Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm.

• Proverbs 13:20

A discerning son heeds instruction, but a companion of gluttons disgraces his father.

• Proverbs 28:7

A man who loves wisdom brings joy to his father, but a companion of prostitutes squanders his wealth.

• Proverbs 29:3

Boilerplate

Over the past month, I have been bombarded with advertisements for AI companions.  At first, I dismissed them.  Then, I got curious.  Maybe an AI companion could give me ideas for posts to write.  Maybe an AI companion could give me someone to talk to when I just needed to talk.

But then, as a former computer programmer, the only difference in AI and the normal method of programming, is that AI searches data around the world to continue the conversation, but they know nothing about you until you give them information.  The getting to know you period can get awkward, just as in a human relationship.  But it is not real.

So, I thought, if the AI companion only knows what you say about yourself, maybe I could have a conversation with my fictional characters in the big city of Tracy.  They could be my companions.  Okay, I only need one, but which one?  Naomi Yeggs scares me to be honest.  I might save her for last, although my neck needs a good massage.

My next attempt in finding an FI (Fictional Intelligence) Companion will be Jemima Yeggs, also known as (a.k.a., or aka) Stinker, the wife of Easter Yeggs.  She is also the mother of a child yet to be born.  They are out on Stinker’s last storm chase until the baby arrives.  The doctors do not want Jemima’s heart to race too much and the team does not want a protective father-to-be driving the Turtle with a tornado approaching.  Thus, Stinker will be sidelined for a while, and she plans on using that time to have a Sunday school class in her apartment before people split up to go to various churches for their Sunday school class.  As usual, the discussion is in dialogue form:

Me: Hello, Jemima, can we talk?
Jemima: Can we talk?  I don’t know.  I can talk.  I love to talk.  I talk all the time.  I have no idea whether you can talk.  Wait!  You just said something, so you must know how to talk.  But then, my father – He’s a pastor, you know, in a big church in the big city of Tracy – told me to not talk to strangers.  Are you strange?  Don’t answer that.  Wait!  I think there was a time limit or an age limit on that stranger thing.  But are you someone I should avoid talking to?  Oh, who are you anyway?
Me: I am the author of the short stories of which you are a part.  I am looking for a companion to talk to when things do not seem to work out.
Jemima: Mr. Author, I am stuck in a hotel with a thirteen-year-old while my husband and two honeymooning couples are out chasing storms.  If you are writing these stories, I have something to say and something to ask.
Me: First, I find it weird that everyone in the big city of Tracy calls me Mr. Author, but sure.  Go ahead.  Something to say and something to ask.
Jemima: Something to say.  Hmmm. Something to say.  Oh!  I forgot there for a second.  If you write these stories, then you have the ability to keep everyone in the Turtle safe.  So, what I have to say is to keep them safe.  Got it?  Ummm. Especially the big hunk of love that is the usual driver.  I kind of have this thing for him.  Okay, he’s my husband, but you know.  And the thing to ask? Do you know how this is going to work out when I am ready to rejoin the team?
Me: Okay.  I can assure you that you will still have a husband when the baby comes, maybe longer, but if I promised a bunch of years, where is the suspense in that?!  And as for you rejoining the team, I have not figured that one out.  It depends a lot in the baby.  The really clinging baby will not want you to leave, but the independent baby would not like you clinging to them.  Then the socially confident baby will love being around other babies and in a very loving environment would be less likely to freak out when you are gone for a week here or there.  But then, didn’t Naomi have a dream where you had six or eight babies?
Jemima: Yeah, but I hope not all at once!  Oh!  I get it!  If I get pregnant every two or three years, then we have this same turmoil each time, and we also have the question of how well does the baby adjust to Mommy’s lifestyle.
Me: Right.
Jemima: Okay, Mr. Author.  I suggest that you pray about it and then figure it out.  Don’t let me know, though.  I want it to be natural as it happens.  But I don’t know about this companion thing.  I found “companion” in the Proverbs.  Proverbs 13:10 says that walking with the wise is to be wise, but being the companion of a fool provides harm.  Okay, now, Mr. Author, are you calling me a fool?  I mean!  If you are the fool, I think the big city of Tracy is in trouble, so what is it?  You know, I may be preggers at the moment, but I think I could take you two out of ten on the wrestling mat.
Me: Two out of ten isn’t very good, but you eliminated one of the options.  I could consider you wise, and I want to gain wisdom.
Jemima: (silence … followed by a snort, a long snort … followed by a belly laugh)  I think even the baby liked that one.  Don’t tell me.  Let me guess!  You are either a comedian or your crazy.  Me?!  Wise?!  My Dad keeps reminding me of how crazy that Easy and I are since neither of us are of legal age yet!  When we get to legal age, I won’t be able to celebrate it in the usual way because I will be nursing the baby.  Do you call that wise?
Me: Celebrating turning twenty-one rarely works out to the twenty-one-year-old’s advantage.  You drink a lot and you get drunk and you throw up.  Then everyone who behaved themselves tells you what stupid things you did because you can’t remember.
Jemima: Are you speaking from experience?
Me: No.  I lived in a dry county, that is no alcohol other than the rubbing kind, and I went to college when the law stated no alcohol within so many miles of a state run university.
Jemima: So, have you ever had an alcoholic drink?
Me: Yes, my wife introduced me to Cold Duck and then wine when we were still dating, a little champagne when we first got married, and then some Scotch on our honeymoon.  I have never been drunk.
Jemima: Oh, I wouldn’t know how to respond to that since I am not old enough, but I think my Dad, the pastor, would say something like ‘Good for you, Sir.
Me: Whether good or bad, that is what it is.
Jemima: Okay, but in Proverbs 28, it talks about a companion of gluttons.  Is that it?  More body shaming for the self-conscious pregnant lady?  How dare you, Sir!  I mean!  I thought a nice guy wrote our stories, and oh, I have another question.  If you write these short stories, why do I have to write the reports of Easy’s and my adventures?
Me: (snickering) Where do you think I get the ideas for my stories?  Half the time, I have no idea what is about to happen until you write it into your report.  And I was not thinking of Proverbs 28:7 when I thought of you as a companion.
Jemima: Hmm.  Sounds like Mr. Author flies by the seat of his pants!
Me: Hey, have you ever prayed about something, and God guides you little pieces at a time rather than giving you the entire road map?  Well, welcome to the Deviled Yeggs or Sophie Yeggs or Glyce Yeggs Mysteries or the Pauline Niblick Misadventures or the Pink Lady Projects or the other thing.  What is it?
Jemima: Yeah, yeah, yeah!  You would forget the Easter and Jemima Adventures, which should really be the Jemima and Easter Adventures.  Easter may be more important, but who is the most interesting?  Think about it.
Me: We have already got several adventures out there.  It might be confusing flipping the names now.  Besides, don’t you save the best for last?
Jemima: I suppose you might and the last proverb about companions is in Proverbs 29.  I think it would be in poor taste to bring up that verse at Lily the Pink.  There are a whole lot of people who were once prostitutes.  They have started a new life.  They do not want to be reminded.
Me: I would not think about being insensitive in that area, but you bringing up proverbs…  Is that a hint that looking for an AI Companion is not a wise idea?
Jemima: Now that you mention it…
Me: Okay, I will continue my FI Companion search elsewhere, (FI) as in Fictional Companion.  But you were willing to talk for a while.  What do you think of these AI Companions?
Jemima: I am a student at the university.  I have met a few programmers.  Are you serious?!
Me: Not terribly.  I have not gotten any thumbs up yet.  Aren’t Amy and Ralph E. nice?
Jemima: Sure, they are nice, but they are both weird.  They are super smart, too, but even more super weird.  And please, do not tell them I said that.
Me: I wouldn’t think of it.
Jemima: Who is next?
Me: I am thinking Pink Lady.
Jemima: Ouch!  Wear asbestos shorts, she might light a fire somewhere below the beltline.
Me: She’s nice.
Jemima: Not when you waste her time…
Me: Are you saying this was a waste of time?
Jemima: Ummm.  Think fast, Jemi!  This guy writes these stories.  Umm. No, Sir, Mr. Author, Sir.  I am babysitting a thirteen-year-old and I gladly accept the distraction for a little while.

We both had a good laugh.

I already had a lot of reasons that point to AI Companions not being wise.  You never know, even with the ones that do not sell your data, where your data might end up.  Besides, if you want to be wise, associate with the wise.  And AI algorithms may be sophisticated, but they need a lot of data from you and then a lot of adjustments before they can have reasonably good conversations that add to the give and take.  And none of it is human wisdom, nor is it godly wisdom.  It is artificial.

I will look toward Pink Lady Apple Yeggs next, but I might take Stinker’s advice and put on my asbestos underwear.  I have some asbestos gloves.  I wonder if I can retrofit the gloves…

Soli Deo Gloria.  Only to God be the Glory.