

“But, Mom, she gave herself that code name.  Only Dr. Quinn assigns code names, even for herself.  It was something embarrassing from her past, but she is facing down those demons now.”

Another voice that was only vaguely familiar said, “How could I be the last to get here when I have been waiting on you guys for thirty minutes?”

Doc Seductress whispered, “Let’s all go to the kitchen quietly.  I have great news.”

Dr. Quinn, a.k.a. Doc Seductress, walked into the kitchen and greeted us, followed by Easter and Jemima, holding hands.  The lovely lady that followed finally allowed me to fit the voice to the person.  It was Mary Sheltie, who would be joining the team almost immediately, for summer hurricane hunting.  I would have few days, maybe a week and a half with Easter before he would be gone for three months.  But then, he would be taking classes in the classroom and he and I could commute together.

Dr. Quinn grabbed a scone and a cup of tea.  “Let me take a bite and then I can give my news.  Easter may want to visit with his Mom a bit.”  After a small bite, she continued, “Oh, these are great!  Did you make them?”  I shook my head, and Easter said they tasted like the ones Uncle Scrambled makes.  Dr. Quinn continued again, “I just spent a couple of hours with Dr. Kildare.  He is going to make a grand announcement tomorrow if everyone here agrees.  T.R.U.S.T. is going to start a subscription-only television channel.  The working title is the Storm Chasing Channel.  We will have a reality TV show with the four of us, plus a fifth student during the school year.  We will have to remove our worktable in the back of the Turtle to make room.  We will have documentaries on the skills each of us has: Easy’s stunt driving skills and his skills of positioning us as close as possible to the storm but where it is most safe.  Stinker can teach people how to do time-lapsed photography and get great pictures of storm development.  I know, Stinker, you say a lot is luck, but you make that luck.  And as for our star reporter, Home Wrecker will continue as star reporter, but we will add additional titles as producer, director, film editor, etc.  We need documentaries on safety.  There are too many amateurs that clog the roads, and they are lucky that they are not severely injured.  That is a big part of what Dr. Kildare wants to cut down on by broadcasting this channel.  And he has done some market surveys, and he has small-market television stations and independent stations that cannot afford to pay top dollar for storm chasing photos and videos.  Some of them want a local weather report, audio and graphics only, with a friendly voice.  That will be another of your jobs, Home Wrecker.  Can you record your lovely voice saying 0, 1, 2, 3, etc. and then the computer can patch together, ‘tomorrow, wind from the southwest at 15 miles per hour, a high of 72 with a 10% chance of scattered showers’?  All of that are words and phrases that can be patched together, but it will sound like you are right there giving the small market their very own weather report.  And the entire time, the feed will come from the television studio at T.R.U.S.T.”

Dr. Quinn finally took a breath, “Well, do you three want in on the ground floor?  You will be paid commensurate to the university’s profits.  Once Easy is 25 and can get his commercial driver’s license to do this storm chasing for real rather than under a university umbrella, then we might launch the channel commercially rather than through the auspices of the university.  We will need some venture capital to do so.  I know no one with that kind of cash, but I think I know someone who knows Pink Lady and Amy G. Dala, and those two jointly own a private jet.  Could they add a television channel?  Admittedly, we’ll have a few years to figure that one out, but what do you three think?”

Easter said, “I have always wanted to be a storm chaser, but I thought it would take a while to get with a professional team.  I’m in.  Umm. Mom, if that is okay.”  I nodded, so proud that he still wanted my input.

Jemima said, “Wherever Easy goes, I go.”

Mary said, “I’m with Easy.  I thought I would pay a lot of dues before given the chance to produce and direct.  I am definitely interested.”

Jemima said, “I think she’s interested in the further adventures of Joseph and the virgin Mary.”

Mary retorted, “We’ve only had one date!”

And then Easter replied, “And nearly daily e-mails ever since.  ‘Where are you now?  Where do you go next?’  Sounds like they want another date.”

Mary blushed, “I sent that to Doc Seductress in confidence.”

Dr. Quinn laughed, “I have kept that stuff in confidence.  We bump into Joseph on occasion and he talks about the e-mails and texts.  But I did let one story slip.  I thought it hilarious when you texted me about visiting your pregnant cousin named Elizabeth.  That was too rich to keep quiet about.”

Mary shrugged, “What’s rich about that?”

Jemima and Easter said at the same time, “Read Luke 1!”

Callie was coughing again, “Please, somebody warn me before you say another joke like that.  I have tea coming out my nose!”

“Tiny sips.  You can’t stop this laugh train, and less tea means less pain afterwards.” I suggested.

Callie then asked, “And can someone explain these code names?  Easy is easily my cousin by marriage, Easter.  But you three ladies are … oh, no!  It can’t be!  I watched the late-night movies on the weekends as a teenager.  Dr. Quinn, you can’t be the Seductress of the Night!  That’s impossible.”

Dr. Quinn removed her reading glasses that she wore as a slight disguise, and she gave Callie an alluring look and then winked.

“It’s you!!  Wow!  For a while there, I wanted to grow up to be you.”

Dr. Quinn shook her head.  “That was one reason why I quit.  Doing that on camera was a bit degrading.  Doing it in real life to sell television commercials was very degrading.  And I was losing my credibility as a meteorologist.  So, Good-bye, State Capitol.  I moved to Tracy and got my doctorate, and I wanted to focus on storm chasing.”

“Okay, but why is Jemima called Stinker?”

Dr. Quinn laughed, “When we were in a blizzard a few months ago, Jemima tricked me into having these private girl talks, where nothing was off limits.  Every time I asked about how it is that she and Easy could handle disagreements, temptations to take their relationship to the physical side of things, just about anything, Jemima quoted Scripture or talked about Jesus.  And then in one little girl talk session, I was not asking questions about Jemima and Easter; I was asking questions about God.  I called her ‘Stinker’ since it looked like she engineered the girl talks in that direction.  But once I accepted Jesus as my Savior, I realized that Stinker was not Stinker after all.  With Jesus inside you, it’s just a natural reaction to everything in your life.  And before you ask, Easy characterized Home Wrecker here as being, and I quote, ‘drop-dead gorgeous’, which got Stinker rather steamed up.  It is the angriest I have ever seen her.  It was all resolved quickly, in true Stinker and Easy fashion, but that had a profound effect on Home Wrecker.  She is now a Christian also.  And the Joseph and the virgin Mary taunt is that Home Wrecker met a nice chaplain that works with a recovery and restoration team.  With only one date, they have been communicating electronically ever since.”

Callie went “ooooooh!”  Mary turned red.

At that moment I had a familiar pain, but one I had not had for many years.  I groaned a little too loud.

I groaned, “Stinker, I mean Home Wrecker, oh, whoever my son is, get the SUV cranked up.  I hope no one is parked behind me.  You are about to have a sibling.”

Jemima shouted, “I’ll come too.”

I nodded, “Great, Jemima, call Blaise.  He is with Sophie at Aunt Tensie’s lab.  Tell him to start the communication protocol.”

Easter asked, “Mom, are you alright?  You are asking Jemi to call my kid brother to handle communications?”

I patted his arm, “Easter, this morning he volunteered and insisted on setting up the protocols.  I only had one phone call that he had not thought of, my parents.”

Easter was confused, but by now we were about to get strapped into the car seat belts.

Dr. Quinn knocked on my window.  “We’ll stay here.  Callie wants to let Ibie get a full nap.  We’ll lock up as we leave or simply wait here until someone returns.  I told her either way was good.

We were well on our way when Blaise called on Aunt Tensie’s phone.  “When I got the call, Sophie started to run to Aunt Pink’s office, but Missy caught her in the hallway to tell her to not run.  Sophie told her and Missy radioed to Sandy.  Sandy called Pink and Uncle Scrambled.  They are on the way to the medical center.  Otto and Zuzka are coming too.  I called Dad in the meantime.  He will be there before you can get there, even if you pretend to be a policeman again.  By the way, you are still under that deputization, but if someone else is driving, like Easter, it might not work.  I called the mission and only Granddad is free to come, Maeve will follow after her last counseling session.  Poached already knew because Callie called him.  Seems he was out on assignment.  Dr. Niblick is calling people to help fill in with your duties short term, but she will slip over to the medical center later.  And your parents are awaiting the next call, after the baby comes.  Sandy will bring Aunt Tensie, Sophie and me after we get the lab in order.  We have a few loose ends here.”

About that time, my water broke.  Jemi said, “Easy, aren’t you glad we got those water-resistant seat covers and floormats.  The clean up will be a lot less trouble.”

I groaned, “Don’t worry.  I had a full detailing budgeted just in case.”

No big problems along the way.  It wasn’t until the next morning, but I am fine, and I would like to introduce a new Yeggs, not like there haven’t been a few new ones lately.  Her name is Gloria Grace Yeggs, or G. G. Yeggs.  Maybe her nickname will be Gigi.  It will definitely not be “the Yeggs with the double double ‘G’.  And I checked, there is no double G bra size.  Naming children is so hazardous these days, especially in our family.  And Gigi is just fine.  No, she is wonderful.

Credits

Again, I cannot think of any credits, but there is something in this that was based on something from my past.  Oh well, I hope you enjoyed the story.