Thoughts from Mark "Hat" Rackley

I’m Pink Lady Apple Yeggs and my friend, and brother-in-law, Deviled Yeggs suggested that I record each project that I set up in the hopes of reforming the people who continue to work for Lily the Pink Enterprises.  If for no other reason, it would show how God is at work.

As requested, two people came into my office and sat in my visitors’ chairs.  Rosie Posey was smiling and bright-eyed.  Tammie Thompson avoided my gaze.  She seemed distressed.

I asked, “Do you know why I asked you to come here?”

Rosie nodded, but Tammie began to cry.  She said between the sobs, “I can only imagine.  I have been here two weeks.  I have taken advantage of your hospitality.  I stay here rent free.  I eat two meals a day here and Rosie pays for the third meal.  I am a burden to everyone.  Everyone here knows that I am a loser, and that I have done nothing to pay you back for your generosity.  All I can think of is that you brought us here to tell me I had to go.”

I walked around the desk and knelt before Tammie so that I could look up into her eyes, but I addressed Rosie, “Rosie did you give her this idea?  Did you not tell her how the entire place is filled with discarded strays and losers, for the most part?”

Rosie snickered, “I did, Mommie Pinkie, but she wasn’t buying it.  She will not be dissuaded until she knows that you care.  I told her if she could not take my word for it, tell you what she told me earlier today, just the way she just said it.  I told her that she will immediately see you in action and she would know you were for real.”

I then smiled and spoke, making contact into Tammie’s eyes.  “Tammie, I always do follow-ups with people who come here.  I mostly discuss sexual problems, since the original employees here were all part of the brothel.  You can trust me as much as you can trust any faithful person in this world.  We all make mistakes.  God forgives us, but sometimes someone is disappointed in us along the way.  Even Rosie makes mistakes.”

At this, Tammie stifled a laugh.  Rosie said, “Way to throw your roommate under the bus, Tammie.”

I shook my head, “I sense a story here.  I hope it is amusing.”

Rosie raised a hand.  “Okay, I will confess.  You have this rule that we are not to walk around naked in the common areas, but that does not mean that we cannot strip in our rooms.  I have a one-bedroom apartment in the middle apartment building down the street.  I gave Tammie my bedroom and I have been sleeping on a foldout sofa.  A few days ago, Tammie spent the entire day clear eyed, clear headed, and cheerful all day long.  I had worked graveyards that night and when I came in, I showered and threw on an apron.  I have cooked naked before, but when you fry bacon, it is best to cover as much as possible.  I learned that early on.  So, I guess the smell of the bacon woke her up.  I was trying to be as quiet as possible.  She walked in and saw my backside.  Other than a string at the neck and a string around the waist, I was naked from behind.  She asked what I was doing, and suddenly, I realized that she was awake, and she had seen me naked, at least the back half.  I apologized and swore I would have gotten dressed before I brought her breakfast in bed.”

I snickered, “But Rosie, the mission people, and Tammie is officially a mission person staying here, gets breakfast and the evening meals free.  We keep track of that and give that information to Dorothy Cahn, whom we all call Dot Com, and we work out the financial ramifications.”

Rosie snickered and shook her head.  “Yeah. The mission pays you for the meals, but you probably donate ten times that back to the mission.”

I snarled, “There are tax implications that your AA sponsor insists on tracking, Rosie.  At times, I wonder who is in charge with Tommie Tat, Gwen, and a few others telling me what to do.  But how did you resolve this issue?”

Rosie replied, “I asked her if she wanted another sponsor since I had screwed up.  I was chosen because I had been a lesbian, and I am an alcoholic.  With showing just part of my naked body, I crossed a line, but I had no idea she had woken up.”

Tammie said, “I saw her, and for a second, I had a moment of desire, but something said this wasn’t right.  But after she said that she would step away as my sponsor, I told her that I needed her.  Not romantically, but I needed someone who understood me, not just the alcoholic in me.”

I nodded.  I got up, with a grown, and sat on the edge of the desk.  “Tammie, I called you in to see how things were going, to see if more needs to be done.  But I also want you to feel better about yourself.  You could continue to be a freeloader, as you have characterized yourself, but then you would think of yourself in such terms.  You need a job that fits your interests.  Oh!  I forgot.  You met Georges Evident here two weeks ago.  He and Jochebed live here.  He works in Organized Crime and reports to Lt. Yeggs, my brother-in-law, who you also met.  Georges knows a couple of police who investigate organized crime at the state capitol.  This is strictly off the books.  From what you said, I think the Uof, the police, and organized crime are all one big happy family.  Georges has already obtained copies of porn photos and videos that have you, Tab, and J’Mickie doing your thing, and it is obvious that you were mostly ignored in the videos.  They also found J’Mickie’s videos from before she turned eighteen, and one other girl.  So, they have child pornography.  They have forcing you into the sex trade, and you were not paid for your services, other than maintaining your scholarship to play softball, not play around.  They have not nailed down who the Spin Doctor is.  They have not nailed down the connections to the big wigs at the Uof or organized crime.  But the evidence is so overwhelming that they may take what they have to the Feds, since child pornography is both state and federal in this state.  They have no idea who the dirty cops are.  They do know who the dirty DMV employees are, and they will arrest them when they have more on the other stuff.  As Dev, that’s Lt. Yeggs, says you follow the money in such cases.  The people with the Uof may just want to prove how Woke they are to attract those kinds of people to the Uof, but willing to deal with organized crime to do it is not excusable.  Now, back to my train of thought.  You said when you came here that you were taking initial classes in human resources.”

Tammie shook her head, “Ma’am, I was a starting freshman.  Everything for HR was introductory.  The rest of the classes were the entry college level English, Math, and a Humanities introductory class.”

I smiled, “But did you enjoy those classes?  The ones in HR?”

Tammie nodded, “I tried to stay sober for those.  I was learning a lot.  The other classes went into so little more than what I had in high school that I could pass them without opening the books.  So, I drank to cope with Tab’s betrayal, the Spin Doctor’s abuse, and my boredom.  But really, I do not know enough to work in HR.”

I nodded, “For me, you may know enough.  I learned half of what I know from making mistakes.  The rest I learned from the lawyers.  The lawyers at first, when this was a brothel, helped me make and keep the cider operation separate and legal, but they were the mob’s lawyers.  That meant doing the HR work all by myself.  I am horrible at it.  I love the people who work here, but there are so many laws, so much information, it puts my head in a spin.  But as I know things that have to be done, I need a clerk that can maintain the files.  When you take a few more classes at T.R.U.S.T., you can start taking over the benefit packages and other such things.  We have training to teach people what everyone else in their crew does.  Grannie Fannie is the best at that, but I dare say you could come up with better documentation of their OJT, on-the-job-training.  I do have attendance for every classroom class we’ve ever had.  The one thing that will be a drawback is that you seem to be afraid of me.  I do not bite, but you will work directly for me until you have completed your coursework and have your college degree.  Then, I will promote you to the head of HR, supervising only yourself until you can hire or promote people with potential.  How did you like your safety training?”

Tammie smiled, “I liked the training.  Having Joseline as the trainer was kind of weird since we graduated high school together, but she knew her stuff, and she took me to the top of the Crystal Mountain.  I was not very comfortable up there, but Jos had no problem with the height.  She said that regardless of what work I was assigned to do, the safety training had to be first.”

I nodded, “And you will be paid for those hours.  Amazon gave me the timesheet that she had you sign.”

“Amazon?” Tammie asked.

I snickered, “Joseline and Kevin went on a storm chase with the Turtle team for their honeymoon.  Oh, I see a blank stare.  Jemima and Easter Yeggs, who were a couple of years ahead of you in school, have been at T.R.U.S.T. since practically the day of graduation.  Easter drives the Turtle, a storm chasing vehicle.  Jemima, until her pregnancy, was the photographer.  Mary Sheltie Jones, the wife of Joseph Jones, is on the team, and Dr. Elvira Quinn, who is in and out of here often, runs the team.  They have their own code names, and they have their own reality television show on the Storm Chasing Channel.  Joseline became Amazon, partly due to her size, but she saved a life in Louisiana during a tornado.  Kevin became Skinny.”

Tammie laughed, “Kevin was always skinny.”

“No, that is his code name.” I replied, “You can get a code name if you take some meteorological classes, but Dr. Quinn must give you the code name.  Be prepared to have a name that is slightly embarrassing.  Jemima is Stinker.”

Tammie said, “As long as it isn’t Drunken Lesbian, I will be fine with that.”

Rosie laughed, “Nope, we are going to take those two things one day at a time.  And, Mommie Pinkie, we were wondering if we could attend the Stinker Sunday school class.  It meets in here, doesn’t it?”

I nodded.  “But it is sort of for couples and if you two come in together, you might have to explain your relationship.”

Rosie smiled, “I will come up with something unless Tammie wants complete honesty.  I hear that Margie, Menzie, and Sophie are in the class.”  I nodded.  “Well, at least Menzie and Sophie already know the issues.  I don’t really know Margie that well, but having other softball players might help.”

I groaned, “She has a good heart.  She is not perfect, but she is okay.”

Then I gasped, “Oh, how silly of me.  My lawyers drafted a document, and we had a couple of people go to Tab’s uncle’s house at the state capitol.  We got all your belongings, at least what Tab said was yours.  All that stuff is in your new apartment when you are ready to leave Rosie’s nest.  It is just an efficiency apartment.  That is basically a hotel room with a kitchenet counter in the room.”

Rosie snickered, “I told you, Tammie.  You had nothing to worry about.  Once you get Mommie Pinkie moving, you have to press the brake pedal, otherwise, you will have the next five years planned out before you can even say that is too much.”

Tammie shrugged, “That is too much.  I just want a place where I belong and the hope of a future.  I don’t need it handed to me.”

I shook my head.  “It won’t be handed to you.  You will work for it, but I see something inside you.  You are going to be a great asset to us here.”

Tammie shrugged, “But everybody that I have talked to is a Christian, and I am still straddling the fence on that.  I need a higher power for AA, but I am still not sure.”

I turned to Rosie, “Were you a Christian when you came here, Rosie?”

Rosie shook her head, “Not by a long shot.  I was an agnostic and a lesbian, and I did not care who knew.  I got nabbed by Baldwyn Apple when he came to a friend’s house to stop her freelance prostitution, and I just happened to be there.  He saw the potential of me being the third person in a threesome and there were a lot of people willing to pay extra to get that.  It turns out sloppy in most cases, but that’s how I got here, being conscripted into prostitution.  Then you said that half the time I worked each week would be in cider operations.  All I could think of was drinking the profits by swimming in the vats.  It took a while before you put me as far away from the product as possible, and no, Tammie, I never swam in the vats.”

I smiled, “But I have never heard your story Rosie, or Rhoda, whichever you prefer.”

Rosie smiled, “Rosie is fine.  Not too many people know that my real name is Rhoda.  I think my mother was trying to make Rhoda Posey sound like Rhododendron.  But we were dirt poor.  We lived in the infamous project house of 400 South Pruneface.  There were four stairwells, four floors, apartments on either side.  That makes 32 families, all in one building.  We had a basement for some caged storage, but the locks were always busted, so everyone just took what they needed.  The boilers for the building and the laundry room were in the basement too.  Sometimes a couple of the washing machines worked.  But there was really a fifth floor.  It was unfinished, but the stairwells went up there, concrete floor, and dust everywhere.  That became our club house for us kids.  Have you ever heard the phrase ‘something in the water’?”

I burst out laughing, “Sure!  They are saying that about all the married women on this campus being pregnant at the same time.”

Rosie nodded, “Think about 32 families and 20 moms all having babies over about two years.  It was boy, then three girls, then, boy, girl for a while, then more girls.  Six boys and 14 girls.  When one dad or another went to jail and the mom drank herself silly, the child went to live with neighbors.  We were all one big messed up family.  But with twenty of us about the same age, stretching over three grades in school, we were unstoppable.  Even though we were mostly girls, we were the toughest football team in the projects, the best stick ball team, basketball, soccer, we were the best and toughest.  By our teen years, we had stocked our club house with mattresses that folks had thrown out.  We had blankets and a few half-broken chairs.  The oldest boy, when he had just turned sixteen, suggested that we become friends with benefits.  He got a bucket and put fourteen playing cards in the bucket, a joker and all the hearts.  He pulled out the joker and we later learned that he had marked the joker.  He had a crush on the oldest girl.  She was really pretty.  They were paired off about half the time.  The other boys pulled out a card.  The cards coincided with our birthdays.  I was third oldest, and the queen did not get pulled.  Neither did the king.  It was interesting watching these boys getting clumsy trying to do the thing with the girls, but there were eight of us girls with nothing to do.  So the king suggested that we pull cards and do things with each other.  In time, I had made love to all nineteen of my friends, but like I said, it was friends with benefits.  We were just having fun.  It took us a while to think about not making babies, so the girls would go to the pharmacy and steal condoms.  The only thing we ever did that was illegal, other than beat up kids who messed with us, was stealing condoms and liquor.  But few ever messed with us, and as for our messing around, no one got pregnant.”

I had to ask, “Did the two oldest get married?”

Rosie snickered, “Nope. He went off to war and when he came back, she was pregnant with twins with a fast food shift manager.  As for the other five boys, two of them married girls from our club.  One of those two is the only ones to leave the projects, other than me.  Thank you, Mommie Pinkie for that.”

I asked, “And how did you develop the attraction to girls?”

Rosie shrugged, “Like I said, the boys were clumsy, and by the time they were done, that was the end of it.  The girls kept going until they were satisfied.  That became more loving in my mind.  When I graduated high school, I left the projects, and I found an older woman that let me stay with her.  She was a prostitute, but I was in love.  We were having fun one day when there was a knock at the door.  A couple of Apples came in flashing cash.  My friend said she’d take them both on, that I was not part of the deal, but one grabbed me and raped me.  Then, they had messed with the front door and Baldwyn came in and forced both of us to come here.  My friend died about a year later.  Baldwyn carried the body off somewhere and buried her deep.  I don’t think anyone has ever found her body.  Baldwyn knew I only liked girls, so I was always the third in a threesome, but he would abuse me often, just to let me know that I belonged to him.”

I moaned, “That sounds like Baldwyn.  He liked knowing your weaknesses and exploiting them.”

Rosie nodded.  She looked at the floor for a few seconds.  “But then, you were trying to rid the place of substance abuse.  You had AA come in, and I met Tommie Tat.  She became my sponsor, and it is kind of like with Tammie now.  I needed a higher power to keep me responsible.  AA emphasizes a higher power for motivation, surrender, a sense of purpose, and community.  Tommie Tat led me to Jesus.  I resisted at first, I felt I had to change my sexual orientation to become acceptable, but Tommie explained that you opened the door to Jesus just the way you are, and He changes your attitudes, sometimes all at once.  Sometimes a little at a time.  I go to the church where Callie and Poached go.  I wanted to be as far away from folks I used to know, even those that I worked with here.  And, I have a boyfriend, sort of.  He is in the worship band, and he is the band director at Central Baptist.  His name is …”

The door burst open.  Missy said, “This guy here says it’s a matter of life or death.  I am not sure that it is.”

A thirty-something young man came running in.  Rosie exclaimed, “Johnny Jacks, you can’t just barge in like this!  This is a private meeting.”

Johnny looked at Tammie and said, “Oh, hi, Tammie.”  Then he turned back to Rosie.  “Rosie, I am starting a jazz band at the school.  It is going to be made up of my better students.  They won’t be very good at first, but Minnie Others suggested I have a concert here in something she called the Crystal Mountain, whatever that means.  I think it would be good motivation for the students.  Could you talk to the lady that runs this place, umm, Pink Lady something or other, and ask her if I can schedule a concert?”

Rosie shook her head, “No.  I cannot do that.”

Johnny looked dejected, “I had one class cancelled.  Then I had my study period.  I am running out of time, and you just say ‘no’?”

Rosie shrugged, “Yep!  I cannot ask her.  Because …”

I interrupted, “Because you already did!  I am Pink Lady something or other.  See!  Pink hair!  Picture on the Freedom Cider bottles.  The third person in this room and the only one you did not know?”

Johnny started stuttering.  “I’m so sorry ma’am.”

I laughed, “Don’t be.  Rosie was just telling me about you.  We have had the Snazzy Taz band here a few times.  We have pick-up bands from the university here.  Would you mind having a guest saxophonist play with you?”

Johnny looked confused, “Who would that be?”

“Emmett Dalton, who substitutes at the Snazzy Taz, lives here, and he might just become my niece’s husband someday.  The ladies here love jazz music.” I winked.

Johnny said, “Thank you!  That is even more motivation.  They have all heard of Emmett.  Oh!  Rats!  Gotta go.  I can’t be late for my next class.”  With that, he was out the door.

Missy snickered, “That was worth the price of admission.  I hope I did not interrupt anything.”

I snickered, “No, Rosie had just said that she sort of had a boyfriend, and then he walked in the door.”

At that moment, Tab Fisher burst through the open door with Polly Pulice, police officer, right behind him.  Tab came up to me and slapped a stack of legal papers in my lap.

Tab said, “These documents state that I can take one Tammie Thompson out of your establishment of ill repute, and sis bondage, and rescue her.  I have police assistance to ensure that this goes smoothly.”

Tammie said, “I am not going with you, Tabitha.”

“My name is Tab.  I do not know why you insist on that slur.  We are engaged.  Now come with me.”

Tammie spit on his pants leg.  “No!  I am not here against my will.  I refuse to go back to the college that started all my troubles.  No way!”

Tab fluttered his eyes.  “And what troubles are those?”

Tammie said, well-practiced, “I’m Tammie Thompson.  I am an alcoholic.  I have not had a drink in fourteen days.”

Tab growled, he grabbed Tammie by the arm and lifted her from her chair.  “Officer, follow me.”

Polly said, “Right behind you.”  She was behind him, too close behind him, and before Tab had taken two steps, he passed out and was on the floor.

Tammie gasped, “What was that?!”

Polly groaned, “Before anyone says anything about a death grip.  It is not a grip.  And death has never occurred!”

To which Missy and I replied, “Yet!”

Polly then explained.  “This idiot showed up this morning with his court order from a judge at the state capitol.  The lieutenant, oh, yeah, Pink’s brother-in-law, read the whole thing.  It sounds like a Woke Manifesto about heterosexual abuse and assigned gender at birth, but it describes Lily the Pink as an active brothel and Tammie being here against her will to perform nothing but heterosexual acts.  The fine print says that he was not allowed to use force, and the court order would be nullified if Tammie was not here against her will.  Now, I have enough time to get him back to the precinct before he wakes up in the lock down.  The massage technique is good for just thirty minutes, give or take a couple.  Will someone come down to swear out an assault charge?”

Tammie said, “Can I go?”

I nodded, “But tomorrow, you show up to this office at eight o’clock sharp.  Got it?”

Tammie nearly did a little dance.  “Yes, Mommie Pinkie!”

Credits

The description of 400 South Pruneface is exactly like our apartment building in Germany, but we only had three stairwells.  When you needed to visit someone who lived high up in another stairwell, especially us, since we were on the fourth floor, it was easier to climb a flight of stairs, run to the other stairwell and then down to the other apartment.  But you might have to walk through ankle-deep dust.  Since no one lived there, no one ever cleaned the attic.

The description of no one messing with the children at 400 South Pruneface was what my wife said about her family of nine children.  And when they got with the two families at the Catholic church that had even more children, they had a sizeable force.

And Pruneface is one of the more recognizable villains in the Dick Tracy comics.