Who is Emily?

But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.

  • Matthew 6:6

Or maybe a subtitle for the post should be: “Or should we care?”

We used to have something called the “No Call List.”  It was that crazy idea that telemarketers were not criminals with criminal intent, thus ignoring the law.  The idea was that telemarketers were not allowed to call you if you were on the list.  But then the telemarketers decided to ignore the list, and there were already existing loopholes in the law governing the list.  I don’t know if the list even exists anymore.

Oh, you don’t know who ‘Emily’ is?  She is this perky young woman who calls from thousands of different phone numbers averaging at least once per day.  You can’t block them all!  You say, “Hello.”  She replies, “How ARE you!!!!  This is Emily…”  She then goes into her sales pitch.  I listened to it for a few seconds for the first 100 times she has called, but for the life of me, I can’t remember what she is selling.  Is she a Medicare advisor on a recorded line?  Is she concerned that the warranty on my car that has 107,000 miles on it might expire in the near future, although she doesn’t even know what make or model of car that I own?  Is she selling siding for the house – that I do not own?  (We rent.)

I could go on, but my brain is tired.  She called yesterday from a town about an hour away, but I knew a few people from that town, so I answered.  She called today from ten miles away, where we go to church.  I know a lot of people from there, so I answered.

I am suddenly overcome with fear!!!!  An hour away yesterday…  Ten miles away today…  Will she knock on my door tomorrow!?!?!

No, it is a recorded message.  The recorded voice drips of honey and sugar.  It is unreal.  They probably fed this woman uppers intravenously to get her that PERKY!!!!  With that much perkiness for that long of a message, Emily is probably dead.  It is not humanly possible to be that horrifically perky for that long, without having consequences.

And the worst part of it all is that she calls when Jesus and I are having a conversation, like Matthew 6:6 suggests.  I stop what I’m doing, and I walk across the room.  I pick up the phone and syrup starts pouring from the receiver as she starts.  I usually hang up between the “Em” and the “ily”, never hearing what she is trying to sell, at least now after hearing a bit of it for a hundred times or so.  (Confession, I wasn’t counting.)  But now I am upset.  It is hard to hear God’s voice when you get angry.  Maybe that’s why Satan paid Emily so much for the recorded message.

Do I wish her to go to that bad place?  No, I wish her to never call my number again.  I wish her to get a better job.  I wish her to meet Jesus and realize what torture she has wrecked upon society.  Can telemarketers make it into heaven?  I don’t know, but anyone can repent.  But repenting means, don’t call my house again!  Ever!

Do I know Emily?  No!  Should I care?  Yes.  She is a special child of God.  She may have been misguided in making the recording that is probably being played by hundreds of telemarketers around the world, but ’Emily’ is a soul that needs Jesus.

Sorry if your name is Emily.  There was an Emily in our youth group at church, back when I was a youth.  So, if you are an Emily, and this has made you uncomfortable, I apologize.  But if you are that “Emily”, Jesus taught that we should love others as we love ourselves.  To love me means that you do not call me unless you want to have a meaningful conversation, something that you cannot have with a recording.

And wouldn’t you know it!!  As I was writing this, my cell phone rang.  It was from the 212 area code.  I know no one there.  Okay, the 212 area code is supposed to be Manhattan, and Beauty Beyond Bones calls that home.  But as for this particular telemarketer, I like the music in the background, but I do not speak or understand Chinese!  I have no idea what you are selling!

Now, that I have that off my chest, and I have broken up my string of serious topics of late, I will do some deep breathing exercises, hoping that they do not induce a nap, and I will get back to my prayers, in private, in silence, in my room, with my Lord and Savior.

Soli Deo Gloria.  Only to God be the Glory.

9 Comments

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  1. She’s calling me, too… 😦

    Liked by 1 person

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