Thoughts from Mark "Hat" Rackley

Note: Last week, Sophia was grounded, and she had to massage her parents’ feet for over a month.  Afterward, Captain Hart suspended her, although she has never been an official police detective and Poached was told he was on a very short leash.  This might get interesting.

Also note: When you see the word Piobaireachd, it is pronounced Pea-Brock, maybe roll the “R” a bit.  The Piobaireachd is a type of classical bagpipe music.

I’m Lieutenant Deviled Yeggs.  I work homicide in the big city of Tracy.  Working for me are my old partners: Detective Sgt. Jim Wednesday and Detective Poached Yeggs, my nephew who is slowly becoming a good detective.

I have been “partnered” with my daughter Sophia in the past, but she is on suspension by orders of Captain Hart and grounded by me.  She should be well out of trouble, working in Aunt Tensie’s lab.  But then, I got a phone call.

“Daddy, I found a dead body.”

“Sophie?  How could you find a dead body?  You are supposed to be grounded, working in your Aunt’s lab.”

Sophie answered, “I am not investigating anything.  I was testing something for my great Aunt Hortense.  I am at the Pee Brook behind Lily the Pink.  Please send somebody.  The body is face down in the Pee Brook, drowned, I guess.”

A Scottish voice shouted, “You canna’ droon in a Piobaireachd!  It is classical bagpipe music!  I have told you, Lassie.  I yust played MacDougall’s Gathering.  You canna droon from that!”

Sophie shouted back, “Well, it sounded so terrible, maybe the poor man drooned himself just to spare his ears!”

The Scottish voice, “You canna call a classic Piobareachd terrible music, and I have competed before the Piobaireachd Society.  I am rather good at what I do.  Bagpipes are loud, so I was finding a quiet place in the wood to play, and you show up with your wee beeping thing and then screaming aboot a man who’d gone and deed (died).”

I asked, “Sophie, who are you with?”

Sophie replied, “Daddy!  You grounded me.  I did not have a cellphone.  I asked Mr. MacDougall and he let me use his phone to call the police.  He insisted on me using the speaker phone so he knew I wasn’t calling my boyfriend or something.”

I calmly said, “Sophie, think this through.  You are in the woods between the new wastewater treatment plant and the creek that feeds into the lake.  You are next to a dead body, a body that might be someone who was killed.  And you are with the only other person in the area.  Are you connecting the dots my little princess?”

Sophie paused, “Ummm.  Yeah.  I think so, but since he just heard you say that, he might be connecting the dots too.”

“Lassie!”  Mr. MacDougall yelled, “I dunno who you are talking to, but to suggest that I drooned that man is absurd.  If that is not the police, then give me the phone and I’ll call the police to have you arrested for saying such a terrible thing aboot me.”

“My Daddy is the police lieutenant in charge of homicide in Tracy, and he already has people coming here.  You don’t have to yell, and quit calling me a dog’s name!”

I suggested, “Sophie, can you step away from Mr. MacDougall?”

Sophie huffed, “Daddy!  If I stepped away, he would think I’m stealing his phone.  I don’t know.  I’m wearing pink coveralls and Mr. MacDougall is wearing a dress.  I think I could out run him.”

“Lassie! This is a kilt!”

“Whatever!” Sophie replied.  ”I could still out run you, but if I am charged with stealing a phone, I have no idea what kind of extension I might get to being grounded.”

Mr. MacDougall asked, “And why, pray tell, are you grounded?”

“My closure of homicide cases is better than my Daddy’s and he wants to catch up.”

I retorted, “No, Sophie, you put yourself into harm’s way in a small room with a suspected murderer, and you lied to a homicide detective.  Okay, he’s your cousin, but you lied to get what you wanted.  You are only fourteen.  And since you are grounded, why are you out by the ‘pee brook’ by yourself?”

Sophie replied, “I can’t tell you, Daddy.  As an officer in the corporation, I have to protect company secrets.  I will risk contempt of court if need be.”

Mr. MacDougall spluttered, “She’s a homicide detective.  She’s an officer in some company.  And she’s fourteen?!  Can anyone believe that nonsense?”

I replied, “Mr. MacDougall, she has worked with me closing cold cases.  She is wonderful at solving riddles and puzzles, but since she went into the field unauthorized to solve a case, she is suspended and as her father, grounded.  But even at age fourteen, her great aunt has made her and her younger brother officers in a little company that makes little gadgets.  If she will not tell me what she is doing, I will ask her aunt once I get there.  Do you see anyone coming?”

Mr. MacDougall said, “Och!  Here come two lady policemen.  Since you have been talking on the phone, how did they get here so quickly?”

I replied, “They are Lily the Pink security.  I typed a text to the head of security to act as observers until my men can get there.  As soon as I hang up, I will be there ASAP.”

Sandy Beech, who had walked up with Missy, introduced themselves.  The rest is what Sandy relayed to me once I got there.

Sandy said, “Mr. MacDougall, you have wandered onto private property.  Since you are near an unidentified dead body, you will have to wait and answer the questions the police will have.  The medical examiner and crime scene people will be here soon.  I am sorry for this inconvenience.”

Missy had gone straight to Sophie and given her a hug.  Seeing that the phone call was disconnected, Missy gave Mr. MacDougall his phone back.  She asked coyly, “Mr. MacDougall, what do Scotsmen wear under their kilt?”

Mr. MacDougall smiled, “I dunno, Lassie, but we can find out together.”

Missy purred, “Oh, you sweet charmer.”

Sophie said, “Don’t believe it, Missy.  When I asked him that, he said ‘Nothing but a wee bit of breeze!”

Mr. MacDougall snorted, “Because I am not interested in a wee slip of a gaerl (girl) like you.  But his comely woman is rather interesting, even in uniform.”

Even with Missy’s dark skin, you could tell she was blushing.  She fanned her face with one hand while holding Sophie around her shoulders with the other arm.

That is when Emmett Dalton arrived.  “Sophie, are you alright?  I heard the security squawk when they asked for Ms. Beech to come down here for your rescue.  Sophie, do you need saving or something?”

Sandy laughed, “Simmer down, lover boy.”

“And who is this fine strapping lad?” Mr. MacDougall asked.

“Emmet Dalton, Sir.  I see the bagpipes.  If you like jazz, I’m playing at the Snazzy Taz tonight.”

From the woods, we heard Poached yelling, “I’ll be there, Emmett!”

“No!” Sophie screamed, “Everybody gets to go except me.  I’m still grounded!”

Poached said, “Not to mention you aren’t old enough to be let in.  How you got in the last time is beyond me, and there is video evidence.  Your kiss went viral.”

Mr. MacDougall growled, “She has a virus, and I let her use my cellphone!  How do I get it disinfected?!”

Sandy laughed, “No, Mr. MacDougall, a video that goes viral is not contagious, it just gets a lot of views in a very short period of time.  It’s Sophie’s fifteen minutes of fame, but I see more in her future.  And sorry to break this to you, but the mayor and I will be with Callie and Poached.  We’re also going to have Georges and Jochebed Evident with us at the Snazzy Taz.  That means that you, sweet Sophie, will have to stay here at Lily the Pink to babysit Scarlet Ibis and Asha.  There will be breast milk in the fridge.”

Sophie covered her face, “Aaagh!”  Then she looked at Poached, “And why aren’t you suspended?  You gave me the wire and authorized the sting.  Why am I the one being punished?  And we closed the case!”

Poached shrugged, “Your father is the head of homicide and your Dad.  And you, cousin of mine, blackmailed me using false information.  Your Dad was as angry with you over that as he was afraid for your safety.  Dad trumps Lieutenant every time, short stuff.”

Sophie snarled at her cousin, “I may be short, but then I can hit you better where it will hurt!”

“Woah, Sophie!” Jim Wednesday shouted.  “You can disable Poached anytime you want unless he is investigating an active crime scene.  Your Dad and I might even laugh.  I see the crime scene techs coming, let’s make way for them.”

Mr. MacDougall then turned to Sandy, “Wait.  Did I yust hear this lad, this jazz man, say that your name was Beech?  And could Sandy be Cassandra?”

“Why yes, I’m Cassandra Beech.  I am betrothed to the mayor who happens to be Sophie’s cousin, half-brother to Poached over there, and my boss’ son.  My boss is owner of Lily the Pink Enterprises, where you are presently trespassing.”

Mr. MacDougall cleared his throat, “Ms. Beech, Cassandra, I had been told by someone that you lived in Tracy, but I was not here to look for you.  Your biological father would like to meet you.  Well, he thinks he is your father.  If I could get a DNA sample, he will confirm it.”

Sandy huffed, “You must have the wrong woman.  My mother and father live near the state capitol.  I was not adopted.  I am their natural daughter.”

Mr. MacDougall asked, “And your mother is Jessica Beech.  Maiden name of Henderson?”  Cassandra nodded.  “Your mother was a groupie of a jazz musician before your father married her.  The musician bedded her and then moved on to the next town.  Jessica wrote her musician lover a letter to say she was pregnant.  The musician did not reply.  He was my brother.  He did a bad thing, but the man you call your father took your mother in and accepted you as his own.  I can understand if you do not wish to see my brother, but he is dying, and he wanted to clear the air.  With you being an adult, I leave it up to you.  You can talk to your mother and your father.  I will be staying in Tracy for a couple of weeks.  I am working with the T.R.U.S.T. music department.  We will be studying Piobaireachd.  Here is my card.”

And then Mr. MacDougall turned to Missy, “And as for this comely lass, if I can get us into this Snazzy Taz tonight, will you accompany me?”

Missy laughed, “Of course, I will, are you going to wear your kilt?  Can we explore the matter together?”

Sandy ejaculated, “Missy!  What if Pink Lady heard you propositioning this man on company property?”

Missy shrugged, “He started it!  But I will admit that I’m curious.  But before we go further, I do not even know your first name.”

Sophie muttered, “It’s some kind of cow or something.”

Mr. MacDougall retorted, “I am glad you are grounded, and I will be done with this.  Madam, I am Angus MacDougall, and I am at your service, m’lady.  And I will certainly wear my kilt tonight, but a different one, for formal dining.”

Poached came up.  “The Medical examiner is here.  He will perform an autopsy to determine if the victim was drowned in the Pee Brook.”

Mr. MacDougall exclaimed, “You canna be drooned in a Piobaireachd!  A Piobaireachd is classical bagpipe music.  You canna be drooned by music!”

Sophie chided him, “Maybe the way you play it!”

Poached said, “Not Pee Brock!  Pee Brook!  This little stream is the effluent from the wastewater treatment plant.  The ladies that work at Lily the Pink here have jokingly called this the Pee Brook.  And this trickle of water is far from a piece of music!”

Mr. MacDougall laughed, “Och!  Now I unnerstahn.  This wee burn is called a Pee Brook.  What a laugh!”

Everyone except Missy were scratching their heads.  All they saw was a little bit of water.  Nothing was burning.  Missy just smiled at Angus MacDougall.  She did not care if the entire place was burning.

And if you are wondering, Gille Radan had died before he fell face first into the burn, otherwise known as the Pee Brook, not to be confused with the Piobaireachd, which Missy heard a lot of over the next few days.  As for Gille Radan, he had an overdose of Fentanyl.  He was dead before his face entered the water, what little water was in the, umm, burn (Scottish for a wee trickle of water, or so I’m told by Missy).

And what Sophie was doing at the Pee Brook, or burn, she was testing a new handheld water tester that Aunt Tensie wanted to be able to mass-produce.  She thought it would be helpful in testing drinking water in underdeveloped remote areas around the world.  She thought too many people were dying from poor water quality, and she wanted to help.  Since the work was on speculation (on spec), she wanted no one to know they were working on it until the patent was approved.  It would be the first patent attributed to Sophie and Blaise.

And for another note to those who have read these stories in the past, Sophie’s attitude about the color pink has oddly changed after her unauthorized visit to the Snazzy Taz house of Jazz and a certain kiss.  And no, Glyce and I have not watched the video.  We are waiting for a quiet moment with a sufficient supply of wine available.  You know, to calm the nerves of two parents who are very protective of our little girl.

Credits

“Lassie” is a common name in Scotland for a young lady, but Lassie is also the name of an old television show in the USA about a dog.

Gille Radan is “Rat Boy” in Scottish Gaelic.

The following is a Piobaireachd, MacDougall’s Gathering, played by Bruce Gandy.  It is about 12 minutes long if you watch it through.  After all, it is classical music.  Note that, after he really gets started, he marches solemnly in an oval pattern.  This is typical in Piobaireachd competitions.

And this story was inspired by my bagpiper grandson who was studying what music was required for a competition piece in his level of bagpipe competition. It required a bit of Piobaireachd, and he looked up how you pronounce it. That started a long string of puns that we fired back and forth.