I’m Lieutenant Deviled Yeggs. I work homicide in the big city of Tracy. Working for me are my old partners: Detective Sgt. Jim Wednesday and Detective Poached Yeggs, my nephew who is slowly becoming a good detective. But then again, I have all the detectives in the big city of Tracy reporting to me. Even so, I HELP them when they need help, but I WORK homicide.
Thinking of helping the other detective groups, I wanted an update from them. Jack Gripper of violent crimes and Beau Junko of Bunco gave their reports briefly and left. That left me with Jim Wednesday, my second in command and head of homicide, Poached Yeggs, assisting in homicide and leading Vice, Nick the Pick head of Burglary/Robbery, and our Organized Crime lead, Georges Evident. But then, Don Cahn, white collar crime, came in because there was something he was following up on that Nick the Pick had the lead. White Collar Crime is part of Bunco, but Don had helped Nick with an investigation. We were loose with the definitions, especially when one person is overworked and someone else might be tempted to play solitaire on their computer.
Before anyone could say anything, the door opened and Gigi ran into the room and jumped into my arms.
I asked, “And what brings you here?”
Gigi was overjoyed, “It’s pee school day!”
I nodded, “You are a little young, but you are supposed to be in preschool, not pee school. But why are you at the precinct?”
The door opened again, and Sophia entered the room. “Hi, everyone, Gigi got permission to come up to see Daddy. I see the concerned looks. Flintheart apologized for the torment they put Emmett and I through, and Menzie and Samuel. You know, with us taking care of those androids for the entirety of the Christmas vacation. The androids were no big problem, but we had to make weird arrangements to keep up with our obligations. So, the school gave us a day off. We came back with the pink bus to Lily the Pink, and Madelaine recruited us to chaperon the little ones’ field day. Didn’t Captain Hart tell you the Lily the Pink preschool was coming? I think there are 21 children half paying attention to Sgt. Weiss downstairs. I am sure they will be up soon.”
Gigi looked serious, “Who you putting the cups on, Daddy?”
I sighed, “I hope all your classmates behave themselves. There will be no need for the cuffs, GiGi. And why are you so obsessed with handcuffs?”
Nick laughed, “I have a basketball team full of girls, sir.” Note: Nick has six girls ranging from 17 to 7. Nick continued, “I think it’s a phase. I’ll volunteer. Poached, take my cuffs and show Gigi how to slap them onto my wrists.” Poached showed her how and she did a great job of it, at only two and a half years old. Then, Nick said, “Now that you got me, copper, what are you going to do?”
Gigi giggled, “I don’t know!” Sophia whispered in her ear. Then Gigi said, “Take him to rock up!”
Sophie corrected her, “Lock up!”
Gigi was giggling almost too much to talk, “Yeah! Yeah!”
We opened the door. As we all came out into the squad room, the elevator doors opened and rug rats spilled out into the room. Then the door to the stairs opened and even more rug rats, the older ones, ran into the room. Sgt. Weiss was with the ones from the stairwell and he looked concerned. He saw Nick in cuffs.
Sophie whispered in Gigi’s ear. Gigi said, “Sargent Wise Guy, lock him up, and foe away the key.”
Sgt. Weiss said, “Okay, I’ll lock him up, Gigi, but I cannot throw away the keys. It’s my job to keep the master keys for everything in the precinct, even your Daddy’s office. Polly has another set of keys for prisoner exchange. Are we going to do that too?”
I finally thought of a way to get the needed updates and entertain the children at the same time. “Yes, make sure Polly and Francine come up. Lock Nick into the Lock Up. And then show the children how you remove the cuffs. I will ask Nick a few questions and then Polly and Francine can put cuffs and shackles on Poached and put him in Lock Up. Then we will take Poached into Interrogation room two. Half the children in the room, half watching through the window. That way, I get my update reports, and the children will see interrogation techniques.”
Sgt. Guy Weiss, nickname of Wise Guy, locked Nick up. Nick had been compliant with Gigi, but he made it hard on Sgt. Weiss. But Sgt. Weiss showed the children how he could use leverage and get the job done without being mean to Nick. The way he was telling the children everything he was doing and answering their questions, I wondered if he and Minnie were starting to think about children. They’d only been married a couple of months now. Nick was compliant with the instructions on getting his cuffs off.
Nick said, “Detective Gigi, you are not getting me to talk. Besides, I was framed!”
Gigi turned to me and asked, “What’s that, Daddy?”
I said, “Sometimes, the bad guy stages the scene to make it look like someone else did the crime. Then the other person is framed to look like they were the bad guy. So, Detective Gigi, do you have any evidence that looks like it was placed somewhere on the scene. It looks different when it is carelessly dropped than when it is placed there.”
Gigi looked at me with a weird look. “Daddy, I don’t have any stuff like that. I just put the hang cups on Unka Nick ‘cause he said so.”
I nodded, “Okay, so he was not framed. We got the right person locked up. Now, if you don’t mind, I want to ask Nick some questions. And for all you children, we will show you an interrogation next, but sometimes just locking them up in the holding cell can get them nervous and they might start talking. So, Nick, you went to a company where the safe was cracked recently. Am I right?”
Nick shrugged, “Not really, Lt. Yeggs. The guy who opened the safe got the passkey where the safe’s owner had hidden it. He opened the safe. He removed some pieces of paper and a jump drive, and he replaced those papers with a note saying that he had been there. But he did not say who he was. On your instructions, Don Cahn came over from Bunco, and he started running through e-mails. The owner of the safe became belligerent, and he interfered with our investigation, although he was the one who called us there. Then, Don sent Poached permission to access the owner’s laptop remotely. Poached recreated some emails that had been deleted. There was evidence that blackmail was being done, based on the information that was removed from the safe. The owner did not want some information known, so he tried to drop all charges. Don was ready to arrest the person who had opened the safe, but the owner begged him to not do that. But we had several police spend all day working on something that was really an internal company issue. We dropped all charges except for a fine against the owner for interfering with our investigation and making false claims of a crime. He’ll pay the fine plus one thousand dollars to feed the homeless. Since we have three rich people matching those donations, you’ll have money for food for a couple of meals, and we get some of the expenses paid to investigate what ended up being a non-crime.”
I said, “You heard the man, Gigi. We cannot keep him locked up since there was no crime.”
Gigi looked disappointed. Polly was near us by then, since Sgt. Weiss hated to be away from the desk for too long. She opened the door and Nick left. Poached entered. Polly explained how a hardened criminal might try to overpower you, so she had Francine instruct Poached one step at a time until she had the handcuffs (not hang cups) on his wrists and shackles on his ankles. All of this done while Poached was inside Lock Up and Francine was outside the bars. They then opened the lock up door and Poached showed how he had to hobble. They took him to interrogation room 2. Gigi, Sophia and I went in as interrogators. The younger children came into the room. The rest of the children, the older children, went into the observation room.
Polly again told the children what they were doing, but if Poached had to do something, Francine gave those instructions. They put on a second set of restraints, this time tied to the table and floor. They took off the other set for suspect comfort. Then I turned off the lights in the interrogation room, so the children in the room could see the others in the observation room. They were shocked that they could see through a mirror. Captain Hart and Gisele were with them. Captain Hart said he always wanted to get Poached in this position. Gisele told Cpt. Hart to behave. I turned the lights back on in the interrogation room, that doubled as Jim Wednesday’s office.
Sophie whispered into Gigi’s ear. Gigi asked, “Poach, do you know why you are here?” Then she giggled.
Poached shrugged, since the shackles and cuffs gave him little freedom of movement beyond a shrug, “I was in the lieutenant’s office when a little cousin of mine barged into the office wanting to put people in cuffs. I guess he wants information about one of my cases. I have information on a case that is filed as a case solved by Sophia, your sister. Why don’t you ask her? And, Gigi, get my name right. It is Poached. Get the ‘D’ on the end.”
Gigi smiled and said, “Okay, Poach … Duh!”
Poached rolled his eyes, “Never mind, but ask Soapy about the other thing. Since she got the credit for closing the case, she ought to know.”
Gigi turned to her sister, “Soapy, what do I ask now?”
Sophie smiled, “I solved a big case last month that sent an entire biker gang to jail, but we did not have airtight evidence on how they got the drugs that they were selling.”
Gigi gasped and turned back to Poached, “Poach! Do you do drugs?!”
Poached rolled his eyes, “No, Gigi, I am the detective in charge of Vice. We investigate illegal gambling, drug distribution, men and women doing naughty things to each other, stuff like that. But it gets tricky when we look at the selling of illegal drugs. That usually comes from organized crime. So, you have to ask Oncle Georges.”
Gigi asked, “Oncle Georges?”
Sophie laughed, “That is Uncle George in French.”
Gigi whispered, “I thought Uncle Georges was ‘talian.”
Georges poked his head into the room. “Gigi, I have a man that is working deep cover. He knows who sold the drugs to the biker gang. We did not have any evidence that the transaction took place, but you need to ask your suspect more questions. He and Paddy McCreary did some digging.”
Gigi turned to Poached, or is it Poach? “Poach, did you use a shubble?”
Poached smiled, “No, I did not use a shovel. I used my brain. We interviewed the bikers again. We got nothing. We talked to the employees of the restaurant. Someone had to have seen someone pack the drugs into the secret compartment of the corner booth. One of them said that the owner kept six months of security tape footage to catch customers, waitresses, and busboys stealing from the restaurant. This person knew where the jump drives were hidden. So, Paddy went into the restaurant and found the plastic bag filled with jump drives under a fake potted plant. After watching hours upon hours of customers and waitresses walking by, we found what we were looking for. We found two members of the Rotten Apple Gang open the secret compartment and stow the drugs into that compartment. The date stamp was about two days before the raid that was made based on Soapy’s investigation. That proves that these two Apples, that we arrested yesterday, supplied the drugs. They immediately lawyered up, and they are out on bail.”
Gigi asked, “Soapy, what does lawyer up mean?”
I answered, “That means that we cannot ask them any more questions until their lawyer is present. If they do not have a lawyer, then a lawyer will be assigned to them. That is part of the Miranda rights that we tell to anyone that is arrested. They must understand those rights before we start asking questions. Francine, can you recite those rights?”
Francine turned red, “I don’t have them memorized yet, Lieutenant. I am just a rookie.” She pulled out a card and read the Miranda rights.”
I smiled, “I picked on you, Francine, to show these children, that if we cannot remember the exact words, we can read it off a card to ensure that the suspect knows his or her rights. If we do not do it right, then whatever they say is not allowed to be mentioned in court.”
Poached said, “With that in mind, LAWYER!”
Sophia turned to Gigi, “Okay, Gigi, Poached has requested a lawyer. We can’t ask him any more questions until the lawyer shows up.”
Gigi asked, “Then what happens?”
Sophie giggled, “What usually happens is that Daddy asks a question and then the lawyer says, ‘Don’t answer that question.’ So, unless the lawyer wants to have a plea deal offered, the interview is basically over. And a plea deal is where a lesser charge is offered in exchange for something that the police are looking for, something like the person he was working with.”
Gigi said, “I wanted to ask Poach where Ibie is.”
Ibie said, giggling over the voice box, “I’m behind the mirror. I can see you but all you see is the mirror.”
Polly and Francine released the chains that held Poached in place, and we all went into the squad room. Amy G. Dala was there. She, Ralph E., and a couple of employees had brought donuts and hot chocolate from the coffee shoppe at the Dala Enterprises building down the street. You haven’t gotten the full police experience unless you eat a donut. Joon was excited, but only for a moment. They were donuts that my brother, Scrambled, had made, but he was told that he could only have one. I got a jelly donut for myself, and I slipped half of it to Joon. We are best buds now.
I asked, “Amy, why are you here, bearing gifts?”
Amy laughed, “A little birdie told me that someone made a thousand dollar donation to our feeding the homeless charity and I wanted to bring you my matching check of one thousand dollars. This time I beat Pink Lady to the punch. Besides, I was told that I was the subject of the field trip next month. And I thought a little gift for the children will help get them excited. You know, a little bribery goes a long way.”
Amy held out the check for me, and Gisele snatched it away and placed it in her cleavage.
Gisele winked, “It’s safer there.”
Amy said, “I have always been envious of your safe place.”
Gisele laughed, “Well, you have more to offer than the last time I saw you.”
Amy groaned, “My baby bump isn’t showing yet and I have already had to buy a new bra.”
Ralph E. asked, “What bra? Do you ever wear one?”
Amy grumbled, “I do now.” And the Dala gang left.
Madelaine Lothrop Morissey, the leader of the Lily the Pink Preschool approached, “Lt. Yeggs, I am so glad that you worked on this pantomime to illustrate what a detective does. I think the children got excited to see the handcuffs and shackles in use.”
I laughed, “That was Gigi’s idea and Nick played along. I did not know you were coming.”
Madelaine blushed, “I let Gisele and Al know.”
I laughed, “Don’t worry about it. Captain Al Hart wants us to be on our toes and think outside the box. This was a test of that. We dreamed it up as we went, and those were ongoing cases that were being reported. I got information that I can tell the mayor, and the children learned something. Everybody had fun as far as I could tell.”
Then Madelaine leaned in close and kissed me on the cheek. “I also want to thank you for solving the murder of my father, and you might have had something to do with Mom relocating to Lily the Pink and me getting a job in the nursery. It took me a while, but I got my degree right at the time that Mommie Pinkie was looking for someone to run a pre-school. But frankly, I think I learned as much from Jochebed than I did from my teachers at the university. Not bad from a girl who was born of a mother who was not sober for a day the entire time she carried me in the womb. I turned out okay, and Mom turned out great. We have God to thank, but you and Mommie Pinkie helped out too. Thank you. I wanted this to be our first field trip so that I could thank you in person.”
I gave her a hug, but not a full bear hug. “I know it sounds silly to say that I was just doing my job, but your father’s murder was personal. Mags and Naomi were friends in high school. But God has something to do with all my work. Let’s give all the glory to Him.”
Credits
Although this mentions some old cases, I do not see any Credits, other than I once carried a Miranda rights card in my wallet. As an Army officer, you did not know when you might need it.
Madelaine’s Father’s Murder
The Drug Bust based on Sophie’s Investigation
A Cracked Safe that ended up being internal business, 2 weeks ago
Thoughts from Mark "Hat" Rackley 
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