Thoughts from Mark "Hat" Rackley

That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.

• Genesis 2:24

and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’?

• Matthew 19:5

and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’?

• Ephesians 5:31

NOTE: I wrote this before my wife passed away yesterday. It is a little insight into the past 2 and a half years and the song fits.

Just a little over two and a half years ago, my wife started kidney dialysis.  They put you on kidney dialysis when you reach End Stage kidney failure.  Without a kidney transplant you do not have a lot of life expectancy.  Dialysis does not work as well as the kidneys work.

My wife learned a new way to eat, a kidney friendly diet, which is a lot like a diabetic diet, but a lot less fluid and a few more restrictions due to some minerals that are hard to remove by dialysis.  She takes pills before every meal to keep her phosphate amount low, and we read labels to avoid too much potassium.

During this time, my irritable bowel syndrome issues had isolated the biggest problem foods as onion and garlic, especially garlic, even in powdered form.

We have joked that cardboard tastes pretty good with the right amount of seasoning.

Two years before, I had taken over all the laundry duties.  She had open-heart surgery and, since there is no handrail to the basement where the laundry room is -and who can carry laundry and walk down the stairs at the same time anyway? – I have done a solo act.  I have mentioned the torture my shoulders go through in folding the clothes.  Something she could do, but…  She has told me I fold them wrong anyway.  Within the past month, I finally refused to fold her undies – everything else, just not her undergarments.  She doesn’t mind, but then again, I think she just dumps them in the drawer without folding them.  But I think I won that compromise.

She was such a servant to the family, I always felt guilty that I did not do more all those years.  I am afraid that I can never pay her back enough.  But on days like today, when I have gone a full week with the alarm awakening me before the sun comes up, I have little to no energy in the tank, but I keep going.  In fact on the day writing this, I had delivered her to dialysis and had two loads of clothes washed, dried, and folded within an hour of the sun coming up.  And for supper, we collaborated on a dish that was delicious.  She said, “I have no idea what to call it.”  Since it was a variety of things dumped into mac-n-cheese, I called it her nickname followed by “Mac.”

The downside of being a caregiver to someone with a terminal illness, without a kidney donor that is, is that when I do not hear her walking around in the bedroom, since my computer is in the basement and I can hear every foot fall, I start to worry.  I have run up the stairs on innumerable occasions to see her softly breathing, sound asleep.

I have often listened to a love song and I have thought that a change of one word here or there would make it a wonderful song about our love of Jesus.  But Bill Gaither has produced his first ever solo album with DVD.  He introduces one song by talking about a friend who wrote music, and how there are often stories behind the tag line of the song.  Then he talked about going to his mother’s side before she died and she said about serving Jesus all her life, something along the lines of “The longer I serve Him the sweeter He grows.”  And Bill Gaither wrote the song.

I heard that song this afternoon, over a week ago as it comes out, and I think it could also pertain to people who love the person, a spouse or a parent, who they have become the caregiver.  It is not always that easy.  It can sometimes get rather messy.  I know a lot about using hydrogen peroxide to get blood stains out of clothing.  But while I agree with Bill Gaither about serving Jesus. …

The longer I served my wife, the sweeter she grew.

Kiss or hug a caregiver.  They may never complain, but they will appreciate the gesture.

Soli Deo Gloria.  Only to God be the Glory.