Thoughts from Mark "Hat" Rackley

I’m Lieutenant Deviled Yeggs.  I work homicide in the big city of Tracy.  Working for me are my old partners: Detective Sgt. Jim Wednesday and Detective Poached Yeggs, my nephew who is slowly becoming a good detective.

I never show up in this story, sadly, this is a first-person Sophia story.  In reading her report, I missed a very fun time.

Aunt Pink went all out for a twist on the Trunk or Treat Party.

Okay, some background might be needed here.  As Halloween morphed from All Hallow’s Eve to its own holiday, Trick or Treat became the big activity.  The idea was that if children arrived at your house in costume, you either gave them candy or some license to do mischief.  There were problems on both ends.  The innocent painting of an automobile with liquid shoe polish was fun until the paint on the car was damaged and the words remained on the car in shadow until the car could be repainted.  But then lacing the candy with poison or shards of glass was not nice either.  Only eating individually wrapped candies helped a little.

And then teenagers, full adult-sized teenagers would show up and grunt instead of saying “trick or treat,” and the homeowners had to deliver.  These people looked like they were ready for some serious mischief – and no costume at all.

So, churches started having a “trunk or treat.”  Church members would gather in the church parking lot and pop the trunk of their cars.  The children would walk from car to car in their costumes.  There was no threat if they did not get a piece of candy.  All was in fun.

But now, Aunt Pink opened the Crystal Mountain to the mission families, extended families, and friends, like Margie Justice and Samuel Farquharson.  Even teenagers had to be in costume and school sport uniforms did not count.  Being the detective that I want to be, I dressed as Sherlock Holmes with a deerstalker hat, long coat, carrying a magnifying glass and wearing a monocle.  Okay, I only put the monocle on my eye when we greeted people.  I have no idea how those people did it back in the day.

I had the ghoul of the keyboard, Emmett, who walked with me.  His makeup was ghoulish.  And he had strapped his keyboard to his midsection, making it look like a part of his body, the perfect height to play Bach’s Toccata and Fugue in D Minor whenever he wanted to freak out everyone who was in listening distance.  He even had a bag of replacement batteries.  Sometimes, I wonder about my choice of boyfriends.

With us was my little brother who dressed up like Dr. Frankenstein, not the monster, the doctor who brings the monster to life.  I thought I was type-casting myself, but my brother attached jumper cables to Emmett on occasion, awkward occasions, and said, “He’s alive!”

Blaise’s girlfriend, Margie, dressed as an angel, as if anyone would believe she was an angel!  She said she wanted to be Lady Godiva, but Aunt Pink would not go for the idea.  Now that, I could believe!

And where was my BFF, Menzie?  With her children and parents.

But for better or worse, we walked all over the Crystal Mountain.  We didn’t really even try to accumulate a large store of candy, but we got a few pieces of candy anyway.

The twist in the trunk or treat was that the Crystal Mountain looks like a jungle with banyan trees everywhere, but these trees were really water storage tanks: water to use in the waterfall, the water sluices where hydroponic plants were grown, water from the cider operation, water for the greenhouse structure that was the roof of the mountain to melt the snow or ice, water for the swimming pool to have nearly year-round swimming, water for the water slides, and even water for the hot water in the Big House and main apartment building.  Zuzka was heavy into solar heating when she designed everything.

So, the trunks of the trees were where people sat at little booths to give candy to the children.

We met with the MacDougalls at the den of the Big House.  Aunt Gwen had this great apple cider punch, more like a warm grog but with no alcohol.  Menzie was dressed like a banshee, at least what she thought a banshee looked like, her red hair teased out in every direction, and a drab robe.  She just dared everyone to have her sing a high note.  Since they knew she could belt out a song, they were afraid she might sound like a banshee.  Samuel Farquharson was a Scotsman.  He got away with it since he had just gotten his Farquharson kilt to fit in when the MacDougalls had a Scottish party.  Missy and Angus were in full MacDougall garb, but the adults did not have to be in costume.  Lauren was a princess, and she knew just how to do this trunk or treat thing.  She’ll be three in another month.  Little Sammie was dressed up like a supreme court justice.  They had a stroller in case he got tired.  They went in a clockwise direction through the Crystal Mountain so that they could hit all the candy givers.

We went counterclockwise, so that we could see all the kids in their costumes.

The first people that we met were the Niblicks and Poached and Callie Yeggs.  They had their girls that nearly looked like twins.  They were both dressed in cartoon turtle costumes, but they had removed the headbands to identify which turtle they were.  Margie said, “Oh, look, two little turtles.”

Ibie said, “No, we are gurglezoids!  Turtles are slow ‘cause they have short legs!”

Baffy added, “Yeah! Yeah!  We are fast.  We have long legs!”

We were totally baffled.  Callie shrugged, “They found a bone in a sandbox at the university, and they have been obsessed with gurglezoid fizzles ever since.”

I had to ask, “What’s a gurglezoid?”

Pauline replied, “Ask them.  On second thought, do not ask them.  We are here to get a boat load of candy, and I think they can both talk for hours about gurglezoids.  Just don’t look up the word in a dinosaur book.”  Emmett played his song so that the subject would get changed and the two chatterboxes would not get distracted with the task at hand – candy!

And thinking of chatterboxes, at least one chatterbox, the next to greet us were Arabella Dalton, Emmett’s middle sister, and Michael Rowe Casey.  They had the church mouse, Sarah Dalton, with them.  Sarah was dressed like a biblical character, but her tummy had an oval that said “Empty”, and she laughed a lot.  That was strange, in that you rarely heard her saying anything.  It was Blaise who figured it out.  He said, “She’s Sarah!  You know, Abraham’s wife who was barren and laughed when the Lord said she would give birth within the year.”  But the rest of us asked if that was fair to be someone with the same name.  Emmett muttered that Sarah better not give birth within the year.  She was too shy to even talk to boys.

Arabella was dressed like a cloud with a lightning bolt, since Michael’s adoptive parents were storm chasers.  Michael was a giant cheese head, not wearing the headgear – his entire body was a wedge of cheese.  The two had thought of being a llama together, but then they thought that the back half of the llama wouldn’t get a lot of candy.

The ver Waarloosd family was next.  Reuben had a beard and a robe and a long stick.  He walked up without saying anything.  He took the stick in both hands and raised it.  Then, he frowned and turned to his parents.  “The stick doesn’t work.  I raised it, and they didn’t break apart.”

Catherine said, “Reuben, it is a staff, and these are our friends.  We do not wish for them to break apart.  When we have talked to them, then I will let you know that it is the right time.  We need to be on God’s timing and not our own.  You already have more candy than you need.”

Emmett said, “Don’t worry, Moses.  There is plenty of candy left up the trail.”

“But I am Reuben,“ he said dejectedly.

Thomas said, “But you are dressed up like Moses.  You need to be Moses tonight, and trust God.”

Margie asked, “But if he is Moses, who is Levi supposed to be?  He’s in the stroller, but he’s inside a basket.  Looks like we have two rival Moseseses on our hands.  Or should that be Mosai?”

I looked at little Samantha.  She was wearing a robe but there were all these markings like kisses all over the robe.  That made no sense.  I got out my monocle, and I noticed that there were teeth marks.  These were not kisses.  These were bites, and bites, and more bites.  Hmmm.  If you used a non-rhotic dialect, these would be moah bites.  I picked her up and spun her around.  “Samantha, you are the prettiest little Ruth that I ever saw.”

Samantha giggled and after I put her down, she handed me a piece of candy.

“But, Samantha, this is your candy.”

Catherine said, “No, Sophie, you are the first to figure out her costume.  We were stumped on how to show that she was supposed to be Ruth.  Thomas said that Ruth gleaned in the fields, and she was a Moabitess.  Samantha started biting the robe and said, ‘Not enough.  We need mo’ bites.  Hey, she is two and a half, almost, and she is already designing her costume.  I am just glad someone figured it out.  And, Sophie, I think you have a new friend.”

Samantha was smiling, when Catherine nodded to Reuben.  “Okay Moses.  Raise your staff but be careful.”

Reuben slowly raised the staff straight up, so that he did not swing it and hit someone.  Margie and I jumped to the left and Blaise and Emmett jumped to the right.  Reuben turned to his mother. “Look, Mommie, it worked!”

Catherine said, “Hmm.  I guess I am Jochebed now.  I wonder who is going to have to break it to her?”

After they passed, Margie asked, “Are you going to share your candy, Soap?”

I snickered, “Not on your life!  This is the first time that my code breaking has turned into something tangible.  Until now, I was either solving a crime or figuring out what GrandPa was up to.  But now that I think about it, figuring out what GrandPa was up to was a crime, one that he committed.  And, Margie, Jochebed gave each of us some chocolate.  Have you eaten it already?”  Margie only groaned.  “But I will share with Em.  He’s my sweetie.”

Blaise said, “Read the sign.  Do not feed the monster!”

Emmett said, with a mouth full of chocolate, “I not monser. I’m a ghoul!”

I said, “Sweetie, do not say that with your mouth full.  It sounded like you said that you are a girl.”

Em leaned down to kiss me on the cheek.

Margie yelled, “Hey!  We are not in a designated make out spot!”

Finally, Em swallowed, “That was my favorite, chocolate and caramel, but it takes a long time to chew.”

We were getting close to the waterfall when the Grunges approached, Griffin and the children.  Greta was working the nursery while Jochebed handed out candy near the sandbox.  Grace was another princess.  Grayson was a ninja.  And Gretchen was a nurse with large breasts.  Since she was barely two years old.  I felt an explanation was in order.  This was beyond weird.

“Umm, Mr. Grunge, your daughter has breasts.  What is that about?”

Griffin said, “She wanted to be like her Mommie.  She wanted to be a nurse and a wet nurse.  Me being the draftsman, I took a bra and made the appropriate measurements and then downsized it to Gretchen’s frame.  We thought of using tissue to fill the cups, but then Greta came up with a weird idea, as if the idea of the bra wasn’t weird to start with.  We got some balloons and filled them with gelatin mix.  They aren’t water balloons.  They are gelatin balloons.  They jiggle, but they won’t make a big mess if the balloons break.”

Then Gretchen said, “And I get to eat them tomorrow!”

The four of us looked at each other.  I signaled everyone to zip it.  Do not say a word, but Margie snorted.  She couldn’t hold the laughter in.

Blaise said, “I told her a joke earlier and it takes her a while to get it sometimes.”

We rushed to the waterfall where we all stopped to laugh.  Margie said, “You know, Soap, they did look real, you ought to try it!”

I said, “Very funny!  Em likes me anyway. And this is an approved make out spot.”  I carefully leaned over the keyboard to kiss Em on the lips.

Margie mumbled to Blaise. “How disgusting.”

Blaise replied, “But we kiss, and we get more romantic.”

Margie groaned, “Yeah, Em and Soap are disgusting because they are doing it all wrong.”

From somewhere in the jungle, “Hey, you teenagers, no smooching.  Besides, they have kisses at the next tree trunk if you are going counterclockwise.”  By then, Jim, Tuesday, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday emerged from the shadows.  Jim was still in his usual work attire, even with his badge hanging from his coat pocket.  I really liked Tuesday in her undersheriff uniform.  She looked like a real policeman, umm, police person.  Thursday was a football player, obsessed for two years now after Easter had him hold the football while Jemima and Easter rescued them from a splinter group of Rotten Apples, bent on destroying their home and everyone in it.  I never pegged Easter as a hero, but according to Jemima, he took charge that night and saved all their lives.  But, I digress.  Friday had on a white lab coat and a stethoscope.  He must be a doctor.  And Saturday was in a tutu.

I pointed and asked, “Is she taking ballet lessons?”

Tuesday said, “Not old enough, but next year.  She wants to.  Some schools start earlier, but not the place where we trust the teachers.”

I asked, “But where is Holiday?”

Jim groaned, “He was playing with Valin, and Gwen said they would catch up with us here at the waterfall.”

As if on cue, Valin entered in a monkey suit and wearing a crown, since Valin means King of the Monkeys.  Holiday was right behind him wearing a dog costume.  Kanok was a golden tiger.  Then in one stroller, pushed by Gwen, was Thanh in an elephant costume and Asha in a leopard costume.  Then Pink Lady had Catalina in an odd fox costume.  We later learned it was a culpeo, a South American fox, wolf, or jackal.  And with her in the double stroller was Joon in a black bear costume.  Okay, everyone with an animal from their country of origin.

I asked, “Where is Sparkle?”

Kanok said, “Spa-cool not here.  She couldn’t take it.”

I’m running out of space.  There was Frank Lynn, the little one-year old plus a couple of months who wore an alligator head from Florida where he was brought into this world by Mary Sheltie Jones and Dr. Elvira Quinn (meteorologist, not an MD).  Pink Sparkle was dressed just like her mother on the Freedom Cider bottle with a long pink wig.  She was resting in the conference center with her daddy and my uncle, Scrambled Yeggs.

I finally found Mom with GiGi, who was a Can Can dancer, just without the Can Can and the dancing.  I asked where Dad was, and Mom frowned.  “He is still trying to track down next of kin for all those people that were in that mass killing at the health club.  He ordered Poached and Jim to come here with their families.  He and Captain Hart are working late tonight.  Then, if they do not finish the notifications, Jim and Poached work late tomorrow.  Thirty people.  They have to have some family somewhere.  Pink identified two of the ladies who used to work here and at least point your Dad in a general direction.  Most of the Lily the Pink employment records, pre-liberation, were with fake IDs that Baldwyn Apple provided.  It is so sad.”

But to not end on a sad note, Pink Lady gave all the children a blue ribbon.  It was already a done deal as that is the only color that she bought.  Just having a costume got you first prize.  Like I was the best depiction of a detective.  That kind of thing.  And the refreshments were a contest of their own.  Scrambled, Mabel, and Otto all tried to outdo the other two.

Credits

The following video is a performance of Toccata and Fugue in D Minor, not a spot in a horror movie, by Johann Sebastian Bach who had a habit of scribbling SDG on every sheet of his compositions.  SDG?  Soli Deo Gloria.  The performer is Liene Andreta Kalnciema.  She is playing the Walcker organ (1883) at Riga Cathedral in Latvia.  The video is a little over nine minutes, but the first minute or two is the most familiar, and the most sinister. But later, the camera shows her footwork. I was amazed. Usually organists were a shoe with soft sole and little or no heels. This lady is not just good; she is bold.

My son had a love of such sinister music.  For his first or second piano recital, this was his chosen piece of music.  Soon, after the second recital, his music teacher said that she could no longer teach him.  He seemed to know more than she did.  But one day we went to a hoity toity shopping mall, one of those where you could not afford the napkins at the restaurants, but their movie theater was the usual price.  We got there early and next to the ticket window, there was a piano and organ store.  My son went over, sat down and started to play.  The proprietor ran over and asked him to start over, but little did our son know that the proprietor flipped a switch, the piped music throughout the entire mall had been switched off, the proprietor set the stops just right on the organ, and my son played Toccata and Fugue in D minor to an entire shopping mall’s customers, even in the parking garage.  I cannot imagine what was going through people’s minds.

When I was young, I saw a ghost movie.  I think it was a spoof, maybe Abbot and Costello, or I would have probably not been watching it.  This piece of music, especially the first couple of minutes, was cliché for old B movies of the horror genre.  In this movie, the cathedral was supposed to be empty.  They are scared when the music starts, but then mayhem ensued when the keys were moving on the organ, but there was no one playing.

So, if the patrons at the mall that day liked watching old B movies, there is no way to know what was going through their minds when the soft elevator music was replaced by my son’s solo.  He was so lost in the music, he had no idea what was going on outside the store.

Halloween is an odd holiday.  The children want the candy.  The parents are concerned about too much sugar.  Then there is the mischief that could turn into vandalism on one side and the sick people that want to harm children on the other.  I have mentioned before that my first time doing trick or treat was as a teenager walking my nephew around the block.  I never went as a kid wanting candy.

But the choice of costumes has caused many Christian families, even denominations, in banning the holiday.  Why encourage children to become witches and vampires for a day when God forbids witchcraft in the Levitical Law, and drinking blood also?  There can be other symbols of the occult.  I rarely go through a trick or treat event without seeing a teenager in a sexy devil outfit.

But dressing up as saints is how the costumes got started, on All Saints Day, supposedly on 1 November, and maybe the Catholic and Orthodox churches still celebrate All Saints Day.  But notice in the costumes above.  Emmett was a ghoul, who ate chocolate and caramel candy, but there were no witches, vampires, or even superheroes.  And there was a scattering of biblical characters.  This was the first Halloween for the ver Waarloosd family, having grown up in a closed community in the valley of the windmills.  They had been taught that basically everything that the “preacher” did not condone was sin, but they warmed up to Halloween with biblical costumes.