Thoughts from Mark "Hat" Rackley

I’m Lieutenant Deviled Yeggs.  I work homicide in the big city of Tracy.  Working for me are my old partners: Detective Sgt. Jim Wednesday and Detective Poached Yeggs, my nephew who is slowly becoming a good detective.

I wrote a few months ago that the hardest thing I ever had to do as a homicide detective was interview my father as a suspect for murder.  His identity had been stolen.  I knew he was not a head taller and dark-skinned, but I had to do it for the record.

But in the past couple of years, I had grown to love my only brother’s wife, Pink Lady Apple Yeggs.  Since my only sibling living in Tracy was her husband Scrambled Yeggs and our sister was in witness protection, she was my only sister, and this time, the evidence was more damning, and we had no other suspects.  Poached, her stepson, was working frantically on all angles of the case, but the District Attorney, Randolph Edmund Jennings, told us we had enough for an arrest and letting it go any longer would show favoritism.

To make it even worse, the D. A. wanted her to be publicly arrested and cuffed.  Lily the Pink Enterprises had been Tracy’s brothel only a year and a half before and their hard cider operation was intended to be a means to money launder for the crime family in Tracy, although Pink Lady kept separate sets of books, keeping her cider operations clean.  But with nearly half of the employees being former prostitutes, they might have friends that worked at the new brothel, run by Envy Apple, whose husband is Empire Apple, head of organized crime in Tracy, The Rotten Apple Gang.  Taking Pink Lady to the precinct in cuffs gave organized crime the idea that our focus was on her alone.  Maybe they would get sloppy, and we could find the true killer.

We had Officer Plain Jayne Crane to place the cuffs on Pink Lady Apple Yeggs.  Officer Guy Weiss, who we call Wise Guy, guided her toward the door.  At first, Pink protested.  She hardly knew Tyte Sphincter.  She was the CEO of a growing enterprise and she refused to let her employees see her dragged away in chains.  Poached and I had tears in our eyes, but we had no choice.  When she reached the door of the office, she decided this was inevitable, so she walked out in dignity, yelling orders for Sandy Beech and Tommie Tat to institute “truck list” protocol until she was afforded bail.  And this was all some misunderstanding.

First, Tyte Sphincter was the only councilman left after the purge when Lily the Pink (the brothel) was raided, finding every city councilman, save the young Boaz Salmon, being arrested for soliciting prostitution.  With Boaz, who quickly announced that his mother was Pink Lady and his biological father was my brother, Scrambled, became mayor temporarily.  During the special election, the only disgraced councilman to be reelected was Tyte Sphincter.  He was the worst of the worst councilmen, but no legitimate candidate was nominated to oppose him.  He had been a thorn in the mayor’s side, Boaz being elected by a landslide since Tracy’s crime was down and the economy was booming under his brief leadership.

Second, the evidence that they knew each other was that Pink Lady was photographed with him recently at a mayoral soiree, and Pink Lady was cordial, not friendly.

Third, when Tyte Sphincter was found dead of a gangland style killing, we found very juicy and incriminating evidence.  We thought it was all fabricated, but we needed time to find the source of such well-made fabrications.

When we all gathered in my office, being larger than the interrogation rooms, and a little more comfortable, Wise Guy left and Jayne removed the cuffs and followed him.  In the room were Lt. Tagliolini and George Evident from organized crime, Captain Hart, Gisele (in case we needed a woman’s touch), Jim Wednesday, Poached Yeggs, and myself, a full house.

Pink with venom in her eyes said, “And now, Dev, now that the only brother I have ever known has publicly humiliated me, explain yourself!”  Then the tears began to flow.

I showed her a photograph of her having sex with Tyte Sphincter.  “How about you explaining this instead?  You said you only had one intimate partner and that was my brother.  Baldwyn Apple made advances but you fended him off, but this is clearly you and Tyte, having some fun as they say.”

Pink screamed as she threw it on the floor.  “That is disgusting!  I have never…  This photo must be altered in some way.”

I showed her 20 more photographs found in Sphincter’s office safe, that I had cracked.  We had cause with his body a few feet away, and my Yegg skills were getting rusty.

Pink sneered at each photo.  The tears continued to flow.  But then, the next to the last photo, she said, “Wait!  I do not have that birthmark!  This is clearly not me.  It is my face.  I cannot believe they have my face at that many different angles, but that birthmark is distinctive, and I have no birthmark.”

I examined the photo.  “Sis, you can prove your statement my stripping.”

“Not on your life, brother dear!”

“Come on!  It should be on your left side, slightly toward the back, below where your bra goes.  You can leave your underwear on and its just like wearing a bikini.”

“Not with all these prurient men’s eyes watching.” Pink refused.  “Not even with your eyes, brother of mine!”  At this point, we heard a commotion in the squad room.  Scrambled was fighting his way through the desk sergeant and Wise Guy to reach my office and “save” his wife.

I allowed Scrambled into the room only if he helped instead of hindered.

I showed him the photo in question and Scrambled confirmed she had no birthmark anywhere.  Then we brought in a couple of blankets.  Gisele pulled up her blouse so that Scrambled and I could confirm the small area where the birthmark was supposed to be.  No birthmark.  We made photographs, just of that one spot, even though it was not near any “naughty bits.”

Pink whispered to Gisele, “I love your hair.  You look great!”  Gisele, in her Thai-dyed Purple hair, only smiled.

I asked, “Please sit, Pink, I have more evidence and this is going to be ugly.”  Poached started a series of videos.  All of the videos would make best-selling porn films if you liked domination.  “It seems while Baldwyn forced Sandy Beech, your son’s fiancée, into prostitution, she played the role of dominatrix with every councilman except Boaz and Tyte Sphincter.  We are sure that Tyte was another of her customers, but of course, he would not have that video saved.”

Pink nodded, again the tears flowing, “I knew Sandy did the dominatrix work, but I had no idea who her customers were.  I am to blame.  I needed a security chief.  I hired her, knowing what Baldwyn would do.  I guess you are trying to say that as a protective mother of the mayor, I killed Tyte to cover up the evidence on his fiancée?  Even though, the evidence that Tyte and I were lovers is obviously very professional fakes.  Sloppy, they did not airbrush the birthmark out in one photo where it should be seen in three or four.  Twenty photos, all from different angles.  And some of those naughty things, Scrammie and I have never done.”

Scrambled looked at the floor.

I nodded, “That is not all.  The videos all have date and time stamps.  Here are bank statements to show deposits from each of the councilmen in the videos about two weeks after their time with Sandy.  Your name is on the bank statement.  An offshore account.  A bank that does not cooperate with the U.S.A. on such cases.  Pink, you have millions here.  Blackmail.  All in your name.”

Scrambled grumbled, “It’s all a set-up, bro! Faked, like the pictures!”

Poached spoke up, “Dad, Mom, I’m working hard trying to get information from the bank.  Even if I have to get the evidence by a means that is not acceptable in court, I will clear you, Mom!  We all know you did not do this!”

Pink said, “Thank you, Sweetie, but why isn’t the master detective doing it?  Why is he harassing me?”

Poached blushed, “My one weakness as a detective is that I get tunnel vision sometimes.  In this case, looking for alternate scenarios, I can use that tunnel vision to ignore all the evidence that points in your direction.  Jim will look at the evidence that we have.  And Uncle Deviled will look at the big picture to try to find an elephant in the room that we have not thought about.  That’s the way our team has worked for a long time unless we split up on less high profile cases.  And for this case, we have Lt. Tagliolini and Georges to work the organized crime elements.”

Pink turned to Georges (George), “And, Georges, what do you contribute or should I ask your wife, Jochebed?”

George Evident looked at the floor.  “Well, the prostitution was performed at Lily the Pink before the raid ended criminal activity there.  The blackmail may have been done by you while working for your uncle, Red Delicious.  We are helping Poached from our angle on the bank account.  We confirmed the councilmen all made withdrawals at that time.  This is a legitimate bank statement.  It is not faked, but it may not be your account.  But since your name is on it, you might be able to withdraw the money.  And the big thing is that the nature of the murder was a typical gangland style shooting.  There are a lot of organized crime indicators here, Miss Pink.”

Pink shook her head, “And you cannot look me in the eye because you know this is a mountain of garbage and no real evidence.  I am your wife’s boss.  I am your landlady, since you moved in with Jochebed.  Jochebed is needed as a wet nurse.  Right now, for my own son.  And, you, Lt. Yeggs, when can I leave and get back to my children?  This is a farce.  This is going to be traumatic for my little ones, Kanok and Joon.”

I took my turn at staring at the floor.  “Sis, Jochebed and your entire staff can take care of the children.  The D. A., Randolph Jennings himself, wants you in prison, by tonight.”

Scrambled and Pink yelled, “What?!”

Scrambled said, “Suspects go to the local jail.  You have a small lockup next to the squad room right here!  You only go to the big house when you have been convicted!”

I looked them both in the eyes.  “The D. A. thinks that if the Rotten Apples are involved, once we have latched onto Pink as our prime suspect, her death in the local jail closes the case.  She is going to the prison in the women’s ward for her protection.  We will have Jayne Crane with her.  She will be working the prison ministry that Big Red Mac started on the men’s side.  He has the program already set up and you will also be able to visit with Big Red Macintosh, Red Delicious, and your Dad.  You have not seen your Dad in decades.  Maybe you can convince him to not beat up Baldwyn again.  He has already hospitalized Baldwyn four times.  Yes, I know, he has good reason to do so, pay back for what Baldwyn did to you.  Trust your staff.  They know how to help the people from the mission.  They know how to make cider.  They can flip apartments like a pro if the mission has more families coming in.  You are at the prison until we find out who is behind this.  Do you understand, Sis?”

Scrambled asked, “And what if you fail this time?  You may have the best closure rate in the country, but it ain’t perfect.  My wife rots in prison?  No way!”

I said, “Please, Scrambled, trust us.  We do not stop looking when a cop is killed.  This is more important.  This is family.”

Credits

The only new character is Tyte Sphincter.  When I told my son and his wife that I was writing a story about framing the lead detective’s sister-in-law for the death of Tyte Sphincter, they lost it.  So, I hope you approve.

Otherwise, I see no needed Credits.