Thoughts from Mark "Hat" Rackley

I’m Lieutenant Deviled Yeggs.  I work homicide in the big city of Tracy.  Working for me are my old partners: Detective Sgt. Jim Wednesday and Detective Poached Yeggs, my nephew who is slowly becoming a good detective.  But then again, I have all the detectives in the big city of Tracy reporting to me.  Even so, I HELP them when they need help, but I WORK homicide.

This is a follow-up to the investigation made by Sophia near the County Line Farm.  Her investigation is recorded in Helping Aunt Tuesday.

I was hosting this meeting in Pink Lady’s office.  It was out of the precinct so that Paddy would not be too embarrassed, and it pertained to Stout County anyway.  Undersheriff Tuesday Wednesday was present from Stout County.  If this became something worthy of criminal investigation, she would then bring it up to the sheriff, but if this was something weird, but legal or a suburban myth, she wanted no one to know for her sake.  She had been paying for some of Paddy’s overtime, but not all.  Paddy volunteered for the rest.

We only had the essential crew from our precinct, plus the police in the family.  Captain Hart and Gisele were there, along with Tuesday’s husband, Jim.  Pink was going to record the meeting, but Gisele would transcribe as much as she could.  Poached and I were there, and since Easy was our supplier of popcorn, he and Jemima were there.  Georges was there also.  The reporting detective was Paddy McCreary.

When the prostitutes at Lily the Pink left Lily the Pink to continue in prostitution, they went to the County Line, far enough away to be away from Empire Apple and anything that the Leafy Greens had going in Stout County.  They were in No Man’s Land, as far as organized crime was concerned.  Two ladies jointly ran the brothel, but one got greedy and killed the other one.  The “working girls” mostly returned to work for Pink Lady in the cider house, but some of them went to work for the Rotten Apples.  The city of Tracy assumed the deed for the property, but the building had remained uninhabited.  Paddy had been given the deed to the house to renovate what he could while working undercover.  It was set up that he won an unadvertised auction at City Hall.  His undercover persona was that of a construction worker that traveled from one job to the next, but with the size of Tracy, he wanted to find a wife and settle down.  He might run the gargoyle house as a bed & breakfast or a rooming house for construction workers and the like.  But he was to be more interested in bedding down every woman in the County Line area.

Paddy began his report, “If anyone asks, the construction project that I am supposedly working for has a big concrete pour tonight.  I would be getting home late.  That is if people checked up on me.  And without me knowing, they have been.  But to start, I have been taking Jochebed’s potion ever since I volunteered to do this.  And that was right after Sophie and her crew got the long-range surveillance photos and videos.  The potion had not fully taken effect when I got there, but I was feeling very energetic.  I did not want to look desperate, so I made a point to greet all the ladies in the area, but I refrained from using any pickup lines.  I asked some of the guys in town where the action was.  I was pointed toward gambling dens mostly.  But a couple of guys said that the women at the coffee shop and the grocery store liked to ‘date’ a variety of guys.  For the first two weeks, all I did was hang out at the coffee shop.  I was friendly with the baristas and the wait staff, and I over tipped.  All I got was them being polite, even with the added tip.  I acted dumb at the grocery store, asking one girl after another where to find this or that.  I would ask if they had one thing or another that I knew they did not have in stock.  That got the manager involved in helping me on one occasion, on another occasion, the store owner.  Near the end of the two weeks, I was buying cans of oysters and winking to the ladies.  Still nothing.  I am telling all the failures to point out that when I was successful, the people that screen you have spies everywhere in town.  And they must have high standards or a lot of checks to fill in before you are selected.”

Gisele asked, “Selected for what, Paddy?”

Paddy reddened, which wasn’t hard to do for his Irish complexion, “I will get to that.  It is the key to all this escapade.  As the third week started, I asked my favorite baristas and wait staff at the coffee house if they knew of any ladies that wanted to go out on a date and have some fun.  I did the same at the grocery store.  Still nothing, but I felt that I was close.  All the ladies knew where I lived, I was hoping they would come by.  But then I thought I would check out the Pharmacy.  Without trying to set up a contact with a young lady, I went to the aisle for prophylactics.  I looked for the extra large ones, since the potion was fully activated.  There were only three ladies in the store.  Two were checkouts and there was the pharmacist in the back.”

Paddy continued, “As I was looking for something on the bottom shelf, where the large ones were, one of the checkouts had left her register and came over to help me.  The items were not locked, as they are in many locations, but I think she saw a bulge in my pants.  She said there was a waiting area in the back where they give vaccinations.  I went with her, and she said that she had what I needed in the back.  She went through a door that looked like a room for the pharmacist to give the shots and she quickly returned without anything on.  Since I was so overcharged having not satisfied myself for a few weeks, I thought I was done quickly, but then I kept going.”

Georges snickered and nodded.  Jochebed had given her husband the secret potion before admitting to a limited few about its potency.

Paddy turned red.  “But as we were starting the second round, the pharmacist walked in on us.”

She said, “Glenda, you were romancing a stranger while still on the clock.  I should fire you for this.”

Glenda said, “Mrs. Danville, I’m sorry.  I saw him and I could not resist.”

“At that point, Mrs. Danville saw me, and she smiled at Glenda, ‘Do not worry, Glenda.  Aurelia is locking up on her way out.  I can let you out when we are done with the tall, handsome stranger.’  So, the pharmacist was undressed in no time.  And the three of us had fun that night for a couple of hours.  Mrs. Danville, who was divorced, said we had to stop, although I could keep going.  She would have to pay Glenda overtime or her parents would be asking questions.  They wanted me to return, but I suggested I might be working overtime the next night.

“I stayed in the office late the next day and went to the grocery store on the way home.  Glenda happened to be there buying groceries.  She rubbed my groin and said she would follow me home, but the night manager noticed.  When Glenda had been satisfied, she went home, and I went to the kitchen to put away the groceries.  The manager had slipped a note into one of the bags.  I went back to the grocery store per instructions.  She said to knock on the manager’s door with the shave and a haircut knock.

“The clerks were male, except for one.  The one female checkout clerk saw me, smiled, and winked.  I went into the office and the manager said, ‘We are up the stairs.’  When I got up the stairs that were at the back of the office, there were four ladies that I recognized, all wearing nightgowns.  They ushered me to a bed, the upstairs was some kind of apartment.  They took my clothing off without hardly saying a word.  They each had their way with me.  They were all smiles, and somehow, the checkout clerk downstairs knew.  As I left the office later, she said, ‘You’ll do.’

“The next day, I went to work as usual.  On my way home, I always went by the construction site to get some sawdust on my clothing and look like I had done some physical work.  When I reached the door of the gargoyle house, there was a note from the coffee shop.  It was a thank you gift of a free latte, but it was only good for that night.  I didn’t have time to change.  I went straight there, just before they were to close.  The barista took the gift card, and she said that the latte was in the manager’s office.  She followed me inside.  The same thing as the night before.  The manager, the barista, and two waitresses.  We had a marvelous time, and they were very pleased and nodding their heads as I left.  The manager slipped me a note as I walked out.  It said to be in her parking lot and get into a Mennonite buggy without saying a word at eight o’clock the next evening.  That meant the Mennonite buggy would show up on a Friday evening.  I was to leave my cellphone at home.  I learned later that they were keeping the location a mystery more than leaving me out of communication, but removing my ability to communicate with anyone was a bonus for them.”

Paddy took a breath and gathered his thoughts.  “I did as I was instructed, but I left a note at the house.  If the lieutenant saw me absent at work the next Monday, he might check to find why I had not called in.  I was five minutes early, and the buggy was right on time.  I got into the buggy and there were five young women in the buggy.  I started to say something, and they put their fingers to their mouths.  The not saying anything upon getting in the buggy was preferred for the entire time I was in their community.  I kept my mouth shut.  A couple of the ladies got out of the buggy at one stop, a couple at another stop.  At the last stop, the remaining lady began to exit, but she held out a hand for me to go with her.

“I followed her like a little puppy dog.  We went into the barn and then walked up steps to a level that looked very strange.  It was mostly one huge room with a few small storage rooms around the edges.  There were two twin sized beds near the center.  Along the opposite side from the two beds, there were teenaged boys standing behind teenaged girls, who were seated on bar stool chairs.  Then there were more girls in front of them in shorter chairs.  But on either side of the beds were rows of church pews.  Young ladies seated on them.  The first girl on either side had no kapp on.  For a couple of rows on either side, the girls had black kapps.  The rest had white kapps.  And all the women in the pews wore nightgowns.

“Then a woman emerged from behind the pews.  I was told to stand between the two beds.  She told me that what I was about to do was for the glory of God.  She quoted some Scripture.  She said a prayer.  And then someone brought in bread and some kind of juice.  It was not grape juice.  I am thinking blackberry or blueberry or a blend.  She went through the story of the Last Supper, and I was instructed to partake.  Then, some teenaged girls who had been in the observation area came up to take my clothing off.  I was shown to one of the beds, and I was instructed to lie down on my back.  Four women, near the same age as the one who led the short worship service came in and rubbed me in baby oil probably.  With eight hands going all over me, I was getting ready, whether my mind was in this thing or not.  And no, I have no idea what I drank, but it was juice.  I do not think the oil had anything adulterating it.  I had all my wits about me, and I think I was ready because this was what I went there to do, sort of.  I went there to investigate, but now I was a participant.  The ‘preacher’ pulled the two girls without kapps aside and asked, due to my large size if they wanted to proceed.  They both looked frightened, but they were determined to see it through.  Each female who was next in line ate the bread and drank the juice.  Her nightgown was removed.  Each lady in the pews, as time allowed, would climb on top of me and stay there until, according to the ‘preacher’, the seed was implanted.  After the first girls were finished, I saw them in the corner of the room.  They were now wearing black kapps.  Each time I lay with a lady, I had to switch to the other bed.  Again, people came to change the sheets on the bed I was just in.

“Since I got there at about 8:30, and the worship took about thirty minutes, I only made it through a few ladies that night.  Probably near eleven o’clock, the woman called the ‘Grand Oma’ came in.  She had heard that I was able to sustain myself.  She wanted to teach the young ones a few things.  This instruction with the teenagers involved her having me get into various positions with her, a few I had never heard of.  And she was a lot more capable than I would have imagined.  Then, she stayed with me, and the teenagers were dismissed.  Then the ladies that were waiting to get into one of the beds…  Ladies in waiting, is that what that means?  Anyway, they were dismissed.  They would be back at eight am after a good breakfast and remain in the same order.  As for those who had been in bed with me, they were instructed to stay in their rooms.  The Grand Oma explained that those children would probably go to Halfway, the community between her community and the Mennonites.  They needed to know important things about the sexual bond between a man and his wife.  Everything that had happened with me so far was for procreation, but sex was created to be enjoyable, and a husband and wife should think of it that way.  They might not teach it that way in the Mennonite community, but she did.  I pumped her for information.”

Tuesday groaned, “If this ever becomes an official report, please use a different expression.  You asked her questions.  Pumping her for anything makes my skin crawl.  Did you find out anything about how this all got started?”

Paddy smiled and nodded, “Yes, ma’am.  There were four girls who came from Ohio for Rumspringa.  They moved into the apartment at the grocery store.  For a year, they stayed to themselves, and they worked at the grocery.  One night, the grocery owner’s daughter, the one who owns it now, came up to their apartment, and started asking them strange questions about how they made love to each other.  They never thought of that.  It turned out Evelyn, the woman who owns the grocery, was a woman who liked women.  Well, she started demonstrating on the four girls and they enjoyed what they were doing.  Grand Oma, then known only as Abigail, thought this was wrong.  They should only do those things with a boy.  Cevilla, pronounced Se-vee-yah, was the charismatic leader of the four.  She still liked what they were doing, but she would agree with Abigail that they needed to do things with a boy.  Evelyn’s brother, Decker, was recruited, with no arm twisting at all.  After he slept with all four, the other two being Gretel and Gertie, Cevilla and Abigail were pregnant.  The elder back in Ohio said that if they got pregnant, they need not think of ever returning.  Every community with the Amish is a little different, but this guy was strict.  They had problems before.  About that time, Evelyn’s father found out what was going on.  He had built the apartment to have fun with the ladies, and he was being left out.  Gertie and Gretel joined the pregnant club, thanks to the store owner.  They were desperate, since they were not going home.  They talked to the Mennonites who had helped them get the jobs at the grocery in the first place.  There was an abandoned farmhouse and barn in the middle of nowhere.  So, as they continued to work at various jobs along County Line Road, they needed repairs to the barn and house.  The Mennonites helped, but by then they had little babies and somehow, they got pregnant again.  Then they all slept with a farmer who wanted to sell his chickens and cows.  He settled on being another father of more children.  Cevilla, who eventually bought the coffee shop, with her daughter now running it, came up with the idea of the lost weekend lover concept, but in giving birth to her eighth child, she died, and Abigail became Grand Oma, even though none of them were grandmothers by then.  Grand Oma is their name for the elder.  They worship God according to the Amish or Mennonite rules, except for those girls that cannot find husbands.”

Pink asked, “That is what bothers me.  The only approved sexual activity in the Bible is between a man and a woman who are married.  Whatever you call what other thing you are doing, the Bible would say that was adultery.”

Paddy nodded, “Cevilla said that what they had done was unfortunate, but then she asked, three out of every four children is a girl.  The boys and girls can pair off, and that created Halfway, but the rest were left without.  Cevilla said, ‘Do we simply have half of our children become old spinsters?’  They talked to the Mennonites, and they were willing to intermarry, but multiple wives was out of the question.  So, that led to the spies all over the County Line Road and the clandestine meetings at the coffee shop.  They have backups in case a crowd gathers on Friday at 8:00pm at the coffee shop.  They have means of communication.  The buggy would simply not show up for the pick-up.  I think Grand Oma has a cellphone, but she never said.  Anyway, this was fun.  A young man’s fantasy.  Saturday, the same thing.  I was allowed mealtime and bathroom breaks, but by near the end of their scheduled time, I had satisfied all the ladies except the last one, Hannah.  She was allowed to sleep with me that night.  We did more than sleep.  We fell in love.  If I had a chance to go back, I would not leave without Hannah.”

I sighed, “This seems to have been a big waste of time.  They are doing things that are morally wrong, but they are not breaking any laws.  In this state, sixteen is considered an adult in that respect.  No one is there against their will.  They must sell livestock for money to buy what they cannot make themselves.”

Paddy nodded, “They sell eggs and dairy products, making their own cheese for sale at Evelyn’s grocery.  If their herd gets too big, they sell a calf to the butcher, and Decker is the butcher at the grocery store.  Hannah and I talked about everything like that.  Everything is legitimate.  All the ladies who remain accept the arrangement.  They did not want to leave the community and the brand of ‘Amish’ they had created, and they could have children if they wanted, but after four years, Hannah was still barren.  That is why she went last.  It was thought it would be a waste of seed.  But I still had plenty in the tank.”

Tuesday asked, “Could you go back out there?”

Paddy shrugged, “I would violate their trust if I just went there.  They do not know that I know where they live.  They tattoo everyone, on the inner thigh.  One slash means you have done it before.  Turn the slash into an ‘X’ and you are not allowed.  And Tuesday, according to Hannah, your old Organized Crime detective was a double ‘X’ along with the sheriff, but I doubt if he will drop his pants to prove it.  They know about this, and they keep it quiet.  But, somehow, the tattoo person forgot to mark my thigh.  I could go back, but only if invited.  If my weekend produced several pregnancies, I am sure of it.”

Tuesday shrugged, “I am not going to pay for more undercover work, or as Georges over there said, under covers work.”

Pink said, “Okay, then, I’ll go in.”

I straightened, “Pink, you can’t do that.  There is no evidence of illegal activity, but that puts you in danger.”

Pink huffed, “I didn’t say I was going alone.  No one would mess with Zuzka.  And Missy is ten times more dangerous.  And the last I heard, this is a free country, and I can walk up to my neighbor’s house and say hello.  The County Line Farm is the Dalton’s, but since they borrowed a little from me for the purchase and the barn construction, it’s part mine.  I am going in.”

Paddy is going to continue working on the Gargoyle House in his spare time.  If he can figure out how to send word to Hannah, they could turn it into some kind of rooming house and pay the city back for what it is worth.  Later that night after our meeting, I got a text from Paddy.  Mrs. Danville, the pharmacist, had a “prescription” that she was going to bring by personally after the pharmacy closed for the night.  The next text was: When is this going to end?

Credits

I had thought of the children at the County Line Farm seeing other children having fun in the woods where there was not supposed to be anyone living.  Over months of playing with that idea and dismissing it, I got this weird offshoot of the Amish idea.  Even that took weeks to gel into some sort of a story.

But as I started writing it, Julie Cook sent a link to a video about the relief effort – and often the lack of relief effort – for those affected by Hurricane Helene in the North Carolina mountains.  Besides the United Cajun Navy and Samaritan’s Purse still working there, much of their workforce were teenaged boys on Rumspringa from my neck of the woods – Pennsylvania.  The folks in the mountains now love the Amish.

As for Rumspringa, most of the 16-18 year old Amish children return to the Amish community after Rumspringa.  Waiting upon their return to get married.  Anything sexual is thought to be rare, but there have been rare cases of girls returning pregnant.  But to see the “reality television” shows about the Amish, almost all of it is not reality, or at worst, the exception to the rule.