Thoughts from Mark "Hat" Rackley

I’m Pink Lady Apple Yeggs and my friend, and brother-in-law, Deviled Yeggs suggested that I record each project that I set up in the hopes of reforming the people who continue to work for Lily the Pink Enterprises.  If for no other reason, it would show how God is at work.

As expected after the very nasty vespers service that I wrote about last week (The Altar Call), Rev. Joseph and I have been busy for the past week.  I called in Pauline to take some of the load off.  She came Tuesday and Thursday, and Naomi came on Wednesday.

I realize that I have three types of women, but one has two classifications.  There are those that are saved.  I just had to get them to examine themselves based on 1 John.  Did they love?  Did they live in sin?  Did they confess the sin they committed?  And to not be too harsh in judging themselves.  And I knew which ones showed the fruits of the Spirit and which had made monumental changes in their lives and their attitudes.

Then there were those who seemed to have said, “Jesus Christ is my Lord and Savior” as if those were magic words.  Their attitudes have not changed.  They have not shown signs of Christian growth.  They do not show signs of the fruit of the Spirit.  But some of these know that something is missing, but they are very good people.  But others think they have it figured out.  They are a bit obnoxious.  But are they saved, and making such slow growth as a Christian that I cannot tell?  God has to sort that one out.  It’s above my pay grade.  I asked these ladies to examine themselves.  Focus on turning their lives over to God, an unconditional surrender.  Even if they had gone through the words, maybe they were missing something.

Then there are those who have never identified as Christians.  Then again, none from that very small group came to the vespers the previous week.

But today, I had two appointments.  As I finished counseling a woman who was taking the Reverend’s words too harshly, I prayed with her and walked her to the door.  My first appointment was waiting.  I told the others that Pauline would see them.

I ushered Mitzi and Baldy into my office.

Mitzi said, “Hi, Mommie Pinkie, I guess with what happened last week at that very weird vespers that you wanted an after-action report.”

Baldy asked, “Where’s Joon bug?”

Joon ran from the play area. “Baldy!”  They hugged each other.  Then Joon turned to me. “This is Baldy!”  Then Joon ran back to Grannie Fannie.

I shook my head.  “I had no idea you two are such friends.  How did you connect?”

Baldy said, “I was fixing the toilet in the nursery, and Joon wanted to watch.  He’s a cool kid.  He has everything figured out.  A toy in one hand, a jelly donut in the other hand, and life is perfect.  I wish I had life figured out at that age.”

I groaned, “I wish he would stop eating so many of his Daddy’s jelly donuts.”

Baldy said, “Mommie Pinkie, I want to thank you for taking me in.  I hope I can remain here.”

“What makes you think that you are no longer welcome?” I asked.

Baldy shrugged, “As Mitzi has said a few times, I need to learn how to be a productive member of society.  And I feel in my heart that most of that came within the last week.  But if that is why I am here and I am making progress, will I no longer have a reason to be here?”

I nodded, “I understand your concern, but have you noticed that I do not kick any of my employees out?  Sometimes, when one of the ladies here gets married, she moves in with her husband but look at Mamma Missy.  She feels a need to be in the building.  Angus Macdougall moved in with her.  Grannie Fannie over there was worried she would have no place for her to retire, but now that I changed her job to ease into retirement, she doesn’t want to quit.  The one problem that I see with the setup here is that we might just turn this place into a retirement facility as we all get older.  It’s my home, but in providing housing for others, they don’t feel the need to buy a home.  Then, in retirement, there becomes a housing shortage.  We’ll still be making cider.  The new employees will need a home.  But that is my problem.  The only ones that I know of who have an exit strategy are the Daltons.  When Erasmus and his crew have finished the two houses for Barry and Clyde and their families, they are going to build two similar houses, but not on stilts.  They’ll be on the Tracy side of County Line Road, high above the 100-year floodplain.  When the children are grown and married, they will have a home, otherwise the Daltons may move into one of them.  But construction has been delayed, some by weather and some by planting season.”

Baldy asked, “Is that a long answer for ‘I can stay’?”

I smiled and nodded, “You accepting Jesus was a big step, but that gives you even more reason to stay.  You need to be where you can grow as a Christian.  Kicking you out now might be like throwing you to the wolves.  Besides, what will Mitzi do?”

Mitzi shrugged, “I will go back to being Fitzi Mitzi, 91 on your FM dial.”

I sighed, “But you called Baldy your boyfriend when he went down for the altar call.”

Mitzi said, “I did?  Oh, sorry, it won’t happen again.”

Baldy said, “What?!”

I sighed, “Mitzi, I think that was your subconscious telling you that it is time to move on.”

Mitzi grimaced, “But, Mommie Pinkie, I was hurt by my former boyfriend.  I do not want to feel that hurt again.  Baldy just accepted Jesus.  He has not begun to grow in the faith.  I don’t want to give him my old baggage.”

Baldy shrugged, “Your old baggage is better than having nothing.  That’s what I’ve always had.  Nothing!”

Mitzi shrugged, “But how do I know that you aren’t just horny?”

Baldy smiled, “All guys my age are horny, I suppose.  But I have never seen you in that way.  I said some bad things to you when we first met, but I know you care about me.  That means a lot more than anything physical.  Let’s just agree to help each other.  I’ll be someone outside your Turtle buddies who you can talk to.  Think about it.  All the other Turtle Team members in the A-Team and B-Team are romantically connected to someone else on the team, and only No Joe is a fill-in.  The rest are solid team members.  I have no connection to the teams at all, and only you have access to my confidence.”

Mitzi patted Baldy on the arm, “Yes, Baldy, we have that.  But you forgot your news.”

I am incurably nebby.  I perked up, “News?  I love news.  What kind of news?”

Baldy smiled, “I called my Dad on his business line.  I asked for his forgiveness, and I said that I wanted to stay at Lily the Pink.  But if he was interested in me taking over the business someday, I have been learning from Blake Williams.  I think I’d like to take a few courses at the South Campus once they have everything set up.  Blake is self-taught, so he doesn’t know everything.”

I asked, “What was your Dad’s response?”

Baldy smiled, “He said that he would like to see me in action.  I talked to Mr. Kaiser, and he said that we could work out a deal with me helping my Dad if we weren’t backed up with work here.  For my benefits here, I need to get in 32 hours each week, but even that is an average.”

The rest of our time was the normal open-door session of what is working and what could be improved upon, but Baldy made the move on his own.  I found out that he used Mitzi’s phone, since we had not lifted that restriction on Baldy yet.

As they were leaving, I saw the next larger crew in the waiting area.

The Forlorn Four and their boyfriends all came into my office.  I had met with each couple individually, but as Mitzi had said earlier, this was an after-action report.  They had all eight gone forward at the altar call.  If it were not for them, the good reverend would have had a slim crowd.

Luke spoke first. “Thank you, Mommie Pinkie, for all you have done for us.  The three of us are simply the grease monkeys for the Turtle.  That is an honor, in and of itself, but once we started dating some girls that came by on a tour, you have taken a special interest in us.  We come out here in Trey’s car, and you have arranged a van to take the girls and Todd to their homes in Pawnee Heights.  And that let’s us have a date of sorts.  Then, last week your vespers had an altar call and we all went down.  Susana, Marika, and I went for rededication, but the others went to accept Jesus.  Five new souls in Heaven, the angels were singing last week.  And wasn’t that guy that just left one of the others?”

I smiled, “That was one of our new maintenance people.  And the other lady was one of our new hires in security.  So, that would be seven souls saved.  How are you doing?”

Bubba laughed, “I saw Anna, a girl with great potential who spoke German.  She is a wonderful person, and we did not know we needed Jesus, although B.B., Easy and Stinker talk about Jesus all the time.  Now we have Jesus in our hearts.  Was it God getting us together?”

I nodded my head.  This seemed to be God’s plan, otherwise why would they all accept Jesus or rededicate themselves to Jesus, but somehow this had Stinker, my niece Jemima, written all over it.  That’s how she got the name of Stinker, leading people to Jesus who thought their life was good just the way it was.

Marika said, “I have not only had my friendship rekindled with my childhood best friend, I have met someone here who loves volleyball.  I play on the hardcourt team at Flintheart, but Zuzka is showing me beach volleyball.  We have a lot of fun.”

I nodded, “Yes, Zuzka, with her height, has been the perennial champion, regardless of who is teamed with her.  There is no way that I would let her team with you in a tournament.  That would be totally unfair.  You are both athletes, both tall, and both experienced in volleyball.  But, you are helping her get back in shape after she had a baby last year.  And you do know that she is my daughter-in-law, so be easy on her.”

Marika laughed, “I have eaten more sand in the past week than I ever did growing up.  She spikes, and I dive to the ground to dig.  She is very strong, and the height helps.”

Luke said, “I do not mind you eating a little sand.  You fed me your mud pies when we were little, and they did not taste very good.”

Marika shrugged, “You weren’t supposed to eat them!”

Luke threw up his hands, “I wasn’t even in kindergarten yet.  How was I to know?”

I looked at Anna, “Anna, you have lost weight since I first saw you.  Is that due to Bubba?”

She smiled eagerly, “Yes, I do the right exercises.  We work out in your weight room.  Excuse me, fitness room.”

Bubba added, “She is an eager pupil.”

I said, “And now for the other side of the room.  Any problems here?”

Trey said, “I don’t know.  We went on dates with these lovely ladies after a chance encounter at the Turtle Bay, and now we are characters in their comic book.  I hope they get it published.  The four of them are very talented and imaginative.”

Susana said, “And my friends have encouraged me.  I am taking classes this summer, so that I can graduate early and go to college with my friends.  Somehow, some of our pages of the comic book were copied and distributed at the university.  We all have scholarships to take care of enough of our tuition for us to all go together, and you are providing transportation here and from here to the university.  We owe you a great deal of thanks.”

I shrugged, “I just have buses and vans going all over the place.  It’s not much out of their way.”  I was also the one who made the copies and talked to a friend of a friend.  Now, if the university can line them up with a literary agent…

Todd smiled, “And to think, all because the Turtle team was having a pool party with water slides.  This place is wonderful, Mommie Pinkie.”

Kanok came from the play area.  She bowed and said, “Sawasdee Kah.”  All the guests said the proper greeting in return.  The girls said, “Sawasdee Kah.”  The boys said, “Sawasdee Khrap.”  After being shouted at by the reverend last week, Kanok rebounded quickly.  Kanok stretched her arms out and pretended to be an airplane back to the play area.  I had not seen her do that before.

Julia burst into the room, “Mommie Pinkie, I apologize, but the call came to me knowing you were in a counseling session.  But Cassie and Missy are both at the birth center.  They want you to be there when you can.”

I turned to the young people in the room. “I just wanted an update.  I have heard from all of you except for Patty.  Anything, Patty?”

Patty smiled, “No, we are probably going to miss our prom, but that’s okay.”

I huffed, “No, it is not okay.  All those bullies need to know that you got the best guys and that you are not losers.  Grannie Fannie, ring Gwen’s number and have these girls and young men measured, as if Gwen needs the measurements.  The prom is ten days away.  Gwen can pull it off.”

They all asked, “Really?”

I winked, “And it is our gift to the eight of you.  I want to see cyber bullying stamped out.  The best way to do that is to show them they were wrong.  And Patty, I will give you a loan for your contact lenses.  You will be beautiful.  All four ladies.  And you gentlemen will be handsome in the best tuxedos that are available.”

While Gwen started getting measurements from the guys, she already had ideas for the ladies.

Scrambled and I took the three little children to the T.R.U.S.T. Medical Center.  Angus had already been there with Missy.  She had not been feeling well, and the OB-GYN sent her to the ER.  Cassie had been at city hall in a meeting with her secretary, planning events for the next month when her water broke.  Why she was planning events knowing that the baby was a few days overdue is something I will never understand.  She does not even get paid.

Dev Yeggs joined us, and Sophia, Menzie, Samuel, Lauren and Sammie came from Lily the Pink after their homework was finished.  Easter and Jemima came a few minutes later, bringing Stormie and Gigi along.  When Cassie and Missy learned that they were both in the labor room, they insisted on being near each other.  It was a few hours later when they were both taken into delivery rooms.  They both had no problem with natural childbirth.  And the children were recorded as having been born at the same time, a matter of seconds apart.

Missy gave birth to a little girl, Clairissandra Ailsa Lileas MacDougall (CALM).  Cassie gave birth to a little boy, Phinehas Linus Angus Yeggs (PLAY).  Missy’s child was name for Missy’s sister Claire and Cassie with two Scottish name.  Ailsa is for the Ailsa Craig, a rock island off the coast near Glasgow.  Lileas is the Scottish name for Lily, in a way named after Lily the Pink.  As for Cassie’s son, the initials are the same as mine.  Phinehas was a grandson of Aaron, the high priest.  He drove a spear through a sinning Israelite and the Midianite harlot that he was with.  That action ended the plague that had killed thousands of Israelites.  Linus is only mentioned once in the Bible as someone helping Paul in a letter to Timothy.  And Angus is married to Missy.  Cassie and Missy are truly best friends.

But as the chimes announced two new births in the birth center, there was a breach in security.  Reporters started crowding the hallway outside the room where they had moved both Missy and Cassie into.  The shouts of “Mr. Mayor! Mr. Mayor!” were disturbing everyone on the floor.  The hallway was clogged with video and still photographers wanting the first photo of the mayor’s baby.

Dev emerged from the room and flashed his badge.  “Come with me.”  Dutifully, they all went with Dev to the family waiting area.

One of the reporters, who had worked with Dev on a high profile murder case, asked, “What is the statement that you have prepared, and someone has to take the first photos of the newborn child of the mayor.”

Dev smiled and held up one finger. “I did not say that I had a statement.  I just said to come with me.”  He held up a second finger. “Don’t try to go back down the hall and badger the mayor.  I am sure the nurse’s station has contacted Medical Center security already, so you can thank me for keeping all of you from being arrested.”  He held up a third finger. “For those who are here to get the first photo of the mayor’s baby, you are already late.  My daughter-in-law, who has her own photography studio at Lily the Pink, has already taken those photographs.  She already has forms for you to fill out in case you wish to purchase the photo for your news feed.  She has sold many weather photos and videos, so a baby announcement photo should have the same legal transaction.”  Dev held up a fourth finger.  He gave the information of the birth of Ailsa MacDougall, Ailsa until they feel comfortable with any one name.  Cassie appreciated the honor, but she thought the baby should be her own person.  He followed that with the information of the birth of Phinehas Yeggs.  He talked about how the parents wanted to tie the two families together in the names and how the two mothers were friends, so close that the babies were born at the same time, within seconds, but the recorded time was the same.

Then Dev held up all five fingers of his hand.

He said, “I guess I owe you a story.  Everybody, get comfortable.”

Dev started, “Once upon a time, there was a poly-sci graduate from T.R.U.S.T.  She had a few interviews, but no one was biting.  She was really smart, but she had some anger issues.  Pink Lady gave her a chance to prove herself as the head of security.  Not what that young lady wanted, but it was a job.  Near that same time, Ruth Collins was forcing two of her children to have babies that would either become girls who had babies as early as thirteen-years-old or they would be sold to human traffickers.  Eventually all would be sold.  When the two sisters learned that the younger one would have to sleep with another boy, the older sister helped the younger one escape.  The runaway teenager who had given birth to a daughter ended up at Lily the Pink, indirectly, and the new security chief saw some potential in her.  She helped her get her GED.  And she made the runaway into a very confident security officer.  By this time, the two ladies were like sisters.”

One reporter said something about how Dev was doing a lot of talking without mentioning the prostitution side of things.

Dev continued, “I do not mention that other than by the time Pink Lady affected a means of catching the wrong people in the wrong places for maximum effect, the two sisters from security were instrumental in making the raid a success.  They had already become Christians by that point.  As the Scriptures say, the old is gone, so why bring it up?  About a year after the Emancipation Day, as Pink calls it, my wife’s aunt arrived and Pink renovated some space for her to do some tinkering.  Aunt Hortense taught Blaise and Sophia, my children who are in high school, how to make things.  That summer, Sophia was near the water treatment plant testing a little gadget.  She found two people, a Scottish piper and a dead body.  The deceased was a drug overdose, but the piper was trying to figure out how to find the head of security.  He ran into the former runaway who was keeping an eye on Sophia.  The young runaway had been adopted by my children as a mom away from mom, not knowing that the runaway really was a mother.  The security chief had already been dating the mayor.  Now, the former runaway became interested in the Scottish piper.  The Scottish piper was trying to find the security chief, so that a DNA test could be made.  It turned out that she was his brother’s illegitimate daughter.  The piper’s brother was a rock star who was dying.  After the two couples got married, they all met in Seattle, just before the rocker passed away.  So, while the runaway calls the security chief her big sister, she is married to the brother of her biological father.  So, in a strange way, they are related through marriage.”

A reporter said, “And you expect us to report this strange story as part of the announcement of their children being born at the same time?”

Dev said, “You can if you want to do that.  You asked for a statement.  I gave you a fairly long statement.  It shows that the two mothers down the hall are real people who love each other.  They are family.  They should be treated with respect.”

At that moment, Lauren, Gigi, and Jemima walked up.

Lauren shouted, “Unka Dev!  I got to hold the baby in my arms.  Mommie says that Ailsa is my aunt.  That does not make sense, but I held her in my arms.  She is so tiny.”

Gigi asked, “What are you doing, Daddy?  Mommy wants to go home.  She is going to have a baby in a few months.  She says she needs to lie down.  Who are these people?  Did they do something bad?”

Dev laughed, “Yes!  These people slipped by security.  I was explaining to them that the mayor needs some privacy right now.  So, if they purchase Jemima’s pictures, I will let them go without any arrests.  No cuffs today, Gigi.”

One reporter asked, “How long is the First Lady of Tracy going to be on maternity leave?”

Dev smiled, “I cannot say, but she is a workaholic.  She is unpaid, but she has placed a bassinet in her office and changed out the drapes for darkness.  So, I doubt if she will take the normal maternity leave.  But expect her activities to be lessened for a while.  She is a first-time mother.  And little Lauren here is the former runaway’s granddaughter.”

The photograph that was selected for the front page had both babies being held by me, the proud grandmother, and the mothers leaning against my shoulders.  The fathers stood behind.  And then Menzie, Lauren, Sammie, Scarlet Ibis, Blue Heron, and Olu Kulteni (Kully) were all below her, held or standing.  And Kanok, Joon, and Sparkle were photo bombing around the edges.  That way, the photo tied in with the story of two security guards who became sisters in spirit and mothers at the same time.  One big loving family.

Credits

The hospital where all my doctors are affiliated plays a lullaby whenever a baby is born in the birth center.

Drowning in a Piobaireachd came out in late June 2023, but Dev’s story involved tying a lot of the past short stories together.