Thoughts from Mark "Hat" Rackley

Note: Two days ago, the first episode in this drama, Find Someone Else, features Josie, Margie’s catcher (in softball) getting pregnant when her math tutor basically date raped her, and then Josie’s Dad is arrested when he says he is going out to kill the tutor, but finding him dead when he got there.  This episode takes it from there.

I’m Lieutenant Deviled Yeggs.  I work homicide in the big city of Tracy.  Working for me are my old partners: Detective Sgt. Jim Wednesday and Detective Poached Yeggs, my nephew who is slowly becoming a good detective.

I have been “partnered” with my daughter Sophia in the past, but this is a report of her unauthorized involvement in an active investigation.  Analyzing things in the office, fine for a fourteen-year-old.  Questioning a suspect while wearing a wire …  Well, Poached should have his head examined, regardless of the outcome.  I am thinking of building a little doghouse and putting a Poached name tag over the opening to give him a strong hint.

But in this half of the story, we will find out why Poached is in the doghouse, but it starts with Sophie and Margie in a night club, by themselves, underage, and near the jazz band that is playing.  That in itself will be a long conversation once all this settles down.

As I have cobbled the story together, here is what happened from Sophie’s point of view.  The first person is Sophie:

Margie returned to the table after pretending to go to the restroom.  “The redhead in the corner is hitting the Moscow Mules pretty heavy.  Heavy on the vodka, light on the ginger beer. She is with a group, but she is really alone.  She just stares at the stage and the band is only tuning up.  And why did I check this girl out?  She does not look old enough to be drinking, but she does not have an underage stamp.  To think of it, we shouldn’t be here.  No one under seventeen is allowed, but somehow when we arrived, this guy takes you by the hand and directs you to the center table right in front of the band.  How did you pull that off and who is the girl?”

I replied, “As to how we got in here, I know a guy who knows a guy and a favor was pulled to get us in this secluded spot in the middle of the dining area, as close to the stage as possible.  You will very soon learn who the guy is that I know, but I need some surprises.  As for the redhead who is with a group, but not really, and drinking while using some sort of fake ID, that is the famous or infamous, Patty Waggin.  She just graduated from high school, and no one has figured out how this girl who barely passed every grade until eighth grade was wearing tassels at graduation.  It turns out that she and Wendy Warren were the first two students that Brandon Stanton tutored.  Josie’s mother told me that Wendy moved out of town just after she gave Brandon a thumb’s up, but Patty’s testimony was what sealed the deal.  Patty was flunking out of eighth grade and she told her mother that she just wanted to drop out.  That’s when her mother contacted Brandon, who lived a few blocks away.  They would come to Patty’s house, and then he’d walk home after an unsupervised tutoring session.  Brandon only tutored math, but Patty said that he made math come alive for her.  She was encouraged to study harder in her other subjects.  And she may have only worn tassels for the top 10% in the class, but she wore tassels.”

Margie said, “I saw the photo of Easter in the living room.  He had a hood, like college graduate students have, to signify the top ten, and a fancy tasseled cord draped over his shoulders.”

“Yeah, my dumb brother cleaned up his act when he started dating Jemima, and he did a lot better with distance learning, and he barely got in the top ten, like tied for tenth, but that meant he got the hood and the fancy cord with tassels.  Patty got the single tassel on the end of her cord over her shoulders, which meant she put in a lot of work, but people wonder how you can be such a bad student and suddenly change.  Was Brandon that good of a motivational tutor?  But if she doesn’t slow down on those Moscow mules, it may take a mule to get her home.”

The emcee came to the mike.  “For those who wanted to hear our usual jazz band tonight, I need to introduce a change on saxophone.  The regular guy is ill and the night club manager here at Snazzy Taz house of Jazz, heard this guy playing his saxophone when he was at Lily the Pink negotiating a deal for Lily the Pink Cider.  He fell in love with this guy although he is not even old enough to get in the building.  I’m going to have to talk to the guys at the front door. … Oh, they tell me he came in through the band entrance.  My bad.  But he’s here, and his first song is a composition he wrote, and I think being a homeless kid at Lily the Pink, he might be talking about anyone he meets there…  The title is She Looks Great in Pink.  Please welcome, fifteen-year-old phenom, Emmett Dalton.  I hope he can play.  I personally have not heard him yet.”

Emmett came to the microphone with the crowd mixed as to whether they were even going to give him a chance to play or not.  The usual saxophone must be their favorite.  “I’d like to dedicate this song to the girl that is front row center.  She may be in blue tonight, but she wore the pink scarf at least.”

Margie leaned over and whispered, “You hate pink.  I was wondering why you wore that scarf.”

The bass guitar and drums set the beat.  The lead guitar played a few hot licks to set up Em’s intro, and within a few measures, no one in the night club said a word.  They were shocked at the beautiful song, but then as Em began his first improvisation, the place roared!  Em must be a prodigy or something.  The whole club was roaring with approval and Emmett did not miss a beat.

When the song, lasting about eight minutes as Emmett threw in extra improvisations at the end, the crowd erupted in applause and cheers.  But Em hardly heard that.  He used the opportunity to step down from the stage, pull me up from my chair and gave me the most romantic kiss I had ever gotten.  Okay, not much experience there, but I haven’t seen one like it at the movies.  Okay, Mom and Dad don’t let me see that kind of movie. Not ever!  Okay, maybe I should find a way to take a breath now.  Wait, I hear the crowd cheering on the kiss.  Em has never done this kind of thing before.  When will this kiss ever end?  No wait, who cares if this kiss ends.  Who cares if I ever breathe again.  Step aside Jack and Rose, Harry and Sally, and Han and Leia.  I didn’t see any of those kisses.  Okay, I saw Han and Leia, but I LIVED this one.  And I have had the greatest kiss ever with a couple hundred people cheering us on!  Can this day be any better?

The Emcee came back to the mike and said that when Emmett could get back on stage, they have a lot more to do.  He also made a joke about making sure the regular saxophone player stayed sick for a while.  As the cheer went up for “Emmett!  Emmett!”, he jumped back on stage and continued with some of their usual numbers, doing at least as well as the usual guy.  Then they played another Emmett Dalton original.  Who knows what they could do with more practice.

It was a while before I heard Margie, “Earth to Soap!  Earth to Soap!  Are you nearing a landing yet?  I think we can forget about you and Emmett not being girlfriend boyfriend.  You know.  The cat is kind of out of the bag.  There are way too many witnesses.  Umm.  Soap?  Soap??  Snap out of it, Soap!!!”

I said, “Yeah, girlfriend, boyfriend, saxophone, sax on the beach.”

“You have had sex with Emmett on the beach?!?!”  Margie screamed.

I shook my head, “No that’s what he’s playing.  Sax on the Beach.  Mommy and Daddy had sex on the beach once.  They deny it, but they did.  Then Mommy saw a dead body on the way back to the beach cabin and the rest is history.”

Margie asked, “And nine months later you were born?”

I finally snapped back into this world, “RATS!”  “No, Margie, it was on their honeymoon, a walk before dawn along the big bend of Florida before it was solid condos.  It was about two years before Easter came along, but it was Daddy’s first homicide, unofficial, but he learned he had a knack for it.”

Margie said, “And we have a murder right here, and you are on some other planet.  Please, come in for a landing.”

I cleared my throat and blinked a few times.  How did my eyes get so wet?  No, don’t drift off again.  “Margie, thanks for not kicking me in the side.  You’re a good sidekick.  I have officially and regretfully landed.  I talked to two of the guys in the athlete sex ‘club’ and they say that Josie was the last person they thought would even join the club.  Brandon tried to join since he was a ‘mathlete’ but they insisted that did not count.  Athletes only, but that proves Brandon was trying to get in on it.  They also said that two of the club members had sex with Brandon after he got their grades up to a low ‘C’.  They were about to lose eligibility, and even though Brandon had done it with club members and kept them in the club, club rules trumped his attempt at entry.  By the way, the club is ticked at you for blowing the whistle.  They’ve moved off campus and introducing new members is a lot harder, but the orgies continue.”

“I then talked to my cousin, Poached.  The ladies call him ‘Po’ and he hates it, so if you see him, be sure to be the next one to call him ‘Po’.  I probably shouldn’t have said that.  We need his help.  I want to wear a wire when I talk to Patty.  That is going to be tricky.  If Dad finds out, he would kill the idea.  He does not want a teenager in that kind of situation.  Office work and computer work, fine, but no wearing a wire in a small room with a suspected murderer.  But I need to know more.  Po got the financials on Brandon’s tutoring business.  He often had two tutoring jobs every night.  But according to the witnesses, he went home with Patty and then walked home from there.  Then he had two people that night.  Most came to the Stanton home.  He was not exclusively tutoring girls, but about twice as many girls as boys.  I do not think he made passes at all the girls.  I asked if he got busy with his hands or he kissed them.  Two or three actually admitted that he had, but nothing further than that.  Two or three blushed, which probably means he did and may have gone further.”

“But, I am thinking there is something that smells of a sense of possession.  Patty Waggin is from a lower income family.  This is the first time she has ever made good grades after starting to meet with Brandon.  And I cannot emphasize this enough.  Alone at her house.”

Margie shrugged, “So, do we put the thumb screws on her and make her talk?  What?”

I groaned, “No, Margie.  I take it back.  Out of the 200 people in here, I might find a few better sidekicks.  No, I need to catch her at her house.  If I can wear a wire, I might ask her some pointers for my budding relationship with Emmett. … … …”

Margie said, “You went off to that land, far, far, away.  Come in for a landing, Soap.”

I shook my head.  I wonder when Emmett was going to have his first break.  They don’t play continuously.  No, that might be bad.  He might have his break at our table.  Focus!  Focus!  “Anyway, if I can get her talking about how she and Brandon got started, she might say enough to incriminate herself.”

The next day I got nowhere with Poached.  He insisted that we bring my Dad into it, but then I played dirty.  I suggested more than just necking went on during Callie’s babysitting session between Margie and Blaise, and that Poached new about it from the start.  He protested that I was not telling the truth, but I suggested he and Callie would be in so much hot water until the truth was told that it would be worth it, watching him squirm.

The wheels were then in motion.  I played dirty, and I lied, but I was given a wire and I invited myself over to Patty Waggin’s house, under an assumed name.  Bold?  I know!

She answered the door.  I said, “I am so glad you were willing to talk to me.  I am from Lily the Pink’s apartments.” I was hoping she knew they were for the homeless, and not knowing that I worked in Aunt Tensie’s lab and I really lived in a nice neighborhood with my family.  “You are a hero among those that came from underprivileged means and graduated high school with honors.  I asked to come over to find out how you did it.  Did you have a tutor?”

She nodded and guided me back to her bedroom.  “Yeah,” she said.  “I was flunking out of math in eighth grade and my Mom asked around.  There was this boy who was tutoring another girl in math.  He and I were in the same class, but my Mom thought that if he understood math, he might be able to explain it to me.  He came home with me after school and then he walked home.  He made math come alive.  I just pulled on my big girl pants and tried to see the other classes in the same way he saw math, and I guess I was self-made at that point.  It’s a good thing.  I was ready to drop out of school.  Now, I am preparing to go to college.”

“Wow!”  I exclaimed, “You must really be smart, but could your Mom afford a tutor?  Those are expensive.”

She looked at the wall, avoiding eye contact.  “She gave him half the asking price.  I-i-i-I was worried that he might quit tutoring me, and I kind of liked him, so I, umm, kissed him.  I was hoping if he liked me too, he might come over for tutoring sessions, just to be with me.  Really, my motivation for pulling up my other grades was so he would see that I could do it, and he would like me more.”

I asked, “Did you ever do more than kissing?”

She huffed, “That’s kind of personal.”  Then she paused.  “Hey, you’re the girl!  At the Snazzy Taz!  That saxophone player!  He went off stage and planted the sexiest kiss I have ever seen on you!  It was YOU!”

I turned red, “Yeah, I met Emmett at Lily the Pink, his family lost their house in the flood a couple of years ago.  He is a good kisser, but when we have tried to go beyond that, he’s all thumbs.  About the klutziest guy around.  He was a farmer.  He should know about these things.”

Patty’s guard was down.  She laughed, “I know.  When Brandon and I started getting more serious, we had this thing we called ‘letting your fingers do the walking.’  And his fingers never found the right place.  Once they got there, he had no idea what to do.  I taught him all that stuff.”

I nodded, “So, it’s a guy thing, and it’s up to us to guide them in the right direction?”

Patty winked, “You got it.”  But then she turned away.  I could hear her crying.  “But don’t let him run off with the groupies.  He is a wild saxophone player.  He’ll go far, but after you do all that work, making him the perfect attentive mate, he might just sample other delights.”

“You sound like it happened to you.” I suggested.

She turned back to face me.  “I heard rumors.  At first, I refused to believe it, but then I followed him.  The great tutor, Brandon Stanton was sleeping with a half dozen girls.  Then he set up an all-day party at the ‘Eddy.’”

“Where’s the ‘Eddy’?”

“It’s down by the river in a bend.  There is this eddy current that has dug out a part of the bank and the bluff behind.  You can’t see it from the river or from the bluff above.  You swim up and swim underneath the trees.  The limbs interlock over the entrance.  Since you are secluded, the girl usually takes off her bikini top and places it on the branches, like a sock on the door handle in college.  You know, so your roommate doesn’t walk in on you and your boyfriend.  I heard that he was going to be ready for whoever showed up that Saturday morning.  He had just come to my place.  We always made love on Friday nights, the night my Mom worked late.  So, I went to the ‘Eddy’ and saw two bikini tops.  I swam around to a spot where I could see what they were doing and he was making love to both of them.  I did not teach him that.  I waited for the girls to leave.  I threw my top onto the branches and swam in.  He saw me and said it was a surprise.  I had not been invited, but he was willing to go again, even though he had ‘done me’ the night before.  He had DONE ME?!”

I looked her in the eye, “And that’s when you killed him?”

“Wouldn’t you!?  He was my man, and he betrayed me.  He can’t just ‘DO ME’.  I put my hands to his throat, and I squeezed the life out of my tutor, my lover, my beautiful Brandon Stanton.”

“Wow.  Now what happens?”  I asked.

Patty shrugged as if she did not know what came next, but then she realized that the murder was no longer a secret.  “You know!  You could tell.  It would just be your word against mine, but I can’t risk that.”

I had pepper spray in my pocket and I pulled it out as she started at me from across the room.  She said, “What happens now?  You die.  You’re just a homeless girl.  No one would miss you.”

As I pulled up the pepper spray, Poached burst into the bedroom.  He identified himself and wrestled Patty to the bed.  He asked if I would like the honors of putting on the cuffs.  I did so.  It looked like Po had his hands full.  She was quite the wrestler.

Poached told Patty.  “No, she has been at Lily the Pink, but not as a homeless girl.  She’s the daughter of my Lieutenant, Deviled Yeggs, of homicide.”  Poached then mirandized her, and Patty said it was just a friendly conversation, only my word against hers.

Then I pulled out the wire and smiled.

She shouted, “You, BITCH!”

That may be the end of Sophie’s report, but She and Poached heard Patty’s Mom scream as she walked up to the house while we were taking Patty to the police cruiser.  “No!  Not my baby!  She was the first in our family to ever get a chance to go to college!  No!  No!”

Now, with Sophie feeling sorry for Patty Waggin, she had to face me.  Sure, it is easier to beg for forgiveness than it is to ask for permission, but this went way too far.

“Sophie,” I said.  “You do know that murderers find it much easier to kill again, once they have killed the first time.  You were ill equipped.  Poached could have stumbled over the living room rug as he ran in to rescue you and he might have found you dead.”

“He did trip over the rug, but he scrambled to his feet quick enough.”

“Little lady, you are in deep trouble with me.  You will never do that again!  Got it?!”

She put her head down, “Yes, sir.  And Dad, I lied about Emmett and me going beyond a kiss to keep my cover.  I’m glad she didn’t ask for specifics. I don’t have a clue!”

Then I added, “Besides, you are going to have to be grounded, for a long time.  You have closed more cases than I have this year.”

Then she giggled.  That night, her sidekick, Margie, and Josie came over for dinner.  My wife, Glyce, offered Josie several options from prenatal care, schooling, and what happens to the baby once it’s born, including keeping it, and then she said that Josie still had time to make up her mind on all that stuff.  The school was going to allow her to take her classes remotely or in the classroom.  And due to what prenatal care she might get, it might have to be a combination of the two.  Pink Lady volunteered to home school for the remote learning.  Besides, Pink Lady had experience with people in her employ having a child at various times.  There would be ample help.  Then, Josie’s Dad came in to drive her home, but before they left, he hugged Sophie and thanked her for getting the truth out so his life could go back to normal.  He said as he left that his daughter was much more honorable than he had been.

With our guests gone, Glyce and I sat in our recliners.  After all, Sophie had dishes to wash, and when she was done, she came in and gave each of us a foot massage.  Whoever said that the parental punishment that parents dish out hurts the parents more than the child…  They’re crazy.  Another month of foot massages.  This was great!

Credits

Jack and Rose? – Titanic, Harry and Sally? – When Harry met Sally, Han and Leia? – Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back

“Letting your fingers do the walking” was an old Yellow Pages advertisement campaign and slogan, not a naughty game in a secluded bedroom.

In my junior year of high school, my Chemistry teacher was more of a college preparatory teacher than a high school teacher.  I was in class with a half dozen farmers.  They were taking the class to be better farmers, not that interested in college.  As I was making straight “A” grades and they were failing, the Chemistry teacher talked to the study hall teacher to allow me to talk with these guys before class.  We all had study hall and then Chemistry.  So I explained in common English what the teacher had taught the day before, without charging tutor fees, and all those farmers brought their grades up, passing the course with average or above average grades.  Thus, a tutor of the same age, in the same class is not unheard of.  And after doing that in high school, I hardly opened my freshman chemistry textbook in college.

And there are thirteen states that only allow recorded “wire” conversations to be admissible if both parties know about the recording first.  I guess the fictional state that Tracy is in is not one of those thirteen.