Thoughts from Mark "Hat" Rackley

I’m Lieutenant Deviled Yeggs.  I work homicide in the big city of Tracy.  Working for me are my old partners: Detective Sgt. Jim Wednesday and Detective Poached Yeggs, my nephew who is slowly becoming a good detective.

Since this is a continued story, we left off the previous story, two days ago, with the following statement by Minnie Others.  But to catch you up, for a couple of months, the codebreakers (Sophie, GrandPa, and Pauline Niblick) have been trying to break a code contained in tickets delivered to my office.  The “working hypothesis” – Sophie’s words – was that someone in a service role, maybe a mailman, traveled the world as a conman, but killed all the marks when he was discovered.  With excellent code breaking skills, really GrandPa, the code was broken, but not until my wife Glyce (Naomi) was threatened and then a strange robot was delivered to my desk.  Guy Weiss got too close to the robot and was poisoned. While Sophie’s team came up with a suspect and the evidence was starting to pour in, we have finally gotten enough evidence to request a warrant.  Oddly, my scientist son, Blaise, discovered a signature style in the suspect’s soldering work on robots for the schools.  So now, being caught up, the rest of this story, until the very end, is a first-person report by Polly Pulice, police officer.  She is staying with Guy Weiss in ICU at the medical center, and she had been joined by Minnie Others.  Polly suggested that Minnie could do a lot better than her dumb partner who was told to not touch the robot, but the blockhead (Guy Weiss) held a hand perilously too close to the cheese block head of the robot.

Minnie stared at the nurses bathing her boyfriend, “Polly, you are a nice girl, but I am damaged goods.  Until Poached gave Guy my number, I had not dated in years.”

At that moment, Polly got a text from the lieutenant, “We have the warrant.  We raided his house and found incubators full of bacteria cultures.  Everyone is in hazmat suits, but we have our man.  Blaise contacted some electronics and electrical technicians.  They agree that the Willie McLane soldering termination is unique.  All wires are flat against the circuit board to minimize the chance of damage if the part gets loose and rubs other parts.  But then the signature is that each soldered connection is tapped three times by the solder gun.  Three evenly spaced indentions along the soldered joint.  No one knows for sure why, maybe to ensure an unbroken connection, but it takes a magnifying glass to see the marks.  Then again, Blaise loves looking at details.  We have arrested Willie, but so far, he is playing innocent.  I will interrogate him next, using the names of his foreign victims.  I need some kind of reaction from him.  He could lawyer up at any moment.”

Minnie asked, “Any good news?”

Polly said, “The suspect has been arrested.  He has not lawyered up, and Lt. Yeggs is the next to interrogate him.  But the robotic evidence seems significant.  They also found the bacteria growing in incubators at his house.”

Minnie smiled, “Good, maybe they can give him a needle of his own medicine.”

Polly mused, “I suppose you feel the need to vent since Guy’s condition is still critical, but why did you say you were damaged goods?  People tell me you were a star in just about every sport.”

Minnie said, “That came naturally.  I have five older brothers.  To keep up with them and be better than they were, I had to run faster, throw further, and hit harder.  I excelled in soccer, but I could not make a dent in your lieutenant’s wife’s scoring record.  I starred as the leading scorer in basketball.  I played shortstop in softball, and we won the state championship one year, making it to the semi-finals all four years of high school.  I only helped out in track and field after the softball tournament was over.  But to be one of the girls in the ‘in crowd,’ I joined the Poached Yeggs stable, my one night each month.”

Polly shrugged, “That should not label you as damaged goods.”

Minnie shook her head and looked away.  “No, before that, about a year before I was in high school and in bed with Poached once a month, my brothers took me to their rented house near the university.  I was thirteen.  Three brothers were in college: Jimmy, Johnny, and Joseph.  Two brothers were in high school: Jacob and Joshua.  Jacob and Joshua wanted to meet girls; really they wanted to make love to girls for the first time.  Jimmy set up an orgy at the rented house without Mom and Dad knowing about it.  But then our uncle died, and Mom and Dad left town that afternoon and suddenly I had to go with my brothers to an orgy.  They told the guys, even the other roommates that were sharing the rent, to leave me alone.  The girls came in.  There were kegs of beer, whiskey bottles, wine bottles, all purchased by Jimmy who was twenty-one.  I sat on the couch and people walked around naked, doing things to each other, sometimes sitting next to me doing it.  Then a girl that looked out of place sat next to me.  She was not pretty like the other girls.  It turned out that she was the landlord’s daughter sent over to make sure we were not having an orgy, thus, making trouble for her Dad.  But she had other ideas.  She grabbed my hand, and we snuck off and had our own party.  I had no interest in her as a lover, but we did everything.  Kind of like experimenting.  When we joined the rest of the party, the girls had left, and the sun was coming up the next morning.  Gayle, the landlord’s daughter, told Jimmy that if all five Others Brothers did not sleep with her, she would have them evicted.  She ended up marrying Joseph, and as far as I know, they now own a half dozen houses near the university and they could be having orgies in each of them, just discretely.  Joseph has a lot of extra cash, but he’s a jerk.  I don’t know, and I don’t care.  I had that experience.  I was in the Poached stable, and then I thought that my athletic career was in jeopardy if I got pregnant, so I quit about the same time Poached did.  I am not religious, but I think I am starting to be.  The Academy where I teach was taken over by the Baptist Church this school year, and they are making curriculum changes.  I’m the head coach for all girl sports, so the curriculum has little effect on what I teach, but I have to go to the meetings.  At this point, all I feel inside is that I am such a horrible sinner that there is no hope for me.  Then, Poached called, and said that Guy would be calling me.  My Shy Guy.”

Polly asked, “Shy Guy?!”

Minnie nodded, “I knew Guy was wanting to settle down and start a family, but then he gets to a place in our date where he might be getting up the nerve, and he says nothing.  I never told him why, but my nickname for him has been Shy Guy ever since.”

Polly nodded, “That fits with what I know about Guy.  But Minnie, God can forgive you of your sins if you turn your life over to Him.”

Minnie shook her head, “That’s not for sins like mine.  The cussword people can be forgiven.  Not me.”

Polly asked, “Are you too proud of your sin to say you are wrong?  You have already stopped having sex with people who are not your spouse.  You could say that is repentance, but why are you not forgiving yourself?”

Minnie asked, “Really?  God can even forgive me?”

Polly nodded.  They hugged and cried.

A nurse from the next shift came over.  “Which of you is his partner?”

They both said, “I am!”

The nurse’s eyes got big.  “He sleeps with both of you, like at the same time?”

Minnie gasped.  Polly said, “No, see the uniform.  Guy is my patrol partner.  We have each other’s backs.  Minnie is Guy’s girlfriend.  Neither of us sleeps with Guy.  Now the nurse that you just replaced was having a lot of fun in the storeroom with a couple of guys, but Minnie and I do not do such things.  Got it!?”

The nurse snickered, “Now I know which one of you is the Holy Terror.  I’ll leave you to your vigil.  You do know that the rule is family only outside visiting hours and in ICU only one visitor at any time, but I was warned that the Holy Terror made an ER doctor apologize and he almost wet his pants.  So, try to keep it down.”

Minnie looked at me, “I am glad I am on the Holy Terror’s side.”

Polly looked away.  “Yeah, I hope the nickname doesn’t stick, but it probably will.  But where were we before the nurse came in to check on Guy?”

Minnie smiled through the tears.  “You were about to have me say that prayer.”

Polly said, “No, Minnie.  The words of the Salvation prayer are important, but you have already confessed some sins to me.  You know that you cannot clean up your own life.  Like you said, you are damaged goods.  You know only God can repair that damage.  But I have heard of people who have said the Salvation prayer, and it did not work.  Those are not magic words.  God does not want some memorized words.  He wants all of you.  He wants you to surrender to Him and accept His plan for you.  Pick your own words but mean what you say.  It’s like you are jumping out of an airplane, but God packed the parachute.  Saying you believe is one thing.  Climbing into the airplane is another.  But you are standing in front of the open door.  It’s time to take that leap and trust that God packed that chute the right way.”

Minnie was crying and her lips were moving, but Polly heard nothing until she heard a groan coming from the hospital bed near them.  Then she heard Minnie gasp.  They both jumped to the edge of the bed.

Guy blinked a few times.  “Ugh!  Where…  Where am I?  Why can’t I move?  What…  What’s going on?”

Polly said, “You are in the medical center.  The nurses restrained you until you were fully aware of what is going on.  You are getting antibiotics and other medicines intravenously.  You have a catheter and a Foley bag to pee into.  Your insides are fairly cleaned out, but you are on a pad just in case.  And next time the lieutenant says not to touch, stay far away from it.  And you must have hot hands.  You did not have to even touch it.”

Guy asked, “I don’t remember much of anything.  I was going into the lieutenant’s office to report that the suspect was halfway down the block.”

Then Polly added, “And when the ambulance came out of the parking lot, taking you here, he got up from the bench laughing and whistling a song.”

Guy said, “Tell me he resisted arrest, and they shot him.”

Polly shook her head, “Nope, but Lt. Yeggs is interrogating him now.  If he will break, the lieutenant would be the best to make him break.  And when you finally remember the ugly robot on the lieutenant’s desk, it was cheddar cheese, about three quarters of an inch thick, pressed onto the cheese cloth covering the box of death.  Four needles, all set with heat sensors to stab before you even touch it.  You are very blessed to still be alive, Wise Guy.”

Guy asked, “Is that a nurse hiding behind you?”

Minnie stepped to the edge of the bed.  “Hi, Big Guy!  Remember me?”

Guy smiled, “I remember your father announcing the basketball team.  ‘And here’s the line up!  Here are Jimmy, Johnny, Joey, Jake, and Josh.  The Others Brothers with Minnie Others on the bench!’”  Guy tried to laugh but started to cough.

Polly looked at Minnie.  “When you said all your brothers had names starting with the letter ’J’, I wondered why they named you Minnie.  All for a joke?!”

Minnie nodded, with her face starting to turn red.  “Yeah, I had to excel in sports so that I was a starter, and Dad’s joke didn’t work anymore.”

Guy suddenly looked confused.  “Minnie, you usually call me Shy Guy, why the new nickname?”

Minnie got redder.  “Oh, the nurses were bathing you earlier, and ummm, you know.  I took a peak.”

Guy turned to Polly, “You, too?”

Polly stammered, “Absolutely not!  I have to work with you.  No way am I looking at that ugly thing.”

At that moment, she got another text.  She read it to the others, “Polly, he broke.  The codebreakers have finally gotten names for everyone except the women’s handball enthusiast.  France won the team competition, and we think it was a French fan in Denmark.  But we have not heard back yet.  I went through the eleven names, and he gasped when he heard the name of Birgit Fritsch, the Bavarian Christmas Museum lady.  I told him that he might have thought that one was obscure, but that was his mistake.  Don’t shove a woman off the roof when they are too drugged to accidentally get near the edge.  And definitely, do not kill the beloved neighbor of a homicide detective that can smell a rat when one is right in front of him.  The detective gave us a thumb print.  Willie was careful, but he needed one last help to push her over and he grabbed the heal of her shoe.  Every other print was smudged.  And once she went over the parapet, it was too late to wipe off one thumb print.  We have him for two counts of attempted murder in Tracy.  We might let some foreign homicide people fight over who really gets him.  I think he wants to stay here.  His money is all spent.  He cleaned out his source of other money, and he thinks we will give him three squares at the pen.  Sophie walked in as we were explaining what would happen next.  She told him his biggest mistake was to get the codebreakers ticked at his antics, and threatening her mother just motivated the entire team.  Sophie is a tough little cookie.”

Guy stared at the ceiling, “Too good for him.  Umm. Oh, where are my pants?”

Polly grumbled, “Guy, you are not getting out of here.  You were at death’s door not that long ago.”

Guy growled, “No, I have something in the left front pocket.  Please, I’m tied down, Polly.  Do this for me.”

Polly got his pants and pulled out a tiny silk pouch.  “Is this it?”

Guy said, “Yeah!  Give it to Minnie, but Minnie, don’t open it yet.  Minnie, I wanted to make this special, but under the circumstances, I can’t wait any longer.  Will you marry me?”  He nodded that she could open the pouch.

Minnie opened the pouch to see a nice looking ring, not a huge rock, but Guy was just a patrol officer.

Guy and Polly looked at her while she was shaking.  Guy asked, “Well?”

Minnie finally came to her senses.  “Well, I don’t know if I can say ‘yes.’  I just prayed to give my life to Jesus.  I don’t know if I can give my life to you now.”

Guy looked at Polly.  “Polly has been talking to me too.  And while I was on death’s door, I saw some weird things, a view of me in Hell, angels helping me, glimpses of Heaven, and then Jesus.  I’m not going through that again unless I have Jesus with me.”

Minnie said, “Then your answer is ‘yes’, Big Guy.  But where do we start going to church.  I hear the Metho-Presby sprinkles you and my new bosses like you to be dunked.”

Polly said, “I heard Jemima talk about how Easter first met her when he saw her being immersed in the river.  Her father is the preacher if you remember from the double wedding.  He might do the same for you, and Randy and I sit next to the Niblicks.  There is plenty of room on our pew.  We sit behind Lt. Yeggs and his family.  They sit behind Scrambled, Pink Lady and their family, including the mayor.”

“Forget I gave the rock, Minnie.”  Guy groaned, “If I have to sit next to the crazy doctor, Pauline Niblick, with the death grip, that’s a deal breaker.”

Minnie said, “I’ll protect you, Big Guy.”

But then Polly started to wonder. ‘Me gaining the nickname of Holy Terror is bad enough, but when the guys at the precinct find out Minnie calls Guy her “Big Guy,” what kind of lie can I tell?  No way am I telling them the truth on that one!’

And then back in the home of Deviled Yeggs, I, Lt. Deviled Yeggs, had picked up my wife and daughter Gigi at Lily the Pink, already having Sophie and Blaise with me at the precinct.  We got into the house, right about dawn.  Sophie claimed their bathroom to shower.  Blaise growled and asked permission to take a shower in the master bathroom.  They ran to get that done, even though we had called the school to give them an excused absence, having spent all night assisting in the capture and confession of a serial killer.  Glyce looked into my eyes, and she got very close.  Her eyes were wet.  I gave her a gentle bear hug.  Wet eyes were too close to the danger zone.

“Deviled, be honest, did you catch the man who thought he could not be caught, even taunting the codebreakers?  (My reply was that he confessed and signed the confession.  He even confessed that the cheese block head was designed to be whimsical, thus someone might touch it or sniff it, and the needles went through the cheese cloth and cheese without being deflected.  To use Polly’s words, what a sick bass – short for a child out of wedlock.)  And he has no chance at escape? (My reply was that he was begging for a deal of no extradition as long as he did his time in an American prison, but we were holding out since no foreign government was clamoring for his presence in their country.)  And I do not need to have Polly shadowing me everywhere? (My reply was that Polly has asked for the day off and she is wanting her (my wife) to tell her when Handy Randy, or is it Handsy Randy, has a free period.  She really needs a massage badly.)  And what about our mailbox that was redesigned to kill me?  (My reply was that the mechanism was removed by the crime scene techs, examined by Blaise to ensure the soldering signature was consistent, and it is presently in a weapons locker.)  And why is your bear hug so wimpy?”  My reply was to squeeze harder.

That last word of the previous paragraph was oddly appropriate and both Glyce and I noticed.  We heard Blaise leave our master bathroom, yelling “Next!” Glyce giggled, and we went there together.  Glyce had a good night’s sleep already in the Evident’s spare bedroom next to the room with the Niblicks and Georges and Jochebed slept on the sofa, protecting the apartment’s bedrooms.  Missy’s security team doubled their on-shift personnel with cider house operations suspended, other than cooking the cider and the fermenting process, all this to help lock down the shipping and receiving area, at a cost to Pink Lady as trucks full of apples could not be unloaded, not counting the loss in production.  She paid a lot to the truckers with them only spending the nighttime hours waiting for the lockdown to be over.  So, Glyce and I showered; we had some fun, and then Glyce went to work at her normal time.

I had to go back to work after my lengthy and satisfying shower.  After a case like this gets solved, there is a lot of paperwork, and I had to brief the DA, so he could start on his prosecution case, and my nephew, the mayor, for his public statement about how the codebreakers, to be left unnamed for their own protection, and the homicide team had again saved Tracy from a serial killer’s wicked schemes.  I had to do all that, with or without sleep, and this time, definitely without.  But then again, the shower was very satisfying.

Credits

The soldering technique idea is something that could be considered unique with an expert saying that the marks were always at the same angle, etc.

The noise in the room across the hall that Polly mentions is reminiscent of my emergency stay at the hospital in December.  Something was going on, all night long, in the storeroom, and my nurse insisted on keeping my door open.  I do not think it was sexual gymnastics, but it could have been a cage fight.  Loud bangs and crashes until roughly sunrise.

This story started with:

Can They Catch Me? – January 17, 2024
Pink’s Rogue Sanctuary – January 31, 2024 (a brief update)
It’s Me Again, Naomi – February 14, 2024
The Suspect Has a Name – February 21, 2024
Cheese Block Head – February 26, 2024
A Wise Guy Wakes Up – today with the conclusion

The combined story is in the novella range regarding a word count.

And it all started with a dream, during Thanksgiving week, about someone receiving an envelope filled with tickets and a taunt to get Sophie, Pauline, and GrandPa to break the code.  I had never dreamt of my fictional characters before, so I thought that weird.  Then in a different dream the next night, I got an interrupting voice saying, “Don’t forget the envelope with the tickets!”  That has never happened either.  For those who have read all the episodes, I thank you for your patience.  When I wrote the first episode, I had no idea where it might go next.  It was like something I read in a magazine once, advice from successful mystery writers, and one of the no-no things was not to write yourself into a corner, requiring a miracle to get out of it.  And I thought I had done that before I even got started.  I had no idea that it was a code of the victim passport numbers until a few weeks after writing the first episode and the first update.  By then, I already had a couple of potential victims.