Why do I not Feel that Way?

As Jesus started on his way, a man ran up to him and fell on his knees before him. “Good teacher,” he asked, “what must I do to inherit eternal life?”
“Why do you call me good?” Jesus answered.  “No one is good—except God alone.

  • Mark 10:17-18

My wife just called me a “good man.”  Why do I not feel that way?

Okay, I have recently written about being tired, exhausted, etc.  And regardless of how wonderful God is and how great it is to be His child, it is dangerous to rely on your emotions.  Emotions can swing back and forth, and when you are physically drained, you can become emotionally drained also.  But then I am no where near perfect, so in a God-defined look at “good,” I am far from it.

But at times, I feel that I have let my wife and my family down.  We never had a home in an upscale, white-collar neighborhood, although over half my career was spent as a “manager” in a technical organization.  In fact, we are renting the house where we presently live, nothing physical to pass on to either of our boys.  The boys had to find their own means to get their college educations.  We all lived in Germany when I was in the service, but I never could afford that trip back to relive those memories of when the children were young.

Nope, I am not a “good” man by God’s definition.  I am not a good man considering worldly success.  So, I do not feel that “good.”

Then I look at our weekly routine.  On Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday, I drive my wife to the dialysis center.  I handle the calendar, steering doctor appointments toward Monday, Wednesday and Friday.  I manage to get us to the pharmacy and grocery store when we are on the road somewhere else, to save on gasoline.  I do a lot of the chores, even a few that my wife says is her responsibility, simply because she does not feel good when it must be done.

And I am there.

Maybe that is the biggest thing, being there.  Too many husbands would find an escape.  I have heard of husbands escaping to go to church meetings or volunteering for charity work.  Is that an escape?  It is when it becomes obvious that it is done to get away for some peace and quiet.

Okay, that’s not much, but since I found one thing, I might overrule my emotions and accept her praise.  Especially, if a hug comes with it.

And if you are wondering if I am getting the big head, 2-3 days after writing this, she said in frustration that she knew I did not understand what she is going through, the combination of kidney dialysis and mental acuity loss, and she wondered if I even cared. In some ways, getting back to ‘normal’ is comforting, too.

Soli Deo Gloria.  Only to God be the Glory.


Add yours →

  1. I have been having pretty much the exact same thoughts lately. Looking hard at myself and at my life. Whew. Hindsight. Not pretty.

    Then I have to remind myself that the only thing that really matters is who I am in Christ.

    Liked by 1 person

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