Thoughts from Mark "Hat" Rackley

I am Mashie Niblick.  I am presently employed as the greenskeeper of the Hoity Toity Golf Club in the big city of Tracy.  The government paid for my enrollment at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT) and then I became an agent in the espionage business.  I became a greenskeeper out of the need for a cover story, and I enjoyed the job and my latest name and the woman who knew me by no other name…  Okay, my entire life I dreamed of finding someone named Pauline and being the guy who came to the rescue, as in The Perils of Pauline.  It was my thing, and maybe a goofy thing.  I entitle these stories as my wife’s misadventures.  But in these misadventures, I usually arrive after she has solved the problem.

This misadventure started as a random visit by the new Sue McAdoo, when Sue visited Lily the Pink.  It’s written in first person (Pink Lady).  I got it from Pink.  There was no need for me to come to the rescue.

Pauline and Sue McAdoo came into my office.  Elroy came in and sat near the wall.  Missy took her usual pose, disinterested, leaning against the wall.  She had Julia well trained.  Julia did that too, now that she headed the Tracy security team.

Pauline said, “This is my friend from DC, Sue McAdoo.  And Sue, this is Pink Lady Apple Yeggs.  The building where I work has her initials on it.”

I cringed, “I gave money to the school because I have the money.  I expressed the desire to not have anything named with my name on it.  They got cute and called the building the PLAYhouse and the athletic fields the PLAYground.  I simply gave up at that point.  It is nice to meet you, Sue.  I was tied up when you had a tour of the Crystal Mountain last month, wasn’t it?”

Sue smiled, “Yes, I got a very good tour.  Your employees are wonderful.  But since Pauline does some analytical and administrative work for my husband, we are interested in how she got to know you here.  There seems to be a strong connection that does not fit with her background.”

I smiled.  I sensed she was digging.  “Pauline’s history is strong with people here.  At least one person here.  But I have only known Pauline a few years.  Hmmm. Let’s see, Mashie and Pauline were a couple when we were emancipated.  Pauline was studying under Naomi, and once Scrammie and I got married, Naomi became my sister, since she is married to Dev, Scrammie’s brother.  And I guess Pauline came along for the ride, so to speak.  We’ve been friends ever since, but then she also has a connection to GrandPa.”

Sue smiled, “I have met Deviled Yeggs and his wife Naomi.  Scrammie is Scrambled Yeggs, I suppose, but who is GrandPa?”

I smiled, “You should know him.  He is married to the president of Lily the Pink, Gwen Quinn.  I am just the CEO these days.  Gwen maintained her maiden name to try to not be a target for people who want GrandPa dead.  Oh!  I never said.  GrandPa is Scrammie and Dev’s grandfather, Millennium Yeggs.  You might know him.  I know he worked for the same organization Pauline and Mashie sometimes work for, but I have no idea what he really did.  But the important thing is that he rescued people from the sex trade and human trafficking.  Gwen and GrandPa went on a world tour to connect with those rescued ladies.  And that is how Gwen ended up with four adopted children and I got two, Kanok and Joon.”

At that moment, we heard a voice coming from the play area.  My three, Sparkle, Kanok, and Joon were in the nursery.  It was Gigi, “Why are we in here?  Don’t you have a car?”

Sophia said, “Yes, and I am leaving the car for Mom to go home when she gets here on the bus.  She’s doing dean of faculty duties today.  Then Pauline will teach summer classes, while Mom brings a new baby into the family.  But, Gigi, I hear that you know something about a party for Emmett.  You know, Em and I are going to be married in a few years, so what’s the secret.”

Gigi stomped her feet.  “I can’t tell you.  It’s a secret.”

Sophia huffed, “But I am practically married to Em already.  We promised we would never keep secrets from each other.”

Gigi seemed hurt, “No, I can’t tell you.  I promised.”

Sophia said, “Calm down, Gigi.  I am the one planning the party.  We are having a non-graduation party for him.  He should have graduated this year, but when his family lost the farm and they were at the mission downtown, Tracy Central held him back a year on administrative technicalities.  That is partly the reason that they moved here, just to have a street address with an apartment number.  He spent that year practicing his saxophone and working to help support the family.  We think he sacrificed enough to have a party.  And then next year, we’ll have a graduation party for both of us.  So, that is more information than what you were told to keep secret.  I was testing you.  And I want you to change your tactics.  When someone asks, tell them that you don’t know a thing about that.  That way they don’t get a hint that you know something.”

Gigi gasped, “But that would be lying.  I do know stuff.”

Sophia sighed, “Well, kiddo, as you grow up, you find that keeping something secret is a bit of a lie anyway.  You do not tell what you know.  And when you do say something it is either a lie or a half truth.  Otherwise, you betray your friend by letting the secret slip out.  Understand?”

Gigi said, “It still doesn’t sound right.”

Sophia giggled, “But that is why I want you to help me plan the party.  Only you and me will know all the details, but we want this to be a surprise for Emmett.”

Then Dev walked in from the hallway that leads to Gwen’s home.

Gigi asked, “Daddy, you came to help us plan the party?”

Dev said, “Gigi, I was just instructed to take my girls home.  I have no idea whatsoever about a party.”

Gigi gasped, “Soapy!  Daddy lied.  He knows about the party!”

Sophia laughed, “No, Gigi, he doesn’t have a clue.  He’s just driving us home so that Mom will have a car when she arrives by bus.”

Gigi said, “Daddy, I didn’t know growing up would be this hard!”

Seeing me, they walked into my half of the room.  I introduced them to Sue McAdoo.  Dev said that he had already met her the night before.  The Levys and the Yeggs went to the Niblicks for supper, but the children stayed here and Blaise had a little party in the lab.

Sue said, “Gigi, that’s a pretty name.”

Gigi laughed, “That’s not my name.”

Sue asked, “Well then, what is your name?”

Gigi said, “Gloria Grace.  G.G. is my ‘nissels.’”

Sue laughed, “Your initials! That is so cute!  Then, it’s easy to make that Gigi.”

Dev and his girls gave their farewells and left.

Sue turned to me, “So, what do you know about what Millennium Yeggs did on his world tour?”

I shrugged, “I am sorry, Sue, I have no idea what you are talking about.”

Sue sighed, “So, you also have an employee by the name of Elroy Jetson.  What do you know about him prior to his employment here?”

I smiled, “Elroy is such a good employee, but knowledge of before he came here?  I have no clue what you are talking about.”

Pauline covered her mouth and laughed, “Gigi might not have learned that lesson, but Pink, you were certainly attentive.”

Sue groaned, “Okay, Pink, this is not a purely social call. We have had a number of people who have been let go recently due to security breaches.  But what if the security breach is really an intelligent woman who is capable to piece small bits of information together.  That could be you.”

I turned to Pauline, “Did you hear that, Pauline?  She called me intelligent, and I barely have a college education.  And even that is suspect.  Uncle Delly had my professors come to this room to teach me for the last three semesters.  Would I have even passed those classes if it wasn’t one-on-one instruction?”

Pauline laughed, “Pink, you are intelligent in so many ways.  All who know you look up to you.”

I shrugged, “I would rather they look up to Jesus.”

Pauline smiled, “That’s what people see in you.  Sure, you are rich.  You have to be to support all these people, but you live very simply.  You take your half of the airplane and use it to fly other people around the country or even to Scotland.  Half the time, you aren’t on the plane when you send people to the CRAGS on the Columbia River in Washington state.  And yes, I pay for preschool and nursery care, but at a fraction of what the other preschools charge, the friends and family discount.  But Sue wants to hear it from you.  You do know a lot about what we do, just not all the details.  And you would not tell a soul.  Besides, you can count on one hand how many times you have gotten away from Lily the Pink since it started.”

I snickered, “But Sue would get worried if I told her about my only vacation growing up was to China.  That’s when I fell in love with lily root.  It’s when I got the idea of putting lily root in cider.”

Sue asked, “What part of China did you visit?”

I said, “Yantai, on the Shantung Peninsula south of Bo Hai Bay and north of the Yellow Sea.  I visited with orchardists, but I was just a teenager.  They grow some very nice apples around Yantai.  The apples grow inside bags to ensure no blemishes, no bug bites.  Aunt Honeycrisp and Ambrosia wanted to visit the groves.  It was a fascinating trip.  We ate a lot of exotic foods.  But I was a teenager, and I made no lasting friends from the trip.  Frankly, that trip was when I realized that Baldwin Apple was a sadist, and I wanted nothing to do with him.  But we were sent there together because Uncle Delly thought we would become the power couple for the next generation of Rotten Apples.  I wanted nothing to do with the criminal side of the family.  And Baldwin was so depraved, his actions led to much of the family business collapsing.  Empire Apple just thinks he is a big shot.  Maybe with the illegal drug market and his forays into cybercrime, he might be making himself a fortune, but any portions of the crime family profits that I get my hands on are turned into charities to help the poor of Tracy.  Umm. Sorry, I got off course.  What did you need from me, Sue?”

Sue smiled, “That rant said a lot.  You assert that you have no connection to organized crime other than familial.  You have no connection to foreign powers.  We have run a background check, and you are clean.  We have had monitors watching your various operations that you are connected with.  Here, your water lily greenhouses in Doyle County, the County Line Farm, Washington state, your outdoor adventure palace south of here, the honeymoon home in Georgia, and your water lily farm in Florida.  Everything checks out.  But I needed to talk to the big boss.  You and Gwen should not broadcast anything that Millennium and his friends might say relating to any federal interests.  If they like something you are doing, feel free to acknowledge the compliment.  Now, I hear that you have something here every night called a vespers service.”

I smiled, “Yes, and if you stay for it, Rev. Gil Whitefield is giving it.  He is one of our new additions and he seems to understand the ladies here.”

Sue was thorough.  She interviewed Elroy and Irusya, GrandPa and Gwen, and many others that those people work with.  Then, she played with the six adopted children of Gwen’s and mine.

I think she decided that we could be trusted.

That night, Gil only read some Scripture and then he invited his “Mom” to the stage.  Grabbabs Dykstra took the microphone.

Babs smiled, “Good evening, everyone.  Gil said that I had to keep this short.  A few close friends, like Anna Hill and Amy G. Dala, have been encouraging me to give my testimony.  I grew up in central Illinois.  I was an only child, and my Mom died.  Dad was ill equipped to raise a daughter.  He was barely housebroken himself.  So, he went where any man with only one marble rolling around in his brain would go to find a mother for his daughter, the strip club.  A stripper that was past her prime took him up on his ridiculous offer, a roof over your head, food, clothing in exchange for raising his daughter.  She raised me to become an adult film star.  I had dark hair in those days.  These days, the blonde hair looks more natural since I am white haired for the most part.  I grew up to become a ruthless business woman and star of adult films.  My name was Bountiful Babs.”  There were a lot of people in the audience that recognized the name.  The room started to have a buzz.

Babs continued, “I learned who had the money and I wanted it.  I performed.  I wrote screen plays.  I directed.  I produced.  At one point, I had my own company, and the company was winning a lot of awards in the adult film industry.  I had more money than I knew with what to do.  But I was empty inside.  Then gravity started having an effect on my body.  To stay in front of the camera, I would have to have major plastic surgery, but I did not want to be a plastic doll.  I simply walked away.  I moved to Arizona, to an assisted living facility.  I did not want to be recognized.”

She said, “If people recognize you as an adult film star, male or female, they will proposition you with a romp on the bed.  Those propositions might come at anytime, at any location.  Okay, in those days I never darkened the door of a church.  That might be the exception.  So, I was happy being unknown hiding from my past.  The industry wanted me back.  My fingers were in every pie, and having my name associated with the film made my films sell.  So, I had to hide.”

She took a deep breath, “That is when the dreams started.  I started seeing a younger version of myself talking to Harold Dykstra.  Young Babs was curious about the human condition.  She wanted to understand why humans sin.  And Harold had a gentle way of turning the conversations into a Bible study and focusing on how Jesus loves us.  This was all new.  I had never been in a church.  Oh wait, we made a film in an abandoned church.  If that counts, I will have a ton of sins to confess tonight.  But the way Harold was so gentle with this younger version of me in the dreams, I wanted Jesus.  And I wanted to meet Harold.  At this point, I had no idea if Harold existed.  I started going to a worship service at the retirement center.  I talked to the pastor, and he gave me a Bible and some other literature.  Once I thought I was ready to accept Jesus, I wanted to be baptized in a river.  The closest thing was an irrigation canal, he baptized me there.  I liquidated most of my assets.  I packed my things into a shipping container and shipped the container to Tracy.  Then I rode the bus to Tracy.  I prayed, and I got a newspaper.  I saw an advertisement by Morrie Dykstra, the only day that he ever ran the ad in the newspaper.  He had an apartment for rent on the second floor of his Dad’s home.  The rent can be made low if the renter agreed to be Dad’s caregiver as he aged.  Then it said two words, ‘Please, Babs.’”

She sighed, “Babs was not just in my dreams, but Babs had appeared as Harold’s travel buddy, the one he talked to about Jesus.  But that was not me.  That was an angel.  I know that sounds weird, but I saw my name on that advertisement, and I called Morrie.  We moved my meager things into the apartment, with the shipping container arriving later, and then Morrie dropped me off at the food bank so that the real Babs could meet Harold.  We had a rocky start, but I stayed.  And we had daily Bible conversations, sometimes multiple ones each day.  While he talked to people who wanted someone to talk with, I worked in food bank distributions all over Tracy.  I love doing good for others.  I feared that if they knew my past, they might think ill of me.  And sometime later, we fell in love and we got married.”

She concluded, “My life since accepting Jesus is totally different.  My life is completely different … period.  I started my life with no moral compass and thinking of only my pleasure and the money I could make.  Now I think of nothing other than glorifying God.  Gil gave a verse about how the barren women will have children in the home.  ‘He settles the childless woman in her home as a happy mother of children. Praise the Lord.’ (Psalm 113:9).  That does not say they will have children of their own, but being a mother was the only thing that I felt I lacked.  Jesus would be enough, but I had that regret.  I now have four grandchildren.  They are all here tonight.  God is truly amazing.  So many miracles just to get Harold and me together.  But more importantly, I was the worst of the worst in portraying an alternate lifestyle to what God wants.  And God loved me anyway.  I cannot imagine how He took all those sins and washed me clean.”

Gil got up and closed us in prayer.  Everyone wanted a piece of Babs, not in a bad way, but they had so many questions.

But after I got the children to bed, I met with Babs, Harold, Gil, Willie, and their children.  Morrie had already left with his family.  And Elroy, Sue and Pauline were there.

As I started sharing finger sandwiches and cider, Babs turned to the only person in the room that she had not already met.

But that is when she recognized the woman now known as Sue McAdoo.

Babs blurted out, “Suzy?!  Sweet Suzy Q?  Is that you?”

Sue had listened to Gigi’s lesson from this morning.  “I have no idea what you are talking about.  You must have me mixed up with someone else.”

That is when GrandPa and Gwen came into the room.  “Suzy, I think you need to explain who you really are.  Babs that was wonderful, by the way.  Now, you, Suzy Q.”

Sue began to tear up.  “I was a Millennium Yeggs rescue.  If you remember Babs, I suddenly disappeared.  But I took the bankroll that I was given and I moved to Washington, DC.  I went to college and I met my husband.  We are now known as Hugh and Sue McAdoo.  Yes, Babs, I was Sweet Suzy Q.  You portrayed my mother in many films.  I used up the money I was given, but I have a degree.  But like you said, there was an emptiness there.  I hoped you would not recognize me, but now that you have, can you teach me about Jesus?  After all, you played my mother at one time.”

Babs went to work, and we all joined in.

After she accepted Jesus and hugged everyone in the room, Sue McAdoo, a.k.a. Suzy Q, a Sue from Kalamazoo, called her husband.  She put it on speaker:

Hugh:  Hello, Sue, how are you doing with the interviews?
Sue:  I didn’t call about that, but the interviews are as good as over.  I have an appointment with the mayor and his wife tomorrow, but I actually met them tonight.  I need to talk to a few more people at the university.  And I have been promised a thrill ride in a vehicle called the Turtle.  It’s a storm chasing vehicle and they have made some modifications, and they want to test them on the police academy obstacle course.  So, I will be finished tomorrow.  I can fly home the next day, but I called to say that I met someone from my past.
Hugh:  Distant past?
Sue:  Well, before I went to college.  Back before Millennium Yeggs rescued me.
Hugh:  Oh, who might that be?
Sue:  Do you remember when we first met that I confessed that I had two mothers?  I had a birth mother, but when making adult films, I had a mother that I loved just as much.  Do you remember her name?
Hugh:  Sure, she was big in that industry and disappeared a few years after you did.  Bountiful Babs.  She left millions behind, but there was no trace.  People think she was killed and buried at sea or something.  Have you met a ghost?
Babs: Hi, Hugh, I am Bountiful Babs, but maybe not as bountiful as I once was.  I am very much alive.  And I have heard a lot of the theories, but not the buried at sea idea.  More alive than I have ever been.  I have four grandchildren, even though I never had a child myself, and two of them are the same age as your two.  Bring them along when you come to visit.  And to find me, look up Barbara “Babs” Dykstra in the big city of Tracy.  But your wife has more news.
Sue:  Yes, Sweetie, how you think about going to church from now on?
Hugh:  I’m glad you mentioned that.  A few of the neighbors have asked me what church we are interested in.  I have been avoiding their questions.  You know, the usual dodge of, ‘We are looking around and testing the waters.’  Why do you ask?
Sue:  Babs gave her testimony tonight.  It’s all about miraculous things, but what got me was that she felt empty after accomplishing everything she had been groomed to accomplish.  Hugh, you are now a big boss in an important government organization.  I am your wife and mother of your two children, but I felt that emptiness also.  I accepted Jesus as my Savior tonight.  The room is filled with my new family.  They all put their hands on me when I accepted Jesus, even Gil’s children.  Gil Whitefield, Babs’ son-in-law, is going to baptize me in the Lily the Pink swimming pool tomorrow night.  Hugh, I feel free.  I feel the emptiness is gone.  Like Babs said, I feel more alive now than I ever have in my life.
Hugh:  Sue, I am clearing my calendar.  I will fly down early tomorrow morning.  I want to be there when you are baptized.  And I might not mind talking to Gil myself.  I will bring Drew and Lou along with me.  They can meet the grandchildren of Babs.  I especially want to meet her.  I might know most of the people where you are.  The ones you call family.
Sue:  Yes, you know a few of them.  I am in Pink’s office with Pauline, Millennium, Gwen, Elroy and the Dykstras.  Maybe if you play your cards right, they might give you a thrill ride in the Turtle.
Hugh:  I love you, Sue.  I’ll see you tomorrow about noon.  Can you have your university interviews done by then?
Sue:  Sure, some of them are connected to this Turtle thing.  I will save them for last, and we can do them together at Lily the Pink.  If you remember, shipping and receiving has a maintenance bay called the Turtle Bay, but the vehicle was out on a storm chase at the time that we had the tour.  I’ll meet you there.  That is the Turtle Bay in the big city of Tracy.
Hugh:  Thanks for the clarification.  I have been to at least two other Turtle Bays.  Love you.  Good-bye, Sweet Suzy Q.
Sue:  I love you too.  In a way like I never have before.  Good-bye.

Sue turned to Babs.  “Can you work your magic on my husband tomorrow?”

Babs reddened, “God works His miracles.  I have no magic.  But I think everyone here will join me in praying for Hugh between now and then.”

I nodded, “Many of us already have.  Hugh is new to his job.  But he needs Jesus whether he is in that position or not.”

Jayke said, “Aunt Suzy Q?  Can I call you that?”   Sue giggled and nodded.  “Who are Drew and Lou?”

Sue smiled, “They are my children.  Drew, like Drew Barrymore, is our little girl.  She is about your age.  And Lou is our boy, about Janella’s age.  Lou like Lou Gehrig.”  A blank stare from Jayke. “Lou Costello?  Lou Diamond Phillips?  Louis XVI of France? Louis Armstrong?  I give up.  We named him Louis and we shortened it to Lou.”

Jayke laughed.

And since Pauline was supposed to have this misadventure, I guess I should mention that she brought Sue back home to our spare bedroom that night.  I joined them as we read some Scripture, said our prayers, and as Pauline and I prayed that the excitement did not rob Sue of her sleep, we heard rhythmic breathing from the bed.  Becoming a Christian and understanding the sacrifice Jesus made on our behalf is exciting, but it gives you a peace that is beyond any earthly understanding.  Sue might just have the best sleep she has ever had.

Credits

The Perils of Pauline was a movie serial that started in 1914. It defined many serials that followed, including the Perils of Pauline “moment,” the cliffhanger that caused you to return to the theater for the next installment.

When I accepted Christ it was on one of those nights with insomnia.  I stared at the ceiling and told God that I refused to say the salvation prayer again.  “Do with me whatever you will, but I give up.”  I seemed to here singing, and I heard a voice say, “That’s what I was waiting for.”  My unconditional surrender led to a feeling of peace, and the next thing I remember was waking up with an overwhelming desire to read God’s Word, again and again.  I was a changed person.  But I say this to confirm what Mashie said about Sue’s first night’s sleep after accepting Jesus, the best I ever had.