Thoughts from Mark "Hat" Rackley

I’m Lieutenant Deviled Yeggs.  I work homicide in the big city of Tracy.  Working for me are my old partners: Detective Sgt. Jim Wednesday and Detective Poached Yeggs, my nephew who is slowly becoming a good detective.

But maybe the best detective is my daughter, Sophia.  Sophia has something up her sleeve.  This is a first-person, Sophia report.

Mom is at an all-morning meeting in her office at the university.  She needs to know anything that is needed by any of the faculty members under her charge as Faculty Dean of the South Campus, not that the main campus isn’t south of the city center, but it is more west.  Not only did she double her commute time to work, she increased her workload.  She is just now getting a trickle of faculty as they are moving their offices to the South Campus, but she has had all the coaches except for swimming and diving, which remain at the main campus since they did not build a pool at the South Campus.  They have the culinary arts professors in their brand-new kitchen, but they had only a scattering of faculty for the two-year technical associate degree programs.

But the meeting had to be completed by lunchtime.  She would be in an all-afternoon meeting with the chancellor at the main campus.

With Blaise working on experiments in the Tensie lab at Lily the Pink, that left Daddy at home with Gigi and me.  Gigi and I had discussed what we were going to do for the day, but obviously the mind of a two- and one-half year old girl does not sustain much of an attention span.  We were going to get Daddy out of the house and make the day a memorable one.

But Gigi, short for Gloria Grace (G.G.), was nowhere to be found.  And worse, I saw a trail of footprints in the snow.  There was no sense calling Pauline Niblick.  She was at Mom’s morning meeting, and she had dropped off her children at Lily the Pink so that Mashie could get a morning to sleep in.  I yelled, “Gigi, if you can hear me, come home.  I have just enough time to take a shower and then we can get moving.”

I went back inside to get ready for my shower, but then, I heard a bark at the backdoor.  It was Caulk, and Gigi was riding on Caulk’s back as if Caulk were a small horse.  A Caucasian Shepherd Dog – German Shepherd mix was big enough to qualify, but I had not seen Caulk do that.  Elroy later shared the video.  When anyone in Elroy’s protective circle called for a child to come home, the dogs would go into hunting mode.  Caulk found Gigi petting Beauty, the Niblick’s beagle.  What else would someone in her terrible twos would do in her party dress while she waited on Daddy and me to get ready!?  Caulk laid down and told Gigi to ride her service dog vest like it was a saddle.  And then Gigi got a ride on dog back to the house.  From the video, I could not see Gigi, but she was laughing the entire way.  The problem is that when she got off Caulk’s back, she smelled like a dog.

We had to share a shower.  I quickly picked out a Sunday dress for her.  We went to the double occupancy shower in the master bathroom.  And then it happened…

Gigi said, “Soapy, you look like Mommie!”

I replied, “Thank you, Gigi.  I think Mommy is a very lovely lady.”

Gigi said, “No.  You have the same things that Mommie has.”

It took me just a second for that to register.  Where was Mom when the changes in a girl’s body talk needs to be made?  I was taught not to ignore the question, but tell them just enough.  “What ‘things’ are you talking about Gigi?”

“Those two things up there and this hair down here.”  Gigi said with emphasis by slapping her hand on the hair down there.

“Oof!”  I said, “Didn’t’ Mommy teach you not to touch people where the swimsuit goes and to tell Mommy and Daddy when someone touches you there?”

Gigi looked at me with a concerned look, “Yeah, but you’re naked!”

I moaned, “That pertains to whether you are wearing clothes or not, kiddo!  But I look like Mommy, because I am at that age when my body is slowly getting to the place where I can be a Mommie.”

Gigi gasped, “Are you preggie?  Is Emmett the Daddy?”

“No!” I moaned, “No.  There are just things that have to happen.  It will happen to you in about ten years or so.  And then hopefully you won’t be thinking about having a baby for another ten years after that.  So, I think Aunt Jemima is going to have another baby before I have my first one.  Okay?”

Gigi giggled, “Okay, and I hope you can wash my hair better than Mommie can.  She made my eyes burn.”  What Gigi still does not understand was that Gigi had dumped an entire bottle of expensive shampoo that was strawberry scented all over her body and Mom did the best she could to avoid the tears, since it was not a no-tears shampoo.  This time, I had Gigi’s shampoo.  There were no incidents.  And luckily no more embarrassing conversations.

But before we were finished, Daddy was knocking at the bathroom door.  He couldn’t shave since we were in the bathroom.

In less than ten minutes, the three of us were in the car and headed for the mall.  Gigi wanted to ride the carousel.  I was thinking that after riding a dog that was possibly bigger than the wooden carousel horses, she would change her mind, but she went three times.  She chose a different horse each time.  I used some of my money to buy Daddy a new overcoat.  His old one was getting badly worn.  Then we went to a nice restaurant for lunch.  Of course, Gigi thought the nicest restaurant in Tracy was the Murphy Burgers, but she settled for a local restaurant, a little more upscale than the family restaurant chains.

The next thing I did was call Jemima.  She was ready to go to the County Line Farm, but her transportation was already there.  And if we timed it right, we might see something exciting.

We picked up Jemima and Stormie in front of the Big House at Lily the Pink.  Jemima strapped Stormie’s carrier into the seatbelt next to Gigi’s car seat.

Gigi said, “I didn’t know Aunt Jemima and Tormie were going to the pet farm.”

I said, “Her name is Stormie.  Get the ‘S’ on there.”

Gigi concentrated, “ssssssss,”  then she took in a deep breath and said, “TORMIE!”  Stormie laughed.

Then Jemima added, “And Gigi, a lot of people call me Aunt Jemima, but you and I are sisters by marriage.  And that makes Stormie your niece.  You are really Aunt Gigi.”

Gigi started to laugh, “How is that possible?!”

Then Aunt Jemima said, “Dad, we have missed the llama being born, but I just got off the phone with Fireball.  She thinks the next kid will pop its head out into the world about the time we get there.”

Dad, ever ready with the Dad jokes, said, “You’re kidding!”

Jemima played along, “No, I am not kidding, but the doctor told Arabella that she could be in charge of the kidding.”

I added, “And the way she talks in our Sunday school class, you would think Arabella is kidding all the time.”

We got there in plenty of time to watch the birth of a baby goat (a kid – thus kidding).  We got to see the new baby llama.  Barry and Bonnie had come out with Emmett, Arabella, Sarah, Clay Bell and Michael Rowe Casey.  They had all been there for the birth of the new llama.  Since Bonnie is one of the unofficial nurses at the Community of the Four Omas, she wanted to witness the birth in case she had to do it by herself.  But that was one reason for the Amish exception to the rule.  Barry and Clyde had cellphones to quickly contact the Daltons and the veterinarian in case of emergencies.

We went to the cattle enclosure.  There were two pregnant cows.  What I should have reported is that we saw two heifers that would become cows in late winter or early spring after they give birth to their first calves.

At one point, Gigi said, “Look at that, Soapy.  Is that what you are going to do in a few years?”

I retorted, “No, Gigi, not for a lot of years.”

Gigi nodded, “Yeah, yeah.  That’s what you said, like a bazillion years.”  But Dad still gave me a dirty look.  What could I do?  I was cornered in the shower, and I had to give her some kind of an answer!

Stormie got out of her carrier, and she laughed as she watched the little kid wobbling around.

Then Arabella said, “Stormie, you just took your first steps last month, but look at our new kid, he’s already walking.”

Jemima said, “Fireball, give Stormie a break.  Baby humans develop slower than baby goats.  We probably shouldn’t call our children kids.  They develop differently.”

Arabella asked, “Do you really think so, or are you just kidding?”

While we were still at the County Line Farm, what Gigi called the ‘pet farm’, Gigi spontaneously ran over to Daddy and gave him a big hug around his legs and said, “I love you, Daddy.”

Daddy looked down, “What do you want, little one?”

Gigi said, “A hug!”

Daddy picked her up and gave her a big bear hug.  Then he said, “And?”

Gigi asked, “And what?”

Daddy muttered, “You usually want something more than a big hug.”

Gigi giggled, “And ice cream.”

Daddy moaned, “It’s the middle of January.  Snow is on the ground.  I doubt if any ice cream parlor is open this time of year.”

I suggested, “The soda fountain counter at the Standish Pharmacy is open.  They have ice cream cones.  I’ll take Dulce de Leche.  One Scoop in a cup.  Even then, I might have to do laps if Coach Kessinger finds out.”

Daddy huffed, “Softball season hasn’t started yet!  And Gigi, what do you want?”

Gigi said, “Rocky Cheesecake on a waffle.”

Daddy began to decipher her order.  “You want a waffle cone, but the only cheesecake flavors that they have are strawberry and raspberry cheesecake.  Which one?”

Gigi, who was still in Daddy’s arms, said, “No sawberry.  My eyes still hurt.  I have rasssssspberry.”  As she extended the raspberry, she made a raspberry (Bronx Cheer), spraying Daddy with spit.  Then she laughed and said, “Daddy!  Your neck is wet!”

Daddy said, “Can you say raspberry without making a raspberry?”  Gigi giggled.

I replied, “I think she can, but I doubt if she will.  Jemima, are you continuing with us on this Girls Day with Daddy?”

Jemima said, “Sure, make mine Rocky Road in a cup.  If I buy at least one scoop in a cup, Stormie gets a baby scoop of vanilla for free.”

Gigi said, “Daddy, you forgot I want Rocky Cheesecake.”

Daddy said, “Gigi, they don’t have rocky cheesecake on the menu.”

Gigi looked really serious, “They do if you put nuts on it.”

Daddy laughed and hugged her some more.  With the waffle cone and the nuts, Gigi’s ice cream would be twice the price of mine.  And I doubt if she’ll eat half of it.

Jemima spoke up, “Ice Cream is on me.  I have a couple of Standish gift cards from Christmas.  I didn’t know volunteering to teach a Sunday school class would be a paid gig.  If we are lucky, Tamara might be working today.  We might get the nuts for free.”

We were in luck, or is that blessed?  Tamara was there, and we each got an extra big scoop.  And if you are wondering, Daddy got two scoops of caramel chocolate crunch on a waffle cone.  He went all out since Jemima was paying.  Tamara sprinkled some nuts on the top of his cone too.

Gigi asked Tamara, “What’s your name?”

Tamara smiled and said, “Tamara Collins.  I go to Aunt Jemima’s Sunday school class.”

Gigi gasped, “Are you my niece?”

Tamara started laughing, “No, that’s what most people call her in class.  She is the teacher, so we show respect.  But you can call her ‘Sis’ since she is your sister.”

Gigi giggled, but then she got very serious.  “Tamar, what’s wrong with your hair?  It’s white on the ends.”  We all gasped.  Little children have no filters.

Tamara giggled, “I will give you the short answer.  I once had cancer.  And now I don’t.  May the Lord be praised.”

Gigi started singing the Doxology, but she got a little confused.  So, Daddy and I joined in.

Priscilla Standish walked up.  “Tamara, I hope you did not give away any ice cream.  These police officers are always in here trying to get free samples.”

Jemima flashed her gift card, “No, no!  I’m paying.”

Tamara said, “That card looks familiar.  Did I give that one to you?”

Jemima shrugged, “I don’t know.  I got three of them at Christmas.”

Priscilla laughed, “Cha-ching!  And I was just joking about freeloading police detectives.  I really came out to see Gigi.  Gigi, I have heard a lot about you, but this might be the first time we met.  I am Priscilla Standish, the pharmacist here.  And you are a beautiful little girl.”

I added, “But she wasn’t that beautiful when I found her this morning.  She was riding a giant dog.”  Daddy asked if it was Caulk, and I nodded.  I continued, “She had been playing with the dogs, but she cleans up nicely.”

Priscilla turned to Daddy, “Lt. Yeggs, I want to thank you for suggesting Pink Lady making an intervention.  Tamara has gone from being a competent pharmacy technician to being our trainer when we get new employees, and I moved her to the soda jerk job, because she just bubbles over with love for all the customers that come through.  When my mother suggested the idea of an old-fashioned soda fountain, I thought it was a big gamble.  What if the customers did not like it?  But it has been the combination of an old thing that everyone wanted to try and then little Miss Bubbly here.”

I asked, “What is this new item, only available by reservation?  A Miles Standish?”

Priscilla said, “The brainchild is Tamara.  She can explain.”

Tamara said, “It has to be by appointment because the trough is precooled in the freezer and kept cold with dry ice.  So, there is usually a little fog involved. The trough is the length of the bar, and traditionally we fill the trough with bananas for a family length banana split, but we can negotiate the ingredients when the reservation is made.  Then, the family or club group or birthday party lines up to the bar and eats to their heart’s content.  We have only had a few customers order it, but they said they would come back for another.  I got the idea from the Henry Wadsworth Longfellow poem, The Courtship of Miles Standish.  The bar isn’t a mile long, but everyone loves the idea.  But since everyone is eating from the same trough, some people don’t buy it.  I think that our trough maker is looking at a trough with dividers.”

I smiled.  I had been in the lab when Jim Kaiser supervised Easy and Blaise welding the trough together.  They would not admit what it was for.

As we were finishing our ice cream, a new employee walked up behind Tamara.  “Soapy!  What if Coach Kessinger finds out you were eating ice cream?”

I looked up and recognized the new employee, “Jessy!  What are you doing here?”

Jessy modeled her soda jerk uniform.  “I work here parttime.  Tamara is teaching me the soda jerk job and how to dish the ice cream.  I am not old enough for a lot of hours, but everything helps.  I was just kidding about Coach finding out.  If I won’t tell, will you put in a good word for me at first base?”

I suggested, “How about something better.  Of all you who are trying to fill in at first base now that Carla is in college, you have the size, but not the skills.  If you walk over to Lily the Pink after work or before, you might be able to play catch with Menzie, and I am there half the time.  We can give you the practice you need to improve your skills.  We need someone who can stretch for the errant throw.  Carla was like a vacuum; she caught everything.  And she rarely left the bag to do so.  You aren’t too bad as a hitter, but you lack the strength.  If you talk to Brooke, she can teach you the right kind of weightlifting regimen to build up strength without turning you into some musclebound monster.  Brooke is strong, but you would only notice when she goes to take a shower.  If you put in the effort, that is if you really want to play first base, you have the height and long arms.”

Jessy started jumping up and down, “Thanks, Soapy, I’ll talk to Menzie and Brooke at the next practice.”

We said good-bye to Jemima and Stormie, or is it ssss-Tormie?  Stormie didn’t notice one way or the other.  After her ice cream, she was asleep.  I drove us home in silence.

When we pulled into the driveway, Mom’s car was in the garage.

As we entered the house, Mom was sipping tea in the den.

Mom asked, “I have only been home long enough to fix a cup of tea.  I figured that you were okay or you would have texted.  Have you been gone long?”

Gigi burst with excitement. “I rode Caulk like she was a horse!  I saw Soapy naked!  I rode the carousel!  I saw a baby goat get born-did!”

Mom couldn’t resist, “You’re kidding!”

Gigi continued, “Yeah, yeah! And we had ice cream at a soda fountain.”

Mom sighed, “Wow!  You know how to have fun when Mommy is away.”

Dad added, “And if you go to the soda fountain at Standish Pharmacy, you might notice the Gigi special on the menu.  That means raspberry cheesecake ice cream on a waffle cone with nuts added.  Getting things named for customers will add to the charm.”

Gigi said, “Yeah, it’s rocky raspberry cheesecake.  And she didn’t make a raspberry, but then again, she wasn’t right next to Daddy’s neck.”

Gigi said, “Can I go outside and kick the ball?”

Mom said, “Gigi, there’s snow on the ground.  If Sophia can close all the hallway doors upstairs, you can dribble the ball back and forth, but no hard kicks.  That will leave a mark on the wall.”

Gigi and I took hardly any time to set up the hallway.  I put the mesh child barrier up at the top of the stairs.

When I returned to the den, Mom said, “Your Dad says this was all your idea, Sophia.  And he knows that there is some ulterior motive, but you have not been forthcoming.  Might I remind you that I have a few college degrees that delve into the mind.  I can get at the truth whether you want to spill the beans or not.”  Mom said that more playfully than menacingly, but there was a little of both.  I think Mom was a bit jealous that we had fun while she worked.

I plopped myself onto a rocking recliner and began to rock.  “Daddy, I love you.”

Dad said, “Just like Gigi wanting the hug and then wanting ice cream, when you say that there is always an ‘and’ that follows.  That is the mystery that I have not solved yet.”

I asked, “Does there have to be an ‘and’?”

Dad looked at Mom.  They had this look of shock on their faces.  My question was something that they had never considered.

Dad finally asked, “What do you mean by your question, Sophia?”

I sighed and stared past them, my Dad on the sofa and my Mom in her special massage chair.  I said, “I’m engaged to be married to Emmett Dalton.  I know what Woody Allen said about if you want God to laugh, just tell him your plans, but Mom, Dad, I am running out of being a child time.  This summer, I am taking a course online as a prep class to the course I will take in the Fall semester, a dual enrollment class in police procedure.  The combination of the two courses will replace the police academy.  All I would need will be to pass those courses and pass the physical exam, and I will be a police officer in June of next year.  And since I will have just finished my last year of high school softball, I should have no problem with the physical exam, although some of the skills use different aspects of the muscle groups.  I plan to work part-time and complete my college education.  All but physical education and physics next year will be dual enrollment.”

Dad asked, “What is dual enrollment, Sophie?”

I smiled, “Get with the lingo, Daddy.  It means that I will be in high school, but I will take a college level course from T.R.U.S.T.  The professor will either be at the high school or on a television screen where I have to raise my hand for the camera for him to see to allow me to ask the question.  It counts toward high school credit, but it also counts toward college credit.  The course this summer is the same thing.  I’ll take college algebra, physics, American history, English literature, and PE.  My SAT score was good enough for my freshman English credits.  I think I might test out from some of the math courses.  But Em and I want to have a double wedding with Samuel and Menzie.  But they are having second thoughts.”

Mom gasped, “But Samuel was going to adopt the children.  What has gone wrong?”

I groaned, “No, they still want to get married, but they are looking at us getting a headstart into college, and Menzie would be the one who would rush into marriage right out of high school.  She had other people who forced her into motherhood early, and she did not want to force herself into marriage early.  So, instead of us getting married in two and a half years, it is now three and a half years, that is, if they make that final.”

Dad asked, “But what all does this have to do with our wonderful day today?”

I groaned, “It’s what Menzie said.  She wanted time to just be a child.  She would always have Lauren and Sammie, but she just wanted to be carefree.  But here my plan is to be a cop in a year and a half.  Postponing the wedding just means two years of the hormones going crazy before Em and I can do what Menzie and Samuel did years ago.  But, Daddy, I want to be a little girl every now and then.  I want to be your little girl.  Sure, I did some of the driving today, but what we did was just fun and silly things that reminded me of when I was little.  I was vicariously living through my little sister’s wide-eyed excitement, and I loved every minute of it.”

Dad still was not convinced, “And?”

I sighed, “And nothing else, Daddy.  Sure, I want a car, but I drive a pink car home when Blaise works late.  I have crunched the numbers, if Em plays at the Taz more often and I run security for those events, then I might be able to pay for my part of the automobile insurance and a note on a small used car, but Em’s contract with the Snazzy Taz is limited so that the gigs do not interfere with his schooling, and he still needs time working with the African exotic plants, and he still drives his sisters to the farm and back.  The poor guy needs to sleep on occasion.  The financials are just not there until I graduate.  I do not want to touch the money Aunt Hortense left me.  That is for college tuition and getting a kickstart on life.  So, today was having fun with Daddy Day.  That’s it.”

My Dad got up and motioned for me to come over to him.  I did so and he engulfed me in a big bear hug, as he had done earlier with Gigi.  And for a moment, all my cares and fears seem to melt away in Daddy’s strong arms.  And I felt like a child again, if only for a moment.

And it was for only a moment.  As Mom flipped through her emails on her laptop, she got one from the church, Donald Sanderson, the music minister had passed away.  They were offering Emmett a part-time job in that ministry, raise and increased hours when he graduates high school.  Another increase in pay upon completing college.

And even less time for Em and I to just be a child before it was too late.

But Mom was not finished.  “And what is this about Gigi seeing you naked, and how are you ready to have children, but you and Em are not going to have children for a bazillion years?”

I huffed, “We were in a hurry.  I did not think it through.  I have showers with my teammates, and Gigi was supposed to not even go outside, but she smelled like a dog.  She started asking questions and poking me where she should not be poking, so I had to say something.  I just hope she forgets by tomorrow.”

Mom sighed, “Gigi seems to have a perfect memory when it comes to nakedness.  I wonder what is wrong with that girl.”

Credits

I have heard a few sage statements of late.

1. You work hard for the first 18 months of a child’s life to get them to say anything.  And then for the rest of their lives you just want them to shut up.
2. From the child’s view, for 18 years or 22 years (if going to college), you want nothing more than to be out of the house and on your own.  Then for the rest of your life, you want to be back home where your only worry was doing a couple of chores on occasion.
3. Put those together and you can get a lot of quotes on how we want to change the clock to any point, but none of us want to leave the clock on “now.”

As for me, if Sophia can live vicariously through watching her baby sister experience things for the first time, I can live vicariously by writing about what Sophia experiences.