Thoughts from Mark "Hat" Rackley

I’m Pink Lady Apple Yeggs and my friend, and brother-in-law, Deviled Yeggs suggested that I record each project that I set up in the hopes of reforming the people who continue to work for Lily the Pink Enterprises.  If for no other reason, it would show how God is at work.

Fannie Packer was driving our seven-seat SUV when we pulled in front of the Levys’ new house.

Dinah emerged, but then she hesitated.

Fannie rolled her window down.  “Come on, girlfriend, you are riding up front with me.  Mommie Pinkie has Joon next to her in the middle row, and Gwen is in the back with Kanok.  A few of them have doctor visits, and I am driving because the CEO and the company president are in the same vehicle, and we need the safest driver.”

I corrected her, “No, you are driver because you might have to be grandma for a while at the doctor’s office.”

Kanok yelled, “Gannie Fannie.  Mommie Pinkie!”

Gwen laughed, “She got it right!”

I replied, “She has been getting it right lately, but she can sure pop her ‘P’s’!”

As Dinah climbed into the SUV, she asked Grannie Fannie, “Could you have found a more conspicuous vehicle?”

Fannie laughed, “Everything in the fleet is the same color.  We could not go with anything smaller, and I do not have my commercial license yet.  Did you like the housewarming present I sent over?”

Dinah smiled, “The case of Freedom Cider?  Yes, it was my favorite during the tour, and Jacob likes it too.  Where are we going?  I was told that a half-billionaire wanted to meet me, but I was told not to dress up.  That’s okay.  We have not gotten our household goods, so my wardrobe is limited.  We are invited to either the Yeggs…  Excuse me, Pink Lady, Naomi and Dev’s house or the Niblicks for our meals.  And someone delivered a strange bed, but each night we sleep in it, we have gotten better sleep, and we awake with fewer body aches.  So, whoever loaned us the bed might not get it back.  Then again, they are our new best friends.”

I said, “It was a housewarming gift from Scrammie and me.  I guess you have figured out the controls and you each have the bed set for your best sleep.”

Dinah replied, “Thank you!  It probably cost a fortune!  But with the uneven mattresses, we have not figured out how to get frisky.  We have a spare mattress on the floor for that.”

Kanok yelled, “Fiskie!”

I moaned, “I am so glad you did not use another word for what you do on the flat mattress.  Kanok is copying just about anything she hears.  We have a Thai lady come by to talk to her in Thai, so that she does not lose what she already could say, or almost say.”

Dinah asked, “Where are we going?”

Fannie said, “I thought we’d go by the police precinct first.”

I slapped the back of her chair.  “Behave Fannie, the police precinct where Dev Yeggs and my stepson Poached Yeggs work is a block from our destination.”

Fannie laughed, “I just wanted to see what reaction I would get from Dinah.  You never know about these folks from DC.  They might be hiding something.”

Dinah shrugged, “Who?  Little old me?  I just want to ease into retirement, and maybe plant flowers.”

Fannie said, “But I heard you have an alias.”

Gwen laughed, “That’s enough of that, Fannie.  Dinah, as the acting president of the Rogue Scholars from the Rogue’s Gallery, I would like to invite you to join the Rogues, you and your husband.  We meet about once a month in the Lily the Pink dining hall slash conference room.  If there is a botched hostage situation or other thing of that type, we might meet weekly to brainstorm how they could have done it better.  You could ride with the Niblicks.  If Sophie or Blaise is at home instead of their Aunt’s lab, they hitch a ride with them.  It is something that Pink Lady dreamed up and then she backed away from it, but I think she is as roguish as any of the rest of us.”

“Speak for yourself, Gwen.” I retorted.  “I am taking it slow until this baby is delivered.”

Kanok said, “Joon is here!”

Even Dinah laughed at that one.

Fannie asked, “Do we have enough time for a latte?”

I directed, “Fannie, go to the parking garage entrance.  There is a pink parking space almost right in front of the elevator.  We will go up one floor.  With non-badged people in the elevator, that is as high up as you can get.  We will check in with the guards to get our badges.  Then the lattes.  Then we all go to the doctor’s office.  Once I am checked in with the children and Gwen is checked in, you and Dinah can go back to the elevator.  Your badges should get you to the Penthouse.  And Dinah, you are about to meet Amy G. Dala, CEO of Dala Solutions and president of the Hoity-Toity Golf Club.  She may need your help.”

Dinah asked, “Why would a half-billionaire need me?”

I moaned, “I don’t know.”  Fannie and Gwen snickered.

The guards made a big deal about Fannie’s badge.  She was the driver of the SUV.  If an ambulance had to be called in, she would have to move to another space until the injured or sick person has been picked up.  She should not feel picked upon.  The same goes for Ms. Dala’s car, Dr. Torme’s car, and the employee of the month at the coffee house.  The guards said that two levels lower down is rarely full, and they usually leave a few close parking places just for that rare need of an ambulance.

With badges and lattes in hand, and orange juice for Kanok, and some milk in a sippy cup for Joon, we went into the Occupational Health Clinic.  I had a periodic checkup.  Gwen was there as part of Hugh McAdoo’s orders to check for any diseases she might have picked up from her world tour.  This was her last required checkup.  And the little ones needed a weigh-in and basic checkup.

I introduced the doctor, “Dinah, you are new to Tracy.  Dr. Melanie Torme, Mel Torme for short, does family medicine, but she has all the equipment, at Ms. Dala’s insistence, for the only fully equipped occupational health clinic in the city.  Where else can you get a latte, lollipops for the children, a full health screening, and a respirator fit test all in one office visit?”

Dr. Torme laughed, “And Dinah, you don’t have to take Pink’s strong-arm technique, but I am still taking patients and a lot of the other family doctors are not.  And your last name?”

Dinah absentmindedly said, “McAaa.  No, my name is Dinah Levy.  My husband is Jacob Levy.  We just moved in just up the street from Deviled Yeggs.”

Dr. Torme gasped, “The Coatswell house!  I was looking at that, but I never saw it on the market.”

Dinah shrugged with a smile, “Perfect timing for us, I guess.”

Fannie said, “If you are interested in Dr. Mel being your doctor, I picked up two sets of new patient paperwork, one for you and one for Jacob.  We need to get to the Penthouse.”

Dr. Torme sighed, “If you are late, do not tell Ms. Dala that I detained you.  She is my landlord here.”

Gwen and I snickered.  The relationship that Dr. Torme and Amy had was special, but I liked how Fannie was keeping everything on schedule.

When Fannie and Dinah left the doctor’s office, Dinah asked, “Was it a coincidence that the piped in music was Mel Torme music and that is the doctor’s name?”

Fannie said, “It’s her joke and a test.  Make sure you make that comment if you go to her as your doctor.  She gives the ones who get the joke a coupon for a free latte.  Not too many people recognize Mel Torme anymore.  Just us old folks.”

Dinah huffed, “Speak for yourself, Fannie.  I retired early.”

Fannie snickered, “And I feel ten years younger since I was promoted to Kanok’s Grannie Fannie.  Or is that Gannie Fannie?  Kanok has trouble with the ‘R.’  The only ‘R’ in the Thai language is a rolled ‘R.’ ”

The guards told them, “Ms. Dala is waiting in the great room just as you step out of the elevator.  The elevator is voice controlled.  Just say ‘Penthouse.’”

Dinah was nervous as they went up past the twelve floors of Dala Enterprises.  She had split the company.  Ralph E. ran Dala Enterprises as president, while she ran Dala Solutions, but she was CEO of both.

When the elevator opened, Amy called them into the kitchen area.  “Come over.  I have just gotten a delivery from Lily the Pink.  A Case of Freedom Cider and a tiny cake!  Okay, tiny for Scrambled.  I love his butter cream frosting.”  Amy was wearing a bathrobe, and her hair seemed to be going in ten directions at once.  She spun the cake around and the greeting said, “Welcome to Tracy, Dinah and Jacob.”

Amy snickered, “Do you like it?”

Dinah gasped, “That is the first time I have ever seen our names on a cake, but the handwriting looks familiar.”

Amy smiled, “It’s Pauline Niblick’s handwriting.  My husband, Ralphie, built them a little robot when they did the monster cake for our wedding.  And he programmed several handwriting samples as fonts.  Pauline’s handwriting is one of the more popular ones.  But Scrambled and Mabel made a huge cake for the wedding.  Can you imagine the entire lobby all the way to the mezzanine, looking like it was one giant wedding cake?  But underneath Mabel’s fondant was a cake for every employee to take home.  In each case, their favorite cake.  Our wedding was truly a celebration for the entire company.  Please, sit down at the breakfast table.”

After they sat down, Amy continued.  “I am president of the Hoity Toity Golf Club.  It used to have “Monopoly” as part of the club, but I shut that down for rampant cheating, and obscene bets that were being made.  Don’t get me started.  People think they have money, and they think they can buy their way out of all kinds of bad ideas.  Besides the Rotten Apple Gang was using some of the monetary bets to get money from one set of hands to another.  I cannot control the golf bets, but I am trying to limit them.  But the void that the Monopoly playing made when it was gone had left us with a lot of free time.  And free time at the Hoity Toity club usually means mischief.  I have tried a few things, but I need someone with experience with people who really are rich and famous to deal with these wannabes.  Dinah, would you like a part-time job as an event planner?”

Dinah could not find her voice at first.  “I have not done that before.  I have been in several social groups in DC, and I have had tea with congressional wives and occasionally the first lady, but I never organized such events.”

Amy said, “Look at me.  My hair is a mess.  I just got out of the shower.  I would not even have more than one evening gown if it were not for Pink Lady insisting on Gwen fixing me up for parties at Lily the Pink.  By the way, with her properties here and in Washington state, I think she is ahead of me, but just wait until Dala Solutions takes off.  Ralphie and I will catch up on the wealth chart, unless Pink figures out ways of giving money away faster.  I am starting to do that too.”

Dinah asked, “How do you know I can do a good job?”

Amy said, “I don’t, but you and Jacob have a great way to hide your millions.  You know what these events look like, and that is a lot more than I can say about myself.  I only became president of the club to have someone who was not in organized crime on the ballot.  Please!  Your hours are whatever you want them to be.  Half of your pay is salary, and the other half is hourly.  From what your financials say, you don’t need the money, but I can afford to pay you and so can the club.  The only problem with the job is that if golf is involved, you will have to work with that hideous greenskeeper, Mashie Niblick, but his wife, Pauline, you’ll love her.”  Amy winked, as if she knew everything, and since she and Ralph E. were master hackers, she probably did.

The elevator opened at the same time as the door to the computer room opened.  Ralph E. came out of the computer room and shouted, “Hold the Elevator.”  He kissed Amy and walked into the elevator as Gwen holding Joon, Kanok, and I emerged.

Kanok ran to Amy and said, “Presents!”

Amy laughed, “Come with me, Kanok.”

I protested, “Amy, you spoil her!”

Amy laughed, “This one was fun.”  Amy, Fannie, and Kanok went into the computer room, a room with wall to wall computer monitors, all monitors seemed to be turned off.  Then one turned on with a cartoon dog barking, “Where’s Kanok?”

Kanok squealed and ran to the monitor, but the dog disappeared and popped up on another monitor.  More squealing.  Fannie just found a chair in the corner and sat down and laughed as Kanok ran from one monitor to the next.

I asked, “What happens when she gets bored chasing a puppy dog that she can never catch?”

Amy doubled over laughing.  “It’s programmed to add a bunny rabbit if Kanok stays in one spot too long.  Then a turtle, but he is slow and easy to catch.  But he is programmed to talk to her, all artificial intelligence, learning from her responses.  If nothing else, Grannie Fannie will be thoroughly entertained.”

I asked, “What did you and Dinah talk about?”

Amy smiled, “I know you, Pink.  If I didn’t hire her as the Hoity Toity event planner, you were going to do something yourself.  Besides, I don’t think Dinah, or is it Sue McAdoo, is ready to retire.”

I said, “It’s Dinah; that was her name on her birth certificate.  Sue McAdoo was a title that went with Hugh McAdoo’s job.  That got her invited to the tea parties and social gatherings.”

Amy asked, “Any news on who … the New … Hugh … McAdoo is?”

I shrugged, “Nope, so I guess it is tootle-loo … until we do … know who … the New Hugh MacAdoo might be.”

We had our little private laugh.  Don’t get us wrong.  We would never divulge secrets, but both of us are incurably nosey.

Credits

When my son’s children were younger, our granddaughter, the middle child (and now in middle school), would run out to greet us when we arrived for a visit.  She would never say, “Welcome Oma and Opa.”  She would say, “Where are my dresses?”  And my wife always got the credit, but at least a third of them were things that I picked out.