Thoughts from Mark "Hat" Rackley

Let me see if I get this right.  Dev said I was adequate with my last report.  It may take a miracle to reach “good”.  Forget “excellent”, but I can dream.

I’m the wife of Detective Staff Sergeant Deviled Yeggs, Trinity Naomi Tesla, that’s TNT, Yeggs, but most people call me Glyce, pronounced “Gliss” since it is short for Nitroglycerin.  I explode when shaken.  My husband works homicide in the big city of Tracy.  His partner is Jim Wednesday.  Poached Yeggs supposedly works with him, too, but he spends most of his time on special assignment somewhere else.

I am submitting this report because my husband only wants a summary of my communication with our son.  Tough!!!  He gets the whole thing in one report.  Okay, my attitude may have just made this report unsatisfactory.

But I am Glyce.  I explode when shaken.  Besides, He is the Dad and he needs to do Dad things as much as I need to do Mom things.  He could write e-mails and press the SEND button!  But, oh, no! He is too busy.  Last that I heard, they had no unusual homicide cases.  That means that Jim and Poached are working the cases while my dear hubby does paperwork.  He is not THAT busy!  Okay, I may be lucky to make very unsatisfactory by now, but here goes. My e-mails are in pink and Easter’s are in pale blue.

From: Dr. TNT Yeggs, PhD, etc.
To: Easter Yeggs
Subject: Where are you?
East, we were getting daily reports and now, for three straight days – nothing.  It takes no effort in a quiet moment to press the send button so that I know that you are alive.
Please do so.
Love,
Your Worried Mother

From: Easter Yeggs
To: TNT Yeggs, PhD, etc.
Subject: Sorry
Mom, all weekend we were chasing storms.  There was no downtime to send an e-mail and I thought a non-message might be more scary than a couple of cryptic words.
First, we mostly chased thunderstorms, but we had our first scare.  It was a possible derecho approaching and on the side road we were on, I did not think I could outrun the storm.  I spun around like I did with you and Aunt Pink to face the storm head on.  Dr. Kildare wanted to know how I knew how to do that.  Dr. Ben Casey yelled that he did not like that experience and I should be more careful with the equipment.  I told him that I had done it before and the T.R.U.S.T. mechanical engineering department changed a few parts for greater strength.  I also told him that I had spares for those parts in the trunk in case one luxury part or another broke.  The engineers swore nothing they built could break, but that is why I insisted on traveling with spares.  They are strapped down low to help lower the center of gravity.  The spin turn was smoother than when you were in the Turtle.  I’m getting better and the latest modifications to the Turtle helped.  We deployed the anchors and curtains so that the storm did not blow us away, but it was a bumpy few minutes.  Jemima and I had a long kiss afterwards.  Dr. Kildare told us to stop kissing.  We did not almost die, and he did not want anymore irate complaints from a teenager’s Mommy, especially not a department head at the University.
Second, we have been in the Turtle for an entire week.  We stop at state parks that have campgrounds to shower, but we do not spend the night.  Dr. Ben Casey has negotiated a special rate for us in about ten states.  Dr. Kildare has been using all our down time to cover some of the basic classroom stuff and we get to experience it before the storms percolate.  Jemima has gotten good at time lapsed photography, and we have a few money shots with that.  The university claims the rights, but we have sold a few videos to the media outlets.  But Jemima and I have to explain what is happening in the pictures and videos, what the radar should look like at the time, all that kind of thing.  So, we have kind of been in class with no free time.
Third, free time tonight.  Dr. Ben Casey had us choose the next storm from the many runs of the mathematical models.  If we stay put for a couple of days in a hotel, we should get a lot on storms in this area with the same front going through.
Fourth, Jemima and I are getting separate rooms and we will be staying in either northeast Oklahoma or southwest Missouri.
Love,
East

From: Dr. TNT Yeggs, PhD, etc.
To: Easter Yeggs
Subject: You there yet?
East, have you checked in for the night?
Love,
Mom

From: Easter Yeggs
To: TNT Yeggs, PhD, etc.
Subject: Sorry
Mom, you know I would e-mail as soon as possible.  I just cranked up the laptop and your e-mail popped up.  Jemima and I are in adjoining rooms.  We may not talk for long.  We are so tired, and Dr. Ben Casey wants to give us some lectures in the Hotel meeting room tomorrow.
I am so glad to be in a Hotel with restaurants around.  We have been eating dehydrated food for a week and I am looking forward to something that I can chew.  There is a specialty burger shop next to the Hotel and Dr. Kildare is paying, even though Jemima and I are on per diem.  Don’t tell the accounting folks.  And Mom, if you ever fix the chicken noodle soup that comes in the packets, I will think that it is the 2:00am break, unless delayed by a storm.  Dr. Ben Casey says it gave him energy when he served in the military, an early morning tradition.
And I have bad news.  No one injured, but I said we survived a derecho, head on.  Well, the storm was 30 miles short of a derecho.  A lot of straight-line winds at eighty miles an hour when it hit the Turtle, and we cannot brag about surviving a derecho, just a nasty storm.
Love,
East
P.S. and Jemima just came in after e-mailing her Dad and she says hi.

From: Dr. TNT Yeggs, PhD, etc.
To: Easter Yeggs
Subject: What!?
East, you are not in the same room are you!?
Love,
Concerned Mom

From: Easter Yeggs
To: TNT Yeggs, PhD, etc.
Subject: Sorry
Mom, no!  She came through the connecting door to let me know the professors want to go to dinner in an hour.  She went back to her room to take a shower.  I better do the same.
Mom, trust us.  We have this thing worked out.  She will be wearing white for the wedding for the traditional reason.
Love,
East

From: Dr. TNT Yeggs, PhD, etc.
To: Easter Yeggs
Subject: Thank you
East, I should not have questioned you on that.  I heard at the university today that Dr. Quinn will take Ben Casey’s place.
Love,
Mom

From: Easter Yeggs
To: TNT Yeggs, PhD, etc.
Subject: Dr. Quinn
Mom, I have met her, and she will be running weekend weather watching trips during the semester.  She wants to do some of the driving to get the feel of the Turtle, but I may be asked to do as much driving as possible by myself.  She does not want me to overload myself in my freshman year, but by Christmas, Jemima and I may be considered Sophomores.  We tested out of English and College Algebra.  With these summer credits and a full semester, we are going to be well ahead.  Dr. Quinn has even asked us if we would like to take some online courses in the Spring semester.  In high school, I excelled at those, but what Dr. Quinn wants is for us to spend the winter months doing winter storm chasing and in April and May doing tornado chasing.  I am just giving you and Dad a heads up.  Jemima is e-mailing her Dad, too.
Love,
East

From: Dr. TNT Yeggs, PhD, etc.
To: Easter Yeggs
Subject: We will talk about it
East, we have time to talk, but thanks for the heads up.  I am sure it will be a great opportunity for you.  You talk like Jemima is going into meteorology, too.  Is she?  Oh, you can tell me in the morning. Good night.
Love,
Mom

From: Easter Yeggs
To: TNT Yeggs, PhD, etc.
Subject: Jemima is uncertain
Mom, Jemima is torn between business administration, accounting, or meteorology.  Right now, she is thinking of a double-major with meteorology as one and a business degree of some kind as the other.
Dr. Kildare says that she is going to be quite a handful for me.  He doubts if I can handle her.  I suppose that last night was a good example.  She met me at the adjoining door for a good night kiss and she was wearing pajamas.  She said that she had packed another set of sleep wear that took practically no space in her suitcase.  She kissed me.  She winked.  And she closed the door.  I had to take two cold showers just thinking about it.  Did you do things like that to Dad when you were engaged?
Love,
East

From: Dr. TNT Yeggs, PhD, etc.
To: Easter Yeggs
Subject: True confessions but do not tell anyone else
East, it was during that time that I became a Christian.  Before I turned my life over to God, I often gave your father an eye full.  I was naked when we met, and he had a blanket.  I was topless when he proposed, and he chivalrously handed me my sweater.  And I took my clothing off a few other times.  Then finally he asked me why.  And I really did not have an answer.  Jemima knows God, but she is sorting things out.  Give her space, but you will have to be like your father and act responsibly for both of you.  She is probably a lot like me.  If so, it will be up to you to practice really tight bear hugs.  When your father gives me those, I feel warm inside and the explosive emotions, good or bad, dissipate in an acceptable manner.  I hope that will work for Jemima, but trusting God is mostly why my explosive tendencies have lessened over the years.
Love,
Mom

From: Easter Yeggs
To: TNT Yeggs, PhD, etc.
Subject: Thanks
Thanks, Mom.  For the next two days, we are staying here, taking classes from Dr. Kildare, Dr. Casey, and Dr. Quinn.  I will start e-mailing again once we get back on the road.
Love,
East

From: Easter Yeggs
To: TNT Yeggs, PhD, etc.
Subject: Back on the road
Mom, we got a late checkout from the Hotel to get a few more hours of sleep.  We have to reposition since the mathematical models were not precise enough, never are until the last day or so.  We may pull an all-nighter.  We may have nothing but thunderstorms, but there is a chance of tornados, very small though.
One problem may be hail.
Love,
East

From: Dr. TNT Yeggs, PhD, etc.
To: Easter Yeggs
Subject: Okay
East, I will let your Dad know.  Can you deploy the shields during the hail?
Love,
Mom

From: Easter Yeggs
To: TNT Yeggs, PhD, etc.
Subject: Shields
Yes, Mom.  We will have to pull over and turn away from the wind.  The shields can deflect anything up to hen egg sized hail, about two-inch diameter, but tennis ball hail may dent the shields.  And the tests resulted in a window shattering with something between baseball and softball size, around three-inches in diameter or higher.  We will be fine.  I just have to react quickly.  Driving into the wind at that time increases the impact velocity of the hail.  I can crawl with the shields deployed, but to drive any safe speed and see the road, we need to retract the shields.
And please do not register a complaint, but Jemima and I think that Dr. Kildare and Dr. Quinn are sweet on each other.  Do you know anything?
Love,
East

From: Dr. TNT Yeggs, PhD, etc.
To: Easter Yeggs
Subject: Behave, East
East, I detest gossip.  All I can say is that Dr. Kildare has been a widow for a couple of years and Dr. Quinn got a divorce last year.  I frankly have no other information, not even gossip.  So, if they are dating, they are being very discrete.  But you should not say a thing, even if you have an eyewitness report.  They will be two influential people in your undergraduate studies, and you need to keep it professional.  And thinking of acting professional, has Jemima behaved herself?
Love,
Mom

From: Easter Yeggs
To: TNT Yeggs, PhD, etc.
Subject: Professional
Yes, Mom.  She apologized the day after she tempted me.  She thought about it all that night and thought that the best time to unveil her sleep wear would be on our wedding night.  By then, she wants more of that lingerie stuff.
And Mom,
We were spending some time yesterday watching the clouds under the supervision of the two professors, and Dr. Quinn asked how Jemima and I met.  I told her that during the lockdown, I was watching the clouds and Jemima went with her father, the pastor of our church to baptize the family in the river.  When she came out of the water, I was in love, but with the lockdown, we had to meet on social media and then finally at church, long before we dated.  Dr. Quinn said that she figured as much since I was seeing the depths of the clouds and directional sheer and pointing that out to Jemima.  Jemima then offered the story of our first kiss and getting arrested for PDA under the old mayors edict.  Both of the professors asked, “Was that you too?  Then Dr. Kildare said that he did not know he was in the presence of such distinguished troublemakers.  Then he added, “Well done!”
Love,
East

From: Dr. TNT Yeggs, PhD, etc.
To: Easter Yeggs
Subject: Good for you. 
East, it is rare to meet professors on a personal level.
Love,
Mom

From: Easter Yeggs
To: TNT Yeggs, PhD, etc.
Subject: Family
And, Mom, I cannot believe that I am writing this, but how are Sophie and Blaise doing?
Love,
East

From: Dr. TNT Yeggs, PhD, etc.
To: Easter Yeggs
Subject: I was waiting for that
East, Blaise is so jealous of you, having a chance to be in school all summer long.  He is studying a lot of science, but he is focusing on discoveries that show how the Bible is true.  There is still hope that my dream in naming him Blaise would be that he would be more philosopher than scientist, maybe a theologian.  But as for Sophie, she has been spending her time at the precinct with your Dad.  She does things with the Wives’ Auxiliary, but when they have no projects going, she has been helping your Dad rethink old cold cases.  He likes the way her mind works.  I think she may be a lot like him in that way.  But for me, I have mixed emotions.  Don’t worry, no explosions, but my babies are growing up and I wonder if I spent too much time creating a new department at the university and not enough time simply being Mom.
Love,
Mom

From: Easter Yeggs
To: TNT Yeggs, PhD, etc.
Subject: Mom’s the Best
Yes, Mom.  In my book, you are and have always been the best Mom ever.  I may be a bit prejudiced, but I can’t think of anyone better.
Love,
East

From: Dr. TNT Yeggs, PhD, etc.
To: Easter Yeggs
Subject: One modification to that
East, I hope you will say those same words to Jemima someday, but let’s not rush that just yet.
Love,
Mom

And after I turned this into my husband, Detective Staff Sgt. Deviled Yeggs.  He shocked me.  He gave me a big hug.  He said that my report was excellent.  Then he showed me what he had been doing.  Since Jemima’s video camera was sending images continuously to the university, he was making a duplicate of the feed.  He had seen everything that they saw, and in his spare time, he was editing a video to give to his son and future daughter-in-law soon after their return.  And he had told no one, but he placed a GPS tracker on the Turtle.  As he clipped each interesting video segment, he added captions to show the nearest town along with latitude and longitude.  Poached was helping with some of the video editing, the technical part, but in his way, my husband was being a protective Dad.

Credits

There are three meteorologist professors on this storm chasing trip.  While Ben Casey and Kildare were television doctors about the same time, I got the idea of two doctors in a Turtle at the same time from an Allan Sherman song, One Hippopotami, a song about two of various things.  There is a line in the song that states:

“A paranoia is a bunch of mental blocks
And when Ben Casey meets Kildare, that’s called a paradox”

• Allan Sherman, part of One Hippopotami

Dr. Kildare: played by Richard Chamberlain, first episode in September 1961 (NBC), five seasons
Ben Casey: played by Vince Edwards, first episode in October 1961 (ABC), five seasons
Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman: played by Jane Seymour, first episode in January 1993 (CBS), six seasons plus two TV movies

Definition of what qualifies as a derecho according to Weather.gov : By definition, if the wind damage swath extends more than 240 miles (about 400 kilometers) and includes wind gusts of at least 58 mph (93 km/h) or greater along most of its length, then the event may be classified as a derecho.

When I served in the military, every all-night maneuver or war game had a little down time for maybe thirty minutes in a window between midnight and 2:00am.  The dining facility crew (formerly known as the mess hall, but they served great food at times) would come around with chicken noodle soup.  I always associate that brand with military maneuvers.

When I was at Philmont Scout Ranch on a ten-day trek that covered about 50 miles for the first nine days and then a horseback ride for another ten miles or so, we ate nothing but dehydrated food.  Everyone on the trek agreed to meet at the steak restaurant across from the bus station after we arrived back in Tupelo, Mississippi.  We simply wanted something that we could chew and did not start out as dehydrated.  My mother refused, saying it was the most ridiculous thing I had ever dreamed up.  While I argued that I did not dream it up, she told me that since she had little time to prepare supper before driving over to Tupelo, she had prepared mac and cheese and something else that came dry, in a box, and you just added water or a little oil.  I could not believe that she could get everything so horribly wrong.  And I never ran into any of those guys ever again missing our farewell supper.