Thoughts from Mark "Hat" Rackley

I am Mashie Niblick.  I am presently employed as the greenskeeper of the Hoity Toity Golf Club in the big city of Tracy. Pauline was back teaching classes, but she had the afternoon off.  The golf course was back in operation.  I was playing golf with Pauline.  These reports are given in third person, but mostly from Pauline’s viewpoint.

Pauline’s and my phone started chirping at the same time.  It was a text message from Dinah Levy.  She had heard that Pauline was at the club, and she wanted her to come to the former Monopoly room as soon as she could.  Pauline texted back that we had just finished a round of golf and she had to shower first.  And I am a bit upset, she added, “I let Mashie win.”  That was unnecessary!  True, but unnecessary.

It was another thirty minutes when Pauline walked into the Monopoly room, for the lack of a better name.  Pauline was shocked when she entered the room.  It looked like Amy G. Dala’s computer room, wall to wall computer screens, and the few screens that were turned on had betting odds.  Ms. Dala wanted to eradicate gambling from the club.  Pauline’s senses were detecting danger.

“Oh, there you are.  Wait.  It has only been a half hour.  Your hair smells fresh and not a hair out of place.  How do you do it?” Dinah shouted from the middle of the room.

Pauline said, “I do not mess around when someone is waiting.  My hair is not completely dry, but close.  And having been trained by your husband and Naomi Yeggs, time is always of the essence, so be careful with the things that matter and hide the rest.”

Dinah laughed, “How do you like the room?”

Pauline shrugged, “Amy does not like gambling.  Are these computer screens on with a test pattern?”

Dinah came over and whispered, “Amy did not like the side bets that bordered on slavery, sexual exploitation, etc. … Oh, since I have been working here, I have gotten propositioned by twelve people, seven men and five women.  A couple of them flashed me.”

Pauline groaned, “Oh, dear, we had discussed the biblical view of that kind of thing.”

Dinah giggled, “I thought their advances were cute, and a month ago, I might have accepted.  But I want to stay true to Jacob.  Other than when the organization ordered him to fool around, he stayed true to me.  I turned down all the offers, and the word has gotten out that I am true blue … to the one who … had once been Hugh.  Did you like my poem?”

Pauline snickered, “It was a darling little ditty.  But what is all this?”

Dinah spun around while she waved her arms around the room.  “All this is the start of an intellectual and problem-solving team sport.  The people who were interested, including the gambling angle, signed up.  I gave them a test.  Here is a copy.  Based on their scores, Amy took the results and created a draft board.  Then she chose the most arrogant of those near the top to be team captains.  She did a play on words to create team names.  Then we have scheduled a meeting in a couple of weeks to have a draft day.  We will give each captain the opportunity to use the draft list based on skills and knowledge only or come up with their own, based on currying favor, best friends, etc.”

Pauline said, “I see too glaring problems.  First, this test is the agent qualification exam for the organization you just retired from.  That might have crossed a line.”

Dinah huffed, “I asked Jacob for permission, and he loved the idea.  Nothing in the exam is classified, but it has general knowledge, math, science, history, government, and most importantly problem-solving through suggested scenarios.”

Pauline grunted, “Yeah, scenarios that really happened somewhere in the world with the names changed to protect the guilty!”

Dinah giggled, “They don’t need to know that.  What was your other concern?”

Pauline said, “Amy’s hatred of gambling, especially here, especially in this room.”

Dinah grinned with the grin of a trickster.  “Pauline, that was when the house did not have a cut.  That is when each table had its own rules.  That’s when the bets could get out of hand.  Now, everything funnels into our exclusive Hoity Toity gambling application that Amy’s bunch of crazies is testing right now.  Bet limitations, no unauthorized side bets or you lose your membership at the club.  The club is not using it as a money earning situation, so the house cut is less than other betting applications.  Within a couple of months, you will be getting a cellphone at the first tee.  You will use the app to take a picture of your ball before each shot.  The app will score everything.  The app will manage the bets.  The app will be the final arbiter on any form of game: bingo, bongo, bango or skins or Stableford or individual normal scoring or any team arrangement including pro-am.  If the app thinks a player is sandbagging to improve their handicap, it will flag their account.  Too many flags and the rounds are checked for cheating, and when that player is on the course the next time, a drone is dispatched.”

Pauline shook her head, “That all sounds nice, but I have talked with Amy about this gambling.  And I am not buying it.”

A familiar voice came from behind Pauline.  Amy asked, “What do you not buy, Pauline?  I have never been able to stop the gambling here.  This way, the club profits and they have a lot more control.  As long as we make it fun, they may get bored with their side bets.  Plus, once we throw a few out, they might take our threats more seriously.  And this is all betting with money that we can deduct from their club accounts.  If their account gets too low, it forbids the bet or limits the amount of the bet.  Besides, being the company president and the CEO of Dala Enterprises, I worked a little percentage into the house cut for my company.  All the servers and the monitors in this room were purchased from my company.  Ralphie makes a nice profit.”

Pauline asked, “What is this thing with you two?  He is the president of one company.  You are the president of another, plus the CEO of both as a corporate oversight.”

Amy laughed, “You said that perfectly, so what is the question?  Just kidding.  Dala Solutions is the thing that got Hazel killed, and Mabel became a baker at Lily the Pink.  I know, Hazel’s nephew killed her but only because he thought she had money.  So I splintered that initiative off as a company on its own.  Anyone in Tracy or the surrounding counties can provide what they think is a solution.  I borrow employees from Ralphie’s company on a fixed rate to evaluate each ‘solution’ just as I did before, but mostly, I did the evaluation all by myself.  Then we solve the problem.  Then the suggester makes all the profits the first year and a percentage each year afterwards, just as before, but it means I am intimately involved.  I do not want any more Hazel situations.  I have enough suggested ideas that I think I might hire a few choice people away from Ralphie permanently, with the thought that if the suggestion boxes dry up, they will have a job back with Ralphie.  It stretches Ralphie’s responsibilities drastically, but he is loving it.  And he already had a gambling app that he was tinkering with, including the anti-cheating golf app.  He wanted to work out all the bugs before he suggested it to me.”

Pauline smiled, “Thank you.  That explained a lot.  Are you and Ralph E. going to start a family?”

Amy looked shocked, “Wow!  Like I haven’t heard that every day for the past six months, but we are starting to consider it.  And I am wondering.  I heard you threw a round of golf for your husband to win.  I am thinking you did not swing the club too hard because you are pregnant with your second one?”

Pauline turned red.  “That was a very indelicate way of putting it, but … ummm. You are correct.  But it is early.  I might deliver before Jemima Yeggs, but just barely.”

Dinah snickered, “Does Mashie know?”

Pauline shook her head, “I have not figured out how to broach the subject.”

Dinah said, “The best way, from my experience, is to say, ‘Sweetie, I am pregnant, and for the past two or three months, I have been faithful to you, so it’s yours.’ ”

Pauline and Amy laughed.  Amy said, not knowing Dinah’s past, “Dinah, you have such a sense of humor.  I am so glad I hired you.”  If she only knew…

After Amy left, Dinah invited me to the control room.  The Dala employees were all scurrying around the big room, testing the range of the WiFi controllers, and other such important things.

Dinah asked, “What do you think?”

I asked, “How does this become self-sustained?”

Dinah laughed, “You have trivia night three days per week.  You have Math Monday, what better way to get people to like math.  You have Whimsical Wednesday, which could be government, history, economics, etc.  You know, the boring subjects, but when your team is behind on total points, you go, hoping some other teams did not show up.  Remember, betting is encouraged.  One of the bets is two to one odds on whether any team will show up on Wednesdays, but if you are a team member, your team showing up does not count.  There is a limit of a dollar on that bet.  We fear collusion.  Then again, unlike a casino, the drinks are not free, so we get the money back.  And Fridays are Freaky, meaning movies, music, sports.  You know, the fun topics.  And Monday through Friday for one hour near dinner time is the problem-solving hour.  All team points are double during that hour.  Saturday, during the day is video game time.  Hopefully each team has one team member who can carry a team into a video battle.  If not, they lose out on points.”  About that time, ten screens went live with a video game.  Two teams of five Dala employees each were talking over their headsets and the explosions on the screen indicated that the battle had begun.  Who said work had to be boring?  After all, the system had to be tested … thoroughly tested.

Dinah continued, “The beauty is that you do not have to be there every night.  If your team has only one math wizard, the rest of the team can take Mondays off, that is, except for the dinner hour.  Of course, the dinner hour battles will hopefully attract a crowd of observers that will be hungry.  And Amy has people taking the exam to mimic the type of questions and change the scenarios for the problem-solving questions.  That becomes part of Amy’s profits.  And I am the suggester for the idea, so I make a little money on top of what she is paying me.  The club is paying me the salary and hourly wage, but Amy will pay me if Dala Solutions makes a profit.  And as long as Amy simply rents people from Ralph E. – yes, Ralphie is what she calls him, but everyone else calls him Ralph E. since his middle initial is ‘E’ – the overhead for Dala Solutions is as low as she can get it to increase the profits.  The more happy suggesters, the more suggesters, and eventually, the more profits for Dala Solutions.”

Dinah continued, “And the old things that she had tried can continue, but now, if we are about to have a Big Band Concert night, we’ll have Big Band trivia the week leading up to the concert.  One advertising and driving up interest in the other.  See?!”

Pauline asked, “But how are you and your husband doing?”

Dinah smiled, “You did not call him Jacob.  He is Jacob, but you have only known him as Hugh McAdoo.  That’s okay, but with my new job, I feel a lot younger. I do not feel tired, tired again, and retired.  And I have finally taken a step back to see how much I really love Jacob.  For a long time, I felt the only reason I hung on was that he was so influential.  Right now, besides playing golf with Mashie, or might I say that he watches Mashie play half the time and the other half of the time, they are looking for Jacob’s lost ball.  That is one thing the golf app will not do.  You know.  Find a lost ball, but if you take a photo of the lake or a clump of grass in the rough or the trees, the app assesses the penalty and suggests where to drop the next ball.  But the rest of the time, Jacob is working with the transition team, getting the security just right, mostly to protect me and you and Mashie and the Yeggs.  And whoever donated the bed is our new best friend.  We moved in without our household goods even getting packed.  Hugh went back last week to supervise that, and I missed him so terribly.  Before, it was an irritant that I had to do everything around the house.  This time, it was like a piece of me was missing.”

Pauline smiled, “I like that way of thinking.  You are really a married couple now.  I think it might be you finally surrendering to Jesus, but in understanding God’s love, you understand Jacob’s lifelong commitment to you.  But I have a naughty question.”

Dinah groaned, “Please, no.”

Pauline snickered, “What did Jacob say?  Confession is good for the soul.  When Jacob gave you that lame idea of a job in Central America, pretending to be his wife, you seemed to not hesitate.  If you were a prim and proper college student, that was a major move.  What was the young Dinah like?”

Dinah huffed, “Can I just say messed up and leave it in the past?”  Pauline shook her head.  “Oh, boy, well can I say that theater arts majors are a different breed and let it go at that?”  Pauline shook her head.  “Okay, from the beginning, I was into community theater since I was eight.  I kept getting more important supporting roles each year until I was fifteen.  Since I had been around for seven years, I thought I might be in consideration for the female lead in a youth performance.  The Community had children, youth, adult with children, and retiree performances each year.  They did eight performances each year.  I might have the most significant part in an adult performance as the leading man’s eldest daughter, but when the teenagers played the adults, I was mostly unseen.  The big parts went to the high school senior that just moved into town the year before.  I asked around and they explained that the casting manager at the Community Center had a casting couch.  He liked his women in the sixteen to eighteen range.  With that, no moral judgment on my part, just not wanting my first time to be with a sleazy pedophile, I focused on high school.”

Dinah continued, “The freshman year, I was just starting, so I expected bit parts.  But the next year in the Fall, I again got a bit part.  No one answered my questions.  After the play finished its run, we had an after party sponsored by the parents.  We talked about the bloopers and had some laughs, but it was really a boring party.  Then, the leading man, who lived a block away from my parents invited all the cast to another after party a few days later.  This was with no one being chaperons.  There was spiked punch, which I liked, and beer which I hated.  But after an hour of everyone getting just a little tipsy, the leading man called for his leading lady.  They were not boyfriend, girlfriend, but they started kissing and then taking their clothes off, and then having sex on a plush rug on the living room floor.  While most people were cheering them on, one of my friends explained that the lead in the play had an influence over who played opposite based on how well they responded in bed.  At least, most of the time.  I was headstrong and my goal was to be a leading lady.  So, I nearly begged guys to take me to bed, just so that I could be in consideration.  It worked in the Spring of my junior year, and I never relinquished the female lead from then until graduation.”

Pauline said, “And college?  Georgetown?”

Dinah waved a hand, “You have the pattern.  More of the same.”  She looked at Pauline and Pauline simply smiled.  “Okay, I confronted the professor in my sophomore year, just like my lack of patience in high school, and he offered me a paid job.  He had written a play about how his mother survived the World War II years.  He had the theater in a quiet back street, but he needed someone to play his mother.  Typical soap opera stuff.  She jitterbugs with a handsome guy.  They sleep together.  She gets pregnant.  He joins the army, not knowing she is pregnant.  While her boyfriend is at boot camp, she becomes involved with a guy in the black market.  She gets money for rent by sleeping with him.  He finally gets caught.  Just as the landlady is about to evict her for not paying rent, her soldier boyfriend and father of the baby comes home wounded.  He would never do the jitterbug again, but he got a job to support the family.  Great story line, but the sex scenes were real and live.  I think the agents that I tried to align with upon graduation knew of that play and considered me damaged, just like doing a porn film.  And somehow, I think Jacob knew about that, but we have never talked about it.  I think he was too much a gentleman to bring it up.  So, now you know why I jumped at the chance to be Jacob’s pretend wife at a salary that was a lot higher than anything that I could make acting.”

Pauline patted her hand.  “I am sorry that I put you through that, but you might want to see Pink Lady.  She has gotten very good at counseling the ladies who work for her, but she takes on anyone that has been victimized by all forms of the sex trade.  But now, since Jacob is playing golf, why haven’t you picked up the sticks that are ill-designed for their purpose?”

Dinah laughed, “Golf clubs?  I will if you teach me.”

Pauline waved her hands to try to block the idea. “I am great at unteaching what a golf pro has put into someone’s head.  I do not teach you how to play.”

Dinah leaned over closely, “I propositioned you in the wrong way once, and never again.  But, Pauline, I think you could do it.  Please, we can go to the driving range first.  Then the putting green.  Then when I feel like I won’t embarrass myself on the first tee, we can take in a round and you can give me pointers.  If it doesn’t work, I can try the pro.”

Pauline groaned, but she accepted the offer.

Credits

Studies have shown that when gambling becomes legalized in one area or another, the increase in government revenue is offset by the increase in other kinds of crime.  But note that in previous stories, the Hoity Toity club was gambling with the stakes being sexual favors and even short-term slavery, and the legalizing of the gambling within the club does not correspond with the overall city getting involved.  And it puts limitations on the gambling.  As Dinah said, “As long as they do not get bored …”

I would love to see someone develop a golf app like the one described, but you would have to have a lot of up-front cash to set it up.

The Perils of Pauline was a movie serial started in 1914. It defined many serials that followed, including the Perils of Pauline “moment,” the cliffhanger that caused you to return to the theater for the next installment.

The characterization of actors and actresses sleeping around might be accurate within a certain subset of the profession, but many live normal lives off set, off stage, etc.  Many are devoted children of God.  This was a story more about ambition and how our impatience can sometimes lead to losing that goal that we desired more than life itself.

Nudity on stage has been around since ancient Greece.  As nudity on stage gained popularity throughout the Twentieth Century as a means of protesting hypocrisy or celebrating freedom, the rapid spread in on stage nudity is marked by the 1967 stage play Hair.  Some state the popularity of the stage play really blossomed in 1968.  There were a couple of other notable plays that soon followed, but the challenge of any sort of propriety seemed to be when Oh, Calcutta was performed in 1969.

As far as explicit sexual acts on stage, they started about the same time, late 60s, early 70s.  There are still plays performed with explicit sexual acts.  I wonder if performing in such plays has the same effect as the black mark for having performed in porn films.  It is rare that a porn star can bridge to mainline films and sustain a career, but I have not heard any reports about explicit sexual acts on stage.  And while too much nudity has made some performers stereotyped, struggling to get more serious roles, some other performers have turned that naughty reputation into a lucrative career.