Thoughts from Mark "Hat" Rackley

I’m Pink Lady Apple Yeggs and my friend Deviled Yeggs suggested that I record each project that I set up in the hopes of reforming the people who continue to work for Lily the Pink Enterprises.  If for no other reason, it would show how God is at work.

Since all the schools were back in session, I threw a big party, converting our all-employee meeting room into a huge dining room for all the family.  Really, since the small children were in the nursery, with all-hand-on-deck helping them there, we only had nineteen adults, three college kids, and four high school kids in attendance, but maybe I missed someone.  But one extra is a surprise.  Five of the nine little family children, from a couple of months up to two-years old, were in the nursery, but five of them were there most of the time anyway.

Since this was the place for large meetings, I had a podium with a speaker system set up.

I went to the podium and announced, “Everyone, I am glad you showed up.  We will have an even bigger crowd show up at Thanksgiving Dinner and this is our dress rehearsal, so to speak.  Everyone is family, but hopefully on Thanksgiving or a day or two before, GrandPa and Gwen will be back.  For those of you who are not blood relations or married to someone, you may be with your families on Thanksgiving Day, but the offer is for you to return.  Some of you may have prior work commitments.  But for those who do not know all the family, this is the Thousand-Year-Old Yeggs family. Thou and Maeve who have twins, Jayne and Ozzie, in the nursery, but Thou is the father of Scrambled and Deviled.  And forgetting the ‘in-law’ and ‘step’ labels, Mayor Boaz and his bride-to-be, Sandy, are Scrambled and my children, along with Otto and Zuzka, the newlyweds, and Poached and Callie, who have Scarlet Ibis in the nursery.  Deviled and his wife Naomi have three children here: Easter with his fiancée Jemima, Sophie with her boyfriend Emmett, and Blaise and his girlfriend Margarette.  Gigi is one of the youngest in the nursery, and I do not think she has a boyfriend yet.  Naomi’s Aunt Hortense is also here, sitting with Naomi’s children.  But since Easter and Jemima insisted, we extended the invitations to their work family, Dr. Ellie Quinn, who brought Dr. Ben Casey with her and Mary Sheltie, who is the only one who is not paired up, not counting Aunt Hortense.”

There was a rumble of laughter.  “If anyone has seen some of the preliminary raw footage from their storm tracking videos, you will know the storm trackers go by code names.  The code names have recently changed.  Easter is still ‘Easy.’  Jemima is ‘Stinker.’  Dr. Quinn has changed her code name to ‘home wrecker.’  And Mary is the ‘Virgin Mary.’”  Again there were a few rumbles of laughter.

Mary arose, “I would like to state that I feel uncomfortable with that code name.  Yes, I am a virgin, but I have gotten a lot of backlash from that confession, even people telling me I am a liar.  I know that all code names have to come from Dr. Quinn, but please, please, think of something else!”

There was a hush around the room, but Easter leaned onto Dr. Quinn’s shoulder and whispered something.

Dr. Quinn arose, “I apologize for the torment due to Mary’s code name.  She has been dating a guy named Joseph, so the code name seemed to fit.  You know, Joseph and the Virgin Mary.  But since Mary will soon have her double degree in Meteorology and in Television and Radio Management, she has been given the task of content producer and director.  And since she bosses us around already, I hereby name her ‘Bossy Boss.’  Maybe ‘B.B.’ for short.  You know, like, ‘B.B., I’m ready for my close-up.’ Or right after everything comes crashing down, the cameraperson, usually Stinker, will say, ‘B.B., I’m ready on the camera when you are.’”

This brought a roar from everyone.  When the laughter died down, Mary said, “Maybe, I should have kept my mouth shut.”

I regained control of the crowd, as if I had any to begin with. “But Mary, or is it B.B.?  We thought it terrible that you were the only single.  Your boyfriend is off in Florida, helping people put their lives back together as a chaplain there, so we looked around and found someone that was free for the evening.”

Mary blushed and again rose, “Please, Ms. Pink, I am fine. We haven’t made any commitments, but I am kind of stuck on Joseph.”

A rumble of “oohs” and aahs” from everyone.  Mary turned even redder.

I said, “Oh, I think you might like this guy.”

The door behind me opened and Joseph Jones entered.  Mary squealed and went running into his arms.

While they kissed and hugged each other, I explained, “I am purchasing the Darrell and Emma Rae Driver estate in Cross City, Florida.  We’ve worked out a deal with the real estate people and the insurance people.  We are going to grow water lilies in the back yard.  The house will have rooms for two of our lily growers from the Doyle County greenhouse who wanted to move South.  The house will also have rooms for company visitors.  I have not set up any agreements with a local university for a research partnership.  The partnership with T.R.U.S.T. is working extremely well here.  Maybe we can do the same there.  So, with flying the two ladies down there, the pilots had extra room on the way back.  So, why not bring Joseph up for a long weekend?”

When I looked back, they were still hugging each other.

Easter shouted, “Hey! Give it a rest!  If you hug any tighter, we’d have to drop the Virgin Mary thing anyway!”

Naomi shouted, “Easter!!!  Behave!!!”

The crowd erupted.

Then Mary came to the mike, “Can I say something?  I.  I.  Oh, dear, the words are not coming to me.”

Dr. Quinn again rose, “Mary!  You are with family.  You can say anything.  You did not have a loss of words when you were waist deep in swamp water in the middle of a hurricane.  Not to mention the snakes and alligators.  Mary, you are our reporter.  Report.”

Mary replied, “I told you not to mention the snakes and alligators!  But thank you.  Joseph just told me that he has been approved for an extended sabbatical.  His job will be waiting on him upon his return and during the summers.  When we first started dating, I had told him that I wanted him to complete his seminary degree, but he just told me that he is already enrolled here at T.R.U.S.T.  He is going for a Masters in Theology.  He wanted me to ask Margie if her father was a good Theology professor.  He has two courses with him this semester.”

Margie yelled, “If I said he was the best on the planet, would you let him know?  I need some brownie points, like right now.”  Again laughter.

Mary smiled, “I am sure he will find out what you said.  And Dr. Quinn, if the Turtle crew does a little weekend storm chasing, could you arrange for a certain Theology student to come along?”

Dr. Quinn shook her head, “No, absolutely not.  You have to be taking a meteorology class to go on those expeditions.  We have liability insurance to consider.  But you could even take the course that Ben Casey and I are team teaching, meteorology for non-meteorology majors.  Ben will teach for a month while I storm chase, and then we swap places.  And great news is that during the swap, we can see each other and catch up, maybe go on a date?  And on the class roster, I have a certain student who has not attended the first two classes.  Do you know a J. Jones?  He’s in big trouble, but I heard he registered late.”

Mary looked at Joseph and he nodded.  Then she looked at Dr. Quinn. “You already knew?!”

Dr. Quinn shrugged, “They don’t call me the home wrecker for nothing!”

I regained the podium.  “And now for some premeal entertainment.”

The doors again opened, and Missy Matthews and Angus MacDougall entered playing Amazing Grace.  We did not hear any sour notes, so Missy must really be teacher’s pet.  Really, she only had one drone reed as her lung capacity was not up to what it needed to be, and as the songs continued, only Angus played them.  Missy had worked hard just learning the one song.  But Missy looked great in her MacDougall tartan.  Angus was showering her with gifts, mostly authentic Scottish clothing.

Missy and Angus then joined the high schoolers at their table.

I then asked my brother, “Dev, can you say Grace?”

Dev nodded.  He came to the podium and asked everyone to bow their heads.  In a fake low voice he spoke into the microphone, “Grace!”

Nearly thirty people were snickering.  Naomi huffed.  I said, ”Behave yourself, Dev.  You will corrupt the children.”

Poached yelled, “Already too late for that, Mom!  I work for him.”

Dev said, “Okay, okay.  Everyone bow your heads please.  Lord, bless the food.  I have no idea where it is, but it has not been served yet.  Ooof!  Scrambled, your wife just kicked me!”

Scrambled replied, “You deserve more than one kick.  Remember, we grew up together.”

Dev continued, “Bless the food, Lord, and the hands that prepared it.  I understand that Lily the Pink has recovered from the absence of their chef, and I am sure the food will be good.  Lord, we have so much to be thankful for.  Pink was in protective custody at the prison just about a week ago.  The murderer took his own life, and his love interest is in jail on a variety of charges.  Pink is back.  Thank you, Lord, for all that.  If for no other reason, we have a new flavor of Lily the Pink cider to try out.  Our family is growing.  We have four babies, although Ibie is more of a toddler.  I will admit that having a baby brother and a baby sister at my age is strange, but those two are beautiful kids, almost as pretty as Gigi.  And we have five adopted children in the family from all over the place.  The storm chasers made it home safely and most are getting a break from chasing for a while.  Lord, have your protective hand on all the storm chasers that do that important job.  I hear Easter is making even more modifications to his chase vehicle, the Turtle, one that is a ‘Design by Tensie’ special.  So, maybe he will be home for a while.  And I cannot wait for dessert.  Lord, I thank you for my brother who is following in our mother’s footsteps with baking.  Thank you for all these college and high school children.  They are doing so well in school, and they have such wonderful talents.  This celebration is for them and a few of their teachers that are here.  In your name I pray.  Amen.”

When he finished praying, Darrel Driver walked in.  I suggested he go to the podium to announce our meal and why it is a mix of things.

Darrel announced, “Hi, everyone, Sally Mae and I are new here, just up from Florida, but I recognize some friends.  Home Wrecker, Easy, Stinker, Mary, and Joseph.  Nice to see you.  And if you are looking for my sister Emma Rae, she went to Washington state with her new boss, Anna Hill just last week.  She’s a fork truck driver now.  And Mary Jo and Frank would love to see you.  For those that don’t know, Home Wrecker and Mary delivered Mary Jo’s baby.  But Ma…”  He looked at me, and I nodded.  I was getting used to my ‘new name.’  “Mommy Tinkie said I should explain the strange combination of fish.  This fish was caught last night and has been gutted and iced ever since, so it is fresh, not frozen.  Nice having a private jet, even when you only own half of it.  Mommy Tinkie wanted us to prepare the meal, and I told her since I have been working on a fishing boat all my life, I know fish.  But after a hurricane, the fishing boats usually need repair unless they move out of the path before it hits.  And the second problem is that shellfish and most other fish in the area are wiped out.  Faster fish can sense the storm and evacuate.  Sharks return before anything else usually.  So, I called my buddies down there and they caught bonito.  It is a fast fish that has returned to the area, but it has a strong taste that folks who do not like fish will not like.  So, they also caught swordfish, just not enough for this big crowd.  So, as we bring the food in, can you tell us which fish you want?”

The family started chattering at each table.  Most were torn between being adventurous to try bonito and playing it safe with swordfish steak.  Many of the couples went for one of each and planned on sharing.  It was almost like the feeding of the 5,000.  Everyone had their fill, enjoying the food.

I went from table to table.  At the head table, Maeve was getting anxious.  She had never been away from the Mission downtown since she got home from the hospital with her twins.  And she had not been separated from the twins for very long either, although they were in the nursery on the other side of the greenhouse from this corner of the cider house.

Missy has somehow adopted Sophie and Blaise, and I think Dev and Naomi are fine with that since the two high schoolers spend so much time in Aunt Hortense’s lab.  (Aunt “Tensie” but I fight to not say it because people might make the connection to “Design by Tensie.”)  Missy was catching up on what the children were studying in school, but then turning to Angus and saying something in Scottish Gaelic.  The kids knew that Missy was mostly studying Angus.  Angus and Emmett talked music.  And Margie asked why the bottles on the other tables looked like a cartoon of me and their bottles looked like a Manga character.  I told her to look more closely.  Then Margie laughed, “It’s the non-alcoholic version so the image is the same cartoon of you, but with big eyes like in Manga or Anime.  Wow!  I love it!  Can I keep the bottle?”

At the college table, Ben Casey caught Joseph up on what he had missed.  The first class was just an introductory class, nothing that would be on the test.  The second class he missed was all the units of measurement.  If he had a decent understanding of scientific measurement, he could catch up quickly.  Since he knew Joseph was coming to the dinner, he handed him a textbook, a donation to a “chaplain.”  Dr. Quinn told Easter and Jemima that the entire storm chasing team had decided to make Rev C.S.L.’s church their home church.  Ben Casey even decided to move from his church over to be with Dr. Quinn whenever they were both in town.

The table where my children were was a mixture of conversations.  Otto and Zuzka were fighting off any discussion of starting a family.  I was hoping the others were being playful.  Boaz and Sandy admitted that the blackmail videos were their chief concern in postponing the wedding.  With all the known copies destroyed, they were set for a Christmas wedding, at least during the holiday season.  They were talking to Rev C.S.L. as to the best time, but they were thinking the greenhouse would be the best place.  It was so well done for Otto and Zuzka.

And just before dessert was served, the doors to the greenhouse opened.  Jochebed and Georges came in carrying Ibie (Scarlet Ibis) and Gigi (Gloria Grace).  Griffin and Greta Grunge were each pushing twin strollers, one with Jayne and Ozzie (legitimate twins).  The other stroller had Asha and Joon.  Finally Mags Lothrop and her daughter Madelaine came in with Valin, Thanh, and Kanok.  As soon as Kanok entered, she yelled, “Mommy Tinkie!”  I don’t mind my new nickname, but I hope she gets the “P” sound soon, but she is young to have the vocabulary that she has.

And don’t worry, we had some natural sweetener treats for the little ones and half were still on breast milk anyway.

With the hubbub of little ones in the room, Mabel came in with dessert.

A little later, Mary came by with Joseph in tow.  “Mrs. Pink, with Joseph quitting his job abruptly, he has nowhere to live.  Do you have an apartment for a homeless boyfriend?”

I laughed and handed Joseph a key to an apartment in the main apartment building that bordered the greenhouse.  “I anticipated the need.  The pilots have put your belongings in the room already.  They said you were so excited to get here that you left the plane without getting your luggage.  They had to get here to deliver the fish, so it all worked out.  And, Mary, this evening has been so entertaining, keeping secrets from such a seasoned reporter.”  Mary blushed, as if her face could turn any redder.  “But you two will have to behave.  The ladies here at Lily the Pink voted on a code of conduct in the apartment building.  If a couple enters an apartment, they are chaperoned if they are not married.  For semi-privacy, we have designated areas in the greenhouse where dates meet each other.  You will get into the routine soon enough.  But understand, most of the ladies here used to be prostitutes and they want to keep this place clean of anything similar to that.  I have no doubt you two will not complain.”

Mary said, “Mommy Tinkie, I have not had a date that has not been chaperoned in my life, all of them with Joseph, and I am nearly finished with college.  I am sure that the designated areas to be with your boyfriend in the greenhouse are covered by security cameras.  No problems with that.  The only date that got ridiculous was when Easter decided to chaperone us by sitting between us.”  I groaned.  “Yeah, I fixed it though.  I kissed Easter on the lips and told him to pass it down.  He moved instead.  Then, Jemima slapped him pretty hard when she heard about it.”

Yep, the storm chasing family was starting to become a real family.

But then I stopped, “Joseph, I gave you the key to an apartment, but I did not tell you how much it would cost.”  He groaned.  “Everyone here is either under the Mission’s umbrella or they work here, and I deduct a little pay for the rent.  Believe me, you will not find an apartment for that price in Tracy.  And I think you will not find an apartment anywhere else in Tracy so well maintained either.  It is basically all my house, so I want it in tip top shape.  So, since you are not a referral from the Mission downtown, and I think the counselor and bouncer are too busy playing with the twins over there, that leaves a job.”

Joseph recoiled, “I need time to study and I know nothing about cider operations.”

I replied, “But I have that covered.  What I do not have covered are the hundred plus women that are still here at the Tracy Lily the Pink operations, and the 60 plus in Washington State.  Most of them were what they now call sex workers: prostitutes, strippers, pornography actors, and other things.  We liberated this place nearly two years ago.  It has been a legitimate business ever since.  I introduced vespers services and they quickly set up their own Bible studies, but these ladies have no idea how to act like Christians.  They know how to make cider or their part of the process.  They know how to sleep with men, and they do not want that.  But the feedback that I am getting is that they sometimes do a little Bible reading and then moan about how they just do not know how to connect with what they have read.  Could it be that they have not accepted Jesus and the Holy Spirit is not guiding them to that understanding?  Or is it that I have more people than I could ever counsel, all who are broken inside?  Joseph, do you know someone with even halfway decent pastoral care skills?”

Joseph exhaled, “Wow!  That is a tall order.  I have worked with people who have lost everything in a natural disaster, but this is different.  Those people had something they called normal to try to go back to, but this?  I don’t know.”

I replied, “Well, if you don’t want the challenge, I can find someone else.  You can stay until you find another apartment, no rent at all if you find a place within a couple of months.”

Joseph said, “No, I spoke out of not knowing where to begin, but I accept the challenge.  Then, if it does not work, I can find another place to live then.  I would like a chance at sitting in on the Bible studies, just to get an idea.”

I presented him with a list of all Bible Study groups, and I had them prioritized from the easiest to the hardest groups.  Some of the hardest groups might not want him in the room.  They might feel too threatened until they found out from the others that he was safe.

Mary snickered, “Now we know why Mommy Tinkie is the boss.”

I winked at her, “Sure thing, B.B.”

Credits

The characters in this story have been introduced over the past year, mostly.

Two classic stories from the Cecil B. DeMille era were lies using his initials.  Gloria Swanson entered and said “C. B. (or maybe Mr. DeMille), I’m ready for my close-up.”  The line was turned into a song.  And then when there was going to be a set destruction to depict a major disaster, Director DeMille made sure the cameramen were ready.  Once the set was destroyed, they could never go back to get another shot.  Then after the smoke cleared, DeMille asked the closest cameraman if he had gotten the shot, and the cameraman replied, “Ready when you are, C. B.”

Bonito is a fast-swimming fish as described.  Swordfish are among the fastest fish.  Bonefish is also a fast swimmer that may be found in the Gulf and more tropical waters, but it is not a good fish to eat.

Introductory courses in a technical field for non-technical majors are often done.  Joseph, as an example, could know enough from the forecast to position recovery resources better.  Having a better idea of what goes into a weather forecast helps almost every industry.  Even those that are all indoors, since everyone has to travel to get there.