Never Got a Dinner

Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with that person, and they with me.

–          Revelation 3:20


“You’ve no idea how good an old joke sounds when you take it out again after a rest of five or six hundred years.”

–          C. S. Lewis, The Last Battle



Red Buttons had a comedy routine, usually at Friar’s Club Roasts, where the punch line was “never got a dinner.”  The jokes were not 600 years old, but they were funny.  For example, “Dean Martin’s great-great-uncle, Ebenezer Martin, who said to Eli Whitney, ‘I see the cotton, but where’s the gin?’ Never got a dinner!”  His point was that this person who ‘accomplished something’ never got a dinner, so why are we honoring our honored guest?   The implication that their accomplishments are less is implied.  Of course, the ‘accomplishments’ of his suggested past heroes were always nebulous or a play on words, so that put the honored guest of the dinner down even further.


I hope you enjoy these.


Adam, who turned to Eve and said, “You’re wearing fig leaves before Memorial Day?” … never got a dinner.  (Genesis 3:7)  [Adam and Eve were often in Red Button’s routines, but he didn’t do this one.  He did use these two:  “Eve, who asked Adam, ‘Does this fig leaf make me look fat?’ Never got a dinner! (Got an apple, but never got a dinner.) and Adam, who said to Eve, “What do you mean you have nothing to wear?” Never got a dinner!]

Enoch, who turned to God and said, “Why not?  I’ve walked this far…” … never got a dinner.  (Genesis 5:24)

Noah, who turned to Japheth and said, “My son, my son, my precious son, I want you to be the first person to try my new invention.  I call it a pooper-scooper.” … never got a dinner.  (Genesis 7:1-3)

Aaron and Hur, who suggested, “Moses, have you ever thought of leaning against a tree?” … never got a dinner.  (Exodus 17:10-13)

Moses who, after dropping the stone tablets, said, “Tree-huggers, give it a rest.  They are biodegradable.” … never got a dinner.  (Exodus 32:19)

Joshua, who asked the Lord to invent daylight savings time … never got a dinner.  (Joshua 10:1-14)

Samson, who told the weapons supplier, “I thought I ordered a saw-toothed ax.”… never got a dinner.  (Judges 15:14-16, KJV)

David, who after being asked directions said, “It’s only a stone’s throw away.” … never got a dinner.  (1 Samuel 17:50)

The Queen of Sheba, who after being a victim of a practical joke while visiting the king of Israel, says, “Okay, who’s the wise guy?”… never got a dinner.  (1 Kings 10:1-13)

Elijah, who said to the waiter, “Must be a nice restaurant.  All the waiters are dressed in black.” … never got a dinner.  (1 Kings 17:2-6)


I could go on, and may in a future post, but the Scripture above says that for all who hear Jesus knocking at the door of their heart and accept Jesus, He’ll come in and eat with that person.  For all those who ‘never got a dinner,’ Jesus is ready to honor you with a dinner.  Jesus, our Master and Savior, is also our friend, and He taught us to be a servant by being a servant Himself and a friend by giving His life for ours.  I am sure that a meal with Jesus is better than anything we’ve ever had on Earth.


As for my attempt at humor, I hope everyone enjoyed them, but I hope even more that you looked up the Bible references in case you did not understand my play on words.



Add yours →

  1. March 16, 2018 — 4:56 pm

    Very funny Mike😊😜

    Liked by 1 person

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