Thoughts from Mark "Hat" Rackley

The photo above is courtesy of pxhere.com. Photographer: Robert Couse-Baker.

We are Jemima and Easter Yeggs.  Lieutenant Yeggs wants his son to write these reports to keep in touch when we are out having our adventures, and Rev C.S.L., my Dad, doesn’t mind an update either.

I haven’t had complaints, but it dawned on me that the two Dads share this with others.  So, here are the code names if you did not know, all given by the lead professor of storm chasing, Dr. Elvira Quinn Casey, aka Home Wrecker.  Since Mary Sheltie Jones is the producer and director of the Storm Chasing channel, official now that she graduated, she is B.B. which is short for Bossy Boss.  Mainly because she can be at times, but if I had a best friend, she would be.  Then, there is me, Jemima Yeggs, aka Stinker.  Easy and I were just being ourselves.  We were madly in love, but celibate.  Home Wrecker was far from celibate and B.B. was a virgin due to being so business oriented that she had never gone on a date.  Neither had been interested in knowing God, but they both, in different ways wanted the peace, hope, and joy that I had.  Thus, when they reluctantly accepted Jesus, I became the Stinker.  Otherwise, without the Stinker, they would have never known what they were missing.  And then, there is Easy.  I called him Easy before he gained the code name.  Easter or Easy, whatever, that was his name.  But recently, I saw a video where Home Wrecker had tried to make Easter a conquest.  Since she failed due to his love for me and Jesus, she used sarcasm in giving him the code name of Easy, since he was the most difficult conquest she was never successful with.  I still do not know how to take that.  I love Easy even more, but should I worry about Home Wrecker more?  After all, she is married to Dr. Ben Casey, aka Mama’s Man, and the mother of Michael Rowe Casey, aka That’s My Boy.  Oh, and two substitute crew people may be the Johnsons, Kevin (Skinny) and Joseline (Amazon), and our team counselor is B.B.’s husband, Joseph Jones, aka No Joe.  Really, do not call him Joe; it’s Joseph.

Before we had ever returned from our hurricane storm chasing expedition, Pink Lady was busy in regards with the affairs of one Michael Rowe Casey.  The lawyer that handled the estate of Michael’s parent’s, now referred to as Michael’s property, called Pink with a frantic request.  He had to speak to Michael and his adoptive parents right away.

Pink replied, “I am sorry.  They are on their honeymoon, but then they are chasing a hurricane that is headed toward Houston, Texas.  I have a nephew and a niece on that storm chasing team, and my niece is pregnant, so I would like to talk with them myself, but I cannot.  Michael is with them.”

The lawyer blustered, “Which is it?  A honeymoon or chasing a storm?  And they have to have some means of communication.”

Pink replied, in a soothing voice, “Sir, you must remember what a honeymoon is.  They left their cellphones behind.  They have two Satellite phones for emergencies.  I may know someone who has that number, but it must be life or death.  We cannot be using up the university’s budget because you need a signature.  Now, what is the problem?”

The lawyer was still fuming, but he tried to lower his voice, “This is not a signature issue here.  When the flood wiped out much of the Rowe’s property and took the lives of Michael’s parents, it knocked out the barn which housed the controls to the electrical fence that kept the goats corralled.  Many of the goats were killed, but some made it to higher ground.  Those goats, now outside the fencing that is no longer electrified, have been getting into the neighbor’s gardens and shrubbery.  I am getting nuisance complaints about all the damage the goats are causing.  I can pay the expenses.  To keep the costs lower, I might get my sons to do the landscaping and make the neighbors happy, but the goats have got to be dealt with immediately.”

Pink said, “The only problem that I see with that is that you will have to trust me.  I am listed as the emergency contact only because Michael would stay with me in an emergency.  I am the CEO of Lily the Pink Enterprises.  I provide housing for most of my employees and families from the mission downtown.  The mission is set up for single homeless people.  I take the families when I have room.  Many of them have volunteered to take care of Michael when both his parents are out on storm chasing duties.  Their team gathers valuable data, and they help people after the storm, but this time they may come back early.  But what I am trying to say is that I am not a family member.  The Caseys only used the Crystal Mountain, our gigantic greenhouse, for their wedding, and the Caseys are wonderful friends.  I can send a truck and people to gather the goats.  One of the families from the mission, also flood victims, who have become employees here, are farmers.  They have recently bought pastureland on much higher ground.  They have llamas.  By the time my truck and the goats return, I will have an enclosure for the goats.  But if you cannot trust me, you might have someone arrest my crew for stealing goats.  Do they still shoot goat thieves in your state?”

The lawyer moaned, “They never did, ma’am.  Yes, I can trust you.  I will e-mail the Caseys and let them know about our arrangement and if the goats are then gone when they return, they can take it up with the local authorities in Tracy, ma’am.”

Pink replied, “You can call me Pink, and the people who will be showing up will be led by the Daltons.  Everything except the trailer will be pink, and most of the people will wear pink.  I will also give them a letter that documents this conversation.  Now, do you have any idea about the property itself?”

The lawyer said, “Well, Pink, are you interested in buying property in the flood plain?”

Pink said, “I heard the house barely stayed dry.  I would like to come down, really have my master planner and project manager bring a crew down to estimate turning the land into a recreation facility, outdoor activities and such.  Michael does not want to think about moving down there, but time may heal that, but I have 150 employees between here and Washington state and mission families that might never have a chance to learn how to paddle a canoe.  My comptroller is into outdoor activities.  She would love to design the transformation.  If you know a local contractor, my contractor will work out a mutual agreement to renovate once we have the green light.  Nothing can get started until Michael and his parents sign the paperwork, but I am sure they will.  I will keep the property in Michael’s name, but the income will pay for his college.”

The lawyer started to laugh.  “My people will be ready to talk to your people once you have the signatures, but until then, you need to leave as soon as possible to herd up these goats.”

Pink snickered, “They will be on the road later today or first thing in the morning and they will drive non-stop until they get there.  I will give Mr. Dalton a company phone.”  And Pink gave the lawyer the number.

A few days later, the goats were placed in an enclosure that had been intended for cattle that the Daltons were going to purchase soon.  A lower wire was added to contain the goats.  Pink thought the Daltons would not need to change their plans.  Once they learned how much acreage the goats needed, they could subdivide with more fencing.  And she would pay the rent for the goat’s percentage of the property.  The existing barn would be big enough, and the new bigger barn will be finished by the first big winter snow.  And the neighbors were willing to tend to both the llamas and the goats.  But Michael might have to teach them about milking.

The Daltons called in their veterinarian, who enlisted Arabella to help him.  He examined the goats and taught her a few things to look for.  Michael did not have a lot of milk producers, but there were some goats that were going to give birth soon.

And all of this while Michael was with his adoptive parents, waiting for a hurricane to come onshore.

But then Home Wrecker drove the Turtle much of the way home, after the small tornado that we chased.  She might be doing most of the driving after Easy goes on paternity leave.  B.B. gets nervous behind the wheel during a storm.  She probably has too many things on her mind, and she was afraid of making a mistake while distracted.  But now B.B., being a graduate assistant, was well-trained to run a storm chasing team and direct the television show recording at the same time.  And Home Wrecker qualified with the state as a driver, with or without her other meteorological skills and knowledge.

They spent the few days before school started for Michael just decompressing, and getting settled in a new home, with new parents, and a new grandmother, all in the same house.  Dr. Ben went to work, and Home Wrecker visited Lily the Pink and the Dalton farm so that Michael could get reacquainted with the goats.  He even made a small batch of cheese, and he saved some for his Aunt Jemima (me).  I was touched.  Michael and I had a rocky start, but I think we bonded.

But the first thing that they did was throw a big birthday party for Michael at the Crystal Mountain, with a big birthday cake, and a lot of people on the water slides.  Dr. Ellie announced that this was going to be Michael’s alternate birthday.  His actual birthday was the day the hurricane made landfall.  We were nowhere near a bakery that was open.  Michael was in my room instead of their room due to B.B. violating protocol and opening a door during a hurricane, a lapse due to her OCD.  So, Dr. Ellie said that from now on Michael would have four dates to remember.  One memory was the day his parents drowned, a day of celebration of their lives and in their memory.  Then, the wedding day would also be the day Michael became Michael Rowe Casey.  Then his real birthday, and this day, the first birthday celebration as Michael Rowe Casey.  All four would be celebrated annually.  But from this day forward, if one or another was interrupted by a storm, it would not constitute the need for more Michael birthdays.  Three birthdays and a day of mourning was enough.

But then came the cringe-worthy day in my Sunday school class.  Arabella announced that she sat behind Michael in homeroom, and she thought he was “dreamy.”  That led to a little meeting in Pink’s office that next weekend.

Home Wrecker was there with Michael.  She asked me to be there.  Emmett was there with Arabella.  PawPaw and Grannie Fannie were playing with the children in the other half of the room.  PawPaw was getting Joon to belly laugh, and Grannie Fannie and Kanok were talking to Pink Sparkle.  Sparkle’s awake time was short, so we had to get this meeting going before Pink had to feed the baby and put her down for a nap.

Home Wrecker stated why she wanted the meeting, not knowing that Pink Lady was ahead of her in planning this need.  “Pink Lady, Ben and I are sometimes called away to do storm chasing at the same time.  His mother is a wonderful person, but I do not know if she is up to taking care of a teenager.  Since he finished seventh grade here at Lily the Pink, I was hoping he could find a family that would take him in on the spur of the moment possibly, please?  Michael is a good kid.  If you left him alone with his goats, you would have a steady supply of cheese.  When we can work out the finances, we will pay you back for the transportation of the goats.  And we need more goats if Michael is to have a business.  But making friends is so hard at this age when you are brand new at school.  I hope you have some families in mind.”

Before Pink could respond, and right on cue, Arabella spoke, “I have a big bed and I’m small.  I could make room for Michael!”  She seemed to expend so much energy making her statement that she was breathing heavy, but smiling, eagerly.

Emmett put his hands to his face. “Airhead!”

Pink scolded, “Emmett Dalton, do not use that derogatory name for dear Arabella!  She is your sister.”

Now, looking at his sister, Emmett said, “I am sorry, Belle, but think before you talk.  What you said was just short of getting naked and trying to make babies.”

Arabella made a disgusted face, “Ewww! Only a pervert would think that.  I was being helpful, offering Michael a bed to sleep in, and we are already friends.”

Emmett stared sternly at his sister, “You had no idea at all about cuddling?”

Arabella snickered, “That would be a great benefit to the arrangement.”

While Home Wrecker and I were trying not to snicker, Pink Lady said, “We have several well-established families.  Before Kevin and Joseline were married, they stayed in separate apartments.  The MacDougalls hosted Joseline.  The Evidents hosted Kevin.  Unless Jochebed announces that she is pregnant, they will have a spare bedroom for some time.  The MacDougalls had to move Menzie’s children in with her.  The Grunges are similar to the MacDougalls, but an apartment full of little girls.  Even though Joseph might go on a rare storm chasing trip, he would be a calming influence, and he and Michael already know each other.  Jim and Stasya Kaiser might be a good couple short term.  Stasya is expecting.  Gwen and GrandPa might be able to do it.  But everything considered, I could ask the Evidents.  One bedroom has been used for overnight quarantine for a sick child or a room to wet nurse a child.  The other room is free if they agree.  But I heard about a breakthrough regarding making friends yesterday.  What happened?”

Michael smiled, “Two days ago, our teacher liked our essays on how our year has been so far and she read mine and Arabella’s to the class.  She even showed Arabella’s video that Aunt Jemima made.”

Pink looked at me curiously.

I laughed, “The Aunt Jemima was my idea.  It sounds better than Stinker when I am talking to younger people.  But as for the video, the TV channel has been getting e-mails for an update on Michael’s farm down south.  Easy and I drove one of your pink SUVs to the Dalton’s farm.  The vet met us there and one goat delivered early.  I got a video of Michael and Arabella helping the vet deliver the goat, really, Arabella doing the kidding.  I think Arabella’s essay title was ‘Last year I was not kidding, but I have proof I was kidding two days ago.’  The kids in her class made fun of her tall tales last school year about helping deliver llamas, but the vet left her in charge of the birth of a baby goat, which is called ‘kidding.’”

Pink said, “Well, with two stars of the class in my office.  Let’s hear the essays.  Just an overview of them from memory.”

Michael said, “My essay was read first.  I am new to Moon Maid Middle School.  I am Michael Rowe Casey.  I went to school in three different states so far this year.  My birth parents were children of Hippies who were living in Montana.  They made wine and goat cheese.  I helped both, and I enjoy making goat cheese.  We had to move.  The owners of the land in Montana wanted to subdivide the land we were using.  We moved a couple of states south of here and just as I started school there, floods came.  My parents were killed in the flood, but the Turtle team from T.R.U.S.T. was filming the flood.  B.B., from the team, threw me a rope and then jumped into the water to save my life.  The faculty member of the team, code name Home Wrecker, adopted me.  I moved to Tracy and the people who saved my life wanted me to finish last school year at Lily the Pink so that I could get grief counseling from their chaplain.  The chaplain, Joseph, had been filling in on the storm chasing expedition.  He and Easy, the Turtle driver, had pulled B.B. and me onto shore.  After my adoptive parents, Drs. Ben and Ellie Casey, got married along with Rev. Joseph and Mary (B.B.) Jones in June, the four of them flew to Houston, Texas, on their honeymoon with a hurricane in the Gulf of Mexico.  I rode down to meet them in the Turtle with Easter and Jemima Yeggs, whose code names are Easy and Stinker.  We picked up the honeymooners and set up on Galveston Island.  We were not at the landfalls of the hurricane where the eye reached land, but we were on the strongest side.  The storm surge got up to eight feet.  I was not very brave since my birth parents had drowned a few months before, but Stinker, who I call Aunt Jemima, helped me through it, but I got to watch them set up their instruments and I learned how to use the radar tools and other information to track and chase storms.  And on the way back we got really close to a tornado.  We had to deploy the turtle shell for our protection.  When I got back to Tracy, the goats from our farm that survived the flood had been relocated to the county line between Tracy and Stout County.  We do not have a lot of goats to milk, but I was able to make some cheese.  I have some cheese curd with me.  I have made a few small batches since getting back from the hurricane.  And a few days ago, we had our first kidding of this season, and I am not kidding.  Arabella Dalton will explain.  That’s when I handed out the bowls of cheese curd and said there was enough for everyone to have one piece each, but not everyone ate it.”

Arabella said, “My essay started like this.  I am Arabella Dalton.  My parents and I have lived and worked at the Crystal Mountain at Lily the Pink for some time, but last winter we purchased some llamas and I got to help the veterinarian deliver three llamas, one in January and two in February.  People laughed at me last year, but I was not kidding.  I really helped.  When not tending the llamas, I work near the top of the Crystal Mountain, growing exotic African herbs and plants.  We work with both the botany and pharmaceutical departments at T.R.U.S.T.  It is hoped that some of these plants can lead to discoveries in pain relief and cures for diseases.  And my brother Emmett and I collect data on plant growth.  But soon after Michael left to watch a hurricane come on shore, I was part of the crew that rounded up his stray goats.  People from Lily the Pink set up an enclosure for them and they will be introduced to the llamas in late January.  If you mix llamas and goats about the time the llamas give birth, they accept them as family.  Until then, they are being kept separate.  I learned how to tend goats this summer, and when the first goat was about to give birth a few days ago, the veterinarian said that this one was all on me.  And I have video proof.  Aunt Jemima, Stinker on the Turtle team, came with us and filmed the birth.  It will be an upcoming episode on the Storm Chasing Channel’s livestreaming since people from around the world have been asking about what happened to Michael’s farm.  That’s when the teacher ran the video.  She warned that some of it might make the squeamish a little uneasy.  But everybody loved the kid, which is a baby goat.  I then told the teacher that Michael and I would be a little late for school the next day, but we would not be late if she took roll near the flagpole.”

Pink Lady looked confused, “And how did the teacher take that announcement?”

Michael laughed, “Fine, once she saw the approved letter signed by the principal.  She took roll under the front awning as the Turtle drove onto the grass next to the flagpole.  Easy said over the Turtle’s speakers, ‘Everyone stand back.  Stinker, deploy shields and anchors.’  The Turtle went into turtle mode.  Then Easy explained how the bottom turtle shells kept wind from getting under the turtle and lifting it, and the anchors drill into the ground to help.  Then the top turtle shells cover the windows to protect from flying debris.  The turtle has withstood hailstorms as big as teacups and flying debris from tornados, like tree limbs or parts of a house, without having a window break.  And Easy added that the turtle is refitted with thicker shields in the winter to plow through the snow during a blizzard.  Then Easy said, ‘Stinker, retract the shields and anchors.’  When they were retracted, we opened the doors.  Arabella and I got out first, she in her pink coveralls that she had worn at the kidding and me in my Turtle gear.  The rest of the team got out.  Easy, Stinker (that’s Aunt Jemima), B.B., and Home Wrecker.  And Amazon (that’s Joseline Johnson) was with us too.  The principal came out and told them that in the past year, my life was saved by the team, and when Amazon was part of the team, she saved a woman’s life who had her femoral artery nicked during a tornado.  Everyone got to get a close look at the Turtle before we went inside.”

I added, “And Aunt Pink, there was an assembly after lunch.  Easy and Amazon were given commendations as former Moon Maid Middle students who had saved a life.  Skinny, Kevin Johnson, will be commended at his middle school on Monday, since the Turtle is making a tour of all the schools.  We are promoting the streaming service for the Storm Chasing channel and other features, including some preliminary clips involving Michael learning his mad navigation skills and reading of the radar.  We are planning on having a full educational experience before the end of the year, with the help of the education department at the university.  The video clips could be used to enhance math skills or science knowledge.”

Pink asked, “And why are you not getting a commendation, Stinker?”

I laughed, “When they go to Vitamin Flintheart High School, I will be part of that, but I went to middle school at the state capitol.  My Dad came to the church here after I was in high school.  Michael and Arabella simply got a special lift to school yesterday that really helped in the ‘making friends’ department.  Suddenly they became the cool kids.”

Arabella was beaming.  “Can I tell everyone our class schedule?  The first period, Michael and I have health and our homeroom teacher teaches that.  Then Michael goes to Spanish class while I go to math.  Then I go to Latin class to learn all the botanical names and such while Michael goes to math.  Then we have science together, then I have PE while Michael has language arts.  Then the last period, Michael has PE while I have language arts.”

Then Arabella started jiggling up and down, not really jumping.  She was getting very excited.  “And then, and then, next semester, … Health becomes Sex Education!  Michael and I are taking Sex Education … together!”

Emmett groaned, “Arabella, just say you are taking the course.  You will not be practicing what you learn.  Jumping up and down like that just looked creepy.”

Everyone laughed, but this time Aunt Pink shook her head while hiding her face in her hands.

Then Home Wrecker said, “Arabella, you and I are going to have to have some girl talk.”

I sputtered, “You?!  A girl talk?!”

Home Wrecker turned to me and said, “You taught me well, Stinker.  Now it’s time for the bird to leave the nest.  Besides, I was a lot like her at that age, but without parents that provided a good moral compass.  And maybe Arabella is not so much an airhead.  She simply gets too excited, saying the wrong thing, but sometimes words can become actions.  Things can get out of control quickly.  And since Michael might be in the line of fire, I pray that some girl talk will be fruitful.”

Credits

I have not mentioned the origin of Pink Sparkle Apple Yeggs.  There is a Pink Sparkle Apple.  There is also a Pink Sparkle Waterlily, to tie completely into Lily the Pink Apple Cider, but since Pink Lady’s family is in the big city of Tracy, Gravel Gertie married B.O. (Bob Oscar) Plenty in the Dick Tracy comic strip.  They had one daughter, Sparkle Plenty.  Sparkle would grow up and marry Vera Alldid (allegedly, when Vera was born, his father had said in a thick European accent, “Ve’re all did!” since the first child was a boy.).  Vera was a famous cartoonist, allowing the cartoonists who wrote Dick Tracy to poke fun at themselves.  When Vera cheated with other women, Vera and Sparkle got a divorce.   She then married Junior Tracy after Moon Maid died.  They had a daughter, Sparkle Plenty Tracy Jr., nickname: Jewel.

And the county line farm … hmm.  That may become the name of the Daltons’ farm.  Anyway, the farm is starting to sound like the farm that was on the route to my old workplace.  I did not plan it that way.  I just wrote new characters into the story, and there was a livestock problem to solve.  For nearly twenty years, I passed the farm twice each workday and sometimes on my days off.  After retirement, it was the preferred route to my wife’s kidney dialysis center for those two and a half years.  The farm started with sheep, cows, and horses.  Now they have added donkeys, llamas, alpacas, and goats.