Thoughts from Mark "Hat" Rackley

I’m Lieutenant Deviled Yeggs.  I work homicide in the big city of Tracy.  Working for me are my old partners: Detective Sgt. Jim Wednesday and Detective Poached Yeggs, my nephew who is slowly becoming a good detective.

I sometimes partner with my daughter, but she went to Lily the Pink to work in the lab with Blaise.  Glyce was going over after she finished work to pick them up, but she was planning on visiting with Pink for a while.  She knew that the more hours that she delayed picking up the children, Blaise could get more work done.  It amazes both of us that Blaise is acting like the business owner that he is.  He is accepting responsibility on the job.  Now if we could just get him to clean his room…

This is a first-person report by Sophia.

I went into the lab and Blaise was nowhere to be found.  Typical.  Now that he is a teenager, he has probably abandoned the job, and we will start missing required deadlines.  I looked for prototypes on the lab tables.  I wanted to see if I could look for possible aesthetic improvements.  Again nothing.  No brother.  No obvious work in progress.  “Design by Tensie” was about to go down the tubes.

As I looked around, I took a peek into Aunt Tensie’s apartment.  Aunt Tensie has been gone for some time now.  We had taken Aunt Tensie’s clothing to the mission, and they had a few people close to her size, close enough to wear her clothing.  We kept everything else in the apartment, not as a memorial, but since it had a door opening into the lab instead of the hallway, it might be used as a room for our lawyer when he came to visit.  We hadn’t given it much thought otherwise.  There were dishes in the sink and the bed linens were so badly twisted that they looked like they were tied into knots.

While Blaise finished his kissy face with Margie, or so I suspected, I thought I would clean up.  For an unused apartment, this was disgraceful.  I started with the dishes.  I could see Blaise fixing a sandwich or something since he seemed to live in the lab these days.

Blaise’s grades reflected that he was not slowing down there, but it seemed all waking hours, outside of schoolwork and church, were spent in the lab, which meant Mom and Dad had extra driving duties, although Aunt Pink volunteered her bus service.  Mom and Dad did not like that idea.  Anyone who worked at Lily the Pink could “hitch a ride” just about anywhere, and the ride was for free.  There were driver’s who picked up the few employees who lived outside the Lily the Pink complex.  There were drivers who went to and from the university almost at an hourly schedule.  The church buses covered nearly every church on the northwest quadrant of the big city of Tracy, the downtown churches, and even a few people that went to the big contemporary service on the east side of town where Poached and Callie are members.  Since all that comes out of Pink’s pocket…  Sure she’s rich, but let’s not get crazy about it.  The college buses are to make her employees more empowered.  I get that, but other than minimal rent, the lab does not make Aunt Pink any profit.  To add using her buses to take my idiot brother home to go to bed is silly.

Okay, the dishes were washed as I vented my anger a bit.

I tackled the bed linens.  I took the heavy comforter and shook it out.  As I smelled it, I placed it in Aunt Tensie’s laundry hamper and found her lightweight comforter on the floor of her wardrobe cabinet.  I placed it on the easy chair.  I then started to untie what seemed to be knots in the flat sheet.  Then I noticed something, half hidden by the pillow.  It was something that definitely should not have been there.  It was disgusting.  It was a used condom, a rubber, and it had a creamy looking liquid in the reservoir.  I went to the lab and got on a pair of rubber gloves.  No way was I touching that disgusting thing.  I kept repeating a few “words” aloud, as I planned to do something with the “evidence.”  Among the words were “Ewwww”, “Yuck”, “Disgusting”, and “Ick!”  I put the evidence into a plastic zip seal bag.

Just as I did so, the door to the lab opened.  It was Margie and Blaise.  Their talking was soft and not as upbeat as they normally were.

They heard a plate shift in the drying rack next to the sink.  Blaise said, “I think someone is here.”

They walked into the bedroom, and I slid the “evidence bag” into my pants pocket.

Blaise saw the dishes in the sink and the stripped bed, at least half stripped with only the pillow and the fitted sheet left.

Blaise said, “Sis, I would have gotten all this cleaned up.  I apologize for the mess.  When Aunt Tensie saw me trapped inside the box as I tried to solve a problem and you weren’t around, she would have me take a thirty-minute nap.  It helped to hit a reset button, so to speak.  I would wake up and look at the problem from a different angle and come up with what she had already been thinking of.  It has been my way of thinking through tough problems ever since she passed away.  As for the dishes, I usually wash them once a day before I go home.  But thanks.  I’ll get the rest of this cleaned up.”

“Oh, never mind.  Sit down.  I’ve got some juicy gossip.”  I replied.  They sat on the side of the bed, but I noticed that they almost had arm length distance between them.  These two that go crazy kissing each other like the other was an ice cream cone, only from the neck up, ravenously kissing, were sitting arm length apart, on a bed, a bed that had a used condom under the pillow.

I started my made-up story.  “I heard from the bus driver that took Michael and Arabella out to the farm to milk the goats.  They were taking a little too long, and the driver went to check up on them and they were in the hay, making love.  No protection, and there they were going after it like rabbits.  What do you think of that?”

Margie and Blaise looked at the floor.  Both hemmed and hawed a bit.  Then Margie said, “Well, Arabella has been saying things that suggested she was ready for something physical.  I guess it was only a matter of time.”  Blaise said, “Yeah” noncommittally.  Neither made eye contact.

I continued, “Michael is too young to nonchalantly walk into the drugstore and buy condoms.  If he had a friend that had some, at least they might not be having a baby soon.  Do either of you know about a friend that has some condoms that he could give to Michael?”

They still made no eye contact with me, but they shook their heads vigorously to indicate that they did not.

I pulled my little evidence bag out of my pocket and asked them, “Then why was this in your bed, Blaise?”

Blaise finally looked up, “Hey, where did you…  No, Soap, you have the wrong idea.  We didn’t do anything.  Really, Soap.”

I tapped the reservoir.  “This isn’t shaving cream, Blaise.”

Blaise straightened a little.  “No, it’s hand cream.  I… I… I put it in the condom to remind me that I was not going to do such things until I got married.”

I shook my head in disgust.  “Blaise, when you had Margie deliver tainted skin cream to see if I would like using it, you ended up going to prison.”

Blaise shook his head.  “No, that’s hand cream in the condom, and I wasn’t charged with a crime.  I went to the prison for the tainted facial cream, but I was not convicted of anything.  It was a program to scare me into straightening up my life, and it worked.  Big Red Mac led me to Jesus.”

I twirled the bag around in my hand.  “But here you are up to your old tricks.”

Margie had been crying.  “Soap!  It was all me.  It was my condom.  I had one just in case.  I walked into the lab and when I saw Blaise in bed, he had a morning woodie.”

I asked, “Morning woodie?”

Margie said, “He was asleep with a boner.”

Blaise said, “It is natural, Soapy.  It is called nocturnal penile tumescence (NPT).  It can happen to any male with enough testosterone.  They have even done ultrasounds on male babies in the womb and found a boner.  Maybe when you get up to Granddad’s age it slows down, and maybe by GrandPa’s age it stops.  But it happens in sleep, day or night, and other than testosterone, they have not learned another reason, like naughty dreams or looking at porn before you went to sleep or something like that.”

I groaned, “I should have known.  You have a science lecture to change the subject when you are in a whole lot of trouble.”

Margie sniffled, “Can I finish my confession?”  I nodded.  “I saw his NPT, and I took off all my clothes and slid into bed next to him.  As I put my arms around him and started kissing him, he woke up, but not completely.  He rolled over in my direction and started running his fingers through my hair and we started kissing, but he had not noticed that I was naked.  When he did, I pulled out the rubber and said we could do it.  I know, Callie taught us to have as much fun as we could above the neck so we would not think about going any further. Callie’s advice had worked until I saw something making an unfamiliar bump in the sheet.  While Blaise was still waking up and saying things like ‘no’ and ‘wait’, I started taking off his clothes and putting the rubber on him.  I said that we had gone this far, and we might as well finish it.  After I ground my body into him, he started rubbing his body against mine.  After a while, I begged him to put it inside me.  He was driving me mad with what he was doing.  But then Blaise said that we had promised so many people to not do it.  So many people would be disappointed in us.  And he did not think it was the right thing to do.  So, I got out of bed, put my clothes on and ran to the waterfall.  I do my best crying at the waterfall.”

I growled, “Margie, we are already doing preseason exercises to get ready for softball season.  If that condom had broken, you wouldn’t make it past midseason.  Really, I don’t know if you could pitch with a baby bump.  What were you thinking?  Your dream of playing professional softball would be out the window.  And Blaise, I know you were not thinking.  In Aunt Tensie’s bed?  In her lab?  I can see the headlines, ‘COO of Design by Tensie impregnates a teenager in his lab.’  They won’t have to see the small print that you were barely a teenager yourself.  Margie, do you have anything to say for yourself?”

Margie, in tears, looked at me, “Say it, Soap!  I wasn’t thinking either.  It has been nearly two years since the seniors of the team handed me the, ummm, things of two boys.  I could choose either one or have fun with both.  Soapy, I thought about it before I let go and ran out of the showers.  Yes, they have cleaned that up for the team, but it is still in my brain.  I had a boy’s thing in my left hand and a boy’s thing in my right hand.  And I wanted to play with them.  And then when I ran out of the showers, everybody laughed at me.  All because I wanted Blaise first, and maybe last.  But now, only Blaise.”

I moaned, “Nice recovery, Margie, but it was a bit clumsy.”

Blaise said, “But, Soap, you cannot tell Mom and Dad.  We did not do it.  Please!”

I snarled, “You did not do it?  Just because you almost stuck something inside Margie that does not mean you did not do a lot up to that point.  And if you are that far in your relationship, it will not take much to get there again once your girl toy here buys another condom.  Wait.  They do not come one at a time usually.  So, the next time she brings one in here.”

Blaise begged, “Soap, we did nothing.  Do not tell our folks.”

Mom walked into the room with Missy and Emmett.  “Blaise?  What must Sophia not tell me because you did nothing?”

Margie flopped onto the bed weeping.  Blaise said nothing.  He looked at the floor.  I handed Mom the “evidence bag.”  She opened the bag and held the condom.  She looked at it from all angles.  Then she dipped a finger inside the condom, into the liquid substance.  She put her finger up to her nose.  She rubbed a little on her lip.  I thought I was going to throw up.  Then she squeezed the rest onto the back of her hand and rubbed it in.  What on earth had gone wrong with my mother?!

Mom turned to Blaise.  Here it comes!  The stern lecture.  “Blaise!  Did you steal my hand and facial moisturizing cream?”

I was dumbfounded.  Was Blaise telling the truth?  Did that rotten scoundrel of a brother pull another one on me?  Was he getting away with it, again?

Blaise said, “No, Mom.  When I work with water or oils, I am constantly washing my hands.  Aunt Tensie saw that my hands were getting dry and cracked.  She got her lotion out and rubbed it on my hands.  I told her that it smelled like my Mom.  She told the purchasing lady that the hand and face lotion had to be that particular scent and brand.”

Mom looked at the ceiling.  “Aunt Tensie, I love you, and I still miss you.”  She turned to Blaise.  “Don’t’ move a muscle, young man.  I will get back to you.”  She turned to me.  “Sophia, your Dad will be very disappointed when he reads your report.  Yes, you will have to write this report.  A detective does not jump to conclusions.  In drawing a wrong conclusion, you probably did not even touch the condom directly.  You owe Blaise an apology, but that can wait.  Your interrogation technique produced a confession of wrongdoing.  Because of your erroneous conclusions, it was a bit over the top.  And no one is going to repeat your gossip about little Michael and Arabella.  It was a lie to trick these two idiots into a confession.  Those two do not need vicious gossip to deal with.  But, Sophia, next time you see something, investigate it thoroughly before you accuse someone.  It might be better to let one bad guy go free than the send an innocent person to the death chamber.  Understand?”

Now, I had tears in my eyes, but I nodded.

Mom turned toward the bed.  “Margie, enough crocodile tears.  You were the aggressor, and you got caught.  Face the music, young lady.  You two sit on the bed.”  They did so, but at arm’s length apart.  “Margie, today, you are going to either have a counseling session with Joseph or Pink Lady, understand?  You have a problem that has to be resolved.”  Margie nodded.  “Blaise, you will go with her.”

Blaise protested, “But, Mom, I have a tight deadline.”

Mom’s eyes were like daggers.  “Did I say, ‘when it is convenient?’  I said you will be with her.  If the counselor, Joseph or Pink Lady, says that they want to talk to Margie or you alone, the other goes outside the door and waits.  If you want to pretend that you are a couple waiting to become old enough to pop the question, then you have to act the role.  This will get resolved, you two.”  Then, Mom turned to Missy.  “Since you were eavesdropping on this interrogation before Emmett and I walked into the lab, you must have known about this.”

Missy nodded.  “When Aunt Tensie, I called her that too.  When she had her first heart attack, Blaise was doing CPR when I arrived with the defibrillator.  It was cheaper to put in a nanny cam system than it was hiring a guard just for the lab.  We did not put a camera in her bedroom, but we heard everything in her room.  She had to have passed away in her sleep.  The guards on night shift did not even hear a death rattle.  We did not put a camera in the bedroom or the bathroom for privacy reasons, but we put enough here to catch her falling.  Margie, if you had closed the bedroom door, I would not have seen you strip.  I will have to say that you have a very nice athletic body.  Do not mess it up by doing something wrong.  You are beautiful.  But then, I saw nothing when you crawled into bed with Blaise.”

Margie asked, “Why did you not come down and stop us?”

Missy asked, “Is it my job to be the moral compass for you two?  You two have to figure that one out.  We have the designated places to get romantic with your boyfriend, but that was a request by those people who had been workers in the sex trade.  Seeing such things everywhere would bring back bad memories.  Pink Lady and Gwen are Christians, and they have daily Vespers, but attendance is never required and we do not regulate any moral code inside the apartments, just outside the apartments where others can see.  But you are family.  I came down, letting Julia monitor the screens.  I was about to knock when I heard your footsteps.  I backed away from the door and you ran out into the Crystal Mountain.  You usually go to the waterfall when you are upset.  So, I went into the stairwell and talked to Julia over the radio.  She told me that Blaise finally showed up at the waterfall and the two of you held hands and talked before coming back up here.  She told me how Sophie had found a condom.  Now, I have to brief Julia on what really happened and have her keep a secret.  Security at Lily the Pink is not a morality police force, and we are sworn to keep everything in confidentiality unless it affects the security and reputation of Lily the Pink Enterprises.  Then, Gwen and Pink Lady have to know.  As far as I am concerned, this was a near miss.  A case of going too far, and way too fast in the relationship.  Understand?”

Mom nodded, “Thank you, Missy.  I apologize that my son put you in an awkward situation.”

Missy said, “Think nothing of it, Naomi.  These kids call me Momma Missy.  I have to look after them, but I have a job to do also.”

Blaise asked, “Does Dad have to know?”

Mom said, “You heard me tell Sophia that she had to write a detailed report, including how she had come to the wrong conclusions.  Every report she writes goes to your Dad.  And, Margie, you will tell your parents.  If they try to punish you by not seeing Blaise, I will talk to your father about how God does not remove the temptation from us, but He gives us the strength to resist the temptation.  When you aren’t kissing each other, I have noticed how you work well together.  That might get Blaise’s project back on schedule.  Now, you two decide which counselor you are going to confess all this to.”

Blaise reached out a hand and held Margie’s hand.  “Can we try Joseph?  I think that might be easier than talking to my Aunt Pink.”

Margie, who usually had no problem talking, only nodded.  Joseph’s office was just down the hall, practically across from the lab.  As Mom and I went into the hallway after I stripped the bed, Mom told me to take the linens to the car and Blaise could wash them when we got home.

But as we passed Joseph’s open door, we heard him say, “What do I owe the pleasure of this visit from the love nerds?”

Margie asked, “Love nerds?!”

“Sorry,” Joseph laughed, “I thought you knew what others were calling you.  Instead of lovebirds, it’s love nerds.”

Blaise asked, “Can we talk?”

Joseph must have read the body language and tone of Blaise’s voice.  Joseph replied, “My next appointment is in forty-five minutes.  We will have enough time to figure out what we need to work on.  We may not have enough time to do the work.  You two, come into my office.”

Credits

While some reports state that the average age to become sexually active is eighteen for boys and a little less for girls, over 7 percent have become active by the time they are thirteen.  In other reports, the average age of losing your virginity is seventeen.  Since you can be sexually active without “hitting the homerun,” these reports do not seem to agree with each other.  But it is best to wait.  The drawbacks lead to a great number of complications, and the two that are involved do not tend to learn anything more about the other except for the physical aspects.  In other words, the couple lose those conversations that help them know more about each other on an emotional level, spiritual level, and intellectual level.

And Margie’s problem stemmed from being thrust into a combination of peer pressure and too much too soon.  Then, in acting out her issues, she put Blaise into the same problem.