We are Jemima and Easter Yeggs.  Lieutenant Yeggs wants his son to write these reports to keep in touch when we are out having our adventures, and Rev C.S.L., my Dad, doesn’t mind an update either.

We had just had our little Thanksgiving Day pageant.  The children did a great job, even when they missed a line.  But Kanok went totally off script, no dead silence, just one funny adlib after another.  If she is going to be a comedienne when she grows up, she is getting great practice.

But I was getting off the stage carefully, when B.B., that is Mary Sheltie Jones, the Bossy Boss, asked me a strange question.

Mary had the cameras rolling when she asked, “And Stinker, what are you grateful for this Thanksgiving?”

I was a little flustered.  My mind was still in character as Sarah Josepha Buell Hale, the woman who kept writing letters to various US presidents until Abraham Lincoln proclaimed a Thursday in late November as the national holiday for Thanksgiving.  I blinked a few times.  “Well, I am grateful that this little pageant went well, even grateful for the hiccups.  I am grateful that the baby that is growing inside me is healthy, at least the doctors say so.  I am even thankful that my best friend cared enough to make sure I got off the stage without falling.  At least, I am sure that is why you came over with the camera crew when you did.”  The camera crew laughed.  I continued, “I am grateful that Jesus came about 2,000 years ago to prove to the world that He was who He said He was before allowing the authorities at the time to kill Him, so that He could pay the sin penalty for all who call upon His name, accepting Him as their Lord and Savior.  I am exceedingly grateful that Home Wrecker and my best friend, who is holding a microphone in my face right now, accepted Jesus, and that we have all become one big happy family.  I am grateful to be living here at Lily the Pink with a wonderful husband, Easy.  But just look around you.  There is a huge swimming pool where they play water polo.  There are two water slides.  There are so many things growing here year-round, inside this greenhouse.  It’s Thanksgiving Day, and my makeup is running in this heat.  The greenhouse that is known as the crystal mountain grows crops year-round, and all the while, the trees are fake.  And if you listen carefully, you can hear the turkeys and chickens.  If you take the time to sniff, there is always the smell of apples and cinnamon from the cider house on one side and whatever the bakery is baking on the other side.”

I paused for a moment.  “I am grateful that the ladies who work here are free from the slavery that they were in less than three years ago.  And I am grateful that Jayne Crane announced that she and her man are getting married soon.  When Easy and I first started dating, if you could call it that, we connected on social media.  We were very interested in each other, but we had never met face to face due to the lockdown.  We were invited by friends to meet at the mall.  Everyone would wear masks.  But Easy and I were bold enough to lower our masks and kiss in the food court.  A policeman arrested us.  Easy called his Dad, who was a homicide detective and now runs homicide.  He argued with everyone on our behalf.  The law that was used was an old puritanical law about no PDA, not enforced for at least a hundred years, and the mayor, at the time, declared that the law be enforced to cut down on the spread of the pandemic.  Easy and I were going to be the poster children for misbehaving in public, but my future father-in-law got those in charge to settle on a ton of community service and without anything being placed on our records, although youth records are supposedly sealed anyway.  He knew they could become unsealed.  And the person that ran what used to be called the chain gang was officer Jayne Crane.  Her nickname around the precinct was Plain Jayne Crane, the master of pain.  But she is beautiful these days.  It must be the fresh air in Washington state.  But back when she was here, she was tough, more tough on Easy than with me.  Even when Easy is working hard, he just looks comfortable.  Jayne made sure he sweated some.  But the thing was, the forced community service for one rogue kiss turned into chaperoned dating.  Easy and I talked, joked, and had fun together, while picking up a lot of trash.  I tell you!  There are a lot of litterbugs in Tracy.  So, seeing Jayne and Wyatt announce their engagement was just one more reason to be thankful.  …  Is that enough, B.B.?  I must go to the bathroom.  You’ll understand when you get pregnant.  And I am praying that you do.  Sure, you are busy, but come on!  You replaced me on the Turtle, temporarily.  We will have to work really hard, but we can fill in for you.”

B.B. let me pass and she started interviewing the children, many still jumping around on the stage.  Thursday Wednesday, being the football obsessed boy that he was had to go watch the game.  Tuesday, in full undersheriff attire, explained.  “B.B., when Easy and Stinker were still in high school, I was made a detective in Stout County.  Jim wanted to be there when they made it official.  Dev and Naomi were there too.  Anyway, some youngsters from the Rotten Apple Gang wanted to prove how they should be in charge of the gang.  They were going to kill us and the children and leave a mess in their wake.  Easy saw what was going on through the security cameras.  They gathered the children and put them in slings made out of sheets.  They walked down the creek behind the house to not make a trail.  But Thursday was kept in the sling, while the other two were held for the most part.  Easy gave Thursday a football and told him to concentrate and not fumble it.  That way, he stayed quiet, focused on holding the ball.  They walked all the way to the Hoity Toity Club.  This was back when Mashie and Pauline lived there.  The police had been called and they caught the punks at the house.  The punks had no idea they were shooting up an empty house.  We moved into the Niblicks new house until ours was repaired, but Thursday has been obsessed with football ever since.  I heard what Stinker said that she was thankful for.  I will always be thankful for Stinker and Easy, from even before they became Stinker and Easy.  Naomi used to call Easy, East.”

B.B. asked, “Why are you in uniform, Undersheriff Wednesday?”

Tuesday smiled, “Tracy keeps growing and expanding.  With that, many things in Stout County are drying up, but we still have a thriving retail business.  With Black Friday approaching, I have to go to work when this dinner is over.  And now, I have to find my little ‘black Friday’ and his Latin sister, Saturday.”  B.B. then explained that Thursday, Friday, and Saturday were adopted children, same mother, three different fathers.

B.B. then found Ibie (Scarlett Ibis Yeggs) and Baffy (Baffing Spoon Niblick), Ibie already two and Baffy about to be two in a few weeks.  Both girls were excited about what they were thankful for, the miscovery of a gurglezoid fizzle.  Pauline Niblick was laughing.  She told B.B. that it had been a slow News month, and nothing has shifted the focus of those two little girls away from their miscovery.  You would think a butterfly would flutter by and the girls would forget about gurglezoids.  When B.B. asked Ibie when they were going to publish their findings, Ibie replied, “We haven’t been to kindergarten, yet!”

B.B. asked Thanh what he was thankful for.  He, being a month younger than Baffy, said, “I like bugs.  There are bugs next to your shoe.”  B.B. jumped and yelped, as if by reflex.  Then, Thanh said, “Nope, they moved.”  The camera crew suggested that Thanh should add, “Thanks a lot, Lady!”

B.B. then saw Governor William Bradford and his wife, really the actors playing those roles, Michael Rowe Casey and Arabella Dalton (codenames That’s my Boy and Fireball).  B.B. asked, “Michael, what are you thankful for this year.”  Out of the blue, he walked up to B.B. and kissed her on the cheek.

He said, “You!  It was you that jumped into the flood and saved my life.  I lost my parents in that flood, but I already have new parents.  I never had to go to an orphanage.  When Mom and Dad see this episode, I want them to know that I thank them for adopting me.  And I am thankful for the Evidents.  I stay with them when Mom and Dad are both out chasing storms.  I love Mrs. Jochebed’s food, but whenever I don’t recognize the food, she says that it is African lizard, straight from the Congo, or it is hippopotamus tongue.  Then, Detective Georges winks and says that it’s just chicken.  They make everything fun, so I don’t miss my family as much.”

B.B. turned to Arabella and asked her.  Arabella replied, “I am grateful for Stinker’s Sunday school class.  I have a lot of classes with Michael, but if it wasn’t for the Sunday school class, I don’t think he would ever notice.  Michael is so dreamy.”

B.B. replied, “Cool down, Fireball.  Since you love animals and Michael has goats out on the County Line Farm, I think he might have noticed you sooner or later.”

Michael smiled, “And, Mrs. Jones, B.B., I made some cheese just for you and the camera crew.  So, don’t leave without getting it from the fridge.  It has a note saying ‘cheese for B.B.’”

B.B. kissed Michael on the forehead, “Thank you, Michael.  Now I have something new to be thankful for myself.  Guys, have you ever eaten fresh goat cheese?”  The camera crew mumbled.  I think the answer was probably not.

Then, B.B. went to Sophia Yeggs, who was sitting by herself in an audience chair, the audience having already dispersed.  She had a far away stare with a smile on her face, and her eyes were a little moist.

B.B. asked, “And here is Easy’s sister, Sophia.  You look like you are glowing.  You must have something really good to be thankful for.  What is it?”

Sophie smiled and said, “I wanted my parents to be the first to know, but I guess this will be okay.  Emmett just gave me the biggest rock I’ve ever seen.”

B.B. sputtered, “But both of you are just sophomores in high school!  He has proposed this early, or are you getting married early?  This is wild!  What is going on with you two?”

Sophie huffed, and she moved her chair to reveal a big rock.  “What is all this about marriage?  Emmett found this rock at the farm this morning and he thought I could use it as a door stop.”

B.B. replied, “Bu… But …”

The camera man said, “And that is what we call a gotcha!  You played it perfectly, Sophie!”

Sophie and the camera crew were doing high fives when Emmett walked up.  Emmett asked B.B., “B.B., did you see the big rock I found for Sophie to use as a door stop?  It’s a big one!”

B.B. was now seated in another audience chair.  Her chin was resting in one hand while the other was waving the microphone around.  “Yeah, yeah!  A big rock!  A note to the audience, since there are too many witnesses to deny this, we do fact check things at the Storm Chasing Channel.”

While B.B. sat, feeling sorry for herself, her loving husband approached.  “Mary, they are starting to seat people for the big dinner.  They are calling for last names alphabetically.”

B.B. said, “Well, now I can be grateful of one thing.  Having my name changed from Sheltie to Jones, we won’t have to wait as long to get a table.”

Joseph said, “Oh, I’m sorry, dear, I meant to say reverse alphabetically.  You know that our host family is named Yeggs.”

B.B. growled, “Now, my own husband is in on the act!”

The camera crew was roaring by this point.

Sophia turned to Emmett and said, “I never thought of that!  Moving from a Yeggs to a Dalton is like moving to the front of the classroom!”

B.B. was back seated and waving her microphone, “Yeah, yeah!  More jokes. … But wait.  This seems fishy.  Stinker goes to the bathroom and almost everyone that I have interviewed since then has been…  This has Stinker written all over it!”

Joseph calmly said, “Ummm, Mary, can you get it together?  Stinker just sent me out here to see if you would be so kind as to come with me.  They want me to bless the food, and I want my wife by my side.”

B.B. brushed herself off.  She straightened her back and checked herself in her little mirror.  Everything was still in place.  She smiled.  She took her husband by the hand and said, “Of course, dear.  I would love to be by your side.”

And as for her accusations, I resemble that remark.  Mary is my best friend.  Mary always has her stuff together.  But it is so much fun when you can pull a prank on her.  If I had tried something, she would have it sniffed out without taking a breath.  Easy once said she was drop dead gorgeous, and I have to agree most of the time.  And right now, I am eight months pregnant, give or take a week or so, and I feel a little less than drop dead gorgeous.  This little prank was extra sweet.

As I sat, eating my meal, with my husband, Easy by my side, Mary approached with her plate, “Ist Hier Frei?”

I replied, “Entschuldigung Sie, bitte, ich spreche kein Deutsch.“

B.B. asked, “What?!  I was just asking if I could sit next to you.  And isn’t that a nonsense statement to say that you do not speak German, in German?”

Easy got up from the table.  “Sweetie, I am going to raid the dessert table, what do you want?”

I snickered, “I love it when being pregnant gets me perks!  I will have pecan pie, the original.  I am feeling traditional.  I am dressed in a black mourning dress that looks like Sarah Josepha Buell Hale wore it, but then again, she already had her last child before her husband died.”

Easy shrugged, “You are denying our little one a sugar high on Thanksgiving.  Bold move.  I do not think that the kicking will calm anytime soon, sugar high or no sugar high.”

I rolled my eyes, “Decisions, decisions!  Make it a half slice of each then!”

B.B. said, “I don’t know.  Sarah’s husband died the same year her last child was born.  I never looked that up, you know, whether she was pregnant when her husband died.”

I shrugged, “I just assumed!”

B.B. groaned, “We are still friends, but you kind of ruined my impromptu ideas of thanksgiving.  Are you being a Stinker on purpose today?”

I spluttered, “I only set up the thing with Sophie.  She is always up for those kinds of pranks.”

B.B. moaned, “But then Joseph gave me the joke about seating for dinner was by reverse alphabet so that us being married meant I had to wait longer….”

Joseph sat next to B.B. and said, “I heard a bit of the Sophie schtick and I piled on.  I apologize dear.”  They kissed.

I groaned, “Please!  No PDA at this table.  And you forgave him really fast, but not your bestie?”

B.B. said, “I would kiss you on the cheek, but it looks like you have some gravy there.  Do you want me to lick it off?”

“Oh, please, no!”  I moaned.  I grabbed my napkin, but there wasn’t anything on my cheek.

B.B. said, “Gotcha, girlfriend!”  And she kissed me on the cheek.

Okay, my best friend loves pulling pranks on me as much as I like pulling pranks on her.  And while I feel like a toad that is about to repopulate thirty lily ponds, she sits there next to me without a single hair out of place.  But all my life, my Dad, Rev C.S.L., was moving from one church to another.  I never had close friends for long, but now, I have a husband, a child on the way, and a best friend.  And two full sized pieces of pecan pie, traditional and with chocolate chips.  I know I shouldn’t, but I am only sharing these two slices of pie with the baby inside me!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING

Credits

Other than the slang term or a “big rock” referring to a diamond ring (engagement ring), I do not see any needed Credits here.