Planning a Road Trip – A Deviled Yeggs Non-Mystery … or is it?

I’m Detective Sgt. Deviled Yeggs.  I work homicide in the big city of Tracy.  My partner is Jim Wednesday.  Poached Yeggs, Junior Detective and my nephew, has been more helpful than he usually is lately.

After a very uneventful wedding ceremony at the Hoity-Toity Golf and Monopoly Club, Glyce and I collapsed into a loveseat to watch everyone else dance.  Glyce, short for nitroglycerin, not her name, which is Trinity Naomi Tesla (TNT) Yeggs, just her disposition at times…  Glyce had been kidnapped about the same time Pauline and Mashie decided to get married.  Since Pauline had to get some training from the government’s alphabet organization that Mashie works for, Glyce, as matron of honor, took up the mantle of wedding planner.  Ever since, she has been busier than a one-armed wallpaper hanger.

As she leaned over and sunk into my chest, I could tell that she was finally able to relax.  I had been worried.  She had gone through a traumatic experience and whenever I brought up the subject, she changed the subject.  She is the head of the department of Kinesiological Psychology, not to be confused with Psychological Kinesiology (PSYCH K).  She may use some of those techniques, but she is all into the science of connecting movement with the mind.  You might say that she is a sport psychologist on steroids, but she does not use steroids.  But even in a branch of psychology, I worry about her mental health.  It seems that she was burying the trauma deep and not dealing with it.  She had overcome her kidnappers and basically rescued herself, but was she dealing with the trauma?

We sat and watched the married couple dance.  Pauline was graceful and Mashie was … Mashie.  Pauline and her grandfather danced.  The retired pastor was ringing his hands throughout the dance.  I had never seen a dancer provide his own accompaniment.  Now, I had.  Mashie had no parents there, but it seemed everyone who worked for Hugh McAdoo had shown up.  They were all appreciative of Mashie’s effort in ridding them of the mole in the organization.  In tribute, they all arrived, both men and women, dressed like the Men in Black, black suits, white shirts, black ties, and black wraparound sunglasses.  One or two pf them?  No one would notice, but at last count, there were 35.  Every member of the group signed the register as Mashie’s friend and then a number.  I hope Mashie knows what the numbers mean.

On Pauline’s side, she had a number of college classmates and a larger number of college professors.  Having gotten her PhD at TRUST, she was now on faculty, and it seemed she was well-liked.  As for the Hoity-Toity crowd, Amy G. Dala and the officers of the club were all there.  Dolly and her father were there.  And Scrambled Yeggs, my brother, who was going to fill in for Mashie in his absence as the club’s greenskeeper was there.  Poached was on the dance floor dancing with on-again, off-again, girlfriend Callie Johnson.  Seemed they were on-again, for the moment.  Paula Red and Fuji Apple were not present, but Fuji’s wife, Ginger Gold Apple, was there in all her ditzy glory.  Mashie had said Fuji never missed a social function at the club, but maybe so many police personnel in attendance might give him hives.

Our children, the new pastor’s children, and a few other youngsters were dancing as well.  I think Blaise and Sophie must have been practicing together.  They were a bit stiff during the ballroom dancing numbers, but they were precise.  Easter and Jemima were enjoying the opportunity to do something other than pick up trash together.

And the more that we watched as they all had a good time, the deeper Glyce sunk into my chest, as if she was melting away.

She finally spoke, “Dev., darling, Mashie and Pauline will be leaving on their all-expense paid honeymoon to London soon.  I want you to know that we will be having a honeymoon of sorts ourselves.”

“Oh?”

“I have been in the planning mode for the wedding, and I kind of got carried away.  Everyone knows except for you.  It’s time you knew.  We will leave in a couple of days on a long road trip, a honeymoon of our own, sort of.  You need to be ready to do a lot of driving.”

I replied, softly, “I cannot leave work without a two-week notice.”

Glyce giggled, “I told Captain Hart three weeks ago.  He was delighted.  He bent over backwards to make sure this vacation happened.”

I groaned, “I am sure he did.  He keeps saying that he wants to get rid of me.  Now, you have given him his chance.”

Glyce slapped my chest.  “Don’t be hard on the guy.  He is providing us our transportation, his RV.”

“Oh, no, no, no!  We will spill something and stain the carpet, and we will be buying him a new RV by the time this is over.”

Glyce had her moment to groan.  “I doubt if he could tell if we ever spilled anything.  Captain Al Hart is a slob.  I toured his RV and insisted that he have it fumigated, thoroughly cleaned, tuned up, and detailed before I took possession.  And the gas tank filled.”

“And he did that?!” I asked.

I could feel Glyce’s head nod.  “Of course, he did.  One of his detective’s wives was kidnapped due to retaliation over an operation that he was ultimately responsible for.  The traumatized wife needed mental health time away from the big city of Tracy due to his rank incompetence, lack of caring, or simply being an old blow hard.”

“Ah, my wife’s psychology degree in action.  Blackmailing my boss.”

But then I remembered, “But we have three children.  How can we go on a honeymoon?  Jim can’t handle babysitting our three with the four that he already has, and Pauline was our usual babysitter, and she won’t be around for a little while.”

Glyce drew a checkmark on my shoulder. “Done, done, and done.  I said a honeymoon, ‘sort of.’  The children are coming with us.  The summer reading program for Blaise and Sophie will be virtual.  Easter is heartbroken, but I bought him a cellphone, and added him to own plan.  And before you say anything about violating a rule that we agreed upon without having a family discussion first, I apologize and throw myself down and beg for mercy by the court.  Is that the way you say it?”

“Close enough.”

“Anyway, the cellphone can keep the two love birds having face time with each other.  It will all work out.  And as for teaching summer school, Pauline will be back, and she will teach my courses.  If Pauline and Mashie get tied up in London, I can handle the first few lectures virtually.”

“Okay, but where will we go, and you know I have only five weeks total that I can take between this year’s vacation, carry-over from last year’s vacation, compensation time for unpaid overtime, and a few personal days.  That’s it.”

There was a long pause.  “I want to see as many National Parks out west as we can see, but we may not stop after seeing those.  I know that we will go to at least Yellowstone, Glacier, Mount Rainier, the Grand Canyon, Bryce Canyon, Zion, the Arches.  I mapped out a route, but you may wish for a detour here or there.  I’m in no hurry to get back.  And as for your job awaiting you on your return, Al Hart may yell and fuss, but he will welcome you back if we take more than five weeks.  It will be wonderfully educational for the children.”

“And how will we pay for the gas?  That RV is a gas guzzler.”

“Oh, I didn’t tell you that part.  I was saving the best for last.  I got a new federal grant to study the effects of a long-haul driver on the roads of America.  I have had the RV tricked out with cameras all around to document all the people who cut us off in traffic or do other strange things and then I can sync that with the measurements I get of the driver’s brain activity. Heart rate, etc. …”

“No! I am not wearing that dome on my head for hours at a time.”

“It is for science, dear, and safety.  You are sworn to protect and serve. …”

“But after a while, it hurts.  And the last time you had me wear it, everyone at work laughed and called me, ‘RoboCop.’”

“I will not have you start wearing it until we are well out of Tracy, but as for the duration of the honeymoon…”  It may have been my imagination, but I thought my chest was getting a bit moist.  “Promise me, Deviled.  We do not come back until I am ready.  Let’s work out a code word now.  I’ll say, ‘Let’s go home.’  And no one whines about going home until I say the code word.”

“Yes, Dear.”  What else could I say?

Credits

PYSCH K is a process for a person to communicate with their subconscious mind to over limitations that the subconscious places there.  There is a rumor that Glyce gets angry when Deviled calls her field of study “Kinesie P.”

There have been four movies in the Men in Black franchise, based on a Malibu/Marvel comic book.  The uniform is as described.

RoboCop is a series of three movies.  Peter Weller plays RoboCop in the first two, with Robert Burke in the third film.  RoboCop is a cyborg, created from a police officer, who was killed, and the robot parts to give him superhuman capabilities.  While Men in Black is a comedy sci-fi series, RoboCop is rather bloody and violent.

2 Comments

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  1. atimetoshare.me June 2, 2021 — 10:12 am

    Once again, you’ve outdone yourself – or overboiled yourself. I especially have an image of the retired pastor dancing while wringing his hands – “providing his own accompaniment.” You literally crack me up!

    Liked by 1 person

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