Thoughts from Mark "Hat" Rackley

The Scriptures will be embedded in the story.

Boilerplate

I’m Harold Dykstra.  I’m retired, but I go to food bank distributions all over Tracy and talk to people that need someone who will listen to their story.  My time is well spent.  A police lieutenant suggested that I write down the conversations that I had with an angel.  I did not know she was an angel at the time.  The angel, for a little over a year, indwelled a life-sized posable action figure my children bought me, so that I would not be perceived as travelling alone.  And in a way, she was training me for what I do while talking to the needy.  She probed my heart to find out what I believed and how I express love for others.  She changed my life.

In her leaving, she said someone would come.  I had thought that was Jesus, in His second coming, but a new Babs, a little older, the model for the posable action figure arrived.  While I had no desire to start over with romance, Morrie helped her move in, thinking she was the other Babs who had returned.

This Week’s Question

Last week, Babs went to her bachelorette party.

This week, it was my turn.  When I returned, Babs was in the kitchen, holding a rolling pin, tapping it against her free hand.  The inquisition was starting with a sinister note.  She said, “32 days and counting.  That is if you have a good explanation for the…”  She gasped!  “You have lipstick on your collar!  Sit down, Harold, and explain yourself.”

I smiled, “Well!  I might have a hard time doing that.  Morrie was in charge, but you know he had a very rotten life up until you straightened him out.”

Babs snickered, “That was the other Babs, but no one seems to think there was a difference.  So, did he have the usual type of bachelor party?”

I laughed, “Yes, he did.  But no, he did not.  It was still at Lily the Pink, and we had the same lingerie fashion show that you had last week, but that was at the end.  It started with a huge meal.  I knew it was going to be tame.  All the guys had their wives or girlfriends with them, even Joe Painter had Grace with him.”

Babs sighed, “Oh, Harold, that is just awful.  What did Morrie do?”

I huffed, “He did everything that they joke about being in a bachelor party.  It started with this big cake that was rolled out.  And to my shock, the cake pops open and a woman comes out.”

Babs scrunched her nose, “Who was she and was she naked?”

I moaned, “Babs, this was nice PG or maybe a G movie on the edge.  It was Mabel, in her bakery uniform.”

She cackled, “Mabel?!  Isn’t she a little old for you?”

I shrugged, “Babs, she did not do an exotic dance.  She was holding the real cake.  Morrie was laughing his head off.  Then, another cake came out.  It was covered in a box.  It was presented to me, and Otto removed the box.  The cake was made to look like a woman’s chest area, complete with a bra.  I was instructed to remove the bra and bury my face between the ‘mounds’ of cake.  I thought this was just going to be a silly gag to embarrass me in the future, but no, the two breasts seemed to explode.  Icing sprayed over a half dozen people on either side of me.  I flew back in my chair with icing covering my entire face.  Don’t worry.  I am told that Blaise designed it, and he and Marcie both went crazy being the ‘bachelor’ to make sure it worked perfectly.  No explosives were used, but the cake ‘plate’ had a gas cylinder.”

Babs laughed, “I don’t think you cleaned off all the icing.  There is some on your shirt.”

I snickered, “Yeah, but Morrie set up a tame version of several bachelor party stunts.  We drank non-alcoholic cider, clear soft drinks, and water, but they were either in champagne flutes or martini glasses, plastic in case anyone decided to throw one of them.  But then, they came out with a piñata.  I was given the stick and the blindfold.  They did not spin me around, afraid I might fall. So, I knew where the stupid thing was, a big turtle. I smacked it good and I felt this shower of something liquid hitting me from above.  It was whiskey scent, no whiskey, just the scent.  Morrie drove me home in case I got pulled over.  And instead of candy in the piñata, it was fake bottles of expensive whiskey, cognac, and brandy.  What was inside was either lemonade or water.  Little plastic bottles so nothing would break.”

Babs snickered, “Okay, you have explained the icing on your clothing and smelling like a distillery.  What’s next?”

I groaned, “Babs, that’s it.  I think Blaise is thinking of a side hustle for people who want naughty-tame bachelor parties.  Oh, what we started with was last.  They put me on a throne.  They had all the ladies from your party walk down the walk in their nighties, nothing showing that a bikini wouldn’t show.  Then each of them sat down and kissed me on the cheek or nibbled on my ear or kissed me on the neck.  That’s where are the lipstick stains came from.  I think they used vibrant colors of the wet lipstick to make it show.  These days, we can kiss and the lipstick doesn’t transfer.”

Babs smiled, “Most of the time, I am not wearing any lipstick, but then there is the type of lipstick that lasts all day.  They were definitely going for the incriminating evidence.”

I laughed, “Oh, and this week, Amara was there.  With her dark skin, the lingerie popped.  She gave me a big kiss on the neck and apologized for not being at your party, but she passed the exam.  I guess they will have to split the accounting duties since Amara and Pink Pearl are both accountants now.”

Babs giggled, “Rats!  I missed out on Amara modeling.  Maybe next time.  But you do know the significance of Missy’s friends, don’t you?  They were her bride’s maids, one from each continent, no one from Antarctica, sorry.”

The door burst open. Tony and Joe Painter were followed by Mary Jo and Frank Lynn.

Joe said, “Pake Harold, did you tell Grabbabs about Mabel taking her clothes off and Grace getting cake in the face?”

I made a face that was hopefully sufficient for Joe to say no more.

Babs smiled, “Okay, Joe, what did Pake Harold not tell me?”

Joe said, “Well, Mabel pops out of this fake cake holding the party cake.  She put the cake in front of Pake Harold, and then someone yelled, ‘Take it off!  Take it off!’  So Mabel starts swinging her hips, and she throws her baker’s hat at Matthew.  Then she pulls her apron off and threw it at Thomas.  And then she pulls out a bra.  She dances around with it swinging over her head and then she uses it like a slingshot and fires it.  It landed on Pastor Gil’s head.  And then when everybody was laughing she came over and kissed Pake Harold on his head.”

Babs groaned, “Nope, Harold told me nothing about the strip tease.  Now, is Grace traumatized?”

Joe laughed, “That was when the special cake that was made to look like umm … look like …”

Tony suggested, “A grown lady’s upper frontals.”

Joe smiled, “Yeah, that.  He took the bra off and said that they looked a little too small.  Then, he leaned over to take a big bite with his mouth and boom!  The cake flew all over the place, but one of the upper frontals hit Grace in the face.  I helped peel it off, and all Grace would say was, ‘Is that what they look like?’  Dad told us that we should never kiss a girl’s upper frontals before we are married.  Once you are married, you’re safe, but beforehand, you don’t know when they might blow up.  Grace had her arms crossed the rest of the night.”

Babs laughed so hard, she snorted.  I had never heard her snort before.

I groaned, “It was tame, innocent fun.”

Then Joe said, “And that’s not all, Dad wants me to be his best man.”

Tony said, “Hold up, Joe.  Let me tell the rest of it.  Joe said this was the best party he had ever been to.  And I said that I hoped he was taking good notes because he would be the best man at my wedding.  Joe asked when that would be, and I said that Mary Jo would have to say yes first.  Mary Jo said that I had to ask her before she could say yes, and then I pulled out the ring and asked her.”

Mary Jo pulled her hand out from under the blanket that she had Frank wrapped in.  She showed the ring, “I said, ‘yes!’  Tomorrow, I am coming over to their kitchen.  Tony and Joe are going to learn that there is a difference in boy clean, man clean, and mamma clean.  I am going to teach them ways of using an old toothbrush and new cotton swabs that they never thought of.”

Babs moaned, “Another thing Harold did not say anything about!  Do you have a day set?”

Tony said, “We hope the Gordo honeymoon location is available, but we could stay at the Driver’s old house.  One of the ladies moved out, so there would be enough room for us and the children, and we could take them to a theme park or two or three.  But we also want the Crystal Mountain.  The sweet dates are starting to fill.  Julia has not set her date either.  She wants a date as soon as Missy is back from maternity leave.  But probably this summer.  Missy is expecting in April.  If the calendar gets full, we might double up with Julia.”

Babs giggled, “We are going to Gordo’s place in 32 days.  We can give you a full report.”

Tony said, “Gordo says that his uncle has hired a hostess to see to the honeymooner’s every need.”

I laughed, “Whoopee!  Big party.”

Babs asked, “Harold, are you sure you took a bath in whiskey scented cologne or was it whiskey?  You are not yourself.”

I said, “I can still lead the Bible study.  Tony, Mary Jo, pull up a chair.”

Babs scrunched her nose and nodded, “Okay, do you think Frank and Joe can play with Sugar?  I have already taken her for a walk.”  Tony nodded and he took Frank downstairs and made sure that Frank would be safe.

When he came back upstairs, Tony said, “Joe has a firm hand on Sugar, Sugar is licking Frank’s face, and Frank is laughing at everything.”

Babs smiled, “Let’s start with ‘Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.’ (1 Corinthians 13:4-7).  Mary Jo, I have heard about your cleaning standard, and I have been in Tony’s kitchen.  You need to be patient and kind with them until they understand that your standard is higher than theirs.”

Tony laughed, “We know.  We have seen her apartment.  Even with a one-year-old crawling and walking, the house is spotless.  It almost glows.”

I smiled, “And Babs is patient with me.  Right now, she is persevering, hoping that my brain gets unscrambled.  Do you think Mabel put something in the brownies?”

Tony laughed, “Not with Lieutenant Yeggs there.  I think that Blaise’s whiskey ‘scent’ was too potent.”

Babs said, “And we need to have faith!  ‘And without faith it is impossible to please him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him.’ (Hebrews 11:6, ESV).  We must continuously seek God.  That is one of the keys to a happy marriage.”

I smiled, “Babs, I think you are the most lovely woman in the world.”

Babs snickered, “Yeah, but you will sober up soon.”

Tony said, “I don’t think he is as drunk as he is in love with you.  All those beautiful women kissing him, but I think all he saw was you.”

Babs smiled, “Aww, that’s so sweet.  Full of malarkey, but sweet.”

“Okay,” I said, “I give thanks for Tony and Mary Jo and Little Joe.  ‘We ought always to thank God for you, brothers and sisters, and rightly so, because your faith is growing more and more, and the love all of you have for one another is increasing.’ (2 Thessalonians 1:3).“

Babs said, “Okay, I think Tony and Mary Jo were just coming by to make an announcement, but we should always give thanks for those God puts in our path.”

Mary Jo added, “I have something to add.  When the time comes, I want Harold to walk me down the aisle.  He means more to me than anyone else, and we will be like next door neighbors once I move in.”

I nodded, “I would be honored.”

Babs nodded, “’ A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling.’ (Psalm 68:5).  I guess when he says, ‘Her mother and I do.’  That’s me.  And I am honored too. ‘As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you; and you will be comforted over Jerusalem (Isaiah 66:13).”

Mary Jo said, “Yes, Babs, you are a very important part of the package.”

I nodded, “And I want you to take with you the faith that Abraham had. ‘Against all hope, Abraham in hope believed and so became the father of many nations, just as it had been said to him, “So shall your offspring be.” Without weakening in his faith, he faced the fact that his body was as good as dead—since he was about a hundred years old—and that Sarah’s womb was also dead. Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had power to do what he had promised.’ (Romans 4:18-21).  See, I am not drunk.  I do not think Blaise’s scent is purely non-alcoholic, but I am not drunk.  I am tired.  I ate a lot.  I ate a lot of cake.  And what was left of the breast cake was delicious.  So, I am dealing with the low after the sugar reaches the bottom.  I think I am going to take a nap.”  And with that, I was asleep.

Babs said, “Congratulations on your engagement.  I am so glad Harold made it to his comfy chair before he fell asleep.  We definitely need to give Blaise some feedback on his whiskey scent.”

Tony and Mary Jo gathered their children and walked back to Tony’s house.

Credits

All these conversations remind me of my conversations with my wife.  We would talk about anything and everything.  And most of the time, it sounded like a discussion in a Sunday school class.

People who do not drink alcohol much sometimes have a lower threshold in getting tipsy, and those reduced alcohol aroma things may not be “no alcohol.”

Soli Deo Gloria.  Only to God be the Glory.