Will This Article Get Me into Trouble?

After the death of Joshua, the Israelites asked the Lord, “Who of us is to go up first to fight against the Canaanites?”
The Lord answered, “Judah shall go up; I have given the land into their hands.”

  • Judges 1:1-2

Isaac said, “I am now an old man and don’t know the day of my death.  Now then, get your equipment—your quiver and bow—and go out to the open country to hunt some wild game for me.  Prepare me the kind of tasty food I like and bring it to me to eat, so that I may give you my blessing before I die.”

  • Genesis 27:2-4

Often, I awake and start my day before my wife wakes up.  I check the clock to make sure she is awake if we have somewhere to go, an hour before we must leave.  My wife is former Air Force.  She does not need that long.  Dialysis days, we both wake up at the same time, but the other days are days when I wonder if my wife has breathed her last or she wonders if I have.  My wife must be worried for my health.  She used to call on my cellphone at 10:00am if she had not heard me stirring.  Now, it’s 9:30am.  I let her sleep until an hour before we are leaving for an appointment or church.  I get up early so that my water pill is about done when we leave.  That gives me early morning time for reading and praying and such.  Part of the “such” is rushing to the bathroom, quietly as to not wake my wife.

Also, in the afternoons, my wife is in the master bedroom with the television down low and the door closed.  Is she sleeping?  Is she watching television?  Or has she breathed her last?

My wife and I both think it about each other, but I doubt if either of us is ready for that time when the other has passed to the Lord.

In the first Scripture, Joshua died, and the people of Israel had no idea what to do.  In the second Scripture, Isaac was preparing for death, and he wanted a nice meal first.  We know what happens next.  Rebekah and Jacob concoct a scheme to steal Esau’s blessing, Jacob runs away to avoid Esau’s wrath, and Jacob returns with a huge number of children and a great amount of livestock.  And Isaac is still alive.  None of us know when we are leaving this world, not even a Patriarch.

But each time I think that my wife is being too quiet, I let her sleep.  She is a bear if awakened.  She always complains of not enough sleep.

But as the fear mounts, I substitute the fear with prayer.  And still, I do not know if I am prepared.  Will I be like the Israelites and say that my steadying force in my earthly existence, my far much better half, is gone…  Now what?  Or will she say the same about me, without the “far much better” part?

We both know a couple of things.  We know we are going to be with our Savior when we go.  And we know that the other will be in good hands, the one that remains.  Beyond that, I do not know if the lack of grieving for my brother, father, and mother over ten years ago will come crashing down on me at that moment.

Yes, it is a subject that you just do not wish to put into words, and I just did.

When your wife has already had open-heart surgery and is presently in end-stage kidney failure, the time left is not way, way, way out there.  When my blood pressure and pulse are high and they will not come down, even with higher doses of medicine, you wonder what is next.  The time left may be way, way, far away, or I might breathe my last before this can be posted.

But we must live our lives as if today was our last day.  Is there someone that you have failed to wish a “Happy birthday” or to say, “I love you”?  Is there someone that you owe a kindness?  Is there someone that you owe nothing, but something inside says to give them a hug anyway?

Do it today.  Tomorrow is not guaranteed.

Soli Deo Gloria.  Only to God be the Glory.

13 Comments

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  1. Been thinking a lot about this lately. We’ve been married 56 years and knew each since we were 13. When you’re marriage is built on the true cornerstone the question of death isn’t an option. We both know where we’ll end up. Whoever goes first will have the advantage and leave the other pining, but you’re also right in that we don’t know the hour or day so we live every day as of it’s our last – making the most of the time we have allotted us. Pressing on for the prize.

    Liked by 2 people

    • I had a feeling this would get a comment from you, and it is greatly appreciated. You have no idea how many times I wrote in my journal that I ought to address this, since it is so often the elephant in the room when my wife and I talk about the things that matter, but to treat the subject with respect was my prayer.

      Liked by 2 people

    • In today’s world, with the ongoing pandemic and bizarre weather, it’s hard not to think about this elephant in the room. Throw in aging and serious health issues and… yes, I have the same thoughts. ‘Is he breathing? Oh thank God, I just saw his chest move. What will I do if one day he stops breathing? Or what will he do, if I stop breathing first?”

      Last night, as I went out into the backyard with our dogs so they could do their potty before going to bed, I became highly alarmed at the velocity of the wind. Our massive pine tree was swirling and swaying — was it going down? Were we all going to blow away? Was this… The End?

      When I got up this morning I saw in the news that more than thirty tornadoes touched down in six U.S. states last night. One tornado stayed on the ground for over 200 miles. Early estimates are of more than 100 people killed, many as they slept in their beds, others as they worked in an Amazon warehouse, still others who were working in a factory making Christmas candles. Did the violent west wind that I witnessed here in eastern New Mexico last night, create those deadly storms in Missouri, Illinois, Kentucky, and beyond?

      I cling to Psalms 23:1 — The Lord is my Shepherd. Through storms, pandemics, political unrest, wars and rumors of wars, through tornadoes, through aging, and even when our bodies are falling apart — The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want.

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  2. Sammy is 92 in good health who had a father who lived to 102. I am 87 and live day by day believing I also will live well into my nineties just because I believe the Lord wills it to be. We have been married 67 years. I can’t imagine a life without him. But still I do sometimes think about the day when one of us walks in and finds the other gone. Nothing but an earthly coat left behind. I hope and believe when that happens, we will be grateful in the hope that our “vacation” separation will not last long. Surely neither of us will live long after the other is gone. I have so much for which to be grateful. I have friends who have lived 30 years without their mate. So sorry for them. Be blessed, dear Friends, our times are in His hands.

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    • Amen. My wife has said for thirty years or more that she is much like her father who died at 61. She has never promised to be around for our 50th, which is three years and two months away, give or take a week or two. But indeed, it is in God’s hands, and my wife has already gone past her father in age by ten years. Her mother? Made it to 91, one of those 30 year widows, but she had nine children with a few around all the time.

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      • My father passed with heart attack at 63. Mother with cancer at 80. Will to live is very important. Keep your eyes on the Giver of Life. A fiftieth anniversary would be very important to you. May you be blessed to see that come to pass. I know it is hard to see the positives when one is cumbered “about on every side” but God is your Strength. You will be rewarded for staying strong for your wife’s sake. Blessings to you and your family.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Thank you so much, and may God bless you and your family too.

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  3. I was thinking of this same subject today, well many days the thought comes to mind as I get older. When we are young, time seems to be forever, but now all of my relatives that are older than me have passed on. That leaves me at the top of the ladder watching the next generation coming up behind me. This is when I realized that my homecoming to our Father isn’t that far off. But you know, when I was younger I never thought of it as a homecoming, it was scary then because I had not accepted Him totally in my heart. I had to take the journey through this thing called life that He gave us. We still mourn when someone leaves us, because we know how to love. But like you said, I know where we are going so it is a blessing to be able to see before we get there. Blessings to you both Mark.

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