An Ugly Side Effect to Grieving

 “Go at once,” the king commanded Haman. “Get the robe and the horse and do just as you have suggested for Mordecai the Jew, who sits at the king’s gate. Do not neglect anything you have recommended.”
So Haman got the robe and the horse. He robed Mordecai, and led him on horseback through the city streets, proclaiming before him, “This is what is done for the man the king delights to honor!”
Afterward Mordecai returned to the king’s gate. But Haman rushed home, with his head covered in grief, and told Zeresh his wife and all his friends everything that had happened to him.
His advisers and his wife Zeresh said to him, “Since Mordecai, before whom your downfall has started, is of Jewish origin, you cannot stand against him—you will surely come to ruin!”

  • Esther 6:10-13

My eyes have grown dim with grief; my whole frame is but a shadow.

  • Job 17:7

In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials.

  • 1 Peter 1:6

Peter had it so right when he said “all kinds of trials.”

First, I got two checks, one from each of my wife’s supplement medical insurance, supplementing her MEDICARE.  The unused portions of her last month’s premiums, not much money at all.  These checks said payable to the Account of the Estate of my wife.  If you have not established such an account, you cannot cash those checks.  Some states may allow a process through the last will and testament to establish such an account, but as it turned out, the checks, the paper of the checks, and the ink on the checks was all wasted.  Through all the wherefor statements etc. each back door to set up the account was locked and closed.

That was not much money, but as of the day writing this, about fifty days after she passed, and the life insurance company has finally sent a letter stating that the check was approved and sent, a week ago, as of writing this.  But I still do not have the check.  The mail system is not that slow.  I had to pay the funeral home out of cash on hand.  Do not worry; I still have grocery money and money to pay the bills, but I would have more than grocery money with the insurance check. But the life insurance company was a lot more worried about getting two more months of interest off my wife’s account than in providing a satisfied customer what should be paid.  I do not name the company, for the funeral home has told me that they all do it to some extent and you may only get the check if you bug them incessantly.

Then, there are those family members who insist on certain things.  The Memorial service is set, what will be said, what will be sung, etc.  No inheritance is done until we both pass away.  But why hold the service ransom by not saying whether or not they will attend?  Sure, there will be room, and there may be enough food at the dinner afterwards.  But it is the added stress of people trying to manipulate the details in their favor.

And sometimes, all these little burs in the saddle are welcome.  Sure, you lose your temper.  Sure, you blow off steam.  Sure, you have difficulty showing love to some people.  But these irritations take your mind off the constant grief.

When my wife died, my son in Tennessee bought the earliest ticket he could get and he flew up to Pennsylvania.  He did not arrive until about 24 hours after she died, but my day was set.  I made the bed.  I drove to the airport, and for two days, there was someone in the house.  But after I drove him back to the airport, I went home to cook a meal.  And it dawned on me as I stared at the skillet that this was the first time I would prepare a meal for just me.  I had no distraction to pull my thoughts away from the fact that the house was full, but only with God and me.

The irritations are all unnecessary, but even those irritations distract you so that you are more able to handle the next steps of life.

These little notes from my experience are getting harder and harder to write about.  I am finding the Bible studies that used to be the hardest things to write are much easier than what is on my mind at the moment.  My mind is either empty or filled with so much fog that I have nothing to write about either way.

But, the Memorial service is approaching in June, and the pastor wants nothing but positive words about a loving person and the TRUTH that God is in control, Jesus has paid the price for our sins, and if you have a saving knowledge of Jesus Christ, believing and trusting in Jesus you will be saved.  And that is our HOPE that is communicated for those who attend the Memorial service.  No other comments are welcome.  We rest our faith in Christ Alone.

Soli Deo Gloria.  Only to God be the Glory.

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