Thoughts from Mark "Hat" Rackley

I’m Pink Lady Apple Yeggs and my friend, and brother-in-law, Deviled Yeggs suggested that I record each project that I set up in the hopes of reforming the people who continue to work for Lily the Pink Enterprises.  If for no other reason, it would show how God is at work.

For those who do not know who Sknarf is… He first appeared in An Alien Invasion.  He barged in wanting to make love to a prostitute or he would die.  He said his name was Sknarf (full name Sknarf Nodrog) and he was from a land far, far away.  Missy was about to leave on her trip to Scotland to visit distant relatives of her husband Angus MacDougall.  She had put Julia in charge ahead of time to see how she reacted, but on the night before Missy’s departure, Julia went along with Sknarf’s strange demands.  Julia sensed Sknarf was confused and in trouble.  But when she took Sknarf to her bedroom for “observation,” Sknarf insisted that they were betrothed.

Julia maintained her virginity and it turned out that Sknarf was suffering from a hit to the head, sleep deprivation, malnutrition, and grief in that both parents had recently died.  His mother had lectured him before her death on how disappointed she was in him.  She had never bounced a grandchild on her knee because Sknarf had never gotten married.  And by the way, his real name is Gordon Franks, Sknarf Nodrog spelled backwards.

In his short time at Lily the Pink, Sknarf had become the first male cider operator.  I had always added men to the positions that were in support, maintenance and other such things.  The core operations from raw materials to shipping the bottled cider had all been the women who had once been prostitutes.  I had taught them a trade, and we had become family.

Sknarf came into my office and took a seat.  He had a confident smile, not the blank brainless look from his first trip to my office.

“Sknarf!  You are prompt, but most people wait in the living room until I call them in or security let’s them know I am ready.” I chided.

He grinned, “Yes’m.  Julia usually does that, and she is teaching martial arts this morning.  I did not see a security person in the hallway and the door was ajar.  Funny how they say that a door is a jar, when it is just a door that is not closed completely.”

I shook my head.  That is how he got into the building in the first place back on June 25.

I walked around my desk and sat in the other visitor’s chair.  “Are you all moved in now, Sknarf?”

Sknarf replied, “Please, Mommie Pinkie, my name is Gordon Franks.  You can call me Gordo, although that means Fatso south of the border.”

I asked, “South of what Border?”

He brightened, “In Mexico.  But as for Sknarf, I have no recollection of what happened the night I arrived here.  I let Julia call me Sknarf, but most people call me Gordo.”

I snickered, “Maybe I will tire of it, but you introduced yourself to me as Sknarf.  And I have grown to like the name.  You called me the mother of all the people who work here.  You do realize that is a lot of people.  My womb would have worn out quickly.  And a few, like Grannie Fannie and the president of the company, Gwen Quinn, are older than I am.”

He shrugged, “Like I said, my first memory that night was a fuzzy one, but I awoke, unable to move in Julia’s bed.  She had the covers pinned against the wall on one side and she was sleeping on top of the covers on the other side.  Then she said we had performed ‘love making’ with you timing us, and we were now betrothed.  Strange that she used the old term of betrothed.”

I laughed, “You have seen the security footage and listened to the taped conversation.  And that brings back no memories.”

He again shrugged, “I have read up on it.  All those things that had happened to me prior to coming here have a memory loss element.  Watching it brough back no memories as if someone looking like me was playing a part in a movie.”

I smiled, “Okay, I was just asking you in for a talk.  What is that in your hand?”

Sknarf smiled, “It’s a little present.  You know I was a certified nuclear power operator back in southern Georgia.  I was used to very formal training.  I took my present job and reduced it down to learning objectives.  A learning objective is a statement of what you will be able to do at the end of a bit of instruction.  I wrote a two-page summary of each of those learning objectives, and then I added a graphic or simply left a page for notes.  Each lesson is four pages.  And the book is one hundred and twenty-eight pages.  I might have missed something, but I came up with thirty-two learning objectives.”

He handed me the hardbound book, no printing on the outside.

He said, “I know.  I didn’t print anything on the cover.  I want to do that kind of thing with every job in the cider house with your permission.  I will work on my own time like I did for this.”

I looked at him puzzled, “But how did you bind this into a hardbacked book?”

“I was a printer’s devil.” He said, “That’s how I worked my way through community college.”

I doubled over laughing.  “This is too much.  Sknarf, the alien from a land far away, used to be a printer’s devil.”

Sknarf asked, “Do you know what a printer’s devil is, Mommie Pinkie.”

I shrugged, “I hear it was an entry type position at a printing company.”

Sknarf nodded, “Worse than that really.  At least for me, I wasn’t making it a career, so it was just a way to make money.  I cleaned the equipment.  I unclogged jams.  But we did not have the old type sets that had to be cleaned.  That’s how the low man on the totem pole was called a devil.  Cleaning the type led to the poor guy getting black hands from the ink.  I got stained a lot, but I wasn’t a freak.  Then again, the stains might have led to getting a few rejections when I asked girls out on a date.”

I asked, “But you did date?”

Sknarf shook his head, “After a few rejections, I quit trying.  My first date was with Julia.  I have seen our first kiss on the video, but the first one I remember was after that one.  Julia is my betrothed and my one and only, ever.”

I smiled, “I like that.  And I am going to make a special place on my shelf for this book.  And I will pay you something for your hours worked.  If you know me, you know I am generous.”

Sknarf nodded, “Yes’m, but I learned a long time ago that asking for forgiveness is easier than asking for permission.  And the proposal for more work goes better when you show them what they are getting.”

I nodded, “But next time, e-mail me the raw files.  When we have everything approved by the various supervisors, since you admitted that you might have forgotten something, I will send it off to be printed and bound.  You must have hand stitched this.”

He nodded, “Printers like to work in groups of sixteen pages.  I couldn’t get the printer to print sixteen pages on a single sheet, so I made do and hand stitched each group of sixteen pages and then stitched the entire 128 pages.  If I did it again, I’d put eight pages in front with an introduction and table of contents and then eight pages at the back with an index and glossary, but this was good for starters.”

I waved the book.  “This will be a prized possession.  Even though you are already thinking of ways to improve it.  So, how are you and Julia getting along?”

Sknarf replied, “Well, we haven’t gotten neck-ed since I got here.”

I think I knew what he meant, but I was going to have some fun.  “You have not been Neck Ed since you arrived? How do you bathe?”

Sknarf looked confused, “I take a shower.  I think Julia has a bubble bath on occasion, but I think she takes a shower too.  What do you mean?”

I shrugged, “You said that you and Julia have not been Neck Ed since you got here.  Do you shower with your clothes on?”

Sknarf started to laugh, “No’m.  We have not seen each other neck-ed.  I mean naked.  In the nude.”

Before I could reply, the door opened, and Julia walked in.

“What did I miss?” Julia asked.

I showed her the book he’d made by hand.  Then I said, “And we had just started talking about your romance, and all we have established is that you and he have not seen each other Neck Ed.”

Julia said, “That means naked, Mommie Pinkie.  But that is all he said?”

I shrugged, “He actually said that you two had not been naked since he got here, so I went down a rabbit hole about how you take a bath, and he says you still have bubble baths on occasion.  But I thought your apartment only has a shower.”

Julia’s face reddened, “You had Mary Sheltie Jones doing my makeup before that first date, when we went around the base of the Crystal Mountain.  And I have been going back for makeup application lessons, and she lets me start with a bubble bath each time.”

I smiled, “I am glad that you are taking an interest in yourself, Julia.  You are a lovely lady.”

Julia shrugged, “Sknarf’s opinion does not count.  He’s my lovable idiot, trails around behind me like a lap dog.  But I look around here and there are so many women that could have modeled, maybe modeling the voluptuous things.  We have few waifs here. But Mommy Pinkie, I could lose a few pounds.  When I have borrowed dresses from Mary, I could not get into anything with a sleeve.”

I snickered, “That is not fat, Julia.  That is muscle.  You just taught martial arts.  Did anyone come close to putting a hand on you?”

Julia huffed, “That’s work, Mommie Pinkie.  I have to be ready to defend you and anyone else here at Lily the Pink.  And all we had this morning were new employees.  When Angela was killed, we added two new guards.  And recently you added two more.  We have enough for all the shifts. But those four are not ready to be signed off as full-fledged guards yet.  They make Missy sweat, but I feel like yawning halfway through a bout.”

I shrugged, “Maybe a distinct yawn would motivate them to show you that your assessment is inaccurate.  But my point, and probably the reason you are not challenged by the new recruits is that you are not the pudgy girl who arrived here two years ago.  I doubt if you would blink if a Super Stallion flew into shipping and receiving.”

Julia turned red, “I have not even told Sknarf that.  I lost my nerve.  The helicopter filled the entire truck parking area.”

Sknarf said, “I would have loved to see that.  How come a Super Stallion landed here?”

I snickered, “If we told you, we’d have to kill you.  Let’s leave it that GrandPa knows some people, and it was official business, just not Lily the Pink business.”

Sknarf sighed and looked at the floor, “What have I gotten myself into?”

Julia snickered, “You got yourself into being betrothed to someone who is ready to stare down a Navy Super Stallion if that ever happens again.”

I smiled, “With that out of the way, I have an issue that needs resolution.  I know your reaction will be that you have nosy neighbors, but in Deuteronomy 17 and then in Matthew 18, it says that a matter must have two or three witnesses, and I have heard from three neighbors that do not find fault.  They are concerned since they know neither of you has dated before.  The concern is that they hear Gordo knock and you yell that you are naked.  Then Sknarf produces a key and says that that saves time anyway, and goes into the room.  This sounds like your statement of never being Neck Ed together may be false.  I cannot have a security guard give me a false report, Julia.”

Julia huffed, “I agree that it sounds like I have nosy neighbors.  It is a game we play.  If I go to the shower, I set the deadbolt.  If I am in the bathroom, I lock that door.”

I asked, “But how did Sknarf get a key?”

Julia sighed, “He talked about how I had keys to every lock on the campus, except the toolboxes and lockers.  So, I let him have my apartment key.  He cannot get past my deadbolt, while my keys get past his, but he feels like we are more of a couple.”

I sighed, “Julia, you do not have a key to every apartment.  You have the master keys for all the door locks and deadbolts.  You are security.  You can unlock any door to aid first responders if someone has fallen and cannot get up to answer the door.  Heaven forbid, we have someone who has a warrant served on them.  I am not the moral police here, but I will explain to your neighbors that you are fully dressed and that saying that you are Neck Ed, to use Sknarf’s word, is just a game.”

I pulled some paperwork from my desk.  “I need to call a few people to this party, if you do not mind.”  I punched in a number and said, “Come to my office please.”  And I also pressed two buttons and said nothing.

In less than a minute, Gwen, Missy, and Tammie were in the office.

I made the introductions.  “Gordon, Julia, I think you both have met the company president, Gwen Quinn.  Julia’s boss is Missy MacDougall. And I also invited Tammie.  She is just a freshman at T.R.U.S.T., but she will one day be our head of Human Resources.  The two we have before us are Julia Juniper, who is in our security force, and Gordon Franks, not to be called Sknarf unless you were in the room when he first arrived at Lily the Pink.”

Missy snickered, “Hi, Sknarf!”

The only way he knew Missy was in the office that night was by watching the video.  So, three people, Missy, Julia, and I would be calling him Sknarf for a long time.  With Julia loving her job, it would be hard to talk her into becoming the wife of a pecan farmer in Georgia.

I said, “Gwen and I have discussed one of the personnel moves we are about to make, but I want to make two more moves if she approves.”  I handed Gwen the book Sknarf had made.  “Gwen, you are the master cook as well as the president.  Look through this book and then give it to Tammie to read.  Tammie, read through it and then line up Gordo with Rosie.  Do you still see her often?”

Tammie nodded eagerly.  “I have bad nights at times and she let’s me sleep on the couch, but we socialize a little less now that she and Johnny Jacks are actually dating.  He’s cute and his little jazz band did a good job, especially since they were beginners at jazz.”

I smiled, “I am going to have to have them come by the office.  I need to thank him personally for the concert.  I know.  He wants to thank me for giving him the opportunity to perform with a crowd that knows jazz, but a steady diet of Emmett is a blessing but a bit one-sided.  Maybe if he sets up a Fall concert, we can have the Pinkettes dance.  But then again, Fall is football and Spring is concert season.  We can make it work.  Anyway, set up a meeting with Rosie and Gordo.  He can do for everyone what he did for the cider cook position.  We don’t need the legalistic rigors of the nuclear power industry, but if little shortcuts creep into our procedures, the cider may lose its flavor.”

Gwen nodded, “I agree.  I want Grannie Fannie to go over this with a fine-tooth comb.  We need every detail right.  I am thinking that Pink and I, Grannie Fannie and then the boss of each operating station needs to sign off.  Once we have that, we can go to print.  How did this get bound so beautifully?”

I shrugged, “I found out our little devil from Georgia has some skills.”

Gordo (Sknarf) said, “I used to be a printer’s devil.”

Gwen said, “Devil or Saint, this is good work.  I think I know what changes Pinkie wants to make.  I agree.”

I turned to Tammie.  “Tammie, tell Chloe that she is getting her wish to go back on shift, and no, she does not have to give up her present hourly rate.  Move Gordon Franks into the shift relief position with the title of Instructional Design Specialist.  T.R.U.S.T. has an associate and bachelor degree in the field.  He can take courses to advance or a course to get better at one part of the process or another.  The company will pay for those classes because it helps us.  He adjusts his work schedule to at least have 36 hours each week, overtime applies over forty hours, but he has to adjust based on who he needs to interview and observe next.  To talk to Anahera, she works straight graveyards.  So, Gordo needs to be flexible.  And then as Gordo learns every position on the campus, he will make a perfect shift substitute for vacations and illnesses.”

I continued, “Now, for the personnel move that we were prepared to make today, Missy, will you make that announcement?”

Missy said, “Julia, as you know, I was given the role of head of all Lily the Pink security about the same time we began two operations: here and along the Columbia River Gorge in Washington state.  I have had to trust Jayne Slaughter in running the operations in Washington since we had no head of security here.  I would like to announce to everyone, and Tammie will make the paperwork reflect that, Julia Juniper is now head of the Tracy Campus security of Lily the Pink.  You will still report to me, but now I am free to observe the operations in Washington state.  I want to see what is being done differently, another thing that Sknarf can work on, to eliminate the inconsistencies unless there is a very good reason to have that difference.  We can start learning from each other.  And if we have more shift relief people here, we can fly someone there in a pinch, but only if you know what is different there.”

Julia was about to lose it.  I had not seen her this flustered since the Super Stallion landed in the truck parking area.  “But there are people who have more experience than I have.  They must be higher on the list for promotion.”

Missy laughed, “Angela was murdered.  If she was still around, she would have been my choice.  The other highly experienced people opted to stay in the control room.  The reason that you have had so many people that are new on the martial arts mat is to replace Angela, replace me, replace you, and then eventually replace one control room person who will become the supervisor for all shifts there.  You have a choice of moving a new person into the control room, rotating that position, or promoting the best patrol person to the control room, maybe someone that needs less exercise.  But as of now, I spend more time with Mommie Pinkie and Jayne Slaughter, and you have already proven your supervisory and management skills when I was on vacation.  You can do this, Julia.  You will still be the primary instructor in martial arts.  I will have to decide who is your backup.  No, you can do that.  You decide who is next best and the next best.  You need to find the best instructor, maybe not the best in each martial arts discipline.  And I could probably have Mommie Pinkie allow some tuition money for you to take classes on related subjects: security, martial arts, business management, whatever you feel is your weakest area.”

Julia nodded, “I understand.  Do they have a class on keeping your knees from knocking?”

I added, “If you take martial arts classes at the university, tone it down a little bit.  You don’t want to get a student or an instructor injured.”

There were hugs all around.  Then I asked the two weird lovebirds, “Jet yet?”

Julia asked, “What?”

Sknarf laughed, “No’m.  We have not eaten yet, and how did you learn that Southern way of saying ‘Did you eat yet?’”

I snickered, “The Drivers were hard to understand when they first came here.  And, Sknarf, if you want to make this place your home, I might entertain a repurposing of the property in Georgia.  It is a nice driving distance to Savannah, Georgia, Charleston, South Carolina, and not far from St. Augustine, Florida.  Those are interesting cities from what I hear for honeymoons.  That could keep the orchards in play for pecan harvesting, and give you another money source.  Maybe your uncle could renovate the property accordingly.”

Sknarf nodded, “I have cousins that are contractors.  They could remodel for short term occupancy and a wheelchair ramp for handicap access.  They’ve already done that for other houses, but no one that I know of has a house set up for a honeymoon destination.  Where do you get these ideas?”

I shrugged, “Maybe it just happens when you have your own home turned into a wedding destination.”

Credits

When I was in the nuclear business, I was assigned as the instructor for maintenance personnel.  In the process of setting up a training program that eventually became certified, like universities, I had to learn the formal way of performing instruction.  There are a lot of three—letter acronyms, but to make it simple, the ADDIE model explains all of them. Forgive me if I have forgotten something.  I lived it for a long time, but then I went into the non-government regulated industry.

“A” is for analysis.  Jobs are analyzed to determine tasks.  Tasks are analyzed to determine the skill and knowledge to perform that task.  And then a system of prioritization is established based on the frequency that the task is performed, the importance of the task, and the difficulty of the task.  The DIF tree will provide which tasks require formal training, which tasks require only on-the-job experience, which require initial training, and which required periodic refresher classes to keep the skill and knowledge current and sharp.

The first “D” is for Design.  The elements of each task are evaluated to determine the learning objectives.  What knowledge must you have to perform the task?  What skill do you have to perform the task?  And then, some boilerplate tasks are determined, such as starting the task and ending the task (the common things for preparation and clean-up afterward).

The second “D” is for Development.  The learning objectives dictate how a course is developed.  What is done in the classroom and what is done on the job?  The textbook and/or on-the-job checklist are developed and published.  And visual aides, not necessarily just PowerPoint presentations, are developed.  I have seen scale models of huge pumps used for the maintenance team to take apart and reassemble.  Equipment manufacturers might provide a cut-away if you do enough business with them.

The “I” is for Implementation, or you could say Instruction.

The “E” is for Evaluation.  The trainees will be tested in one way or another, but the key is to evaluate their performance once back on the job when training is completed.  Did they retain the information six months later?  Were they making unauthorized shortcuts?  Then the evaluation goes back to whatever part of the process that needs improvement.

In industry, they want immediate results, but they also want everything to be done correctly the first time.  You cannot spend a couple of years in analysis without teaching people something.  And when you look through the process, a lot is common sense.  I worked with a training manager that had been on the US Air Force initial team.  Everyone already knew their jobs, and the work became retrofitting the training that was already in place to fit the model.  Then the evaluation step provided the means to fix what should have been in the instruction from the beginning.

In my experience, we were given one month to have a course on Seismic Protection and Preparation.  In other words, what do we change to make the plant safer against an earthquake, what are the procedures, etc.  My task was to write a general textbook that explains what earthquakes are, how they are formed, and why that area of the country had concerns.  Then, I added all the changes in maintenance practices.  Other members of the team developed the on-the-job training, including a drill process where operators had to quickly shut certain valves and open others.  And another person had to develop the training to operate new emergency generators once they were installed, a triple backup to what was already there.  In ten days, I was teaching the first class, having written a 150-page textbook.  I will not admit to getting any sleep over those ten days – not much.  Nearly one thousand people had completed the initial training within the month deadline.  So, the ADDIE model can work quickly with the right motivation.

As for the honeymoon destinations, my wife loved four old cities in the South: Charleston, SC, New Orleans, LA, St. Augustine, FL, and Savannah, GA.  A few have ghost tours at night and horse-drawn carriage tours during the day.  They all have marketplaces with unique crafts on display.  Sweet grass baskets in Charleston.  Beggar beads in Savannah.  Mardi Gras things in New Orleans.  Each city has seafood.  Each city has interesting cuisine.  Each, except for New Orleans, has beaches nearby.  Then again, the beaches of Mississippi are less than an hour away.  And for those who want a honeymoon in the South, these cities are places that are high on the list.