Thoughts from Mark "Hat" Rackley

I’m Pink Lady Apple Yeggs and my friend, and brother-in-law, Deviled Yeggs suggested that I record each project that I set up in the hopes of reforming the people who continue to work for Lily the Pink Enterprises.  If for no other reason, it would show how God is at work.

I was going through my afternoon open door visitors.  I would occasionally look into the living room.  Lance Allott was out there, but each time one of my ladies said he was there first, he would argue that they were working and he was retired.  Their time was more important.

You must understand, when he arrived a little over three months ago, he was self-centered and a non-believer.  He came with three children.  They immediately fell in love with Grannie Fannie, and she fell in love with them.  And Lancelot, as I call him, sleeps on her couch.  Grannie Fannie says that he is mellowing a little, but he is still hideous.  The children are worth saving.

But finally, there was no one left to postpone his meeting with me.  This is open door, so he did not have to meet with me at all.  I had an appointment coming soon.  I hoped he would not be a pain.

He smiled and nodded a bow as he came in the room.

I said, “I saw you jockeying for position.  I hope this does not take long.  I have an appointment, someone coming in, but then again, I have not had a bathroom break since lunch.”  I could not believe that I said all that.  I never discuss restroom issues, and the rest sounded like I was not concerned about him at all.

He slumped in the visitor’s chair and began to cry.  “Mommie Pinkie, I have made a mess out of my entire life.”  I did not go behind my desk.  I sat next to him and offered a hand for him to hold.  He was a womanizer.  He was a left-wing political analyst, used by the last six governors of Washington state.  He was a non-believer.  He never married, but he had a daughter from one of his many affairs.  One of his other women that he slept with volunteered to raise the daughter when the girl’s mother died.  His daughter was wild, having three children out of wedlock.  And all of this was his normal, thinking it difficult, but not assigning anything wrong to it.  He only retired and moved to Tracy when he saw Grannie Fannie taking care of my children and Anna Hill’s children while we were on vacation in Washington state.  And so far, he had rejected the idea that Christianity and the Love of God had anything to do with it.  After all, Christians have problems with their children too.

But this was totally different.  He looked totally broken.

I asked, “Lancelot, we have been down this road a few times.  Is something different?”

He nodded.  “Liam told me that he wanted to live with Grannie Fannie forever.  Olympia agreed with him.  Ellie Rain is not very verbal until I try to pick her up.  She only wants Grannie Fannie.”  I had heard similar words before, but then… “I sleep on the couch.  That was Fannie’s agreement.  So, I went down to my knees and bowed my head over the couch to pray to a God I did not believe in.  I prayed for God to show me what was wrong in my life.  I knelt there for a long time.  When I opened my eyes, I saw Grannie Fannie down on her knees playing with the children and all four of them were laughing.  Then, I heard a voice inside my head say that this is what was right, but I should not look further.  Everything else in my life was wrong.  I have been hearing that for three months, but I finally heard it, if you know what I mean.”  I nodded.  “That was days ago.  I can’t eat.  I can’t sleep.  I have to fix something that I cannot fix.  How do you fix a lifetime of wrong decisions or even if you made a right decision, you did it for the wrong reasons?  I came here to steal Grannie Fannie from you, but she won’t ever leave Kanok, Joon, and Sparkle.  Some folks can right the ship and bale out a little water, but my ship has sunk to the bottom in deep water.”

I squeezed the one hand that I held tightly.  “Lancelot, you finally said something right.  You cannot fix this.  You do not have the power to do that.  But you can lay all your life to this point at the foot of the cross.  You can surrender your life to him.  Then, if there are people that you have harmed and you can make restitution, God will direct you to do that, but after you surrender, God will guide you.  Jesus comes into your heart to stay.  The Holy Spirit starts to work within you so that your sinful desires start to show themselves as being bad.  And the Holy Spirit gives you new desires.  The biggest one is that you want to be more like Jesus.  But it will not happen all at once.  God saves you all at once, but becoming more like Jesus will take the rest of your life.  And with God’s Grace, you will have a lot more life in which to glorify God.”

He looked into my eyes.  The fight was gone.  “Can you help me?  I do not know where to start.”

I told him about God’s love.  I told him something he was already dealing with, that his sin was keeping him from a fulfilled life.  But then I talked about how God had sent His Son to die in our place, and in believing and trusting in Jesus, Jesus gives us a path to the Father that our sins had destroyed.  Then we went through the salvation prayer.  I told him that I personally did not think the salvation prayer did any salvation at all, but it was a proclamation of what God was already doing in our heart.  Otherwise, if God was not there already, we would not know that we needed God.  Somewhere in the process is when we surrender.  We quit fighting God.  We put down the weapons of our rebellion and let God take over.

We both stood, and we hugged for a long time.

Then he stepped back.  “I have to go talk to Fannie.  I think she is either at the nursery, or she has gone to the apartment.  Thank you, Mommie Pinkie.  You run a wonderful complex here where people do not apologize for loving one another.  It is something I have done little of, but I want to start.”

I suggested, “Start by smiling and greeting others.  In three months, people have their opinion of you and suddenly hugging people my scare them half to death.”

He smiled and nodded and was off to find Grannie Fannie.

My bladder was about to burst.  I could not hold it another second.  Wait.  Maybe I could make it to the restroom, but not a second more than that.  Once I was done, I had to check to make sure I had no issues to deal with.  I still had my special guest who asked for a meeting.

When I got back to my office, there was a lovely lady sitting in a visitor’s chair.  She had lovely blonde hair, not as long as mine, but her hair was long, well-groomed, and beautiful.  She was wearing a sundress, bright colors, and wild print.  It reminded me of what Hawaiian shirts for men look like.  And she had the latest athletic shoes on her feet.  When she heard me enter, she turned and made eye contact.  She smiled with a confident, broad smile.

I recognized her, but then again, I did not recognize anything that I saw.

I said, “I am sorry, young lady.  My open-door hours are over, and I have someone coming by who personally requested a private meeting.  I am afraid you will have to return during normal open-door hours or schedule an appointment.”

As I was delivering my sad news, she was stifling laughter.  “But Mommie Pinkie, I am the appointed guest at this hour.”

I shook my head, “No, the lady that was to come by at this time wears her hair in a bun.  She wears modest clothing.  She wears an Amish Kapp to illustrate a subservient heart, humility, and purity.  And it was always difficult for her to make eye contact for long.”

My guest locked her eyes on me to show that she could indeed maintain eye contact.  Then she took in a deep breath and spoke.  “And I do not believe that I am saying this, but my name is Hannah … wait for it … Hannah McCreary.  Wow!  I am still getting used to that. And she is not the same woman you saw roughly three weeks ago at a masquerade wedding.  I was in costume, Mommie Pinkie.  Now, if I go visit Oma, I will wear the Amish attire, but I am wearing this and some other clothing that your sister, Gwen Quinn, bought for me as a wedding gift to give a different look for the Gargoyle House.  Paddy and I like the name.  You and Oma are the strongest women that I know, but I think you are a half step ahead of her.”  I raised an eyebrow.  She was talking ill of the Grand Oma of her former community and her biological grandmother.  “Yes, you came in here and you knew I was the person who should be here at this time, but you played a game.  You reminded me of the things that I should never lose from my old life and reminded me that I am part of a new life.  And yes, I am a month pregnant, and I saw Dr. Mel Torme for the first time.  I had never heard a recording of a Mel Torme song, but she gave me a free coupon for a hot chocolate.  She said that I had already had my caffeine limit for the day.  But here I come with news, newsie news and real news.”

I sat in the visitor’s chair.  I never thought that roughly a month of living in a secluded spot on the county line would afford her the ammunition for knowing the distinction between those three types of news.

I asked, “How are you involved with real news?”

Hannah brightened, “Monday of this week, I had a visitor that was being impolite to the cleaning crew.  He brushed his groin against their clothing and grabbed their arms to impress his strength and their weakness.  I called to him from behind the front desk.  I said what the girls had already said.  We had a third of our rooms under renovation, a third with guests, and a third with employees.  I made a mental note that he had not entered until Uncle Erasmus and his renovation crew had left for the day and before Paddy had left the precinct.  I suspected he was casing the place to do something sinful.  I used the security camera that was well hidden to send his picture to Paddy.  Paddy texted me to keep him busy until police could arrive.  He said nothing about what he suspected.  So, I played along with this guy.  He was only willing to pay in cash.  He thought his giving me proper ID was not necessary because he would pay extra.  He even flashed a few hundreds to impress me.  But I pretended to not like his price and I wanted to see an ID.  I argued with the girls as to who could bunk in a room with one of the others.  They had no idea that I was playing a ruse, so they got angry which meant I wasted more time negotiating with them in order for the crude and rude man to have a room.  Really, we are a boarding house, not a hotel for overnight guests.”

I smiled, “So what happened?”

Hannah smiled, “Polly came through the door, not wearing a uniform.  She said that she was looking for a tall handsome stranger, and she wondered if the guy in the lobby was ready to go out on the town as soon as she could change in her room.  The guy did not flinch.  Then, Ruthie came in from the backdoor while Polly applied her non-death, non-grip thing.  The man went down.  They cuffed him and then Polly came over and said that facial recognition made this guy as one of America’s ten most wanted.  He was a bank robber.  He found small inns or boarding houses and flashed cash without ID and then he stole the money back from the establishment after he had robbed a bank or two in the nearby city.”

I gasped, “Oh, dear, that could have ended badly.”

Hannah nodded, “That’s why my wardrobe is changing.  Some of it is for feeling lighter and free, like this, but some is to be more businesslike and less Amish.  Uncle Erasmus is loaning us Jedidiah, his son.  Jedidiah and his wife are going to stay in one of the rooms for a while.  That way, I will always have the presence of a male in the house.  But Polly and Ruthie have volunteered to teach me and the girls on their Rumspringa some self-defense moves.  We are beefing up our cameras and such.”

I asked, “How can your uncle get the rooms wired and the plumbing done?”

Hannah laughed, “They rough out the rooms and then they contract with a local contractor.  Sorry, but a lot of your donation to get the house renovated has been spent on the electrician and the plumber, but we are using people that Uncle Erasmus has used in the past and their rate is low.  But on another side of that, your son the Mayor is going to give me a key to the city.   The news will spread that the Gargoyle House is not to be messed with.  Your son gets his face time in front of the cameras, and we get the image of being stronger than we really are.”

I smiled, “Now that was a lot of real news.”

Hannah snickered, “But I am not finished.  We got a call at five in the morning yesterday.  Mrs. Danville at the pharmacy said that someone had removed the entire front of the store.  Broke some windows, strapped a cable across the front door and ripped the wall out with the cable attached to a truck.  I knew Mrs. Danville had been one of Paddy’s old flames, so I was wary until I saw the pictures.  The crime scene people arrived from Tracy and Paddy found something they did not find.  The idiot who stole cough medicine and a lot of over-the-counter medicine got thirsty and took his glove off to get a bottle from the refrigerated display.  He left prints and since that was not where the rest of the theft was, the crime scene guys were sloppy.  I think the lieutenant is going to give him praise for that.”

I snickered, “Since the lieutenant is my brother-in-law, I will insist on it.”

Hannah smiled, “Paddy is smart.  But a favor here or there won’t hurt.”

I asked, “What about the plain news.”

Hannah said, “Mom comes by three days each week.  She walks to the County Line Farm, and they bring her to the house on an ATV.  Don’t let Oma know.”

I nodded and smiled.  “Okay, that is interesting.  Your mother is in charge of the school for the children.  I suppose she has learned to trust the other teachers.”

“Not really.” Hannah laughed, “Oma is filling in on those days.  Just spot checks.  Oma has mellowed a great deal since your visit.  I think the weekend abductions of eligible boys may come to an end, but we have several ladies who are already pregnant.  Oma is looking at the Bible more critically.  I think you said something about how making excuses for a difficult situation that our sin caused was compounding one sin upon another rather than becoming a necessary evil.  So, that is a news item in progress.  We do not know how that will resolve itself.  But the newsie news is still to come.”

I smiled, “Everyone around here knows me as being very nebby, nosey if you will.  Spill the beans.”

Hannah looked confused, “Spilling beans gets messy.”

I smiled, “Tell me all the newsie news.  But don’t just make it up.”

Hannah laughed, “Okay.  I said that the farm hands drive Mom to the house in an ATV, but really, it is Clyde.  He set up a bell on the west bank of the creek, on a pole.  She rings the bell at roughly the same time each day.  He unhooks the gate from the electricity.  He walks across the creek.  He picks my mother up in his arms and carries her across the creek.  I think they have kissed a little.  And they have taken walks together and they sit in his little hayloft room and talk.  In one of those talks, Barry was coughing.  Mom had a dark-skinned lady from our community come with her the next morning.  Bonnie is a nurse of sorts.  She moved in with Barry and started nursing him back to health.  And Clyde says that he has not heard sounds like they are intimate, but the two whisper a lot and they laugh a lot.  It turns out that the four of them are roughly the same age, late thirties, and we may be hearing more wedding bells.  They are serious enough to talk to Uncle Erasmus and your Mr. Kaiser.  They are thinking of stealing some of your apple orchard to build two houses on stilts with bridges over the creek.  Bonnie and Edna can still be part of the community while Barry and Clyde can still be the Dalton’s farm hands.”

I asked, “Why did they not swap girlfriends so that we could have a couple named Bonnie and Clyde?”

Hannah rolled her eyes.  “Yes, I know the reference.  I read about those robbers in a book.  But Barry sings that song about Bonnie lying over the ocean.  He changes the last line, according to my mother, to ‘Why won’t Bonnie lie over me?’”

I cackled, “That is too much!  Is there any more newsie news?”

Hannah shrugged, “I have passed my written test.  I can start driving with a licensed driver in the car.  I got that this morning.  I went to my first meeting of the police wives’ auxiliary today, and I will be at as many feeding the homeless events as I can.  I got my haircut by the other Hannah.  We are great friends now.  She even did my nails.  And I talked to Missy and Julia.  They may come with Rosie and Polly to the house for the self-defense classes.  Elroy is going to help us with cyber security and better security cameras, a lighted nature walk behind the house and other things like that.  Tommie Tat is teaching me a few things about financial records that I did not know.  Oma taught those classes, but she is not up to speed with all the laws.”

I asked, “Do you want to join our Mommie Club?  We have support groups on every kind of issue.”

Hannah smiled, “Yes, I hear there is a birthday party tonight for the November babies.”

I snickered, “Yes, Emmett Dalton will get a personal cake.  He turns eighteen this month.  His baby sister is turning twelve this month and she is graduating from the babies designation.  And then Lauren MacDougall is four.  She is Menzie’s oldest.  And Karl Kaiser is one, I think yesterday.”

Hannah laughed, “That sounds like a big party.  What do you do?”

I smiled, “I am thinking we have more party than the Amish have.  We have decorations.  We have usually a big sheet cake with all their names on it.  Sometimes, Scrammie and Mable do something unusual.  Since Lauren is the bus alarm, they have something interesting planned for the party.”

Hannah asked, “What is a bus alarm?”

I shrugged, “I have no idea how she does it.  Lauren cannot tell time.  She probably does not hear the bus, but she wants to go to church so badly and worship God that she goes to her Mommie, Menzie, and she tells her that the buses are lined up in front of the building.  And Jemima’s little class that has something like forty people there if they all show up…  Anyway, it meets in the den, far from the circle driveway.  I do not think she hears the buses.  She just knows.  When Lauren was in Scotland on vacation, Grannie Fannie parked out front early and walked in to catch the last few minutes of the class, and Lauren cried the first Sunday she was back, thinking she was late.  Now, she runs over and gives Grannie Fannie a hug.  Oh, what are you and Paddy doing about church.  He was an occasional Catholic and you were Amish.”

Hannah said, “We have prayed a lot.  There are a couple of small churches along County Line Road, but we did not like either one.  Some of my cousins go to them, but it just was not a fulfilling worship service.  Paddy does not want to join Oma’s gathering at her house.  We thought we might come into town.”

I suggested, “Come to Jemima’s crowded Sunday school class in the den.  Then you can get on a bus, SUV, or car and go almost anywhere in town.  The pink vehicle returns you here and you can go home.  The benefit is that there are a lot of children about your age in the class.”

Hannah smiled, “TomCat have already invited me.  We didn’t know if people outside of Lily the Pink would be welcome.”

I smiled, “There are not many, but we have the Caseys.  When they are out doing storm chasing, the children stay here.  Carla and Brenton walk here from their home.  They are a little younger than you.  Brooke and Goober come here from their homes.  You will not be the only ones, and you already know some of the people.  But in going to Stinker’s Sunday school class, no matter which vehicle you get into, you will probably have a friend on the vehicle from the class.”

Hannah smiled, “Thank you so much.  We will try out a few of the city’s churches, but Paddy was wondering if we could do something like what Oma does in the barn.  You know.  We could have our own little church in the meeting room.”

I nodded, “That is a wonderful idea, but you have to be fed by God’s Word also.  You need a support group.  And there is nothing in Scripture that restricts worship to Sunday morning.  You could have your church meeting on Friday night, Saturday afternoon, whenever you like.  GrandPa tells me about when he was little, he went to church Sunday morning, Sunday night, and Wednesday night.  It was a different type of worship service each of those time slots.  I brought it up because many people who marry outside their denomination simply do not go to church because they can never agree on where to go.  And that is not a good thing.”

Hannah smiled and nodded.

I waved a hand over her entire appearance.  “And what if you visit your Oma?”

Hannah laughed, “Are you kidding?  I would not let Hannah Bandana put the nail polish on without showing me how to remove it.  I have not burned my old clothing.  I can return with the old clothing and a white kapp.  I am married and with child.  This would please her.”

I asked, “How are you and Paddy doing?”

Hannah laughed, “We’ve only been married a few weeks.  We are still in that honeymoon phase.”

I sighed, “But you never took a honeymoon.  Before you know it, that baby is going to pop out and you will wonder what you have missed.”

Hannah asked, “What did you miss?”

I smiled, “You did a good job of reading me.  I got pregnant before I married Scrammie, decades before.  This place was turned into a home for harlots, but I was pregnant with Scrammie’s baby.  I stayed true to Scrammie, my name for my husband, Scrambled Yeggs, but it was hard.  I was imprisoned in this room.  I gave my child away to the monastery, to keep him safe from the crime family.  I missed out on him growing up.  I was not there.  And we have been on two vacations this year.  The first two vacations that I ever had.  We just got back from a quick trip to Florida.  Scrammie drove and the five of us went to Georgia to evaluate Gordon Franks’ home as a honeymoon destination.  I talked Gordo’s uncle into fixing up the place a little, with me paying him.  He will have someone drive to Savannah to pick up the honeymooners and then drive them to Charleston, SC, Savannah, GA, and St. Augustine, FL on day trips.  The property will stay in Gordo’s name, but I think people around here would love the historical atmosphere.

“Then we went to those cities before arriving at a home that I purchased from the Drivers in Cross City, Florida.  I had sent two ladies down there who wanted to get away from the snow.  One has gotten married, and the other lady says she never will.  But they still run a water lily farm in the backyard.  Some of it is experimental, so we get some funding from the University of Florida.  Their university people inspect everything at least once each month.  It was a short trip, but I got to see a lot of the countryside.  A trip will be good for you.”

Hannah shook her head. “No, Mommie Pinkie, trips are expensive, and with our boarding house just getting started, there is both no time and no one trained to take my place.  The girls flipped a coin and the one who lost had to sit at the front desk to tell everyone that we had no vacancies.  And since the incident on Monday, I doubt if any of the people along County Line Road will refer a stranger to us until Uncle Erasmus is finished with the renovations.  And thank you so much for loaning us the money.  With only one third of the rooms rented, we are seeing a profit.  We can start paying you back soon, but for now, the profits go into beds for the next rooms being renovated rather than asking you for more.  And before you offer more money, we are at peace with our slow progress.  I will have better trained employees when I will have enough room to accept more customers.”

I chuckled, “And you again read my mind.  I would give you what you need, not loan it to you.”

“Give us what?” said a voice from the door.  I turned and my son, Boaz, and Paddy came through the door.

I huffed, “Boaz, darling, I refrain from giving you anything.  Half the city will think it’s a bribe and the other half will think I am influencing your policies.  But you can give your Mom a kiss.”  He snickered and kissed me.  I asked, “Why are you here?”

Boaz said, “I came over to say ‘Hello’ to Paddy’s wife and to ask her when the best time would be for me to come over in two days.  I’ll have at least a couple of television crews.  Have you seen Mrs. McCreary?”

Hannah huffed, “First, Mommie Pinkie, and then the mayor!  Will anyone recognize me?”

Paddy came over, “I have to recognize you, but you do look totally different.”  He leaned in close and kissed her.  “I thought we could use the steps at the front porch.  Have you told Mommie Pinkie about all our newsie news.”  Hannah nodded.  Paddy then asked, “Even the dancing?”

Hannah reddened.  “No, silly, not that. It might get back to Oma, and she would freak out.  Amish do not dance.”

Boaz snickered, “What kind of dancing do you do?”

Paddy said, “I play the video of MercyMe singing and dancing to Happy Dance.  We just get goofy.  I guess we do that because we are happy together.”

Boaz and I doubled over laughing.  Boaz asked, “What’s the next wedding that we have here?   We could have a flash mob of that song.”  Now, we were all laughing.

Credits

The following song is Happy Dance.  This is sung by MercyMe.  The video setting is at a wedding, so a flash mob of that song is not that farfetched.