Thoughts from Mark "Hat" Rackley

I am Mashie Niblick.  I am presently employed as the greenskeeper of the Hoity Toity Golf Club in the big city of Tracy. Pauline was teaching classes, but she had the afternoon off.  It was “Take your children to work day” and Pauline and Callie joined in, no matter how disruptive their daughters who were close to two-years-old were.

But this story is in third person.  I was not there for any of it.  Pauline told me about it, and Baffy corrected her on occasion.

It was bring your children to work day at T.R.U.S.T.  I do not know what the university was thinking.  Bringing infants to school while you are trying to teach class is a bit disruptive.  The students got a kick out of Baffy trying to teach a subject that she could not even pronounce.  They may not have learned anything that day, except that their teacher was a proud Mommie.

But she met Callie Yeggs, the wife of Poached and mother of Scarlet Ibis (Ibie), for a picnic lunch in the playground near the early child development center at the university.

Callie asked, “How is the new one coming along?”

Pauline groaned, “If the kicking is any indication, I am giving birth to twin soccer players.  Either that or it is fists flying and I am giving birth to a prize fighter.”

Callie suggested, “Why not something less violent, a drummer for a jazz band, practicing a drum solo.”

Pauline chided, “Hush, Callie!  Don’t give the little one any ideas.  And how are you and Poached coming along?”

Callie said, “We are getting set for our six-weeks in the Florida Everglades, bird watching and documentation.  Poached is working as much overtime as possible.  He was making good money on Sophie’s security team, but with the children back in school, Menzie doesn’t sing, and Emmett doesn’t play sax except on holiday weekends.  Mommie Pinkie says that she will cover for any shortfall on the money, but Poached is too proud to accept the money.  The big thing is getting enough unpaid overtime to justify keeping his full pay going for a six-week vacation.  But then again, he did his share of observations the last time and he learned a lot.  Besides, he was my security.  You know, chasing the alligators, crocodiles, and the sharks away.”

Pauline made a face, “You had those?”

Callie nodded, but for the most part, they kept their distance.  The only time the sharks were near was when we swam to the island to get resupplied.  Now, we can go to the island just about any time.  There is a storage room with a real fridge.  I hear they even stock the freezer compartment with orange and vanilla ice cream bars.”

Pauline sighed, “Oh, I love those.  But I was wondering if you are working on a little sibling for Ibie.”

Callie sighed, “For one thing, Poached has not been home very much.  For another, we decided to wait until the only observers will be a few birds.”

Pauline sneered, “But if you get naked and cover everything in mud like last time, won’t that make the attempt at a baby a little messy?”

Callie said, “With Poached, it is always a little awkward.  When we did the nasty on the beach, sand got in the wrong places.  And from about the chest down, we will not cover up in mud.  We will be wearing swimsuits.”

Pauline said, “That sounds better than last time, but if you are wearing swimsuits, how will you, umm, do it?”

Callie snickered, “Now, you are being silly.  You know as well as anybody, that you can take off a swimsuit, if the cause is a just one.”

Pauline shrugged, ‘Last time I took off my bikini bottoms was ‘just ‘cause.’  You know, just because I wanted to fool around.”

Callie nodded, “Exactly.”

About that time, Ibie found a chicken leg bone in the sand box.  She held it up to her eyes and studied it.

Callie shouted, “Ibie, drop that.  It’s dirty.”

Ibie shouted back, “Course, it’s dirty.  It’s a gurglezoid fizzle.”

Callie said, “No, honey, drop the bone.  I have no idea what a gurgazoid is, but I think you meant to say ‘fossil’ instead of fizzle.  And even if it is a fizzle, we need to put it back in the sand.”

Ibie shouted, “But Mommie, I miscovered it.  It’s a Gurglezoid fizzle.”

Baffy asked, “Can I see?”  Ibie showed it to her, but she did not let her hold it. Baffy got up really close.  “Wow!  That’s the biggest Gurglezoid fizzle I ever saw!  Gurglezoids must’a been big turkles, that stomped the ground.”

Ibie cackled, “No!  Gurglezoids were turkles and had big legs.  They could run real fast.”

Baffy nodded in agreement.  Both girls were now in agreement that gurglezoid were turkles with … umm they were turtles with long legs and could run fast.  Baffy nodded by nodding her entire body.  Ibie said, “Yeah, Yeah!” and did this odd nod by alternating her shoulders and her head.  When those little ladies agree with something, they put their whole body into the nodding part.

Then Baffy said, “Mommy, Mommy! I figged it out! When the torkus beat the rabbit in the race, it wasn’t a torkus at all!  It was a gurglezoid!”

Ibie said, “Yeah!  Yeah!”  They traded their nodding thing with each other.  And both of them giggling the entire time.  But to translate, Baffy said that she figures that the tortoise and hare story was really a gurglezoid and hare story.

Then, Ibie said, “Baffy, my Mommie is a sigh-tis.  She’s a docker sigh-tis.  I think we should let her sigh-us the fizzle we miscovered.  What does your Mommie do?” I think she meant that Doctor Callie Yeggs, ornithologist, was a scientist who could do a science experiment on the fizzle, I mean, fossil.

Baffy said, “She’s my Mommie.  That’s all I know.”

Callie yelled, “Baffy, dear, your Mommie is a docker too.”

Ibie asked, “Miss Paulie Nibbie, are you a sigh-tis docker or help you get better docker?” 

Pauline said, “Ibie, I guess I am more of a help you get better doctor.  I work on the mind and your body to make it work better.”

Ibie asked, “How is that?”

Pauline smiled, “Okay, Ibie, think about your foot.  Now imagine that you have a pain in your foot.”

Ibie started to cry, “Mommie, my foot hurts.”

Callie looked shocked.  Ibie did not have a hurt foot, but now she thought that she did.  She didn’t know if she should go to her child’s aid or burst out laughing.

Pauline said calmly, “Now, Ibie.  The doctor has fixed your foot, but you keep limping because you remember how it hurt.”  Ibie was now limping.  Callie covered her mouth as her daughter limped around.  She did not want her daughter to see her laughing.

Pauline continued, “Now, Ibie.  Concentrate.  Your foot is better.  You do not have pain.  You do not have to limp.”

Ibie started walking without a limp.  “Mommie! Docker Paulie Nibbie is a grat docker!  I had a hurt foot, and I was limping.  Now, I all better!  She is more than a docker!  She does murkles!”

Baffy asked, “My Mommie does that?  When my foot hurts, all she does is kiss it.”

Ibie came over to Callie.  “Mommy, can I get you to take this gurglezoid fizzle and sigh-us it where you work?”

Callie asked, “How do you want me to sigh-us it?”

Ibie rolled her eyes and sighed, “Mommie, you hold the fizzle in front of your face and you look at it from all sides.”  She then demonstrated.  She didn’t turn the ‘fizzle’ around, but she held the ‘fizzle’ and she spun around.

Callie said, “Oh, honey, stop that!  You’ll get dizzy.”

Ibie giggled.  Baffy walked up and took the gurglezoid fizzle from Ibie.  “Ibie, you weren’t doing it right.  You got to look at both ends!”  Baffy demonstrated by spinning around while switching the fizzle from one hand to the other.

Pauline said, “Baffy, you are about to get as dizzy as Ibie.  Now, stop!”  Baffy stopped by falling against Pauline’s leg. She gave the fizzle back to Ibie.

They were both agreeing that was the best way to sigh-us the gurglezoid fizzle.  Both saying, “Yeah! Yeah!” and bobbing their heads in agreement.  And the giggling turned into belly laughs.

Callie whispered, “You know what.  These too are silly, but they are pretty smart too.”

Pauline looked worried.  She whispered, “You do know where we are, do you not?”

Callie shrugged, “Yeah, the playground at the university’s early childhood development center.”

Pauline whispered, “Yeah, and if they heard that a couple of smart children were in the sandbox, they would snatch them up and we’d be lucky to get visitation on Christmas and their birthday.  For Baffy, the two days are just a week apart, little miss New Year of 2023!”

Callie groaned, “You are right.  I think we need to go to my lab and do some sigh-us on this gurglezoid fizzle.”

At that moment, a young couple walked up.  The girl was holding her arm and softly crying.  Ibie said, “See Docker Paulie Nibbie?  She works murkles.”

The boy said, “Are you a doctor at the Medical Center?”

Pauline shook her head.  “I am a therapist, a special kind of therapist.  How can I help you?”

The girl extended her arm a little.  “I think it’s broken.”

Pauline said, “Just take in some deep breaths, and slowly exhale.  I think you may be right about your arm.  It is not supposed to bend in that direction.  What happened?”

The boy said, “We were walking down the sidewalk and Demi tripped and fell.”

Pauline groaned, “Texting while walking is pretty dangerous.  Best to pull over and park.”  The girl turned red.  Pauline got it on the first guess.  “Can you walk?  The Medical Center is only a couple of blocks away, but if you can’t walk, feel dizzy or feel faint, I can run ahead and bring back a wheelchair.”

Demi asked, “But you’re pregnant.  Rickie could run, but I think I can get there.”

We got halfway and she started to feel faint.  Good thing we were on a college campus, plenty of benches.  Pauline went the extra block and came back with a nurse and a wheelchair.

The nurse said, “Doctor Niblick said that we had a young girl named Demi with a broken arm.  Don’t worry, Rickie, we will have your girlfriend in a cast in no time.”

Rickie shrugged, “She’s not my girlfriend!  She’s my sister!”

The nurse was a lot faster than Pauline, but Rickie stayed with Pauline.  She was pregnant, but Pauline rushed to help his sister.  The least he could do was walk with her into the Medical Center.

Rickie asked, “That other professor said something about a gurglezoid fizzle.  Is that some new discovery?”

Pauline laughed, “No, as Ibie said, ‘a miscovery.’  That is our daughters with overactive imaginations.  They found a chicken leg bone and the rest is history, or it will be when they publish their findings.”  Pauline started laughing and Rickie was shaking his head.  “Don’t worry.  Some day when you have children of your own, you’ll understand.”

Pauline walked in like she owned the place.  She got to the nursing station and inquired about the room number for Demi.  The ER doctor said, “Pauline, I must insist on you not working outside the Medical Center.  You might put us out of business.  Demi tells me that a little girl said you perform murkles?”

Pauline nodded, “That is what she said, but my murkles come when the cast comes off and Demi can’t swing a tennis racket the way she used to do.”  She and the doctor began to laugh.

Then Rickie asked, “How did you know Demi was a freshman on the tennis team?”

The ER doctor cleared his throat.  “I didn’t know she was an athlete.  Yes, Pauline, I am sure either you or Naomi will be helping with the therapy.  I better get back to my patient.”

With the doctor going to check on the patient, Pauline turned to Rickie.  “Rickie, her hoodie is rarely worn by anyone on campus except athletes, and I keep an eye on the tennis players.  I was a young golfer.  My boss, Dr. Naomi Yeggs, was a soccer player.  She focuses primarily on team sports while I focus on individual sports.  And, by the way, welcome to the T.R.U.S.T. Medical Center.  I usually spend a lot of time here.  My boss is Dr. Naomi Yeggs, and either she or I will check on Demi.  When she is healed, we will be part of the therapy.  Well, she may see Handy Randy a little, especially if she needs a good massage.  We will have her back on the court in record time, but it will take time.  And time is something I have little of.  I must get to Ornithology before the two two-year-olds tear their lab apart.”

Rickie wished her well.  She bid farewell to each of the nurses by name, and she was on her way to check up on the sigh-us activity on the miscovery of a gurglezoid fizzle.

Credits

The Perils of Pauline was a movie serial started in 1914. It defined many serials that followed, including the Perils of Pauline “moment,” the cliffhanger that caused you to return to the theater for the next installment.

The fear that they had really smart little girls might be justified.  Children telling stories to explain what they have observed usually does not start until they are about two and a half, maybe the average age of three.  Scientists think this is due to not having a large enough vocabulary and the concept of putting thoughts into sentences has not fully developed.  Scarlett Ibis Yeggs just turned two when this post comes out, and as Pauline stated, Baffing Spoon “Baffy” Niblick will be two on the first of January 2025. But I accelerated the process a little, due to my wife talking at eight-months and using full sentences at a year.  At least she and her mother agreed on those ages.  It could happen.

There were a lot of half words here, and I hope you could follow it.  But as for gurglezoids, you will have to ask Ibie.  I think she made that one up on her own.