Thoughts from Mark "Hat" Rackley

We are Jemima and Easter Yeggs.  Lieutenant Yeggs wants his son to write these reports to keep in touch when we are out having our adventures, and Rev C.S.L., my Dad, doesn’t mind an update either.

After my last letter, from the honeymoon suite at a Caribbean Island hotel, people have been clamoring for more.  We won’t be out on storm chasing missions fulltime until May, but something happened back on home turf that is noteworthy.  It all started as I was getting ready to go to the bus stop and make a late night trip back to Lily the Pink where Easy and I have a wonderful little apartment.  It is a two-bedroom in anticipation of our baby, but no luck on that front yet.  We are still trying, and that’s half the fun.

As I passed the office of Bossy Boss, the only one of us student types that has an office in the meteorology department, I noticed the lights were out and I heard soft sobbing within the room.

I flipped the lights on and Mary, our Bossy Boss, gasped.  “Please, Stinker, turn the lights off.”

“But Mary,” I said.  “You are crying.  What’s going on?  Trouble back home?”

Mary shrugged, “Yes and no.  Mom and Dad thought I would be married to some executive somewhere by now, but I have made such a mess of everything, I doubt if I can ever get Joseph to propose.”

I gave her a double-take.  “Joseph loves you.  Why is he not going to propose?”

Mary shook her head and then looked at her desk.  “The last date that we had was going to the MacDougall’s wedding.  That was over a month ago.  Every moment in the day that he does not have work or classes, I have work or classes.  Our schedules are perfect matches for disaster.  I’ve always been this driven person to get the career I wanted.  Now I have it, and it is more drive to keep it going.”

I was confused, “You sit next to each other at church…”

Mary sighed, “Dating?  In church?  And right after the service, he goes back to Lily the Pink and sits in on 3-4 Bible studies.  Not to lead the study, but to watch the participants and see who might need counseling.  Sunday afternoon is my time to get caught up on homework.  The rest of the week, I am editing, doing voice over, everything necessary to get the next few episodes out to our fans.  Heaven forbid they don’t know what happened on the Easy and Stinker honeymoon.”

I shrugged, “Could you not delegate?  Are you not the boss?”

Mary groaned, “I need the college credits for graduation in a few months.  The editing, voice over, etc. are all part of my assignments this semester.  But then, I have to train people to do it in my absence if the original Turtle team is to go out in the summer.  I can’t be here and there.  So, at some point very soon, I have to start the interview process.”

I asked, “Aren’t we using college students from the Communications department?”

Mary huffed, “But there are many to choose from and the closer their world view is to that of the people in the Turtle, the less editing I will have to do when they send me what they think is the final video.  I tell you, there is no time for me to have a romance with Joseph.  I have done what I always do.  I have buried myself in my career goals and forgotten the important things.”

I shrugged, “Well, I think the career stuff is important.”

Mary growled, “But you already have a husband.  You two have your priorities straight.  I have gone through high school and now four years of college, and now I have a boyfriend.  All we’ve done is kiss.  And not much of that.”

I asked, “You have accounted for Sunday through Saturday, 7:00am to 10:00pm, no openings at all.  What do you do from 10:00pm to 7:00am?”

Mary gasped, “What most folks do.  I shower and go to bed.”

I smiled, “Well, there is your answer.  When you go to bed, do you go to sleep?”

Mary groaned, “No!  Half the night is rehashing what I did the day before and planning the next day.  Career, career, career!  Then about 3:00am I might drift off to sleep. And, Stinker, how is that making a baby thing going?”

I said, “It’s not, but we are still trying.  It is so wonderful how you change the subject.” I looked at my watch.  “Ouch! If I don’t get to the bus stop, I’ll miss my bus.  B. B., I will pray about this and get back to you.”  I ran out the door.  I was the only passenger this late at night unless one of the ladies was doing some homework at the library.  When I did not show up at the bus stop, the pink van moved around to the entrance to our building.  I almost walked right past the bus.  Think about that.  A big bright pink bus, with about a twenty-seat capacity, right under a streetlight.  The driver yelled or I might have walked all the way to the bus stop.

Easy has 8:00am classes every day, Monday through Friday, and laboratory work every afternoon late, except Thursday.  I had a long gap the next day.  I knocked on Joseph’s door rather early.  “Joseph, Mary is about to lose her mind.  You two need to find a time when you can get together other than Sunday morning at church.  She wants the romance to advance, not slide into a stalemate.”

Joseph scratched his head, “Wow!  Days usually start with ‘Good Morning!’ or ‘How are you, today!’ “ He then repeated the same lament Mary had talked about the night before.  He was making progress in some of the small groups.  More Lily the Pink employees were taking classes at the university this year than ever before.  Those ladies were socializing outside the cider house, but most of them were much older than the majority of students on campus.  Not much romance there, but the ladies were experiencing normality.  Most of their fellow students had no idea what their former profession had been.  The older ladies were responding well to activities at Lily the Pink.  They thought themselves too old to start a romance and they were slowly finding their identity elsewhere.

But then I asked him about his sleep habits.  They were the same as Mary.  He would stare at the ceiling for a couple of hours before sleep overtook him.

A couple of days later, on the bus ride back to Lily the Pink after church, I cornered the two of them.  Mary had gone to Lily the Pink so that she could ride the bus with Joseph.  She was starting to think outside the box, just right up next to the box.  “You two are coming with me.  Lunch can wait.”

When I got them to our apartment, Easy went to the kitchenette in our living room and got each of them their favorite beverage.  I detailed their schedules, showing that the usual daylight hours did not afford any romance time.  Then I said, “Easy and I are in about the same situation.  We are both taking overloads in our second undergraduate degree program.  The homework alone is killing Easy.  I just have to be here, there, and everywhere, and sometimes all at the same time.  We have our togetherness time when we go to bed.”

Joseph groaned.  Mary yelled, “What?!  You Stinker!  Abstinence for you is okay before marriage, but I have to sleep with my boyfriend to get to know him?!  You were called stinker by getting Dr. Quinn to quit her licentious lifestyle, now you are going the opposite direction?!”

I stared at her.  “Are you finished?  I knew a couple who got married at the church where my Dad preached before coming here.  Same as you working and going to school.  The man worked days and went to school at night.  The woman worked nights and went to school during the day.  Every other weekend was interrupted by one thing or another.  The woman started going to the guy’s apartment to watch late night television.  They might order a pizza, or they might forget the television and go out for a midnight donut.  That was the sum total of their dating until they got married.  They keep in touch.  They are a very happily married couple.  Both of you stated that you stare at the ceiling instead of sleeping.  You are not giving up sleep, just having a restful moment together.  You share the events of the day.  You share the plans for tomorrow.  And then maybe your brain isn’t on an endless loop thinking of those things when you reach the bed.  Each one to their own bed!!”

Joseph and Mary looked at each other.  Joseph finally broke the ice.  “I will try it, if you are willing.”  Mary only nodded.

I suggested, “Tomorrow night.  You both come here after vespers.  I know.  That puts the driving late at night on Mary, but Easy and I can act as chaperones.  Sorry, for non-married couples at Lily the Pink, that part is non-negotiable.  But after a week or so of dating this way, you can meet at the university library or something.  Okay?”  They both nodded.  All four of us then went to the dining room in the cider house.  We found family so that Mary and Joseph could dine alone.  Mary had more film editing that afternoon and Joseph had a few Bible studies to attend.  I think he could have called off, and I think Mary could have delegated, but that’s me.

The deal is, Easy and I both needed to get to bed quickly that next night on Monday, for reasons that will become apparent as the events unfold.  I had been around Joseph and Mary for some time.  They had gone on unsupervised, unchaperoned dates.  Being their chaperones was only a Lily the Pink rule.  I told them to sit on the couch.  Joseph had just delivered the Vespers message.  I told them to talk about their day and their plans for Tuesday.  Then tomorrow night, they could do the same until they were in a rhythm where their conversation could start moving naturally.

As I left Joseph asked how Mary’s day had been.  She giggled a little with Joseph taking the pattern of conversation so seriously.  I knew they were going to be okay.

The following morning, Easter and I awoke extra early.  We wanted to change our pattern of doing things, you know, things, to see if that would help make a baby.  I went to the kitchenette to get some milk to take my morning medicines.  When I flipped on the living room light, I heard a couple of gasps from the couch.

I turned to the open door behind me.  “Easy, our guests slept together last night.”

“What?!” Easy ejaculated, but remained in the bedroom. “On our couch?!  Are we going to have to cover the couch with a plastic cover or something?”

Mary said, “Wait.  Wait!  WAIT!!!  We did not sleep together last night.”

I said, “You were both asleep.  Your arms are interlocked with one another.  You are roughly in the same position as when I went to bed.  I obviously could not trust you.  You slept together.”

Joseph began to awaken. “We slept, but we did nothing more.  When you say ‘slept together’ it sounds like we had sex.  We did not!”

Easy’s voice came from the bedroom.  “You were with each other.  You were sleeping.  You slept together.”

Mary started to cry.  “My reputation is ruined because of a misunderstanding?  Stinker, you set this whole thing up.  It’s your fault.  Please, do not tell anyone what you just said.  My virginity is still intact.  Joseph also.”

I looked at Joseph carefully.  “I have never been sure about him.  He looks like the love ‘em and leave ‘em type.  You are probably not his first conquest.”

Joseph straightened.  “I have never loved them and left them.  We did as you said, to a point.  You turned off the lights and I had the lamp next to the couch on.  I let Mary go first.  She talked about her classes and how the videos from Easy’s wild ride around the island would make a couple of great episodes, but it would also count for all of Mary’s film editing requirements.  With that behind her, she might have a little more free time.  She said something about how Easy had the Weather Minister’s SUV on two wheels, and while balancing the car on those wheels and still driving down the road, he calmly told the Weather Minister, ‘Sir, you do not need speed on this island.  There are too many things to avoid, like ox carts and such.  What you do need is weight in the frame.  You need a low center of gravity so that you can make quick turns without going around the corner on two wheels.’  And the Weather Minister agreed with him before he lowered the SUV back onto all four wheels.”

Easy said from the bedroom, “Hey, it illustrated the point!”

Joseph then continued, “Then it was my turn, but I felt her head shift against my chest.  I looked down and she was sound asleep.  I flipped off the lamp and I tried to shift my weight so that I could get out from under her and leave.  I thought about it.  I did not want to awaken her.  She needed this sleep.  And then the next thing I know is you turning on the lights.  That is all that happened.  I say this as the chaplain here at Lily the Pink.  On my honor.”

I groaned, “A likely story.  I bet that underneath that appearance of being completely dressed, you are both naked as jay birds!”

Mary said, “And I am getting to know how you got the name Stinker!  I have you know that we are both fully dressed, down to the underwear.  But you, Stinker.  I have never seen you in a frumpy bathrobe before.  We have roomed together.  You were the flamboyant lingerie or light and airy pajamas.  I bet underneath that frumpy bathrobe, you are the one who is completely naked!”

I swallowed hard, “Oops!”

Then Joseph added, “And I think Easter, not coming in to see whether we are naked or not, is in bed ready for you.”

I shook my head, “Okay, changing the subject entirely.  Sort of.  Does this incident teach you anything?”

Mary said, “Yeah, never trust you!”

I shook my head again, “No, about each other?”

Joseph grunted, “Other than Mary shared and then was asleep before I could share.  What are we supposed to have learned?”

Easy said from the bedroom, “Jemi, they just woke up, but I do not think their brains are in gear yet.  Quit beating around the bush.  Both of them alone would have stared at the ceiling for hours, but in each other’s arms, they were warm, comfortable, and safe.  They love each other.  Now, morning breath!  That could put a damper on things.”

Mary and Joseph groaned and slid to opposite ends of the couch.

I told them, “Mary, you have a distance to drive.  You leave first.  Joseph, wait a minute and then leave.  Maybe the security people won’t notice with you not leaving together.  We wouldn’t have told anyone anyway.  We were the designated chaperones, and we could get in trouble with Aunt Pink.  And if you want to continue this, with staying awake long enough to leave, our door is always open.”  I went to the bedroom and closed the door, locking it.  The front door was the one that was always open.

I had no morning classes at all.  About mid-morning, I got a knock on the door.  It was Missy MacDougall.

“And young lady, what were Joseph and Mary doing in your apartment all night long?”  Missy asked with a knowing look on her face.

I shrugged.  “I have no idea.  If I had to guess, I would say that the two virgins are still virgin, but they got a good night’s sleep.”

Missy laughed, “And now I know why they call you Stinker!  And someone told me that you went on a honeymoon and got an all-over tan.  Young lady, you are supposed to come back pale, like you never got out of the bedroom.”

“Momma Missy, if I can call you that. Picture this in your mind.  You are on your honeymoon.  Your honeymoon!!  Your husband abandons you in the honeymoon suite that has access to a discrete balcony on the hotel roof.  While your husband goes on a joyride around the island, showing how good of a driver he is, what better revenge than to come back from your honeymoon with an all over tan.”  I flipped my T-shirt off and showed the tan under my bra strap.

Missy laughed, “That’s enough.  No more disrobing.”

I said, “My tan rivals yours.”

Missy snickered, “That it does, but you’ll be pale as white bread in a couple of months, and I’ll still have mine.  Stinker, I am going to keep my eye on you.  Not as a security risk.  I just don’t want to miss the fun.”

I made my denial, “But nothing really happened here last night.  Honest!”

Missy smiled, “I know!  At least I trust you, but I can’t wait to see you once you get bored.  And do not worry about getting pregnant.  It took me a while to get pregnant with Menzie, and under the circumstances, I did not enjoy it.  My advice is to enjoy it more and think about it less.  That’s one thing that I have learned with my Angus.  We seek to please God, and we seek to please each other.  I never had that with a man before, and I like it.”  Missy winked and went on her way.

Credits

The couple Jemima talked about is a description of my wife’s and my dating pattern from the time we met until our wedding day, but we never made the mistake of falling asleep in each other’s arms.

And the photo works if you think of Joseph as a dog, but maybe this is what happens later, with Mary sleeping on the couch and Joseph going to his apartment.