Thoughts from Mark "Hat" Rackley

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us,

• Hebrews 12:1

The Boilerplate

My wife started to write her thoughts down at one point in her life.  Some hints point to 2018 and 2019, after she had her open-heart surgery.  In spite of her trials and the atrial fibrillation (A-Fib) that required her to take blood thinners, this was before her major health decline.

Sometimes, she wrote a thought.  Other times, she wrote a Bible verse, and maybe her idea on that day.  Other times, it is a prayer, but I am going to take one entry at a time and try to write about it

Her comment

“Therefore, since we also have such a large cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us lay aside every weight and the sin that so easily ensnares us.  Let us run with endurance the race that lies before us.”

• My wife’s next comment in this notebook

The Discussion

My wife quoted Hebrews 12:1 in the Holman Christian Standard Bible this time.  At least, I think so.

I think my wife focused on this verse because of the word “endurance.”  The cloud of witnesses helps with the confidence.  Laying aside the weight of life and the sin that can trap us in this world is the how-to, but the endurance…

Sadly, she never complained.  She said near the end that she had said she was tired.  But she never complained.  So, how could she say she was tired?

She internalized her pain.  That was for her to endure.  She needed no one to share in that endurance.  She showed the world, and me half the time, that ever-present smile.  While I have been characterizing the years of 2019-2020 as good years, she may have had pain that she endured silently.  I never picked up on the non-verbal cues.  She even tried to mask them.

But if someone loves you deeply, they would want to share in your pain.  They would want to carry as much of the burden as possible.

My wife always said that she never wanted to burden anyone else, and since she had an empathic temperament – unable to remove the pain of others, but mirroring the feel of the pain – she masked the pain she was going through to not burden other people.

I am not saying this to raise my wife up to super star status.  I do not say it in anger that she could have let the right people know the pain and she might still be around.

And I am not lifting her up as an example of being a great Christian.  As a Christian family, there is that group of close friends (a Christian family) that wants to know what is going on.  They want to know how to pray.  So, sharing our pain is not abdicating our endurance.  It is allowing those that love us to help us when they can.

But it is an example of love.  While my wife never let anyone know how much pain she was in, there are others that whine and complain about everything.  People hear them whine and all they register in their minds is “There is so-n-so, whining, they must be awake.”  That sounds harsh, but I am sure that you have met people who whine from the moment they get out of bed until they go back to bed.  Nothing is right.  They are in pain.  Everyone else has to deal with that.

So, I think the best Christian model would be close to my wife’s attitude, but selective in who you let in on the pain – and absolutely tell the doctor.  My wife insisted that I go with her to the doctor so that I could tell the doctor what pains she had complained of.  Note: In reading down to this point, I knew only a fraction of what was going on.

Endurance.  God gives us the strength.  And others are willing to help, if only to pray.

And in the end, we will have run the race without cutting any corners or taking a subway to a point near the finish line.

Soli Deo Gloria.  Only to God be the Glory