Thoughts from Mark "Hat" Rackley

“I do not pray for these alone, but also for those who will believe in Me through their word; that they all may be one, as You, Father, are in Me, and I in You; that they also may be one in Us, that the world may believe that You sent Me. And the glory which You gave Me I have given them, that they may be one just as We are one: I in them, and You in Me; that they may be made perfect in one, and that the world may know that You have sent Me, and have loved them as You have loved Me.

• John 17:20-23

And He answered and said to them, “Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.”

• Matthew 19:4-6

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.
Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them.

• Colossians 3:19-19

The Boilerplate

My wife started to write her thoughts down at one point in her life.  Some hints point to 2018 and 2019, after she had her open-heart surgery.  In spite of her trials and the atrial fibrillation (A-Fib) that required her to take blood thinners, this was before her major health decline.

Sometimes, she wrote a thought.  Other times, she wrote a Bible verse, and maybe her idea on that day.  Other times, it is a prayer, but I am going to take one entry at a time and try to write about it

Her comment

“Oneness – comes only with a lifetime of hard work, commitment, and dedication – Food for thought.”

• My wife’s next comment in this notebook

The Discussion

My wife probably copied the quote, but I can find it nowhere on the internet.  If someone could help, I would appreciate it.

I think my wife was thinking about our marriage when she wrote down this food for thought.

It had been hard for her especially.

She had been abused by a commanding officer.  The abuse was mostly an unfair duty roster where she pulled three and four times as much duty as the nurses and twice as much duty as the technicians.  Yes, she kept track.  Some weeks, she was always scheduled to work long cases when the mess hall was open.  Since she had no cash, she had to beg friends for a morsel to eat.  Note: Enlisted personnel in the military had three meals per day guaranteed, but if you failed to show up when the mess hall was open, it was your problem and her colonel, head of nursing, knew that.  With the colonel dictating who worked each case and when, my wife rarely ate six meals each week.  When she finally collapsed, she weighed less than seventy pounds.  Why did the LTC do it?  My wife was competent, better than most of the registered nurses when it came to surgical techniques.  The doctor’s loved working with her.  But she was Eurasian, looking a little like a Vietnamese, and the North Vietnamese were our enemy at the time.  A lame excuse, but when you are twisted inside, you do not need much excuse.  The LTC was forgiven her abuse and her record of abuse was expunged if she took an immediate retirement.  She lived a life of luxury as a philanthropist while my wife had PTSD the rest of her life.  My wife was not the first that she had abused in this manner.

But she agreed to marry me, even though she knew I had a military commitment.  Even as an officer’s wife, the colonel’s wife (LTC) knew she had been enlisted, and “knowing” how hard it was, my wife was expected to help the younger officer’s wives cope, when she had the hardest time coping herself.  Her hair fell out and then came back pure white, for a couple of years, alopecia errata.

Then, when I got out of the military, I had been given a false job description.  I refused to become an operator on shift and that started a downward trend in income for the next ten years until I had a great job offer working for NASA, just to have that project cancelled by the next incoming president.  After that, my work life was spotty for a few years until I landed in Pennsylvania, where we have been ever since, until she passed away.

It was one kick in the teeth after another, for both of us.  And I think she wrote this shortly before her health started failing, maybe after the open-heart surgery, but even though she never complained about her health, I think she had the pain by this time.

And I had stepped up to be her caregiver.  It was my turn to not have a life, just so that she could continue living, until she was gone.  She sacrificed while I was having the same fortune with bosses that she had when she was in the military…

But oneness is hard work, mostly without complaint.  It was commitment and dedication.  No matter how hard it got, she submitted herself and I loved her with all my heart, strength and soul.

And when she passed, I felt a piece of me had passed along with her.  When two people have been one flesh for that long, and both fought the good fight, you find that oneness.

Was my wife writing this because she was feeling the wear and tear from the hard work?  Or was she reflecting back that we loved each other more now in our “golden” years with a rotten wood budget?  We were committed and dedicated to one another.

For those who glorify God in their marriage, you do not always have it easy.  The most glorifying times are when life has kicked you in the teeth.  You look at your spouse and say, “I love you more now than ever and we both love God more now than we ever did.”  That is oneness with each other and oneness with our Lord and Savior in action.

Soli Deo Gloria.  Only to God be the Glory