Thoughts from Mark "Hat" Rackley

I’m Lieutenant Deviled Yeggs.  I work homicide in the big city of Tracy.  Working for me are my old partners: Detective Sgt. Jim Wednesday and Detective Poached Yeggs, my nephew who is slowly becoming a good detective.

I sometimes partner with my daughter, but on this occasion, she was at the Dalton’s farm, chaperoned.  The teenagers had been invited by the Daltons to spend a Saturday at the farm.  Not all of them had been near any farm animals before and it might be fun for Arabella and Michael to teach the others how to milk a goat.  As it turned out, there was a lot of milking but very little milk to make cheese.  The cheese making would be something different when they were at Lily the Pink.  Missy MacDougall drove the large SUV.  There was Emmett and Sophia, Margie and Blaise, and Menzie and Samuel.  Michael, Arabella, and Sarah had gone earlier to check on things and get things ready for the milking lesson.

What follows is Sophie’s first-person report, but since she had a police report to make, she made that first while it was fresh on her mind.  Then she told what happened that preceded her observations.  I rearranged things in chronological order.

Daddy, milking goats is fun, but most of us got milk all over us rather than in the bucket and a couple of us let a goat kick the bucket over.  Michael groaned each time, and I think he picked only two or three of us to be his assistants if they get a lot more goats.  Since a lot of the goats were lost in the flood, Michael and Arabella milk the goats once each day.  During the peak of lactation, Emmett’s parents, Sally and Cole Dalton, milk the goats one additional time each day.  The rest of the roughly 300 days, the goats are milked once each day and then the kids (goat kids) get their nourishment the rest of the day.  If they got a lot more goats, they would need two shifts of milkers.  Arabella and Michael get up early to be back at Lily the Pink when the bus leaves for school.  But more goats, and they would not have the time, or they would leave well before dawn to be back in time for school.

I don’t think Blaise and I made the first cut.  Margie?  Forget about it!  For being the athlete that she is, she was all thumbs.  But Emmett and Sarah had milked the goats before, and Menzie and Samuel seemed to be naturals.  But I think they are going to hire some people.  Their neighbors were doing it for a while and then their farm got into peak season, so the Dalton children helped Michael.  We learned a lot.  I am so glad we wore old beat-up clothing, we got in a big mess in a hurry.

But then it got to be near lunchtime.  The Daltons gave Emmett some money and we went on a hike up the side of the creek to the back of the hot dog stand on the county line, on the Stout County side.  It was the teenagers, Missy, and Sarah.  Sarah will be eleven in December.  Emmett had a backpack that was weighted down with cold water bottles for each of us.  And then he had enough money for a basic hot dog for each of us.

Sarah came up to Emmett and asked, “Em, when we get there, can I have a corn dog?”

“Sorry, Sarah,” Emmett explained, “Mom and Dad just gave me enough for hot dogs.”

Sarah said no more, but I could see she was disappointed.  The hot dog stand there makes them by hand rather than the prefab kind.  I leaned over and said, “Sarah, unless everyone else starts bickering, I have some extra money.  I’ll buy you a corn dog.”  No one protested and I made a new friendship.  Hey, if Emmett and I are still together when we graduate high school, I am going to need a friend on that side of the family.

Every time the trail went next to the creek, Arabella was pointing out various wildlife.  It’s funny how she can talk a mile a minute, but when a deer walked to the creek for water, she was quiet as a church mouse.

Anyway, there was a worn trail up the hill to the back of the hot dog stand.

I announced, “So, I am rewarding Sarah with a corn dog, as everyone agreed.  And Emmett is treating us to hot dogs.  He has cold water in his backpack.  The least we can do is drink it so that he won’t be carrying all that weight back to the farm.”

Margie asked, “And remind me why Sarah gets special treatment, other than she is the youngest?”

I made something up in a hurry. “She was the best goat milker except for the two that have been doing it a lot.”

Margie retorted, “Yeah!  She’s had practice.  I could have done better with a little practice.”

Blaise added, “A whole lot of practice!”

Daddy, you won’t believe this, but she stuck her tongue out at me, and it was her bundle of love that said it!

Anyway, we got our food, and we filled the two picnic tables behind the hot dog stand.  We each went to the fixings area, and got the mustard, ketchup, and stuff for the hot dogs.  When we got back, I said, “I forgot the relish.”

Blaise said, “I did, too, Soap, can you do mine, too?”

I groaned, but I agreed.

As I added the pickle relish to the hot dogs, I heard someone talking out front.

First voice: Have you gotten any rise out of the Leafy Greens over the murder of Arugula?
Second Voice: They are either running scared or they figure he had it coming by entering no-man’s land.
First voice:  He didn’t.  The guys who dumped the body put it there on our instructions.
Second voice: And what about the Golden Delicious murder?  They haven’t tied that to the puppet-master.  How come?
First voice:  The idiot, Crispin Apple, really did think he screwed up the knot and the body came loose.  No one guessed that a diver went into the well to retie the knot.
Second Voice: But if we can’t get this gang war going, how are we to escalate it further without getting our hands too dirty?
First Voice: I don’t know.  We only started this because Empire Apple has no idea what he is doing, and Turnip Greens is getting too old.  To have Organized Crime clean up the little guys and bring the overall crime rate down, they have to be someone stronger than Empire Apple and Turnip Greens.

I saw that I could see the guys in a reflection in the pickle jar.  It was Lt. Tony Tagliolini and Undersheriff of Organized Crime (Stout County) Stan Smith.

I saw Emmett approach and I put up a finger to not say a word.  We slipped back to our table.  We told everyone to be like Arabella was when the deer approached, no sound at all.  I gave Blaise his hot dog with plenty of relish.  And we were half the way down the creek trail before Sarah said something.

“Sophie?  Why is everybody so quiet?”

I was shocked that she broke the silence.  She rarely talks ever.

I whispered, “There were some bad people outside the hot dog stand, and I did not want them to know we were there.  You know, I run security for your brother’s music playing and Menzie’s singing.  But we are safe now.  Let’s just stay quiet until we reach the farm.  And I don’t think Missy has a weapon.”

Missy said, “No, child, I am off duty.  Who were these bad guys?”

I shrugged, “Two people who I did not think were bad guys.  But they might be someone that my Daddy needs to investigate.”

When we got back to the farm, I borrowed Missy’s cellphone and gave you a cryptic message.

Daddy said, “Yeah, ‘Can you come to the farm quickly?  I have a message for you.’ Then when you added ‘Father’ and hung up without my reply, I admit, I did a little speeding to get here.”

I sighed, “But Daddy, what does that conversation mean?”

Daddy said, “It might mean they are the puppet-master.  We have suspected Lt. Tony Tagliolini of being the leak in the department in the past.  He does not spend extravagantly.  We have not found a hidden bank account, but he has been in the know and we have cleared everyone else.  Internal Affairs could not find anything.  I don’t know what we have here, Sophie, but I do not want you repeating this to anyone, unless I ask you to.  I think I can trust Captain Hart, Georges Evident, and Tuesday Wednesday.  I will let them know what you heard.”

The next day, Daddy, Captain Hart, Georges Evident, Tuesday Wednesday and Boaz Yeggs, my cousin and the mayor of Tracy, and I gathered in a very dusty construction area on the third floor of the main Lily the Pink apartment building.  Zuzka let us have the keys to the doors and Missy and Julia asked the Williams, Bart Clarkson and Tamara Collins to enjoy a movie with a few people in Joseph and Mary Jones’ apartment.  I think it was the Jesus movie.  Then Missy set up a guard at the second floor on each stairwell so that no one wandered to the third floor.  I loved Missy’s plan, but it might be overkill.  Not being that careful though might get someone killed.

Daddy brought everyone up to date.  “Everyone, we have had some pranks performed by organized crime muscle from out of state.  The earliest case that we thought was strange was the gas cylinders that were delivered to the Levy residence, intended to simply make everyone sick.  The next one was the theft of four bodies from Colorado, destined for the Medical Center for research.  They were found by Pauline Niblick.  Since she factored into the first two suspected cases, we thought a world crime organization targeting the Levys and/or the Niblicks.  But then, we have the Green Flattop case.  We have the murder of Arugula of the Leafy Greens.  We have the leak of information on who murdered Empire’s wife, Envy, which led to the executions of the suspects.”

Georges held up a hand, “I have an update on Empire’s efforts to replace Envy, if you are interested.”  I nodded.  “He has two positions to fill.  He feels that he needs a wife for social gatherings, etc.  And he needs a new madam for the brothel.  It is all business in his mind.  It seems he is arranging auditions for each.  In effect, he has created a harem with a few cousins.  So far, we have identified Belle de Boskoop, Carolina Red June, Florina, Idared, Melrose, Pristine, Victoria Limbertwig, and Katya Apple.  All Apples, and all between 21 and 28 years of age.”

I said, “I have seen some pictures of Florina, Idared, Melrose, and Katya Apple.  Some of the rough guys in school show us the semi-nude pictures of people in Tracy and they add that they could ‘do her’, but I doubt if they knew how.”

Daddy said, “Behave, Sophia, you are only here as a witness.  But bringing up your evidence, the two people in question are wondering why the murder of Golden Delicious wasn’t part of the puppet-master file.  One of them admitted that they had entered the well to change the knot so that it would slip, and the body would be found sooner rather than later or not at all.”

Captain Hart asked, “Who are these two people, Sophia?”

I said, “Lt. Tony Tagliolini and Stan Smith.  The heads of the police groups assigned to working on Organized Crime.  Their conversation was short, at least what I heard.  They mentioned the Golden Delicious knot retying, there disappointment that Turnip Greens did not do something in retaliation for the death of Arugula, and they lamented that they had not gotten a gang war started yet.”

Boaz said, “That is a serious charge, and without proof, what can we do?”

Captain Hart said, “This does not go past the people in this room.  We are going to have to recheck the evidence on all those cases.  Georges, you are going to have to watch your step and I hope you are a good actor.  You are around Tony all the time.  Dev, what do you think these two have done?”

Daddy said, “They hired the guys to kill Arugula, steal the cadavers, and plant the foul gas at the Levys.  They probably hired the diver to change the knot.  I just have a feeling about Flattop.  She was auditioning to join the Rotten Apples.  Tuesday, can you check the latest cases that may or may not be closed that smell of organized crime?”

Tuesday nodded, “But as soon as there is a scent, it gets shipped to Stan.  The sheriff did not want me to supervise all the detectives, and Stan was already making more money than he should be making.  It may be pretty hard on my end also.”

Daddy nodded, “Okay, our little group minus our little witness will meet here once a week to compare notes.  Tell your loved ones that we started a Bible study.  And we will keep Missy’s security protocol.  I hope Joseph has things to keep the four third floor residents occupied, but I have a feeling our meetings may be brief.  But if we have our eyes and ears open, we might catch something that does not sound right before the next puppet-master caper comes up.  If they are determined to start a war, there will be another caper soon.”

They all agreed.  We split up going out opposite doors so that we could let the guards know that the coast was clear.  Daddy gave me the keys, and I returned them to Zuzka, but I said that Daddy might want the keys again every Sunday afternoon for a Bible study.  She and I smiled and winked.  Zuzka did not even know who attended the meeting and the guards only saw half the people who attended.  Missy knew most of it since she was there when I gave my statement to Daddy at the farm.

But how can Daddy trap these two bad cops?

Credits

This ties a lot of the cases that have loose ends from throughout this year, but I see nothing that is “Credits” worthy.

But I do miss the old hand-made corn dogs.