Thoughts from Mark "Hat" Rackley

“‘If anyone becomes aware that they are guilty—if they unwittingly touch anything ceremonially unclean (whether the carcass of an unclean animal, wild or domestic, or of any unclean creature that moves along the ground) and they are unaware that they have become unclean, but then they come to realize their guilt; or if they touch human uncleanness (anything that would make them unclean) even though they are unaware of it, but then they learn of it and realize their guilt; or if anyone thoughtlessly takes an oath to do anything, whether good or evil (in any matter one might carelessly swear about) even though they are unaware of it, but then they learn of it and realize their guilt—when anyone becomes aware that they are guilty in any of these matters, they must confess in what way they have sinned. As a penalty for the sin they have committed, they must bring to the Lord a female lamb or goat from the flock as a sin offering; and the priest shall make atonement for them for their sin.

• Leviticus 5:2-6

“When they sin against you—for there is no one who does not sin—and you become angry with them and give them over to the enemy, who takes them captive to a land far away or near; and if they have a change of heart in the land where they are held captive, and repent and plead with you in the land of their captivity and say, ‘We have sinned, we have done wrong and acted wickedly’; and if they turn back to you with all their heart and soul in the land of their captivity where they were taken, and pray toward the land you gave their ancestors, toward the city you have chosen and toward the temple I have built for your Name; then from heaven, your dwelling place, hear their prayer and their pleas, and uphold their cause. And forgive your people, who have sinned against you.

• 2 Chronicles 6:36-39

From that time on Jesus began to preach, “Repent, for the kingdom of heaven has come near.”

• Matthew 4:17

Then Jesus began to denounce the towns in which most of his miracles had been performed, because they did not repent. “Woe to you, Chorazin! Woe to you, Bethsaida! For if the miracles that were performed in you had been performed in Tyre and Sidon, they would have repented long ago in sackcloth and ashes. But I tell you, it will be more bearable for Tyre and Sidon on the day of judgment than for you. And you, Capernaum, will you be lifted to the heavens? No, you will go down to Hades. For if the miracles that were performed in you had been performed in Sodom, it would have remained to this day. But I tell you that it will be more bearable for Sodom on the day of judgment than for you.”

• Matthew 11:20-24

If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word is not in us.

• 1 John 1:8-10

And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise them up. If they have sinned, they will be forgiven. Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.

• James 5:9-10

Boilerplate

I’m Harold Dykstra.  I’m retired, but I go to food bank distributions all over Tracy and talk to people that need someone who will listen to their story.  My time is well spent.  A police lieutenant suggested that I write down the conversations that I had with an angel.  I did not know she was an angel at the time.  The angel, for a little over a year, indwelled a life-sized posable action figure my children bought me, so that I would not be perceived as travelling alone.  And in a way, she was training me for what I do while talking to the needy.  She probed my heart to find out what I believed and how I express love for others.  She changed my life.

In her leaving, she said someone would come.  I had thought that was Jesus, in His second coming, but a new Babs, a little older, the model for the posable action figure arrived.  While I had no desire to start over, Morrie helped her move in, thinking she was the other Babs who had returned.

This Week’s Question

Last week Barbara Bounty gave a brief testimony of how she had seen, in dream form, every conversation I had with Babs.  Never having been exposed to a discussion about God, she sought out a pastor who came to the assisted living home where she was hiding, hoping no one recognized her as being a retired porn star.  She learned enough about Jesus from the dreams and talking to the pastor to accept Jesus into her life.  And when the first Babs in my life left, Barbara Bounty felt a strong feeling that the one to come was her.  She packed everything and moved to the big city of Tracy, without having any idea where I lived in the city.  Only finding me through an advertisement that Morrie made in the newspaper.  Morrie and Barbara (Babs) are convinced God put the idea into Morrie’s mind just at the right time for her to look at the personals.

Now, Babs had gotten her apartment cleaned up.  I took her to my credit union, and she set up an account.  She went to the DMV and got a new driver’s license.  That was hilarious, in that there was already a Barbara Bounty who met her description on file, but the clerk said that since the hair color was all wrong, she agreed Barbara should get a new license.  Otherwise, her requesting a new license when hers was not about to expire confused them to no end.

And we had a morning and evening Bible study every day.  We started with the Ten Commandments in Exodus and went through Leviticus.  We only stopped and discussed when she wondered why that one or the other one was a rule.  After all, she had not been brought up in a Christian home.  She said that she was old school.  So many of the other ladies she worked with had gotten tattoos, but she had not.  She did not see anything wrong with one or two, but in some cases, she got work (naughty work) because the other women did not look the part with all the tattoos.  But otherwise, we had a lot of discussions about things that did not apply in our lives: no animal sacrifices, no dietary restrictions except a few that made sense, and we were not going to build a tabernacle in our backyard.

Strange, I just said “our” backyard, but she is paying rent.  That alleviated some of the dietary restrictions in that I rarely had beef other than ground beef and even more rarely had fish other than a can of tuna.  With a new money stream, I started inviting her down for the evening meal, which always led to our evening Bible study.

I asked, “Babs, what would you like to talk about in our evening Bible study?”

Babs snickered, “I haven’t finished my vegetables.”  She took the last few stewed diced tomatoes and capers.  She smiled, enjoying that she was making me wait.  After she had swallowed, she said, “And now for dessert.”

I said, “I did not prepare dessert.  We do not need dessert.”

Babs scrunched her nose, “But if you don’t eat your cupcake, I’ll have to eat both of them.  That will ruin my girlish figure.”

I asked, “What cupcake?”

Babs said, “I borrowed the car, if you remember.  Behind the bread box, there are two cupcakes, one for each of us and a dozen cookies.  We’ll need them next week.”

I asked, “Why do we need cookies next week?”

Babs huffed, “For Santa Claus.  My upbringing had nothing about Jesus, but I got a stocking full of stuff and presents from Santa Claus.  I will give you my wish list tomorrow.  But no, I will give my wish list now.  I want us to have good times together.  When you are ready, I want to go on a real date, since I have never had one.  And I want to feel like a normal human being.  Can you deliver, or am I having to hope for the chubby guy who comes down the chimney?”

I shook my head, “You just got here a week ago.  Sure, my children and grandchildren are in love with you.  If I dated you, they would be ecstatic, but it has not been two years since my wife died.  Don’t you have to wait longer than that?”

Babs moaned, “There is no set time, but propriety, according to the internet, is two years before you remarry.  I am just asking about a date.  You know, what we are doing right here, except at a restaurant and then a ball game, a walk in the park, or a movie.  If you choose the movie thing, make it a Christian movie or a G-rated thing.  We have spent so much time this past week on what sin is according to Leviticus, I would be toast if God didn’t send Jesus.  Now, that brings me to the Bible study.  Do we confess?  Do we repent?  Or does God just know that we are trying to do better, and we have Jesus in our hearts?”

“Wow!” I replied, “That is an interesting question. Or series of questions.”  I looked up a couple of things on my computer, kept at the table for just such occasions.  “Okay, ‘confess’ is in the NIV 26 times, slightly more often in the Old Testament.  That is kind of interesting because a lot of people think of it as a New Testament concept.  But ‘repent’ is in the NIV 78 times, and two-thirds of those are in the New Testament.  Jesus preached “repentance.”  Matthew 4:17 says that as He started His ministry, His message was to repent for the kingdom of heaven was near.  Then in his woes to Chorazin and Bethesda, Jesus was upset because they did not repent.  So, repentance is the key thing.”

Babs asked, “What is repentance, exactly?”

I smiled, “You see sin in your life, and you turn away from it.  I have heard people say that to repent, you turn from the sin to look upon Jesus.  If we have Jesus in our hearts, it is very hard to go back to that sin while you have your eyes on Jesus.”

Babs giggled, “That might be kinda hard, but what about confession?  But if I started confessing just my sins of adultery, I wouldn’t remember half of them.  And what I do remember, or could watch on film to remind me, would take me a month to confess.”

I smiled, “Babs, God knows the life you led, and He has forgiven those sins.  Yes, confess what comes to mind, but stick to the now.  Remember what Leviticus 5 says about becoming unclean without knowing.  You did not know back then that you were in sin, and now that you know, you might never remember.  God knows what is in your heart now.  Let’s let the past be the past.”

Babs asked, “But what about your past?  Were you always the church mouse that I see sitting next to me?  Did you and your wife live chaste lives until you got married?”

I asked, “You listened in to all of my conversations, through dreams, I am sure you know the answer to that question.”

Babs scrunched her nose, “I may be wrong, but I do not think it ever came up.  So, confess.  I hear it is good for the soul.”

I groaned, “I was a Christian at the time, so this makes it hard for me to say.  It was a lot worse, since I knew better.”

Babs smiled, “Goodie!  I will feel so much better to know that I am not the only sinner in this house.”

I snarled, “Babs, I have never said that I was without sin.  And back then, the hormones were flying, and my parents were bugging me, asking if I would ever give them grandchildren.  But I had only three dates in high school, never any of them resulting in a good-night kiss.  I was a bit shy and awkward.  Then as a freshman in college, I was living at home.  To have peace and quiet to study, I went to the library at T.R.U.S.T.  I had a backpack filled with thick books: Calculus, Chemistry, Thermodynamics, and Computer Programming.  I had heavy homework in each of those.  The English classes were rather easy.  This young girl came in, same age as me, and she asked if there was any room left at the table for her homework.  I moved some of my books back to the backpack.  After a while, she started laughing.  I asked what was funny, and she said that she couldn’t even pronounce the names of my textbooks, but somehow, she thought it odd that we were both doing late afternoon homework at the library.  Then we both admitted that our parents did not have a quiet room in the house.  At that time, my mother’s mother lived in your room and what is now your great room was my room.  They were all losing their hearing and the televisions played a game called ‘who can out blast the other one.’ She laughed, and she was the middle sister of three sisters, and the other two interfered in her business.  Her name was Pat.  She was a Patsy for no one.  Patty led to patty cake and the boys trying to play with her breasts by mistake.  And Patricia was too formal.”

Babs asked, “Why are you so formal, person who must be called Harold?”

I groaned, “PE in junior high and high school.  The guys would say, “He is Harry, but he’s not hairy.  We are hairy, but why not Harry.  Is he a fairy?”

Babs chortled, “That is hilarious.  Were you bald?”

I reddened, “I was a late bloomer, and I had no hair down there, until more than a year after everyone else had a big bush.  Then it was one hair at a time that would appear.  So, it has been Harold ever since.”

Babs smiled, “Okay, I interrupted a confession.  But you have not confessed anything yet.”

I shrugged, “After meeting by accident the first time, we started giving each other our schedules.  We laughed a little, we made eyes at each other a little, but most importantly, we allowed each other to study.  But helping each other with our homework was out of the question.  We could have had English together, and we eventually had some philosophy electives together, but we were for the most part at opposite ends of the university.  It took me a month to ask her out, a late night pizza after we were finished with the homework.  For six months, we had dinner together once each week, and we might have seen two movies.  The rest of our dates were walking in the park.  I had my dad’s old car, and we went for drives around Tracy, when I had enough for the gas.”  Babs started rolling her hands, I suppose, to get to the naughty confession.  “Okay, I’m getting there.  We went to her house one day.  I saved her the bus ride, but she had one of those monthly tickets where you rode as often as you needed to ride.  We went to her room, and I told her for the first time that I was in love with her.  When I had enough money for a ring, I would propose.  She told me that the answer would be yes when I did that.  When we started kissing while sitting on the edge of her bed, her older sister barged into the room wearing a revealing negligee.  I think I mentioned that Pat said her sisters interfered with her life.  Her sister applauded our kissing, and she wanted to help us get to the good stuff.  Pat got embarrassed and walked from the room.  Her sister asked me that if I liked what I saw, I could see more.  Then the little sister came in and complained that she had been looking through the crack at the door hinge and we were boring.  I excused myself from the room and went home.  At the library the next night, we talked about how rude her sisters were, but we’d been dating for six months, sort of, and people might ask what was wrong with us.  Most people would have done something by then.  We each started making excuses.  The kissing became necking which became petting.  We only roamed south of the beltline six months after we started down that road.  And another year before I rented a room for the night.  After we had gone too far, we planned the wedding.  She would come to my room, and we would do more than plan.  We would end up in bed together.  Once that barrier is passed, there seems to be no returning to the holding hands stuff.  That summer, we got married, neither one of us having finished our college degrees.  Even in marriage, we went to the library to do our homework, just like before, but we kissed more often.  So, I cannot look down on you for having that sin.  I made the same mistake.  With God, there are no degrees.  We are each guilty, but God washed those sins away.  If you are wondering, if we ever start dating, I will not make that mistake again.”

Babs smiled, “Nor I, Harold Dykstra.  But did you ever stay with your in-laws?”

I laughed, “I see where you are going there, Babs.  No.  Not even after we were married.  We stayed uncomfortably with my folks until after graduation.  Then we moved into an apartment until my folks got sick.  We then moved back to be caregivers until they died.  But since her parents lived in Tracy, we visited whenever we wanted, but with those two sisters, we never afforded them the chance of snooping.”

Babs snickered, “So, what is repentance?  Like you said, ‘not making that mistake again’?”

I nodded, “Yeah.  I confessed. I am sure you have confessed.  And we look to Jesus instead of looking with lust toward each other.  But I have a few more Bible references to go over.”

Babs straightened her back, which accentuated her assets a little, “Well, don’t let me stop you.”

I smiled, knowing she had wormed a confession out of me to throw my concentration off the topic.  “Solomon’s prayer when dedicating the temple is very interesting.  Solomon says that the people will eventually sin enough for God to do as God had said He would do, to exile the people to foreign lands.  But He begs God that if the people repent, God will return a remnant.  So, you have confession in Leviticus, and you have repentance in 1 Kings and 2 Chronicles.  So, both were important from the beginning.  But then in 1 John 1, the Apostle John speaks of us admitting that we are sinners.  He speaks of confessing that sin.  And he speaks of God’s promise to forgive that sin.  Again, it would be impossible to confess every sin, for many of our sins are sins that we are unaware of, like touching something that was unclean, but we did not know it – not that anything that God makes clean can now be considered unclean – but you get my point.  And James says that our prayers are effective.  God can heal someone through prayer and the healing that comes from our sins being forgiven is a result of our confession and repentance.”

Babs nodded, “Thank you, Harold.  I will take this lesson to heart.  I have work to do in my prayer closet, but what about the work next week?  I set up a little Christmas Tree in my room, but you have not put up a tree.  Are you one of those ‘bah humbug’ people?”

I sighed, “Maybe I am.  My wife was so much into Christmas.  She would do so much decorating, but when she got sick, she quit, completely.  I asked her if I should at least put up the tree.  We have a fake tree in storage.  She said that since the children were grown, why bother?  When the first Babs was here, Willie came over to decorate, but she didn’t this year.”

At that moment, the doorbell rang.  Babs asked me, singing to the tune of the doorbell, “Who’s that now?”  and I played along by singing, “I don’t know.”  But our question was answered without us going to the door.  Willie, who has a key to the house, said, “Merry Christmas, Mr. Scrooge!  We came to bring cheer to the house.  I apologize for being so late.  We have had church events and missions to support all month.  It is just now calming down and instead of propping up our feet, we are here.”

I said, “You needn’t bother.  Babs already has a tree upstairs.”

Willie retorted, “But our mission is to brighten up Mr. Scrooge, not the Ghost of Christmas Present.”

Babs said, “Did you say Christmas presents?  Did you get me something nice?  Can I shake the package to figure out what it is?  This is so much fun!”

Willie laughed, “I said Ghost of Christmas Present.  You know, from Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carol.  Three ghosts: past, present, and yet to come.  But relax, Babs, the kids and I have picked out some really nice things to put under the tree for you, but if we don’t get grumpy Gus moving and maybe smiling, we won’t have a tree to put things under.  Oh, and please do not shake the presents.  Something might break.  And thanks for letting us know you are a shaker.  We will package them differently in the future.  Now, smile, Opa!  That’s an order!”

I made the most grotesque smile that I could manage.  Willie stumbled backwards, “Don’t do that in front of the children.  It will give them nightmares!”

There was laughter in the other room.  The little ones were probably unpacking the boxes and throwing tinsel at each other.  I put on a real smile and went to the living room.  The room was already a mess, but the children were laughing, and even the Reverend that Willie was married to was tossing tinsel – until Willie caught him.

Babs came into the room, hugging the children and laughing.

Having Babs here might just work out after all.

Credits

All these conversations remind me of my conversations with my wife.  We would talk about anything and everything.  And most of the time, it sounded like a discussion in a Sunday school class.

My wife never talked about her life prior to us getting married, other than “the men in my life did me wrong.”  Of course, she told me a lot about the family stuff, good and bad.  If she could have managed to confess some of those sins, she might have carried the weight of less of the guilt, for God had already forgiven those sins.

The books Harold took to the library (and for me it was a study hall in the engineering building).  Those books were my first semester in college if you added Army ROTC to the mix, thus an overload.  I had chemistry lab, ROTC drill, and the Calculus was a 5-hour course, really six hours of instruction each week with the bell not ringing at the hour on Tuesday/Thursday.  With the way they stretch a four-year degree into six years these days, my load might be a double load in today’s thinking.

And I met my future wife after I completed my undergraduate, so the confession is pure fiction.

Harold Dykstra was never as grumpy as Ebenezer Scrooge, but he had gotten a little depressed regarding the stress of the holiday.  Last year, I put up an eight-inch tree in the middle of the kitchen table, complete with a music box that spun the tree around – Hey, that is better than what we had for all the years when my wife was so sick when we did not put up a tree at all, and rarely bought presents.

Soli Deo Gloria.  Only to God be the Glory.