Thoughts from Mark "Hat" Rackley

Peter and his companions were very sleepy, but when they became fully awake, they saw his glory and the two men standing with him.

• Luke 9:32

“It is a very funny thing that the sleepier you are, the longer you take about getting to bed; especially if you are lucky enough to have a fire in your room.”

• C. S. Lewis, The Silver Chair

I was not reading much of C. S. Lewis back in the 1980s, but I can relate to this one.  These were the years where my wife got all the sleep she wanted and then some.  And I got precious few hours of sleep, scattered over days.

I was working at a plant that had a love / hate relationship with me.  They loved the work that I did, but they wanted to fire me because …  I never knew.  I had one boss that said I did ten times as much work and it was all good quality work as the rest of the department combined.  Since the department consisted of three people, I did more quality work than thirty people who were keeping their jobs while this boss put me on notice to be fired.  I was allowed to change departments and I worked for a boss that respected the work I did.  He protected me from that termination attempt, but six years later, the haters got control and I was back on the chopping block.  I beat that attempt but one year out of every three, I was promised to not get a pay raise and my pay raise would be less than the cost-of-living increase for any one year the other two years.

While my wife slept, I went to the living room, to the fireplace.  I started a fire, and as the fire provided warmth, I created a fictional world and I disappeared among the pages.  I would write a book as a result that has probably been lost in the many moves.  In cleaning up, I found the book that came next.  Probably neither book needed to see the light of day, but I watched the fire dance in the fireplace.  I developed each character.  I developed the plot.  I developed the subplots.  And at some point before the alarm rang, I fell asleep for only a moment.

And somehow, as the boss had said, “I drove an hour to work, did the work of thirty highly skilled people, and then drove an hour home.”  My wife had supper on the table.  I did some volunteer work related to our two sons, and then I went home and built another fire.

Every workday for ten years.

The only time the word “sleepy” appears in the NIV is in Luke 9.  Three disciples went with Jesus up the Mount of Transfiguration.  Peter was sleepy, but when he saw Jesus talking to Moses and Elijah, he was suddenly awake, wanting to build shelters, booths, or tabernacles (whatever you want to call them).

I am back in that 1980s mode.  When my wife passed away, I slept soundly for over a week.  I think it was the exhaustion from all the years of being a caregiver, especially the last two and a half years with kidney dialysis three days each week and doctor appointments often on the other days.  But next came the insomnia like in the 1980s.  My watch tracks when I go to sleep and how much sleep I get, restful and fitful.  I have not been getting much and I rarely go to sleep until early morning.

But God knew how much sleep I needed in the 1980s and how much I need now.  I have gotten a lot of sleep over the last two nights.

You see.  I have learned to let even sleep patterns be something that God deals with.  If I need more sleep, God knows that I need it.  And I find a way to get it.

It might be harder to get to sleep, but if I have to get up early, I often find a chance to “watch” some television that afternoon.  Watch was in quotes because I usually fall asleep.  There is hardly anything good on most television channels these days and sleep is much more preferable.

So, if you are not getting enough sleep, there are medical things to try.  There are meditational things to try.  There are home remedies to try.  Or you can have faith that God knows our needs to such a minute detail that He gives us the sleep that we need.  Just maybe not the same amount every night.

Now, if I must drive some great distance, I need extra sleep or I need to make the trip in two days instead of one.  In that regard, I have my limits.

Soli Deo Gloria.  Only to God be the Glory.