Thoughts from Mark "Hat" Rackley

I’m Lieutenant Deviled Yeggs.  I work homicide in the big city of Tracy.  Working for me are my old partners: Detective Sgt. Jim Wednesday and Detective Poached Yeggs, my nephew who is slowly becoming a good detective.  But then again, I have all the detectives in the big city of Tracy reporting to me.  Even so, I HELP them when they need help, but I WORK homicide.

This had already been a long night.  We had the last three witnesses in interrogation rooms 1, 2, and 3.  We actually had the three room’s usual occupant doing the interviews.  I had moved Poached to a back room.  In Interrogation 3, I had Wilma with Nick the Pick Poquette.  This ended up as an all hands on deck affair, and I was learning that I could trust Nick with interviews, more witness interviews than suspect interviews, but he was still good.  Besides, Jemima had told me that Wilma was talkative.  Wow! That was an understatement, but she was a good witness.  In Interrogation 2, I had Fred in with Jim.  Fred could turn an essay question into a one-word answer.  Taciturn, but a good witness.  It got frustrating at times, but the report came together.  And in room #1, my old office and now belonging to Georges Evident, Georges was interviewing Sophie, and she was evading questions.

But let’s start in room 2, Jim finally asked a question that unlocked Fred’s reticence of speech.  Jim asked, “This may have nothing to do with the incident at the Snazzy Taz tonight, excuse me, but by now it’s last night.  How the heck did you end up on a date with the super model in room #3?”

Fred brightened, “It wasn’t my doing at all.  Stinker, you know, Jemima Yeggs, came to me after class a week ago and said, ‘I have two backstage passes for the monster back to school bash at the Snazzy Taz.  I’m thinking that you and Wilma would love to go backstage, meet the band members, Menzie, the other performers, that kind of thing.  I hope you like jazz.  I hear there will be some demonstrations of old-style swing dancing.’  I told her I would love to go, but I did not think Wilma would ever go as my date.  Stinker said that it was not lost on anybody that I was infatuated with her, and if I flashed the backstage passes, she’d go with a frog, but she reminded me that I wasn’t a frog.  So, I hid the passes, and I worked up the nerve to ask her.  I asked if she would like to go out on a date with me.  Wilma said that she would, and she asked what burger or pizza place I wanted to go to.  That’s when I pulled out the passes for the Snazzy Taz.  She jumped for joy and wrapped her arms around my neck.  So, maybe Wilma does like me, just a little bit.  It was great.  We had a nice meal in the Green Room.  Especially with so many performers there, but hardly any of them wanting anything to eat.  Sophie Yeggs had her security team there having a snack, and the only other backstage passes were for Jazz and Ambrosia Apple, and Missy MacDougall and Elspeth Farquharson.  I hear Jazz and Ambrosia are not part of the criminal element in town.”

Jim assured them that Jazz and Ambrosia Apple were nice.  He mentioned that Jazz was sweet on the little drummer boy, but he did not mention they were sleeping together.  Otherwise, that got Fred talking in full sentences.  He gave a detailed account of what he saw.  And what we were looking for was not part of the report.

Nick gave up taking notes.  Wilma was all over the place.  Here is some of it in dialogue form:

Wilma: Did you know that Bea and Bro are getting married?
Nick: Who is Bee and the records do not show you having a brother.
Wilma: No.  The dancers: Beatrice and Brodie MacKenzie.  They are starting a dance studio at Lily the Pink.  They created the Pinkettes.
Nick: Pinkettes? What does that have to do with what happened earlier this evening?
Wilma: The Pinkettes are made up of Lily the Pink employees who wanted some exercise and something fun to do.  After Menzie finished her set, Bea and Bro came out to do a swing dance to a medley of tunes.  Then the Pinkettes danced to Sing, Sing, Sing. 
Nick: Should they not have sung that song?  How can you dance to a song about singing?
Wilma: No, silly, it’s a great song to dance to.  I hope I can talk Fred into taking lessons.  I’m hooked, but if you don’t know what you are doing, you could get hurt.
Nick: Did anyone get hurt?  Is that how the fight started?
Wilma: No, the fight started about the time Samuel and Menzie finished their dance to In the Mood.
Nick: Did the fight start because everyone waited while they got in the mood to dance?
Wilma: No, that’s the name of the song.
Nick: What song?
Wilma: In the Mood
Nick: I’m not really in the mood.  It’s early in the morning and I have no hope of this interview being finished by the time I have to start a new day.
Wilma: When this interview is over, can I go into the room where Fred is.  He likes me, you know.  And I kind of like the fact that he likes me.
Nick: That was an odd way of saying it.  Do you not like him in return or do you simply like being liked?
Wilma: Yeah, I like him.  We have been in several classes together.  He is super smart.  And I have learned that he is a gentleman.  I just hope we can have a kiss or something.  It doesn’t seem to be a date without that.
Nick: Now that you have made your confession of liking the guy who took you to the Snazzy Taz, can we get onto what you saw earlier this evening, technically yesterday?

Wilma was forthcoming with a great many details, of the fight and what happened afterwards.  But other than three women in a private party area taking their tops off, she saw nothing else happening in the private party areas.  And as for the women with no top, as the police came in, they arrested a couple of ladies near the entrance for being topless and the four that were in the fight, but one of the combatants had gone to the hospital.  No one in the private party areas was topless by the time the police got there.  But two people from one of the private party areas were arrested.  So far, none of the witnesses noticed them.

Now for my daughter, the problem witness.

Georges looked at his watch, “The interview starts at 1:18am.  The person being interviewed is Sophia Yeggs.  Reference, the incident at the Snazzy Taz.”

Sophia said, “Hi, Uncle Georges. How are Jochebed and Dinah?  It may be the lack of sleep, but you look so luscious, I could just eat you up.”

Georges huffed, “This is being recorded.  For the record, I live where Sophia occasionally works, or more like pretends to work.  The land lady likes everything to be like we are a large family, but we are not related.  That is why I got the short straw to be her third interviewer.  Now, young lady, let’s keep this semi formal.”

Sophia whined, “But Georges, I have been here for hours.  I did nothing wrong.  I followed protocol.  The fight did not escalate into a riot, and if this keeps going, I will demand that my daddy comes in to advise me.  I am a minor.  I have my rights.  I have already answered the questions.  I just want to go to bed.  If it will help, I can go to bed with you.  I guess since Jochebed recently had her baby, you haven’t got any lately.”

I spoke over the intercom, “That is enough of that kind of talk, young lady.  It has been a long night for all of us.  Answer the questions.”

Georges said, “The right to have a parent, no, the requirement to have a parent present is when you are being suspected of something.  You have evaded all our questions by pleading your innocence.  You are here as a witness.  At 16, you lose the requirement to have a parent present, and your Daddy holding your hand would be a conflict of interest.  Now, instead of pleading your innocence, answer the question.”

Georges took in a deep breath, “From about ten minutes before the fight started, what did you see?”

Sophie drummed her fingers, “Ten minutes.  Ten minutes.  The last two dance numbers totaled less than eight minutes.  That would probably put Bea and Bro doing their extremely long number, but then, they were the pros advertising their dance studio.  The Pinkettes were great, and I didn’t think Samuel Farquharson could do those kinds of moves.  He and Menzie may have peeked the crowds interest in signing up, but they did a jitterbug.  You know, I think Jochebed is going to get back to her normal figure quickly.  Maybe you and she could take lessons.  The Snazzy Taz band says they can live without Emmett for one number, but I have not talked him into taking lessons.  What do you think, the four of us to team up together.”

Georges sighed, “Jochebed has already mentioned it.  I have no idea if I can work it into my schedule.”

Sophia snickered, “Yeah, I’d believe that you have two left feet before I would believe that your schedule is full.”

Georges said, “I will have you know that it is well known that dark skinned people have great rhythm.”

Sophia laughed, “But you claim to be mostly Italian.”

George asked, “And who are the ladies who comprise the Pinkettes?”

Sophie smiled, “To get the height, Stasya was in the middle with Rota and Irusya on either side.  I think Rota may wait to start the baby thing, but Elroy and Irusya are wild cards.  But then on one side there was Rosie and Tammie.  And on the other side, it was Mercedes Lothrop and Mary Jo.”

I cleared my throat over the intercom.

Georges asked, “Did the fight start before Samuel and Menzie were finished?”

Sophia shrugged, “No, they took their bow.  The crowd erupted with applause.  As luck would have it, I was looking right at the two that started the fight.  Both were drunk.  The one right on the edge of the security line had a Snazzy Taz Stein.  They are clear glass, but if you pay for the stein as a souvenir, you get half off refills.  After tonight, they should switch to something plastic.”

Georges said, “We have gotten slightly conflicting reports from everyone, the people in the fight of course are going to slant the story their way, but some details are different between Poached and Johnny.”

Sophia said, “Johnny was right there, he nearly got slugged as the fight started.  I’ll call the guy behind the one with the stein, Man #2.  He tripped.  He did not do so on purpose, but he bumped man #1 in the back as he was taking a gulp of beer.  Man #1 said something about that being alcohol abuse.  I guess that means that you abuse alcohol when you spill it, but man #1 was pretty drenched, wearing half his beer.  He turned and drove his stein into man #2 face.  Is he bad hurt?”

Georges said, “The dental surgeon thought the three teeth that were recovered at the scene might take root.  Broken nose.  We have not gotten the rest.  They were thinking a broken jaw and cheek bone.  We’ll know tomorrow.  He’ll be drinking milkshakes for a long time regardless. But what happened after he threw what you say is the first intentional punch?”

Sophia said, “Man #2, half blind from the blood, must have been a boxer.  Even drunk as a skunk, he leveled man #1 to the floor with two quick punches, I think a right hook and then an uppercut.  It was like ‘Down goes Frazier.  Down goes Frazier.’  He was out cold.”

Georges asked, “How do you know that old boxing call by Howard Cosell?  That was decades before you were born.”

Sophia shrugged, “We watched a video in history class.  Somehow it stuck.  I think the documentary was on news and sports reporting famous lines.”

Georges shrugged, “Seems like that ended the fight.”

Sophia continued, “By then Johnny was on the floor checking out the guy who was knocked out.  Then Woman #1, probably not the guy’s wife, took her Snazzy Taz stein and cracked it over man #2 head.  I doubt if the stein broke, the man #2 fell on top of Johnny.  Poached was the backup.  He tried to go in to protect man #2 while the woman was still swinging the stein.  That’s when woman #2 grabbed woman #1 by the blouse and it ripped.  Poached went to separate the two ladies.  I had already hit the panic button.”

Georges asked, “What panic button?”

Sophia said, “The club manager or a security guy that he designates sees my panic button signal.  From their camera overview, they see if my team has the situation under control.  In other words, is the fight escalating?  If so, they hit the panic switch.  That locks the doors, turns on the floor lights, and calls the police.”

Georges asked, “The Taz has security?”

Sophia nodded, “Sure, they have entry control with facial recognition to refuse entry of people who have been naughty in the past and any and all mug shots that they can get from the police.  They control entrances and exits.  They are supposed to do crowd control, and my team protects the talent. And due to the dancing, I had my hands full.  Once I hit the button, my crew shrunk to the stage entrances from the crowd side.  I ran onto the stage and ushered everyone back into the dressing rooms.  The backstage pass people could stay to watch the fight if they wanted.  But I was busy locking up the performers in the dressing rooms and the green room.  We used it as a dressing room for the dancers.  Elspeth Farquharson went in the green room with Samuel, Jazz Apple into the band’s dressing room, but the rest stayed to watch.  They probably saw more than I did.  When I returned, the police were already going through the crowd.  The two women were cuffed, only wearing a bra from the waist up, and both scratched pretty bad.”

Georges said, “Did you hear anything?  Anything unusual.”

Sophia stopped to think, “I always have my head on a swivel, due to the stupid bra and jock strap cannon.”

Georges asked, “What is a bra and jock strap cannon?”

Sophia shrugged, “In a weird way, I was hired to set up the talent security system because Emmett kept getting pelted with bras that women threw onto the stage, that and the groupies that waited in the dressing rooms.  But my perimeter made it difficult to throw a bra that far.  They aren’t very aerodynamic.  Well, about then, Menzie started singing and the guys were flinging jock straps on stage.  The Taz thought of a money maker.  They bought a T-Shirt cannon like you have at ball games.  The bra or the jock strap could then be fired by the cannon.  The patron pays a fee, hands the cannon master the bra or jock strap, the cannon master wraps the garment in a towel, so that it will be more aerodynamic, and then the patron, with a little help from the master to prevent hitting another patron in the back of the head, the patron gets to fire the cannon.  The projectile is not dangerous, and the patrons have lousy aim, but it at least reaches the stage.  Weird, I get hired to cut down on that activity and then the club finds a way to make money off the weird behavior.  But it makes a thumping sound, and I do not want to be on stage when it goes off, no matter how bad their aim is.  But wait, as I ran onto the stage to help the performers quickly make their exit, I heard a girl near the entrance yell, ‘clothing optional.’  I turned to see maybe three girls at the entrance throwing their blouses into the air.”

Georges asked, “Anything in the private party areas?”

Sophia blinked a couple of times.  Then she started to laugh.  “Yeah, a couple of women threw their blouses into the air, but as the floor lights came on, they weren’t in the dark anymore, so they were scrambling to find their clothes.”

Georges sighed, “In that short moment as the floor light came on, did you see anything else in the private party areas?”

Sophia blinked a few times.  “No, I only had a few seconds total.  It all seemed normal.  Two women, maybe three scrambling to find their blouses and a couple of their dear friends playing keep away.  Everything else was normal.  People hugging and kissing, people sitting in the back, minding their own business.  That was it.  Other than a playful game of keep away, everything normal.”

A voice came over the intercom, “Thank you, Sophie.  That was what we needed.  Can all the witnesses that are still here go to interview #1?”  The lights in the observation room came on so that they could see me, Captain Hart, and Gisele.

I said over the intercom after Jim, Fred, Nick, and Wilma joined Georges and Sophia.  “None of you saw what we found in one of the private party areas.  Sophia may have seen it, but she characterized it as people in the back minding their own business.  Polly and Ruthie went into that private party area, and one woman was sitting on a guy’s lap, facing him, kissing him.  Ruthie ordered the woman to step aside, and she refused.  Polly grabbed the woman by the shoulder and helped her to her feet.  That’s when Ruthie saw something she never expected.  The two had been having sex in the corner of the party area.”

Sophia said, “If there were two people naked, I would have seen it.”

I said, “Ruthie said that the guy had slid his pants down enough to be able to perform his duties.  The woman slid her underwear to one side and used her dress to cover what they were doing.”

Wilma said, “That’s gross, but with the woman bouncing up and down, wouldn’t it be obvious?”

I said, “They were going in slow motion, mostly muscle control and enough slow movement to accomplish the task.  I think the woman was skilled at that kind of thing.  All the guy had to do was concentrate.  They did not comply because the couple had reached the climax of their activity and the woman wanted a baby.”

Fred asked, “Couldn’t they simply go home?”

I sighed, “They were both married, but not to each other.  The guy’s wife wants a divorce, but the woman’s husband took the fall for his wife’s behavior.  They have fertility issues.  The guy said the testing was too expensive, so the wife thought that if she started sleeping around and got pregnant, she’d have her baby, and she would know that the guy was the problem with the infertility.  Since her husband realized that she would go to that extreme, he decided to go through with the testing and treatments, regardless of the cost, unless she was already pregnant.  The people in the party group recognized what they were doing, but none of her friends, mostly former friends, wanted to act as a witness.  With you expert observers, meteorologists or security chief, we are going to recommend the D.A. to find a lesser charge.  Public sexual activity carries with it a requirement to register as a sex offender.  Their lives would be ruined, but then, the only people who knew other than their friends, who may never speak to them again, but no one testifying except for Polly and Ruthie.”

Wilma asked, “I thought sex offender registration was for rapists and pedophiles?”

I nodded, “For the most part but the statute includes sex in a public venue, probably thinking that two naked bodies obviously having sex might be traumatic to passers by.  But no one outside that private party area noticed.  You may think cops are out to throw people in jail, but in this case, we have two people being careful, but they were idiots all the same.  Six months of community service would serve them better than jail time followed by advertising everywhere they went, ‘Hey, I’m a sex offender.’  Thank you three for giving us the excuse to show some mercy.  I think Sophie has some people waiting in the squad room.”

We all exited our rooms.  Sophia looked at me.  She was shaking.  She said, “Daddy” as if she would burst into tears.  I held out my arms to give her a bear hug, but she ran past me into Emmett’s arms.  Emmett looked at me confused, but then he put one arm around her and used his free hand to stroke her hair and rub her temple.  Sophia softly sobbed.

And that’s when it happened.  I saw Sophia in another man’s arms.  She went to him for comfort.  She might still call me ‘daddy’ but she was no longer daddy’s little girl.

In realizing that, my heart broke.  My little girl had grown up all in one night.

Credits

The Wilma interview has some elements patterned after the Abbot and Costello’s “Who is on First” routine.  Just a glimpse, not a full routine or it would have been a short story of its own.

The rules regarding an interview of a child underage vary from state to state, but generally, as a witness, there is no requirement for a parent being present.  If there is a chance that the witness label could change to a person of interest or a suspect, then a parent must be present.  The age where this requirement is lifted can vary from state to state. And in some criminal investigations there could be a window of age where due to the crime, the older teen could be tried as an adult.  But as for the state in which Tracy resides, sixteen is considered an adult in this case, and Sophia was only being interviewed as a witness anyway.

My jeep driver, when I was a platoon leader in the army, broke up a fight and had his front teeth knocked out.  That goes under the rule that “no good deed goes unpunished.”  They were able to reset the teeth that night at the dental clinic.  I think that was the straw that broke the camel’s back regarding the combatant.  He was offered an administrative discharge and encouraged to return to high school to finish his diploma.  He accepted the offer.  I had drunks in the platoon that were marginal soldiers when sober, but this combatant seemed unreachable and a constant problem.  He thought everyone was out to get him.

While in the Army as a platoon leader, we had a friendly game of volleyball, until one of the sergeants dove for a dig save.  He knocked over someone’s can of beer.  The response was, “Hey!  That’s alcohol abuse!”  Oh, my second platoon team had a few of roughly average height, like me, not being bad, and one guy played lacrosse in college, super athletic.  Our front line was all over six feet, platoon sergeant, the Canadian, and my first jeep driver before he was promoted and left the platoon.  I lucked out with a couple of service aces.  First platoon didn’t have a chance; they lost in straight sets.

I have always been fascinated by swing dancing, but I have two left feet, and I have no rhythm.  With the flying that goes on, you could get hurt or hurt someone else if you were out of step.  One time attempting to dance with my wife led to her exclaiming, “Are you trying to dance or give me a mugging?”  But I appreciate swing dancing, only seeing it once in person.  A major in our ROTC cadre at the university demanded the entire dance floor at the officer’s ball.  He and his wife did such amazing things that everyone had a completely different opinion of the major after that.

But doing those dances these days would require some wardrobe adjustments.  A thong would show too much in the flips they make, and the shoes would have to slide.

Now for the dancing, Bea and Bro danced to a medley of songs, kind of like this montage of swing dancing.  The guy who did this editing made the transitions look really smooth.

And the Pinkettes were patterned after the Swingsationals.  Here the Swingsationals are dancing to Sing Sing Sing.  The musical recording is with Benny Goodman and the Gene Krupa Orchestra, Gene Krupa doing the drum solos.  Several phones ago, this was my ring tone.

And here are Dimitri and Alexsia doing a jitterbug to In the Mood.  These two dancers almost look like how I picture Samuel and Menzie.  I would not think Samuel would have a five-o’clock shadow and Menzie might have a darker complexion, but it’s close.  As for the recording, it is Glenn Miller, of course.