Thoughts from Mark "Hat" Rackley

I’m Pink Lady Apple Yeggs and my friend, and brother-in-law, Deviled Yeggs suggested that I record each project that I set up in the hopes of reforming the people who continue to work for Lily the Pink Enterprises.  If for no other reason, it would show how God is at work.

It was New Years Day.  Practically half the company had watched the Rose Bowl Parade on the big screen in the conference center.

I had a little after party New Years party for the college students, not my employees that were taking a course here or there, I only had the full load students.  I had the graduate students, Joseph and Mary Jones.  I had the upper classmen, Jemima and Easter Yeggs along with Stormie.  I had Missy MacDougall because she is taking roughly a full load, along with Zuzka who was taking a few courses and on the team to manage the PLAYground and PLAYhouse construction.  And then I had the excited freshmen who had just finished their first semester, Kevin and Joseline Johnson and Thomas and Catherine (TomCat) ver Waarloosd.

I started, “We have a cake here and some non-alcoholic punch – no cider included.  I thought I would get everyone together and compare grades.”

Mary said, “What?  Just because we live here, we have to share our grades with you?”

I cleared my throat, “Your husband is an employee, but I don’t know if you are Lily the Pink material.”

Mary was about to say something nasty, but she sat there breathing heavy.

Joseph snickered, “Mary, she is yanking your chain.  I think she kind of knows who is making good grades and who might be average.  Of the people in here, I would not expect anyone to be struggling, but then with TomCat coming from a vastly different state and educational system, they might struggle with things that are outside the purview of academics.  Am I right?”

Catherine smiled, “Tom and I pray every day on the bus and before then.  We know that we are going to see people who would be considered sinful in our valley.  We know that they think they are normal.  We have to study the Bible to see if what we were taught is a lie before we could even say anything, and then only to people here.  Something may really be sinful, but it may have become a social norm.  We can live with that, and we can choose to not do it ourselves.  But as for grades, I got a 4.0 and Thomas got a 3.83.”

Thomas turned red.  “I got a ‘B’ in English.”

I smiled, “That is nothing to be ashamed of Thomas.  You and Cat have been adjusting well here.  Taking college classes on top of that is extra hard.”  He nodded, but he still looked ashamed.

Joseph tried to encourage him.  “Wait until you get a professor that does not give any grades higher than a ‘C’ to anyone who is not pursuing a degree in that discipline.  It happens to all of us.  And letting Cat have a better grade point average was a good move in the happy marriage department.”  There were a few laughs.  Joseph continued, “But I detect that our grades are not what Pink is referring to.  Am I right?”

I laughed, “You know my tricks.  That is not fair!  My reason for getting all of you here is to see if our accommodations for your schooling is adequate.  All of you except to Miss Sensitive over here next to Joseph are employees and fulltime students.”

“Miss Sensitive?” Mary asked.  “Is that my new code name?”

Joseph patted her hand.  “Chill, my dear, when the mamma bear senses fear, she pounces.”

I laughed at that.  “Okay, I deserve the mamma bear routine.  No, I want to know whether you had enough time to study.  I have no problem with your work quality, but are the buses on time?  Is a better schedule needed?  And I would like to hear from each of you.”

Joseline, aka Amazon, spoke first.  “Well, everything went well for Kevin and me.  We both got a 4.0, but that was entry level stuff.  I am taking some tougher courses this next semester.  As a pre-med major, I cannot afford to get a “B” on anything.  I am taking all the classes that are remote attendance friendly.  I am due to deliver in the middle of the semester.  If I lose too much class time, I could be sunk.  But that has nothing to do with what you provide.  We don’t deserve the wonderful accommodations that you provide.  The work hours work around our class schedules and study schedules.  The buses give us time to study or visit with each other.  We have WiFi everywhere on the Lily the Pink campus.  And you pay for our breakfast and evening meals, which I think is almost too much.  We are getting paid, you know.”

I laughed, “I know, Joseline.  Thank you for your input, but this is supposed to be fact finding for me to help you more.”

Mary groaned, “All I need is the ability to hire people better.  I think I have a winner, and then they screw up or fail to show up.”

Jemima spoke up.  “To add to that, Aunt Pink, if you have any influence on college staffing, I have been working for this mean boss who is a graduate assistant.  She is a tyrant.  She finds fault in everything that I do.  Can you get her replaced?”

I back peddled, “I give a lot of money to the university, but the only demand I ever made was that they would never name a building after me, so they used my initials instead.  That should tell you how little influence I have at that end.”

Mary was steaming, “No, Pink, she is talking about me.  And as the Japanese submarine commander said, ‘The beatings will continue until the morale improves.’  Got that, Stinker?”

I sighed, “Okay, with that attitude, I can see why people do not do as told or they fail to come in for work.”

Mary started crying, “Oh, Pink, I’m sorry.  I am overworked, and I am a perfectionist.  Of all my part-time employees, Jemima is the best, but she is great at teasing me when I do not feel very good about myself.  I made good grades, but we had to run some reruns to keep from having dead airtime with the reality show.  That is the only weekly thing.  The rest is mostly streaming or automatically computer generated.”

Jemima said, “And the reruns were usually the blooper segments that everyone loves, no matter how many times we rerun them.  You jumping into a swollen river to save Michael Rowe is a favorite.  And the two newlyweds named Amazon and Skinny must have a following.  Those are great reruns.  B.B., we are just getting started.  Expect some glitches.  Let’s have a couple of introspection episodes, interviews with the team members and video clips from past episodes.”

Mary nodded, “Thanks, bestie.  You like to poke, but you have good ideas too.”

Joseph raised a hand.  “Pink, I would like to ask a favor.  Mary does have a bad habit of hiring the wrong people.  I am her husband and being her counselor might be tough.  Could you or Naomi help her?”

I said, “I would not know where to start hiring people to produce a television show.”

Joseph smiled, “No, Pink, you have hired a lot of high-quality people here.  Naomi has a doctorate in Psychology among other things.  Maybe, figure out how she could read people better.  She is overworked, and most of it is fixing the mistakes others make.”

I nodded, “And maybe Naomi could have a few sessions on perfectionism.  Cutting back on that may allow the tension in the office to drop a little and people might be more attentive to their jobs.  After all, creative people need space.  Deadlines can become confining.”

Mary nodded, “Thank you, Pink.”

Joseph added, “But as for your original reason for this meeting, and party, I would like to commend you on everything you do for us.  You had no hand in it, but I have enough credits that double both here and at the seminary that I will finish the Master of Divinity by the end of this calendar year, a nice Christmas present, but I cannot get ordained until I have a church.”

I snickered, “I have heard a few people at the First-Third suggest that your impromptu sermon when a certain Stinker delivered a baby during the time for the worship service might qualify as a trial sermon for an associate pastor job that is opening sometime later this year.  And it is part-time, so you would not have to leave your job here.  But I did not say anything.  Nothing is set in stone, and you know how church leader meetings can be.”

Jemima groaned, “Is my dream coming true?  My first baby is a girl named Stormie, and Joseph may be getting ordained.  I am not saying that I am a prophet, but this is weird.  He was working on Theology, not a Divinity degree.”

Joseph said, “Prophecy is considered a gift of the Spirit, at least on a couple of lists in the Bible.  The Pentecostals and some Charismatic churches make a distinction between a person in an office of prophet versus someone that God gives a special message.  Other denominations stick to the Bible being the only revelations from God, and I agree, but when old men will dream dreams, then there is room for a young lady to dream something that does come true that agrees or at least does not contradict Holy Scripture.”

Jemima giggled, “That was a mouthful, but thanks.  I can be prophetic but not a prophet.  That takes a heavy load off my shoulders.  But Pink, I am rethinking this next semester.  Home Wrecker is pregnant, and we may need help with the Turtle.  Since B.B. is a graduate assistant, my father-in-law checked with the state board, and Mary, as an adult, employed by the university and qualified to instruct, can be in charge of the Turtle without having to be twenty-five.  Home Wrecker just happened to be old enough and she got her commercial license just in case, but that is not necessary.  The state wants to try to cut down on joyriding.  Since we have Stormie already, I do not need to stay home as much.  The gap between the semesters was the big chunk regarding learning to be a Mommie.  The Mommie’s Club helps a lot!  We have wet nurses and if I can take only short storm chases, I can use the breast pump.  We might get Dr. Ben on occasion.  I have finally gotten enough classroom time on the photography side that I can do a lot of project work, and they are allowing meteorology photographs now that I have proven my skills in portraits and such.”

Easy added, “And I am great.  Jim Kaiser giving me a maintenance bay next to shipping and receiving was a big help.  Painting it in a turtle shell pattern was a little over the top, but the professors and other students like coming here.  It is almost an honors club to be on the Turtle design and implementation team.  I may have the lowest GPA (Grade Point Average) at a 3.5, but I am keeping up and I took a nasty hit with a Psychology class this last semester.  It’s embarrassing, but my Mom is challenging the ‘C’ and it might be changed to a ‘B’.  That will put me over the 3.5, but 3.5 is still Dean’s List.  Dr. Kildare is proud of all the Turtle Team members.  We have local public engagements.  We storm chase.  And we keep up with our other classes.  So, that is a thumbs up to Stinker and B.B., too.”

I looked at Missy.  “I am not done with TomCat, but I would like to know how the old people.  Yes, I said it, old people.  Missy, have you chosen a major yet?”

Missy said, “I am not the oldest in the room, ma’am.”  She paused to watch me turn a deeper shade of pink.  “Yes, I am registered as a Criminal Justice, but I may add an extra degree from the fine arts side with dance.  That can wait though.”

Jemima said, “A cop that can dance around the crime scene.”

Missy huffed, “Criminal Justice is to help with running a security department.  I can take a few Poli-Sci classes, but I am not following Cassie.  That’s her route.”

I asked, “But what about all your Scottish culture classes?”

Missy blushed.  She had her permanent tan, but if you knew her as I did, you could tell.  “I wanted to know about my husband’s culture.  I enjoy playing the bagpipes.  The classes might fit as electives, but the Scottish Gaelic fits as my language requirements.  But to be honest, I think I will continue those classes for the enjoyment.  Angus wants to take the family to Scotland this summer.  The Open Championship is at Royal Portrush, in Northern Ireland.  Who knows?  We might see some golf or stay in Scotland.”

I sighed, “And I thought I was seeing the world by simply going to Washington and Oregon to check on the operations there.  We will be praying for you when you go on your trip.”

Zuzka said, “Mom, since you say old folks, I go next.  I am like Easy.  My grades not so good in English, but I get better.  Project Management is easy for me.  I make high marks there.  Other courses, struggle.  Language problems.  But the PLAYhouse design finished.  They are building Levy.”

I interrupted, “That’s levee, Zuzka.”

Zuzka huffed, “I not understand English.  The ‘E’ between the ‘L’ and ‘V’ change pronounce when letters after ‘V’ change.  Makes no sense.  Levy, levee, what about Levi?”

Catherine quipped, “I hope he is taking a nap.  He gets cranky without it.”

Zuzka threw up her hands. “See?  Crazy language!  And before you ask, professor like me say ‘perky’ chart.  I know, supposed to be PERT chart, but professor like, as long as chart correct.  I think he think I cute, but I told him I unavailable.  I tell professor, baker at Lily the Pink put bun in oven.  I expect baby in June after summer break starts.  No problems, but I hope I can be for ground break for PLAYhouse.  Since your initials on building, they want you there and Aunt Naomi also, since her entire department moves there when building complete.”

I smiled, “I plan on it, and it would not be the same without you there.  Now, let’s see.  Even though Kevin did not speak, Joseline spoke for the two of you, unless you have something to add.”

Kevin shook his head, “No, ma’am, everything is fine.  The job is great experience, and my professors are excited about the equipment that I work on.  They expect some design reports and that kind of thing.”

I nodded, “But now back to TomCat.  Have you two chosen majors yet?”

Catherine shook her head, but Thomas spoke up, “Baking for the bakery and cooking so many turkeys at Thanksgiving, I am looking into hospitality management.  But I hear that once the PLAYhouse is finished, there will be a three-year culinary arts school included in one of the adjacent buildings.  I would like to take that also.  When we were in the valley of the windmills, a teacher was the best career path, other than a mechanical diploma.  But I enjoy cooking and baking.”

“Would you like to plan and manage something like what Deviled Yeggs did last week?” I asked.

Thomas brightened, “Oh, yes, ma’am.  That would be a dream come true to do that.  I listened to his Bible study, and I talked with the people at the Niblick’s house.  The Driver’s, Catherine and I enjoyed cooking for that crowd, but cooking for the homeless would be multiplying those recipes by 10 or even 30.”

I smiled, “You are young and inexperienced.  Maybe we can use you in the kitchen, cooking for those who get free meals here as well as those employees who pay for them.  You came here homeless, so you know how it feels.  You are just getting started with your education, but I will let Dev know.”

Thomas turned to Catherine.  He said nothing, but she nodded and smiled.

Catherine then asked, “Ma’am, I said I did not have a major chosen yet, but the friends we have met at the university have teased me.  I have two paths that I could follow, but I am torn, and people laugh every time I mention either one.”

“I will try not to laugh.  No guarantee, but if it is what you want, why not?”  I asked, “What are they?”

Catherine said, “I love my chickens and turkeys.  I have already had one introductory class in Poultry Science, and I loved it.  I asked a lot of questions that have helped so far.  But people talk about what dumb birds they are and how they smell.”

I smiled, “Since you have already improved the operations for the poultry, I cannot complain about that.  What is the other degree you are thinking about?”

Catherine slumped her shoulders.  She had a painful expression on her face. “It’s called Family and Consumer Science.”

I nearly laughed, but I said, “I see nothing wrong with that.  You are a mother of three.  You want to be the best provider you can be.  FCS was Home Economics when I was in school.  Many called it “Cookie Cutter Class,” but those that did not take it in high school needed those skills later on.  Gwen says that her Cookie Cutter Class is how she became a good cook, good family budget manager, and an okay seamstress.  Doing all that while we were under the tyranny of Baldwyn Apple saved our sanity if not our lives on many occasions.  I like the idea of you working on a family and consumer science degree.  You could follow in Gwen’s footsteps, and remember she is the company president now and all she took was a high school level course.  None of those individual things pay a lot of money, but you could be a help to your husband in many ways.  And since you are a full-time employee, spending off hours tending your poultry, why don’t you decide by doing both.  Poultry and FCS.  Mary, what degree did you just get last year?”

Mary said, “Two degrees.  Meteorology and Television and Radio Management.”

I asked, “Jemima, my lovely niece, and mother of Stormie.  And thank you for making Naomi a grandmother.  With little Scarlett Ibis as a granddaughter, I was feeling old.  Now with Naomi being a grannie, I somehow feel younger.  But when you graduate, what is your major?”

Jemima said, “Two majors.  Meteorology and Photography.”

I nodded, “And Easy, if you are still awake.”

Easy smiled, “This is my usual countenance.  Besides, I helped Angus and Emmett break down the set early this morning.  I got to bed very late.  But as for my major, I have two majors.  Meteorology and Mechanical Engineering.  I had to learn a lot to redesign the Turtle, so I decided to get an extra degree.”

I turned back to Catherine.  “Don’t choose dear.  Follow your dreams, both of them.  And those other students who laugh, they probably have no idea what they want to do in life.  Half of them will probably end up saying, ‘Do you want fries with that?’  And they will say it a lot, unable to pay their student loans.  But much of the FCS curriculum is advantageous for a big family.  Are you and Thomas planning more children?”

Catherine turned red.  She had been taught to never talk about the activity that makes babies.  Catherine took in a deep breath.  “The only way I can get used to the idea of talking about, ummm, sex, is to actually talk.  Dr. Mel taught us contraception.  Until Samantha was born, we only used abstinence.  We only did that because the mid-wife told us to stop for a few months after Reuben was born.  Some of our friends in high school, since we were the only ones for our grade that were in high school, told us about the Catholic Roulette method.  We learned from Dr. Mel that from the moment of the period starting to when the egg is in place to be fertilized is usually a set period of time.  So, if you are regular, the method works, but I guess I was not regular one month.  That is when Levi came along.  Now I have something in place.  We can remove it when we are ready for either Judah or Judith.”

I smiled.  I thought that was their plan in naming children, but having all twelve might be a challenge.

I said, “Listen, everyone here, except for Zuzka, will get a letter from the university that they are getting a five-hundred-dollar credit in their tuition and books charge account.  Zuzka has the audacity of having Mom pay her tuition.  I am starting a college fund.  We have a month old baby in the room.  Probably being quiet by being asleep.  But there are a couple dozen before her in the nursery and I want them to have some of their college paid also.  Thus, the Lily the Pink College Fund will be available going forward.  Just a little.  Other than Mary, you are all working here, but along the way, you may miss some work hours to study for a test.  So, you will need the money.  It only goes to tuition, other initial fees, and books.  And it only applies to T.R.U.S.T.  They have the money in trust, and they will invest it so the scholarship fund will grow.”

Joseph said, “I have said it before.  You don’t have to do that, but you have already done it.  I thank you.  But at some point though, you need to save money for your own children and grandchildren.”

I smiled, “And Joseph, I am a bit disappointed that you doubt my faith.  If I give away every penny that I have in the bank, God will take care of me.  I will still have the cider house.  If the cider house stops operation, I can turn this place into a museum.  There are a lot of people in Tracy right now who would pay to see what it really looks like inside the Crystal Mountain.  And the water slides could become a money maker instead of simply having something fun for the children.  Joseph, I will never get over the fact that this complex would not be possible if the money had not come from criminal activities.  I paid Red Delicious back, every penny, but the money that I paid him was profit from the cider operation that he built.  I know God washed my sins away.  I know that I did none of those illegal activities, but Zacchaeus gave his profits away four times what he had taken.  Let me give this to my employees and their children.  I do not need to see the report cards.  I trust God that the money will be well spent.  Now, someone cut the cake, I am starved.  Besides, Sparkle is in the nursery, and I finally have a chance to take a nap.”

Missy offered something she saw in her phone messages.  “Mommie Pinkie, I just got word who the new New Years baby is at T.R.U.S.T.  You will never guess.”

I smiled and said, “Andrew Niblick, short for St. Andrews Niblick!”

Missy was shocked, “How did you know?”

I snickered, “Pauline was complaining about it.  Baffy was the first baby born that year at the medical center two years ago, and since you get recognition and special prizes like free diapers for the first year, she did not want to hog the stage.  With you suggesting that I would not guess, I have been thinking she would win the prize twice.  Now, to plan a celebration at the next Mommie Club meeting and the next Rogue’s meeting.”

Credits

I took Advanced Organic Chemistry with a couple of pre-med students.  They were fraternity boys who had all the tests for their classes on file at the frat house.  They said that when the people who barely make it into med school have a 4.0, they could not afford a “B.”  And I had two professors who had two grade scales, the class’ major and others.  I did not mind the “D” in Psychology, but the “C” in Philosophy when I never missed a question all semester, even getting the extra credit questions correct – that was a tough pill to swallow.

I am thinking that since there are not too many ancient golf club names that lend themselves to a person’s name, the Niblicks are looking at Open Championship golf course names.  What can I say?  Mashie is a greenskeeper and his wife developed a therapy to cure several mental and physical issues that affect the golfer’s game.

And the degrees mentioned above may not be available at every university, but they are legitimate degree programs.

All grades were considered based on a 4.0 system for an “A”.