Thoughts from Mark "Hat" Rackley

We are Jemima and Easter Yeggs.  Lieutenant Yeggs wants his son to write these reports to keep in touch when we are out having our adventures, and Rev C.S.L., my Dad, doesn’t mind an update either.

This little adventure was through the rich part of town and rich-adjacent parts of the big city of Tracy.  In fact, our caroling only went to three houses, but each one invited us in, and all three had warm refreshments.  Each house had invited the neighbors, so we were not caroling for one family each time.  We were caroling for an entire block, an entire block of rich folks, an entire block of Aunt Pink’s neighbors that she did not know, at least most of them.

We put on a show each time.  Before we were invited in, we all sang We Wish You a Merry Christmas.  Then, once inside, the men in Emmett’s choir for our Sunday School class sang God Rest Ye Merry, Gentlemen.  But then Emmett had Chick Krupa on drums, Mike Lothrop Kildare on the tubulum, Mags Kildare on the cello, Darrell Driver on the guitar (doing a bit more than strumming), Fred on trombone, Tamara on Flute, and Emmett on the keyboard.  They played a modified version of the Mannheim Steamroller version, very modified.  Then our Sunday school class sang Hark! the Herald Angels Sing.  Then Carla, Arabella, and Menzie sang O Holy Night!  Then we finished with the Purple Four plus Menzie singing Silent Night!

The carolers were the Sunday school class minus folks that could not attend for one reason or another.  Then the Purple Four had their families.  And Chick Krupa had Jazz Apple and little Jonesie along.  Jonesie was the only baby with us.  Jochebed had a party for all the children connected to the Mommie Club, which meant after the party, she would run the nursery.  She had B.B. with her, and the cameras were running.  We had Wilma with us, and the cameras were running.  Jochebed will have all the children in bed asleep by the time we return to pick up our babies.  Kanok was bummed that she did not get to go caroling.  Maybe next year, but we had to keep the size of the crowd down, even in rich people’s houses that had a lot of room.

But I had a secret mission.  I wanted Aunt Pink to meet the neighbors and find out what they thought of Lily the Pink and Pink Lady specifically.  I had an idea, but since the three homeowners would invite their neighbors, there were possible wildcards.

The first stop was the big house behind the home of Carla and Brenton Munsford.  While everyone was having refreshments and mixing with the friends of the Munsfords, I made introductions, introducing Chauncey Munsford and Pink Lady Apple Yeggs.

Chauncey said, “You can call me Chauncey.  We live such a little distance away and we have never officially met.  But I am sure you recognize me.”

Aunt Pink smiled, “Yes, you represented Baldwyn Apple, and you represented Ruth Collins.  We have many people here among our carolers that those two people hurt very badly.  I was simply an interested party for the Ruth Collins trial, but you were merciless in your interrogation of me during Baldwyn’s trial.  Why did you handle it instead of the Rotten Apples lawyer team?”

Chauncey smiled, “I think the word came down from Red Delicious.  He was in prison, but the guards reported to him more than they reported to the warden.  Anyway, the Rotten Apple Gang lawyers were instructed not to touch him.  Baldwyn tried to kill you, and you were Red’s favorite, even loved you more than his son, Big Red Mac.  But I had to be hard on you.  The D.A. had a lot of evidence, but if I could get you to crack, it might put doubt in the jury’s mind.  And remember, everyone, even sleezy guys like Baldwyn, have the right to a fair trial.  If I had gone through the motions, it would have been considered a mistrial and Baldwyn would have gotten another lawyer and another trial.  I knew my goose was cooked.  I was rough on you, and you were in a wheelchair.  That combination never works in the lawyer’s favor.  The jury had already learned that you were in the wheelchair due to Baldwyn poisoning you.  They heard from the detectives that Baldwyn had purchased the poison.  And here I was badgering you.  I apologize for that.  But then, you got out of the chair.  Do you remember what you said and did?”

Pink smiled, “I said a naughty word.  I had a walker next to the chair.  I pulled myself up with great difficulty.  I used the walker to walk over to Baldwyn, and I said, ‘You bastard!  You wanted me dead, but I am alive.  Naomi says in a couple of weeks, I can walk without the walker.  You miserable bastard, you did not win.’  I should not have used the ‘B’ word.  But the judge said that would be struck from the record.”

Chauncey laughed, “They can strike it from the record, but all the jurors heard it and saw it.  Instructing them to forget it never really works.  But was that call for the wheelchair being dramatic?”

Aunt Pink laughed, “No, it was necessary.  That was all the strength I had at the moment, but I wanted Baldwyn to know that I had not been defeated.”

Chauncey asked, “And who was your nurse?  Is she here?”

Aunt Pink laughed, “That was no nurse.  That was Dr. Naomi Yeggs.  She is now the faculty dean of the south campus of T.R.U.S.T.  She was the reason I walked that day.  And you may not recognize her now.  She is the one with the blue hair.  I’m pink.  She’s blue.  And the mother daughter duo are purple to make the Purple Four, but then the young redhead you should know.  That’s the star jazz singer at the Snazzy Taz, Menzie.”

Chauncey nodded, “Now, if you will excuse me, I have to apologize to Missy and Menzie MacDougall.  But Pink, we have a homeowner’s association.  We would love to have you attend the meetings.  You no longer have a brothel at your home, and I helped you state your case that you had nothing to do with that.  In fact, you taught your ladies job skills.  You have no one in our community that looks down on you.  At least not anymore, once the truth came out.  What people say downtown…  That is just uninformed gossip.”

Pink smiled, “Thank you for the offer.  Now that Gwen Quinn is the president of the company, I have had two vacations, and I spend most of my day counseling the ladies who work for me.  I can find time to attend one of your meetings and see how that goes.”

“Great!” Chauncey smiled and extended a firm handshake.  He was off to find Missy and Menzie in the crowd.

Chauncey’s wife walked up.  “Mrs. Pink Lady, I want you to know that I appreciate what you have done for Brenton and Carla.  Oh my, I loved her song tonight.  She has hidden talents.  At first, a few of us did not approve of Brenton marrying a dark-skinned girl, but she is a good cook.  She keeps the servant house clean.  And she and Brenton were both on the Dean’s List their first semester in college and invited to the Freshman honorary society.  And they have people visiting them all the time.  I think they have a Bible study one night each week.  It was Carla who talked us into going to church.  She talked about how you and someone named Aunt Jemima led them to Christ.” I smiled, and I think she made the connection.  She gasped, “Well, I owe both of you more than I could possibly do.  Thank you.  We made it hard on Carla at first, but she is made of the right stuff.  I am proud to have her as my daughter-in-law.”

I smiled, “Thank you, Mrs. Munsford.  Don’t puff up Carla too much, but in small ways, let her know that she is accepted.  She still feels that she has not done enough.”

Mrs. Munsford nodded and smiled.

Everyone wanted a little time with Aunt Pink, but we had a schedule to keep.  We went a couple of blocks over and to the next street, deeper into the rich part of town.  Our next house where we set up was the home of Judge Farquharson.  He had been the judge during the Baldwyn Apple trial, his first case in Tracy.  All the judges, except for the one who gave my father-in-law the search warrant to raid Lily the Pink were caught with their pants down, literally.  Judge Farquharson was a judge in a neighboring district, but he lived in Tracy.  So, he knew Tracy a little, but the first he had heard of Pink Lady was that she had been a wronged woman.  Again, all the neighbors wanted time with Aunt Pink.

Our third stop was at a barn next to an old farmhouse.  No, not in the Amish community, we came to the Jefferson farm, where they had subdivided the farm into what was called the rich-adjacent community of Tracy.  We were about to go to the house when we were confronted with signs saying that everyone was in the barn.  Practically everyone in attendance was a current sports star or a retired sports star, football, baseball, basketball, hockey, and soccer, mostly, but a couple of tennis players.  For those that love autographs, you could have filled the book in one visit.  But oddly enough, the athletes, current and retired, wanted to talk to the bass in the Sunday school choir, Goober Gomez.  He had broken the rookie sack record by one sack, but then again, they played one more game in the regular season.  Since Carla had grown up in the community, Brenton and Carla were popular, and among those that followed Carla’s high school exploits on the softball team, the softball players were being asked about the upcoming year.  The big question was whether they had a replacement for Carla.

But Aunt Pink was cornered by members of the Fellowship of Christian Athletes.  They wanted her to talk about her recovery from the poisoning.  They had already gotten the clinical side of it when Mom Yeggs gave a talk, but now they wanted to know how faith in Christ played a role in her recovery.

But my planned conversation was not with Aunt Pink.  I pulled Dad Yeggs from the crowd of football players that he was chatting with.  “Dad,” I said, “I have someone you need to talk to.”

He complied and I led him to the corner of the barn.  I was about to introduce them, but Dad Yeggs said no introduction was necessary.

Nelly said, “You come to my barn, and I am the last one that you greet!”

Dad Yeggs said, “I only have one defense, Nelly.  If I saw you first, we’d talk shop all night long and I wouldn’t get to meet your neighbors.  How are you getting around these days?”

Nelly and Dev Yeggs hugged each other and shed a few tears.  Finally Nelly said, “One great thing about selling lots to old sports stars, and some new ones, is that when I need to go to the doctor or to the grocery store, they drive me, and I am the one that gets the VIP treatment.  It takes a while pulling them away from the fans, but I feel like I am Grandma to all of them.  They’ll even sit and wait while I have a colonoscopy.  Now, the prep I have to do on my own.  I don’t know them well enough for them to hold my hand for that.”

Dev Yeggs replied, “Do you want me to talk to them?  Remind them of unpaid traffic tickets.  I am sure I can get one of them to hold your hand.”

Nelly laughed, “You are still the same, but now you are lieutenant of homicide.”

Dev Yeggs grumbled, “Lieutenant of all detective ranks.  I guess the latest news hasn’t reached you.”

With a twinkle in her eyes, she nodded, “It did, but you will always be homicide, Dev.  You have a sixth sense for it.  That part, I could never teach you.  I just made sure that you learned how to do the paperwork.”

Dev Yeggs groaned, “And that is about all that I do these days.  I think Jim and Poached purposely get stuck on occasion just to see me disassemble their case and reassemble it.  It gives them a sanity check, and they get to see me enjoying what I’m doing.  Don’t get me wrong.  I still get involved.  Your unofficial sheriff out here gets me involved in everything.”

Nelly laughed, “Who?  Paddy?  He’s just a child, but he comes by every Saturday to check on me.  He has accused me of sleeping with a couple of the retired football players.  I do not stop the rumors.  It gives me street cred.  But I look over some of his reports and I give him pointers.  It keeps me in the game.”

Dev Yeggs said, “I’m sorry to hear about Stan’s passing.  If there is anything I can do, I still owe you a lot for all the mentoring you provided me when I first made detective.”

Nelly patted him on the arm, “The best way to pay me back is to pass it on to the younger detectives.  I hear that Poached is …  ummm …  creative with his reports.”

He nodded, “Yeah, for police reports, he writes great short stories.”

Nelly doubled over laughing.  “Send me some.  I need a good laugh.  No forget that.  Send Poached.  I heard he’s kinda cute.  I was faithful to Stan, but the ‘until death’ vow lets me get back in the game.”

Dev Yeggs started talking about all the detectives in the precinct and about how Polly Pulice Handel might be the next Nelly Jefferson.

At that point, I went back to the sports stars.  Maybe I could get some autographs for Stormie.  You know, people who retired from the sport before she was born.  The “meaningful” memorabilia.

And when we returned to Lily the Pink to see our children asleep in their beds, Aunt Pink came by our apartment.

Pink smiled, “I knew you had something up your sleeve when you set up these caroling stops, but I am so glad you did it.  When my parents first moved here, they taught me how to be that perfect little girl so that people would accept them into the neighborhood.  It did not work.  But it seems that divorcing myself from a crime family and setting up a campus of buildings that allows me to help people assimilate back into a productive society erased those years of wrong-doing.  That still will not slow down my philanthropy.  I just came by to tell you something my mother always said, ‘You done good, Janet.’  Do not ask me who Janet was.  I never asked her.  But, Jemima, I am starting to see how you got the codename, Stinker.  You get people to agree to one thing when you have something else planned all along.”

I faked a bit of shock, “Aunt Pink, are you saying that I would do such a thing?”

Aunt Pink laughed, “Oh, not at all, Stinker, not at all.”

Credits

One of my wife’s neighbors when they moved to Port Acres, Texas was named Janet.  My wife often babysat her children.  The two families got to be great friends.

I know of no other credits except videos of the Christmas carols that were mentioned.

We Wish You a Merry Christmas, sung by Julien Neel

God, Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen, sung by Geoff Castellucci

God, Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen, performed by Mannheim Steamroller

Hark! The Herald Angels Sing, sung by the Peanuts Gang, the end of the classic Charlie Brown Christmas Special

O Holy Night, sung by Celtic Women

Silent Night, Holy Night, sung by Celtic Women