Thoughts from Mark "Hat" Rackley

“‘Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against anyone among your people, but love your neighbor as yourself. I am the Lord.

• Leviticus 19:18

Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”

• Matthew 22:37-40

Follow God’s example, therefore, as dearly loved children and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.

• Ephesians 5:1-2

“God has not designed us to live like hermits in a cave. He has designed us to live in friendship and fellowship and community with others. That’s why the church, the body of Christ, is so very important, for it is there that we are drawn together in love and mutual encouragement. We’re meant to be a part of one another’s lives. Otherwise, we pull back, focusing on ourselves-thinking how hard we have it or how unfair others are.”

• Charles R. Swindoll, Bedside Blessings

Being an introvert, I understand introverts.  My sister once bought me a sweatshirt when I was a teenager.  The saying on the shirt was “Pity me with money.  All I want is to be left a loan.”  I guess she had heard me say “I want to be left alone” often enough, she thought I would appreciate the joke.  For you who may be reading this in a language other than English, “a loan” and “alone” sound the same.  The sweatshirt was threadbare and falling apart when my wife put it in the trash without me watching.

According to the experts, one quarter of the population is introverted.  Leaving them alone is what they would love for you to do.  So, since we are to love others as we would like to be loved…  LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!

Sorry, I got carried away there.  But the line in the Bible that we should love others as we wished to be loved is interpreted in as many ways as there are people.  Introverts have a varying zone around them that everyone understands, their personal space.  Extroverts that pretend to care about personal space keep a distance of roughly arm’s length.  If they really, really care, they will look for non-verbal signals, eye twitching, facial tics, clearing of the throat, something that should, as if you care, signal to you that arm’s length is far too close.  Some introverts have a personal space of a mile or more.  I think folks call them “hermits.”  They are not crazy.  Being alone is comforting.  If that kind of person is a Christian, they are not alone anyway.

I have an extroverted grandson that I have mentioned before.  When he sees that you are irritated by him being arm’s length away, he gets closer and closer and closer.  Before he gets to the point where he is trying to slide inside the clothing that his sister is wearing… POW!!  She knows to punch him with body blows.  In the face might leave evidence.  Oddly, the punches do not change his behavior, and he never cries.  But they hurt enough for him to back off … for maybe ten minutes.

Oh, his sister is one of those introverts.  I love her so.  We can be in the same room for hours and never really notice that either of us is there.  I get to be with someone without having to be with anyone.  Blissful!  Glorious!

But I do not think that counts.  While extroverts need to tone it down…  Not by ten percent, maybe by 95%…  Introverts need to try to be a non-hermit.  Notice the manner of expressing that.  I could say, ‘try to not be a hermit.’  But since being a hermit is natural to the introvert, that would be trying to be something we are not, and thus, doomed for failure.

My wife and I were identical in our temperaments in three categories (intuitive, feeling, judging).  In other words, our values systems were based on the potential of what might be and based on how it makes us feel, and once we have made our decision, we do not second guess ourselves.  If my verb tense wavered in that sentence, it is hard to write about me, living, and my wife being gone for nearly two years.  But she was an extreme extrovert.  She never felt alive unless the room was crowded with people and so noisy that it made your head hurt.  And me, it would take me days, sequestered in a closet with only me and enough air to breathe for me to recover from a time when my wife had her kind of company over for a visit.

I bring this up because a friend gave me the doctorate dissertation of a friend of his.  She had observed a couple who were the temperaments that I described.  This couple made it work, but every time the extrovert invaded the introvert’s personal space, there would be a wince that the extrovert took as an insult, a lack of love.  But once the wince was overcome, the introvert welcomed the intrusion, which the extrovert might consider a further insult, since a hug and kiss between spouses should never be an “intrusion.”  But they made it work.  They loved each other enough to understand each other’s temperament – intellectually understand, the emotional thing is still hard to accomplish.

And introverts have a bad habit of sending false signals.  If I tried to not be a hermit, I would look like a fool trying to be the life of the party, and everyone would see right through it.  Their interpretation would be “An idiot, a very shallow person, someone who does not care what others think, etc.”  Odd, you try to love someone as they wish to be loved, and they see an introvert as not being genuine.

But I write.  I write a lot.  I spend more hours at my computer than most people who do the same thing for a living.  I feel that God has called me to this task.  I also teach a Sunday school class.  So, I do have face time with other people.  But I truly do not have much more time in my week for further interactions.

So, if you see me on the street and you want something more than a quick “Hello, Good-bye, Nice seeing you again” you may get false signals that do not make sense.  After all, I am trying to be a non-hermit.  But truly, I care for you deeply.  I just do not have the skill set to show it in a way that you will understand.

Well, whether that made sense or not, it is my story, and I am sticking to it.

Soli Deo Gloria.  Only to God be the Glory.