I’m the wife of Lieutenant Deviled Yeggs, Trinity Naomi Tesla, that’s TNT, Yeggs, but most people call me Naomi.  My husband still calls me Glyce, pronounced “Gliss,” since it is short for Nitroglycerin.  I explode when shaken.  My husband works homicide in the big city of Tracy.  He works with his old partner, Jim Wednesday and his nephew Poached Yeggs.

When I finished my last report, I had gone to the bedside of Mrs. Ballester.  She had been prejudiced against Christians, especially teenaged Christian couples.  She thought these children were having sex and should be required to take a state program of taking care of an android for a couple of weeks.  She devised a plan to get two high-profile couples at Flintheart High School in the program just as the Christmas break started so they could not wiggle their way out of it.  Those couples were Emmett and Sophia and Samuel and Menzie.  They decided to go through with it, and that has caused a lot of issues for us, in that I had several parties that were cancelled or rescheduled.  But in our trying to make sense out of this assignment, the superintendent of schools suspended Mrs. Ballester for blatant misuse of power, prejudice toward Christians, and rigging the androids to be horrible children for the entire Christmas break.  Since Amy G. Dala and her husband, Ralph E. Newman programmed the dolls, they were able to remove the irritating things that infants sometimes have.  And so far, the four children are making the most of it.

But the next day, Mrs. Ballester collapsed with a stroke, and I went to her bedside to pray for her.  She had called me a “Christian Witch” for telling a story about how someone who taunted God’s Chosen People was really taunting God, and it did not work out well.  I was just trying to get her attention, and I apologized almost immediately.  The stroke might have not have been my “curse” but the stroke may have resulted from her being suspended, and possibly charged with child endangerment and molestation due to other evidence that Sophia brought to the superintendent.  My daughter does a great job of digging in the dirt.

Menzie and Sophia suggested that they could take their turn as Mary in the live Nativity scene and use their androids, but Rev C.S.L. refused since the androids were not “alive.”  Menzie clutched little “Ralphie”, the name Menzie and Samuel Farquharson chose for their android.

Menzie said, “Do not listen to this man, Ralphie.  He does not know how alive you really are.  Just because you get charged each time you sleep in your bassinette and much of you is not a carbon-based life form.  I tell you, I would think a church pastor would be more considerate to the diversity in his congregation.”

Rev C.S.L. said, “You make a good hard sell, Menzie.  Why don’t the four of you be shepherds?  You can have your androids with you and when you go to see the Christ child, you can present your androids to the baby who is playing Jesus at the time.  We have nothing but babies from your Mommies Club: Caeleb Williams is just weeks old, Wednesday Wednesday, Olu Kulteni Yeggs, Dinah Evident, and Joan Casey.  There is diversity there.”

Sophia said, “But the live Nativity Scene lasts six hours.”

Rev C.S.L. said, “Oh, I forgot, little Jonesie Krupa.”

They exclaimed, “I thought you used church members only?!”

Rev C.S.L. smiled, “Didn’t you know?  They’ve been coming to the early service.  You know, you would know what was going on here if you read the church newsletter.  We send it out to all the couples.”

Menzie laughed, “But we are not getting married for another three and a half years.”

Rev C.S.L.  gave us a judgmental look.  “And here you are, both of you with a bundle of android in your laps.  I counsel against such behavior.”

But back to me and Mrs. Ballester.  She awoke the next morning.  She wanted me banned from the hospital, but the doctor insisted that I was the best person to help her recover.  Then she saw me praying and forbid me to pray for her.  She knew it was another of my Christian curses.  Her doctor told me to go into the hallway.  I could hear what he told her, about how I had been praying for her wellbeing from soon after she arrived, and how the nurses had changed shifts, but I stayed awake, praying.  And as far as he was concerned, it was my prayers that had kept her alive.

I have been by to see her twice each day, avoiding visiting hours.  I worked on those floors quite often, and the nursing staff treated me like one of their own.  It took a couple of days before she quit refusing me entry into her room.  It might take a lot more prayer before she would accept me as her therapist, but all the nurses talked about how I gave her the best chance of recovery.

On Christmas Eve, I went with the rest of the Purple Four and Jemima’s Sunday school class to do some caroling.  Samuel and Sophia stayed behind at Lily the Pink to care for the androids.

It was tearing me up.  Sophia and Emmett stayed with Easy and Jemima.  Menzie and Samuel stayed with Missy and Angus MacDougall.  The boys slept on the couch.  The girls had the android in a bedroom, and the host family all slept together in the master bedroom.  But I wanted Sophia home for Christmas morning.  We had so few Christmases like that left.  And when I returned from the caroling, Easy, Jemima, Emmett, and Sophia greeted us at the house.  Amy the android and Stormie were in Easy’s old bedroom asleep, and the “moms” would join them.  Easy and Emmett would sleep in recliners in the den.

The next morning, Gigi went crazy.  We have a modest Christmas for the children, but still, any surprise was a surprise.  And the biggest surprise was that “sssss Tormie” and Amy were here too.  And just two and a half year old Gigi (Gloria Grace, G.G.) was the one that noticed that Amy did not have a stocking.  But then Emmett quickly pulled out a red sock.  In the sock, he had a bottle of baby oil, some powder, and some assorted bottles with android baby formula in them.  He explained this was all Amy needed and Santa was very generous.  Gigi gave him a look that said she was not buying it at all.

We warmed up Kolaches, a Czech/Texan stuffed pastry, that Scrambled had given us when we got back late from the caroling.  They were stuffed with sausage and Michael Casey’s goat cheese.

We went to church for everyone’s turn at being a shepherd.  We warmed up with hot chocolate before returning home.

Then, we opened presents and emptied stockings.  The Justices arrived at lunchtime.  The older Justice girls were off with their boyfriends or husbands, but Margie came bounding in with presents for everyone.  We started to explain the android to Margie’s parents, but she had told them all about the program for at risk children, who were shacking up, and the program got flipped and Christian couples had been targeted especially for the holidays.  The Justices played with Amy as if she were a newborn.

I was thinking that this might be our new normal in a short while.  The older three children coming with their families for Christmas dinner.

But then, the Daltons called to complain that someone had taken their only grandchild away from them on the baby’s first Christmas.  We apologized for taking Amy the android away from them on such an important day.  The Justices were just leaving, and Blaise was going to their house for supper to meet what might become his in-laws.  Strange, Blaise was a senior in high school, but he was so young, still not of driving age.

We packed up so that we could all go to the Dalton’s apartment.  It was the first time Emmett had been in his own bedroom since this fiasco started.

The Daltons had a three-bedroom apartment, with Sarah and Arabella sharing a bedroom.  Clay Bell and Michael Rowe Casey were there, but they said, “Merry Christmas” and left.

Sally and Cole Dalton had a wonderful meal prepared.

After the meal, I went to Pink’s home, the Big House.

Pink was in her office.  I sat down in a visitor’s chair.  I could hear the children playing in the play area.  Grannie Fannie had the day off and was with her unofficial grandchildren.  Zuzka was babysitting.  She had Olu Kulteni in her arms, and Scarlet Ibis Yeggs was visiting.  Then Pink’s three young ones were having fun playing and talking to Kully.

Pink said nothing.  She simply smiled.

I asked, “Pink, what is Christmas all about?”

Pink smiled, “I thought you would know.  ‘For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.’ (Isaiah 9:6).”

I smiled, “I know that, but we are supposed to be anticipating something.  It can’t be a baby in a manger.”

Pink laughed, “I guess Jesus could use the common expression, ‘Been there. Done that.’  And you know the answer, Sis.  We are awaiting the return of Jesus, and that return will not be as a baby in a manger, but as a conquering hero, the King of kings.  You know, that ‘every knee shall bow’ thing.”

I chuckled, “I think that the secular world looks at Christmas as a marketing scheme.  The annual economy is largely based on how well Christmas sells.  And most people in the church are looking for that baby Jesus.  Do you think most people that went to the reenactments of the live Nativity scene this morning knew that the manger was heated?  Even so, the temperature was almost cold enough for Rev C.S.L. to call it off.  And while the secular world gets the blahs because all the presents in the world cannot satisfy you.  It takes the presence of the Savior to do that.  I think the Christians get the blahs in that it is one more Christmas, and Christ has not returned.  But in a way, I am so happy, Pink.  I got a glimpse of the future.  Jemima and Easy were there with Stormie.  Emmett and Sophia were there with Amy the android.  Gigi was gaga.  Blaise and Margie were kissing under the mistletoe.  And at every turn, we praised God.  I just wondered if this was the way life would be.”

Pink winked, “Other than the Amy thing, you are right.  For a while…”

I said, “Marry Christmas, Pink.”

Pink smiled, “Merry Christmas, Naomi.”

Merry Christmas, Everyone

Credits

I think this does not need any Credits.