Thoughts from Mark "Hat" Rackley

I’m Pink Lady Apple Yeggs and my friend, and brother-in-law, Deviled Yeggs suggested that I record each project that I set up in the hopes of reforming the people who continue to work for Lily the Pink Enterprises.  If for no other reason, it would show how God is at work.

Missy invited me to the “boy meets girl” get together.  You can have a wedding party that does not know each other, but Angus and Joseph Jones, our chaplain at Lily the Pink, concocted this nice excuse to have these ladies experience some dating and wholesome companionship.  This was going to be very strange or very sweet.  Angus had picked six nice Scottish men, or men with Scottish ancestry: Archie Sinclair, Brodie MacKenzie, Callum Buchanan, Duncan Campbell, Fergus MacPherson, and Gordon Sutherland.  Why all Scottish?  All the men are wearing kilts for the wedding.  Angus has asked Joseph Jones to be his best man, and he has gotten Joseph fitted for a kilt, a Black Watch.

Each of the men met high moral standards, but not necessarily Christians.  The first step was to see if we randomly selected couples if there would be any Mutt and Jeff combinations.  Missy was hoping that the couples would match up due to basic attraction of some kind, maybe something in common, but even then, having an Otto and Zuzka combination might get awkward, although it works for those two.  As the boys were having a sip of Freedom Cider, the girls came into the room.  It seemed that the tallest of the girls was roughly the same height as the shortest guy.  There were no drastic height differences.  All the girls were wearing flats or low heals.  Beatriz was hoping she got a taller guy, and then she could wear heals with her wild dancing attire.

But as the ladies went to sit down at their table, Fergus MacPherson got very agitated.  He told Angus that he might have to recuse himself.

Angus asked, “And why is that, lad?”

Fergus said, “I have been with one of the ladies here.”

Angus retorted, “One of our questions was whether you had ever slept with a prostitute here when there was a brothel at Lily the Pink.  You said, ‘No.’”

Fergus stammered and stuttered, “I know, Dr. MacDougall.  I have not been intimate, but I did come here once after I had been in Tracy for about three months.  I’m sorry.”

Angus asked, “Will you identify the lady?  Maybe we can pair you with someone else, but I need to know what you did here if you did not have relations with a prostitute.  There are few other options, lad.”

Dominika, the Czechian, said, “Fergus, if you still have trouble speaking, may I explain?”

Fergus nodded rapidly.

Dominika said, “Fergus told me everything.  He was getting homesick, and his mother told him to call, but he did not want to admit he was homesick to his mother.  He just wanted a friendly touch and a thirty-minute conversation.  He was always slow around women, and he never could get a date.  By the time he had the nerve to talk, the ladies were already taken.  He bought thirty minutes with me.  He did not care which lady, but I was next in line if they did not care.  I took him to my room.  He looked at the floor.  Baldwyn taught us that if they were shy, we should start undressing, and maybe that would spring them into action.  I had everything off down to the waist and he finally looked up and begged me to put my clothing back on.  He only wanted to talk.  I knew that if Baldwyn checked up on us, we had to be perceived as making progress or he would throw Fergus out and slap me around.  I kept my top off.  Fergus averted his eyes for the most part.  We talked about why he was here, going to T.R.U.S.T. on scholarship.  He talked about Scotland.  Ummm.  Missy and Angus.  Can I ask if Fergus and I get paired?  We already know a lot about each other.  He even knows why I am hesitant in dating.”

“May I say that?” Fergus asked.

Dominika nodded, “We had agreed to share our pain regarding human trafficking within the group here only.  We want the guys to know why we may be shy.”

Fergus said, “She has a scar across her chest.  It is superficial, but she has lost her beauty in the nude and some bikinis show too much.  The trafficker got a knife to cut her clothing.  He wanted to sample the merchandise, and he cut her instead.  Not deep, but they only stopped the bleeding and by the time she was shipped across the Atlantic, it was a bad scar.”

Dominika turned red and nodded.

Missy added, “And you two can thank me.  I was in the monitor room.  Your camera was on the rotated video monitor.  You were on the screen when Baldwyn came in to do a check and I pulled the plug.  Then I fumbled around talking about a short circuit, then I plugged it back in when he wasn’t looking.  By then, the view was of a different room.  I knew how Baldwyn did not like that.  They came here for sex, and if they were slow starters, then their time was up before they got anywhere.  That meant they were not a happy customer.  Land sakes, I heard that speech enough.  He wanted me to report you guys, but I sized up Fergus.  Sorry, I had forgotten your name, but it seems with all the customers Dominika had, she remembered.  I give you a thumbs up and see Angus doing the same thing.  Now our next activity is to have the ladies say where they are from and what the human traffickers stole from them, besides their innocence.”

Aiyana talked about how Baldwyn and a couple of other Apples had kidnapped her off the street, she being the only American, a Native American, Chickasaw.  In the struggle, tendons in her left hand for the ring and pinkie fingers were damaged.  She might get surgery, but the fingers are permanently curled.  Beatriz talked about having her dancing taken away when a dance troupe was considering her.  Amara had gotten a scholarship to a college in Europe when she was taken off the street in her village in Nigeria.  She was going to go into economics and accounting, but not anymore.  (I made a note to have her talk to Thomasina and see how well she might do in accounting.  She was a wizard at scheduling raw materials.)  Diya said that when we were freed, she wanted to return to India, but her village was destroyed by radical Hindu terrorists.  She had no home to return to.  In a sick way, the human trafficking had saved her life.

Then it was Anahera’s turn.  She explained how she was on the junior All Blacks rugby team and she had just been selected for the All Blacks team.  She was about to get her Tā Moko when she was grabbed by three men.  She lost her chance at the All Blacks, and she failed in getting her Tā Moko.  She was asked what that was and she said it was a tattoo, chiseled into the woman’s chin to show she was ethnically Maori and a woman.  It would make her look fierce when she participated in the Haka before the games.

Then, Gordon Sutherland, maybe an inch shorter than Anahera, without heals, asked, “What was your jersey number?”

Anahera brightened, “You know the significance?  I was the fullback, fifteen.  I did most of the goal kicking, too.  You must have played.  You have the build.”

Gordon reddened, “Aye, I was number four lock, near the middle of the scrum.  But I keep my body shape as the strength coach at the T.R.U.S.T. athletic program.  I also started a men’s club team, but rugby is not a conference sport for T.R.U.S.T.  When you said rugby, I knew you had to be a back.  Fullback, that explains your well-built frame.  Oh, excuse me, I did not wish to be too familiar.  Angus, it would be an honor if the two rugby players could be paired.”

Angus asked if any of the others had any problem with that.  Brodie spoke for the rest, “We agreed that no matter what skin tone or body shape or comeliness in the face, we would escort the one who pleases us, and Gordie is the only rugby player, at least since youth rugby.”

Missy smiled, “Now, four couples will speed date for ten minutes with each potential partner.  The two couples that are paired already can sit and talk, get to know each other.  But for the four couples, the ladies stay seated, and the guys rotate clockwise.  I would suggest counterclockwise, but Angus would tell me that it is anticlockwise.  Thus, we agree with clockwise.”  Everyone laughed at that.

After forty minutes of speed dating, Callum and Amara really liked each other.  He was getting an MBA, and Amara’s accounting knowledge made a good basis to have animated conversation.  Brodie felt that he and Beatriz both had a passion for dancing, but he was sure that they did not know each other’s style.  Duncan had worked with his father making whiskey, a hobby, not a business.  He hit it off with Diya who works in distillation.  That left an awkward moment with Archie and Aiyana being the only ones left.  Archie said that he and Duncan were the only two Americans among the six, and he would be honored.  Besides, he enjoyed talking to all four, but he leaned toward Aiyana anyway.  Nice recovery.

Angus then explained that each couple would be encouraged to have at least two dates, chaperoned, between this greet and meet and the Christmas weddings.  They would be on the bride’s side for the double wedding the week prior to the Angus and Missy wedding, wearing kilts and home country attire, new attire for the ladies at the wedding the following week.  That way, they would not be escorting strangers down the aisle.  And seeing the wedding layout, they would have a good idea what to expect.  And also, the wedding party will perform Scottish country dances at the reception, so it is encouraged to be at as many practices as possible.  Gordon and Anahera asked if they could perform a Haka before they started the dance.  The other guys groaned that Gordie and Anahera would be the only cool couple.  Anahera sighed, “Okay, you can join in.  That is, if you can keep up.”

Then Gordie added, “And I am going to work with Anahera to kick an American football, and after the bowl game, I think we can have a little competition with the college kickers.  We’ll show them how accurate a rugby kicker is.”

Missy put up her hands, “Please, I am not sure that I want a haka at the wedding reception.  We have the cultures of six bride’s maids to consider.  This could get out of hand.”

Anahera retorted, “My, my, you give someone two promotions in the same year and then she becomes bridezilla.”

There were a few gasps, followed by dead silence.

I spoke up.  “Okay, Anahera, Missy, and Gordon!  In my office.  Now!  Cassie, Joseph, supervise their conversations.  Each couple gets to know each other better.  We will be back shortly.”

When we reached my office, Anahera was in tears.  “Miss Pink, do I still have a job?  Am I still a bride’s maid?”

We sat at the dining room table.  Luckily, they were not working on the nursery construction.

I said, “Calling Missy a bridezilla just because she was considering the desires of the other five bride’s maids was over the top.  When I finish what I have to say, you two will go into the nursery bedroom and apologize, work things out, whatever.  But Missy got her first promotion because she turned down the promotion to run everything at the Washington state cider house.  She has the experience, but in her latest assignment she was first responder to anything happening in Hortense Tesla’s lab, and Missy had unofficially adopted my nephew and niece.  Besides, she finally had a boyfriend and she wanted to see where that might lead.  Since we have such a small security force, there were not a lot of candidates to choose from.  I hired Jayne Crane away from the Tracy Police Department.  She had been my bodyguard while at the prison, and we got to know each other.  Then, after years of being known as Plain Jayne, she met the local sheriff up there and she does not want to come back.  Ummm, Missy, add one more invitation to Cassandra’s wedding.  His name is Wyatt Slaughter, sheriff of the county where our new cider house is located.  He’s taking some vacation, and he cannot pass up a free ride on a private jet, since Jayne has to be here anyway for security reasons.”

Missy nodded and wrote down the name.

I looked at Anahera.  “Do you have a nickname that is less than three syllables?”

Anahera said, “My name means Angel, and my close friends call me that.”

I nodded, “Okay, Angel, being catty with Missy was not angelic, but it showed me that I am not communicating very well.  Missy legitimately was in line to replace Cassandra.  Creating the second in command position just added an extra step.  Would you like a job where you are always on call?”  She shook her head. “I know that you are in shipping and receiving.  You are an excellent fork truck driver.  Do you like the graveyard shift?”

Angel said, “It takes a little getting used to.  There is less supervision, but in our area things are a little fast paced.  Trucks are coming and going.  The truckers are in a hurry.  Anna Hill and Nina got hurt last year when a trucker would not listen to them.  Graveyards has its challenges.”

I smiled, “Let me see your reaction when a trucker is trying to get preferential treatment.”

Angel made a face, like she was about to do a haka.  “Wait your turn like the rest of the truckers.  Only certified Lily the Pink operators will load or unload your truck.  UNDERSTAND!?”

I laughed, “I think I have one little problem solved.  Much of the time, security has to position someone in Shipping and Receiving just to give them that speech.  If you do not mind leaving your shift and working straight graveyards, would you like to be our trucker relations officer?”

Angel gasped, “I thought I was fired for saying something nasty to one of your favorites!”

I groaned, “You let me know that I was not communicating my decisions adequately.  Cassandra leaving was sudden, although I doubt if she will completely leave unless Boaz runs for governor.  Then suddenly there are three weddings.  Gwen is back to run things day to day.  So, I made it look like I was showering Missy with undeserved gifts.  Have you ever heard that whatever God gives He also takes?”

Angel nodded.

I smiled, “That is not the way God works.  He allowed Satan to take things away from His servant Job to test his faith, but then He lavished more on Job for being faithful.  I try not to have favorites, but this was a special time, and I want to see a hundred weddings in the greenhouse.  Yours too.”

Angel brightened, “Thank you, ma’am!”

I looked at Gordie who was a bit shaken.  “You have a keeper here, Gordon.  Don’t mess it up.  And Angel will be on days, taking management classes and studying the teacher’s manual on fork trucks until after the wedding.  She will teach classes in the classroom when the traffic is light.  Then she will sign off on the on-the-job training for all fork truck driver’s licenses when each shift rotates onto graveyards.  But the two of you will have to adjust any dating or football kicking challenges around her new schedule.”

Gordon replied, “Thank you, ma’am. I thought I had contributed to the mess up and I was out too.”

I laughed, “Not at all.  And call me, Mommie Tinkie, everybody does, although Kanok is getting her “P” sound these days, about half the time.  With Kanok hearing everybody calling me Mommie Tinkie, she is getting confused.”

Missy and Angel had their private little talk.  I was thinking about how I would break it to the other Bride’s Maids that I just promoted the naughty girl, but I want people to be honest, and when they say something that is misinformed, that is on me.

When we got back in the conference room, all the couples were smiling at each other and animated in their conversations.  Joseph Jones had suggested them because they complained about what they had lost in their small group discussions instead of what they had gained.  Here they met some men who did not care about what they had lost, but who they were.

As things started dying down, I pulled Duncan Campbell and Archie Sinclair aside.  Something was eating at me.  If Angel could be bold and bluntly say something, maybe I could get away with it.  “Both of you young men were born in Tracy.  Your father’s ancestry and your last name got you into the Scottish Club.  Ruth Collins, Missy’s mother, worked at the club and slept with a Sinclair and a Campbell.  Would either of you know about that?  And Duncan, is your father Felix Campbell?”

Both looked around to see if there was a convenient escape route.  Then Duncan Campbell spoke first.  “My Dad said to not say anything, but I am Missy’s half-brother.  Please don’t let him know I said anything.  He swore me to secrecy.”

I chuckled, “If it comes out in polite conversation, I will let it be known that I tortured it out of you.  I grew up in a crime family.  I may have never done anything criminal, but I know their tricks.  And you, Archie?”

Archie stammered a bit, “But, ma’am, umm, this little girl started asking my Dad a lot of questions.  I overheard their conversation.  She started saying that this was not a criminal investigation, but the woman, with which my Dad had a child, murdered that child.  My Dad never said a word to me, but that young girl was a bit loud as she accused him.  And my Dad has visited the murdered girl’s grave often ever since.”

I nodded, “My niece, Sophia, wants to be a police detective.  The precinct jokes about how she will be her father’s boss.  It could be that Angus wanted closure, or it could be that Sophia is a nosy little high school freshman who loves to solve riddles.  I think letting Missy know now instead of later would be a good thing.  So, she gets out the emotions now instead of at the wedding.  She only recently learned that Clair had been murdered.  Her mother has a high-priced lawyer claiming she had her rights to do what she did.  Humpf.  She ordered her brother to kill her own daughter.  The woman your fathers slept with in their youth is a murderer, human trafficker, child abuser, and somehow, she thinks that is excusable because she was ‘oppressed’?  She was the oppressor.  Missy is going through her greatest highs, about to be married.  But she is mourning the loss of her sister.  Knowing she has a few unknown relatives might actually help.  Do you each want to be part of Missy’s family?”

I saw them talking to Missy in private a little later.  She cried, but she gave them hugs and kisses too.

Credits

This story has a few fictional reveals, but nothing is Credit worthy, other than a haka can be performed at a wedding.  The haka is used primarily as a battle cry to intimidate the competition, but it is also used as a greeting to welcome guests.  At a wedding, it can be considered a “welcome to the family” celebration.  And haka basically means a “line”, think line dancing with angry facial expressions, slapping body parts, stomping, growling, and touching their chins with their tongues.  Non-Maori can join in a haka, but they must respect the Maori culture and traditions.