Thoughts from Mark "Hat" Rackley

I’m Jemima L. Yeggs, a.k.a. Stinker.  Pink Lady Apple Yeggs, my landlady and my auntie, has decided that now that I am not off having adventures by chasing storms, warning people about the storm that is coming, and helping the people who are devastated by them, I should write about my Sunday School Class.  She wants to read about how younger people, especially couples respond to what the Bible says.  And she wants to know how God is at work at Lily the Pink.

The Turtle Team was officially off until after New Years.  The others in the class were all present.  With the lack of boyfriends, at least for Tamara Collins a boyfriend who never attends the class, Tamara and Mary Jo have become good friends as they do their Bible studying together.  It’s like little Frank Lynn has an aunt.  I look at Mary Jo, who is only a couple of years older than me, and a surge of fear rushes through my body.  Easy is a good driver.  He is very safe, but if something went terribly wrong, I could be a 20-something widow with a child.  Mary Jo is always in my prayers.

B.B. helped me with my hair.  It had become our thing before class, but she was spending extra time to make my hair look extra special.  She did not say why.  Stormie was not with us.  Stormie was awake and Easy had Stormie in Aunt Pink’s office, which served as our classroom.  Everyone was taking their turns playing with Stormie except for Otto.

Otto started out in life as Rotten Yeggs.  His father, my uncle by marriage, had been denied access to the one he loved, Aunt Pink, but as a “prize” for bringing his grades up his senior year, a teacher slept with him and got pregnant.  She was secretly a pedophile, going to prison for multiple counts of pedophilia years later, but she married the newly graduated Scrambled, naming their first Rotten, due to Scrambled really being in love with Aunt Pink.  They stayed married only about a year.  She ran off to have her fill of younger boys right after Poached was born.  And all this time, he never knew that Aunt Pink had been pregnant with his baby, and she had given the baby up so the monks at the monastery could raise Boaz away from the clutches of the Rotten Apple Gang.  But as for Rotten, he became rotten in thought, word, and deed.  He seemed to break everything that he touched, except for bakery goods.  He was great in the bakery.  He had a soft touch there.  He was still trying to understand what Zuzka had told him when they first met.  His name was really Otto.  The “R” and the “N” were just silent.  Somehow, Zuzka turned the “E” into an “O”.  But when Pink Sparkle was born, Otto would only hold her when he was sitting down, so all he had to do was not move while he leaned in close and talk to his infant sister.  Now, Zuzka was pregnant.  I’m thinking after a few diaper changes, he will get over his fear of breaking the baby.

When B.B. and I emerged from the restroom and came into Aunt Pink’s office, there was a huge present on top of the desk.  I rarely sat behind the desk, but this week, I would not be able to do that.  No one would see me, and I would see no one in the class.

Arabella asked, “Aunt Jemima” – what the children call me since Stinker does not sound very respectful – “what’s our next topic?”

I groaned, “Did you not get the text or email?  It’s God’s self-existence.  God always was and He always will be.  No one made God.  So, who made you, Fireball?”

Arabella puffed out her chest, “God made me.”

I nodded, “Yeah, but I was thinking about your parents.  Did they have something to do with it?”

Arabella snickered and she spoke in a staged whisper, “I know, but I was not going to bring that up.  We have sensitive ears in the room.”

I was confused.  Arabella was up to something, but I would play her straight man until she revealed her intention.  I spoke in a stage whisper back to her, “Stormie is too young to understand.  That leaves Blaise, Michael and you as the youngest in the class.  Do you have sensitive ears, Arabella?”

Arabella rolled her eyes, still with a stage whisper.  “No, I help the vet deliver llamas.  The vet watches me deliver goats.  I am great at kidding.  And I watch the animals.  When they get, ummm, frisky, I start counting months.  And since the goats belong to Michael, I don’t think he has any problem knowing about that stuff.  As for Blaise, he is such a brainiac.  I am sure he knows.”

I whispered my question, “Then who has sensitive ears?”

Arabella leaned in closer.  “I’m worried about your best friend, you know, B.B. and Joseph.  They’ve been married six months, and no baby bump.  Dr. Ellie has a baby bump, but not B.B.  Do you think they might not know what they’re doing?”

B.B. growled and then said, a little too loud, since all the discussion so far was in stage whisper, “You little scamp!”

The entire room burst into laughter, scaring Stormie who was the only one crying.  No, wait, B.B. was starting to tear up.

I asked Arabella, “Fireball, if Home Wrecker is not chasing storms because she is pregnant, and B.B. does the same thing, who will run the Turtle?”  Arabella just shrugged.  “Exactly, so Joseph and Mary are waiting.  Give them time.”

I turned to Emmett, completely forgetting about starting us in prayer.  Emmett and his little choir were joined by Angus and Missy.  They sang Auld Lang Syne.  The little choir sang the first verse and then Angus, Missy, Menzie, and Samuel Farquharson sang a couple of verses in the Old Scot language that Robert Burns wrote the poem originally.  Then the choir repeated those verses in a more familiar language.

I asked, “Ummm, isn’t that a song better suited for Tuesday night?  You know, New Year’s Eve?”

Emmett said, “On Tuesday night, Angus and Missy will be playing the pipes, so you might want to leave Stormie in the nursery.  It’s going to be loud.  But since they don’t get to sing the words in the Old Scot language of Robert Burns, I gave them the chance now.  Besides, we aren’t having class today anyway.”

I asked, “We’re not?  Who said?  I’m the teacher, and I didn’t say.”

Zuzka said, “It amaze me.  You like Mom.  She have box on desk.  She never look at box.  She go about business.  Stinker, you do the same.  When you get here, was box on desk?”

I had to think about that for a little while, “Ummm.  I think the answer is no.”

Zuzka said, “Did you not see beeeg (an exaggereated big) tag on box?  Tag as big as face, right next to your face?”

I shrugged, “I just assumed Aunt Pink had one more Christmas present to open.”  I turned toward the box and on a big, I mean, a really big tag, it read, “To: Stinker, From: The Stinker Sunday school class, Instructions: pull on the tag.”

I said, “Ummm, okay.  I have no idea what this is for, but it says to pull on the tag.”  The tag seemed to be attached to a spring.  The sides of the box flopped open in four directions, each side taking a portion of the top with them.  Confetti flew everywhere, most landing on the cake inside.  In the corners of the box, there were little presents, wrapped in leftover Christmas wrapping paper.

I turned to Blaise, “Another gizmo from Mr. Gizmo?  Aren’t you busy dreaming up a ball drop for Tuesday night?”

Blaise smiled, “That’s already designed, and it will be a pink water lily.  This was a test of something that Mabel wanted.  The confetti are edible.”

Joseph walked over and leaned down to kiss me on the forehead.  “Jemima, Stinker, you took time off from storm chasing to have a baby.  You did not have to start a Sunday school class.  But as people heard about how much fun people had here, the group outgrew your apartment.  Much more growth, and it will outgrow Pink’s office.  And to think that everyone here will leave here to go to another Sunday school class in a variety of churches.”  Joseph straightened his back and turned to the class.  “Will everyone bow their heads in prayer?  Dear Lord, bless this cake.  Bless the hands that prepared it.  Bless the hands that prepared the box.  And bless our Sunday school class.  May we leave here with a little cake inside us and a whole lot of your love inside us, dear Lord.  In thy name we pray…”

And everyone said, “Amen.”

Then Emmett stood and directed everyone, “1, 2, 3” and everyone said, “Thank you, Aunt Jemima!”

I tried to say something, but nothing came out.  I was shocked.

Easy leaned over and said, “There is a knife, and hidden behind Aunt Pink’s chair are forks and plates.  If you don’t cut the cake quickly, the Sunday school rebellion might take a nasty turn.”

Sophia and Margie ran around to get the plates and forks.  My hands were shaking, but I cut the cake.  I plated each slice on a plate that Sophie offered.  Then, Sophie handed the plate to Margie, who added the fork and gave it to each person in line.

When everyone had a piece of cake, somehow everyone also had a cup of hot apple cider (no alcohol).  I guess they had something warming in the kitchen and they slipped out to get it.  I was either not very observant today or they worked hard on the surprise.

One of the presents was from B.B.  It was the biggest box.  Inside was a variety of hair care products.

B.B. shrugged, “With better hair care products, maybe your hair will be manageable enough for you to do it yourself.  You know, when you and Dr. Ellie have gotten over this baby thing and are back in the Turtle so that I can have my turn at doing that.”

I asked, “You really bought that?  That was me covering for my bestie who obviously does not know how to, ummm, do it.”

B.B. threw her arms around my neck.  “I love you, bestie.  Even though you have horrible comedic timing.  Don’t worry.  I’ll fix that in the editing room.”

I pulled away, “You had this recorded?!”

B.B. said, “I try to record everything, especially when all the Turtle team members are together.  Why do you think I took extra care in getting your hair done?”

This time, I hugged her.

Then she added, “Besides, I hadn’t gotten the signal yet.”  Then, she started laughing.

I said, “And all this stage whispering with Arabella was part of the gag?”

B.B. winked, “I will not tell all my secrets.”

The package from the Drivers, Mary Jo and Frank Lynn, and Tamara Collins was an alligator head.  I nearly jumped out of my skin when I saw it.  Darrell Driver said, “Aaaaw, the gator must have eaten your gift.”  Then I looked in the gator’s mouth and there was a prepaid gift card with coupons for diapers exclusively from Standish Pharmacy.  I might use the big package store, but Standish was probably the easiest place to go if I needed something in a hurry, and I am sure that Tamara gets a discount since she works there.

The MacDougalls gave me a jump drive with music that Menzie has recorded and a diaper bag with thistles decorating the pockets.  I didn’t want to say anything, but it looked like the diaper bag that I had in my dream.

The Caseys got me some camera mounts for odd situations.  I would be able to set up my personal cameras in a lot of ways.

Everyone was getting finished with their cake and hot apple cider and I wanted to adjourn with our blessing.

I said, “I want to thank everyone.  This was unexpected and very special.  As we have been doing, let’s end with our benediction.  Everyone bow your heads in prayer.  ‘“‘The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face shine on you and be gracious to you; the Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace.’”’” (Numbers 6:24-26)

Credits

We didn’t make it to the first Scripture on God’s Self-existence, which will be Exodus 3:11-15, but I will still use the following Credit.

I am using suggested Bible verses from The Attributes of God, A Journey into the Father’s Heart by A.W. Tozer, in two volumes. My two volumes have a Study Guide by David E. Fessenden, which is designed for each chapter of Tozer’s book. I may review those chapters to keep Stinker from straying too much, but the nature of her class is that the class tends to stray anyway. I am not using Rev. Tozer’s comments directly.

And here is Auld Lang Syne sung by The Choral Scholars of University College Dublin.

Soli Deo Gloria.  Only to God be the Glory.