Thoughts from Mark "Hat" Rackley

I’m Lieutenant Deviled Yeggs.  I work homicide in the big city of Tracy.  Working for me are my old partners: Detective Sgt. Jim Wednesday and Detective Poached Yeggs, my nephew who is slowly becoming a good detective.  But then again, I have all the detectives in the big city of Tracy reporting to me.  Even so, I HELP them when they need help, but I WORK homicide.

I had a hard day.  I thought that I had arrived at home first, as usual.  Naomi used the Lily the Pink bus service.  I think she was going to work right up to the delivery of our new little one.  But Sophia and Gigi had come home early.  I could hear them in the other part of the house.  Pauline would drop off Naomi on her way home.  Pregnancy has that privilege in that she does not need to drive, and Pauline and Naomi can talk shop on the drive home, if Pauline’s children, Baffy and Andrew will let them.

I did my usual thing.  I went to the den, reclined in my recliner, and I fell asleep.

It seemed like a dream, but something carefully crawled into my lap.  A mop head lay upon my chest.  Then I heard a faint whisper, “Daddy, are you awake?”

I moaned, “I am now, Gigi.  What do you want?”

Gigi giggled, “I don’t know.  Soapy said for me to see if you were awake.  I think she wanted to go to the Jetsons so that I could play with the puppies.  Caulk had ten puppies one or two days ago.  Irusya says that we can suggest names, but Elroy has the final say.”

I said, “Maybe wait until Mommy gets home.  It’s summer.  There is a lot more time until it gets dark.”

Gigi asked, “Why worry about the dark? Perry can bring us home.”  Perry was a Great Pyrenees- German Shepherd mix, the father of the puppies.  He was temporarily the lead guard dog while Caulk was on ‘maternity leave.’

I had seen the puppies.  Four looked a lot like Caulk, two looked a lot like Perry, one looked like a German Shepherd, and the other three looked like miniature male lions.  Then again, Caulk kind of looks like the king of the jungle on a bad hair day.

“No, Gigi.  Perry can bring you home.  Elroy or Irusya could walk with you, but the forest is a great place where someone with bad intentions can hide.” I had a catch in my throat.  Gigi and Sophie were perfectly safe, but I said what I said from my subconscious.  In that little trail between our backyard and the hidden entrance to Elroy’s Hobbit Hole, I had been jumped by a thug who was trying to abduct Pauline Niblick.  If it were not for Elroy’s third guard dog, I might be dead.  And if Rhoda, the Rhodesian Ridgeback, had been a good team player, she might not have been in position to save me.  This was my fear, not Gigi’s.

Gigi asked, “Daddy, are you okay?  You came home and took a nap.  I haven’t had a nap in years!”  Note: Gigi is three years old, plus one month and one day.  She probably needs naps, but she is too busy having fun.  And Gigi is really Gloria Grace, G. G.

I sighed, “I had a busy day, Gigi.”

Gigi asked, “What made you so busy?”

I had to think about that for a few seconds.  “Well, Jack Gripper, the detective sergeant in charge of crimes of violence had been sloppy.  He investigated a bar fight the way he normally would.  He isn’t needed at all unless someone goes to the hospital.  This time, the victim was hurt enough to be in critical condition.  I don’t think they will die, but they might.  That would mean that the fight needed to be investigated the way we would investigate a homicide.  So, I had Jim and Poached go through the report with Jack, asking Jack questions that he had not asked the witnesses.  Then Poached and Jack went together to interview as many witnesses as they could find.  Since the witnesses have all gone home or to work, it gets harder to make follow-up interviews.  This was just a teaching exercise, since we think the victim will be okay.  I think Jack may become a good fill-in if homicide needs someone new.”

Gigi asked, “But since Jim and Poached did the work, how did you get so tired?”

I shrugged, “That’s kind of hard to explain.  Then, I had to go to the jail to get Bones Rattler and Polly Handel out of jail.”

Gigi gasped, “But they are cops.  Why were they in jail?”

I sighed, “Bones had Polly tag along with him at an illegal gambling den.  They were working undercover.  Bones was setting the stage to raid the place, but he wanted to give Polly the experience.  Polly was dressed provocatively.”

Gigi gasped, “Was she naked?”

I laughed, “No, Gigi, she had on a low-cut dress with high slits.  So, her legs would show when she moved a certain way.  She flirted with the wrong gambler.  He started winning.  Another guy wanted the girl who was obviously a good luck charm.  A fight broke out.  When the police were called, they had to arrest everyone involved, although Bones and Polly were taking as many fighters out of the fight as much as possible.  We didn’t want to blow their cover, so we had them arrested and fingerprinted with everyone else.  I went down to pretend to post their bond and get them out of jail.  No one was badly injured, but Bones was upset.  With this happening the way it did, the people running the place left before the police got there, and he’ll have to find out where they moved their game.”

Gigi asked, “Did you walk all the way to the jail?”

I shook my head, “I drove.  But I did walk a couple of blocks to city hall to say ‘Hi’ to Phinehas and Cassie.  Your cousin Boaz was in a meeting.”

Gigi asked, “Why doesn’t Phinehas go to the nursery at Lily the Pink?”

I laughed, “Cassie is a new Mommy.  If she does not have a busy day scheduled on her calendar, she keeps Phin with her.  She has her office rearranged to be more like a nursery than an office.  Maybe when she weans Phin off breast milk, then you might see more of him at Lily the Pink.”

Gigi nodded, “He comes to the nursery sometimes.”  I nodded, probably when Cassie, the First Lady of Tracy, was having a social event with political implications.  Even then, if a tiny baby added the right atmosphere at the event, Phin might go with Mommy.  For the photo op if nothing else.

Gigi asked, “Anything else?”

I thought for a minute, “Paddy had a theft to investigate at the hardware store on County Line Road.  I sent Nick the Pick Poquette out to help.  And then Georges Evident told me what he was hearing about Empire Apple’s efforts to move into cybercrime.  As a result, Georges is relying on Poached, adding Elroy as a confidential informant, and taking classes on computer programming.”

Gigi asked, “So, you took a nap when you got home, because you watched other people working?”

I sighed, but Naomi, the one I call Glyce, came into the room.  She smiled and sat in the recliner next to me.  She had gone to work even though the doctors told her she needs bed rest.  She thought a foot and leg massage by Dr. Randy Handel and massages by Pauline Niblick were just as good.  And she could sit at her desk all day.  Pauline was teaching the few summer classes that the department had.

She held out a hand for me to hold.  She said, “I agree with your father, Gigi.  It is very hard work watching other people work.  You know you could do it better, but they will never learn unless they do it themselves, make mistakes, and then you suggest what they could do better.”

Gigi threw up her hands in a three-year-old style shrug, “I’m just a girl trying to learn.  It doesn’t sound right.”

Sophia came into the room with our favorite beverages.  “Gigi, I am learning that too.  I hope you get a chance to be the boss someday, but when I run talent security at the Snazzy Taz, I would much rather be Menzie’s personal bodyguard and not have to supervise Samuel Farquharson.  If I could forget that Menzie is the primary star and Emmett is the second star performer, I would be willing to let Samuel take Menzie and me take Emmett.  But watching multiple entries, and then watching what is happening and watching my people to see that they are responding to what I see…  Gigi, that one thing makes me exhausted after every performance at the Taz, especially the calves.  Daddy told me why.  He says that I am constantly shifting my weight forward, ready to pounce into action, and I don’t even realize it.  But some nights, I can’t go to sleep afterwards.  My legs are cramping really bad.”

Naomi smiled, “Sophia, one of my specialties is physical therapy.  I could give you a massage.”

Sophia smiled, “Until I realized what was causing the pain, I did not want to sound like I could not handle the job that I signed up to do.  Be expecting me from now on, Mom.  Or maybe Handsy Randy.  I hear he has magical fingers.”

Naomi huffed, “I could say that I taught Randy all that he knows, but the massage is one thing he excels in, far beyond my skills or knowledge, but I doubt if he could come to the house after every gig where you provide security.  And you have been busy lately.  Menzie is singing a couple of nights each week at the Taz and then there were the two big performances at the stadium and the fieldhouse for the 250^th anniversary celebrations.”

Sophia snickered, “I could give Handsy Randy and Polly backstage passes, and he can give me a rub down before we leave the club.”

I laughed, “Now that is a great idea.  You are thinking like a boss, Sophia.”

Sophia shrugged, “I may be young, but I have experience.  And to explain why we came home, Gigi got agitated, and I decided that a change of scenery would be nice.  Besides, I had my final in ‘Introduction to Police Procedures’ this morning.  I think I aced it.  And before you ask, Menzie does not sing at the Snazzy Taz tonight.  I gave Blaise all my input on what he has going in the lab.  Kevin is working to modify the prototypes, and for the moment, Blaise is not stuck on anything that has a timeline.  So, I have the evening off.  And Gigi was not disruptive, just antsy.”

Gigi dug her head into my chest a little more, and I gave her a mini-bear hug.  She giggled, “Mommy, how was your day?”

Naomi laughed, “About like Daddy’s day.  Pauline taught two classes, and I mostly listened to coaches complaining.”

Sophia asked, “Which ones?  I would think that the football coach would be one of the whiners.”

Naomi smiled, “Bingo, but your possible coach was in my office too.  She wants more NIL (Name, Image, and Likeness) money because with Margie there, she does not want to waste those four years, or five as the case might be.  Margie and Blaise already have been in one commercial, one of our favorite car dealerships.  Margie checks out a sports car, fire engine red – State’s color – and she says that the color is all wrong.  The dealer pulls up with a True Blue car just like it and tosses Blaise the keys.  Blaise stares at the keys long enough for Margie to snatch them out of his hands.  They hop in and drive off.  Of course, it was just a test drive.  They did not give her a car just for the commercial spot, but Blaise got the minimum appearance fee, and they paid Margie more than they should, but within the rules.”

Sophia asked, “Why was Blaise in the commercial at all?”

Naomi shrugged, “Margie insisted.  She made that provision to be very clear.  Her boy toy had to come along.  I know, they each have to find those things that they do alone.  But in a way, those two are married without the ring or the proposal being given yet.”

I groaned, “And he has full control of a lot of money.  He could buy her a jewelry store instead of a ring, but a lot of that he joint owns with you, Sophia.”

Sophia said, “You do know you are talking about my idiot little brother who has not had his first day of college, except for his dual enrollment classes.  He will start out as a sophomore which means he won’t be 18 if he only takes three more years to finish college.  When are you going to let him propose?”

I sighed, “The short answer is that we have not figured that out yet.  We are thinking at 18 years old.  We have already insisted that the wedding be done by humans.  In four years, he’ll probably have robots doing things in the lab.”

Sophia groaned, “That is one of his side hobbies, creating robotic arms to do the basic types of lab activities.  Luckily, he is too busy with paid jobs right now.  But Dad, with Gigi in your lap, I guess she found that you were awake.”

I laughed, “After she crawled into my lap and asked if I was awake.”

Sophia moaned, “Gigi, I said to go in and SEE if Daddy was awake.  Not wake him up!”

Gigi said, “How would I know unless I asked him?  Besides, I whispered.”

I laughed, “I thought that was cute.  But I still don’t know why Gigi has been so loving lately.  Gigi, why the need for the hugs lately?”

Gigi said, “It’s something Soapy said.  She said I was going to lose my cute really soon.  So, while I am still cute, I need to work it.”

Sophia said, “I did not say that.  I said that when the new baby comes, you won’t be the baby of the family any longer.  I was easing her into the idea that things are going to be different.  I went through it when Blaise was born.  There is an adjustment there.”

Naomi snorted with laughter, “I can’t believe that Gigi got the no longer the baby lecture and went from there to ‘I’m still cute, so I need to work it!’  Gigi, you are cute, and you are kinda smart too.  But Sophia is right.  We will still love you as much as we do now, but a newborn baby requires a lot of Mommy and Daddy’s attention.”

I added, “And we might not get enough sleep at night, so Mommy might be cranky.”

Naomi slapped my hand, “If I lose sleep, you lose sleep, buster!”

I replied, “I said that we lose sleep, but I will go off to work and take it out on Poached.  You won’t go back to work until the beginning of the Fall Semester.  So, Gigi will see your grumpiness more than mine.”

Naomi said, “That almost made sense, but it was a pathetic attempt at getting yourself out of the hole you just dug.  Now, what are you fixing for supper?”

Sophia interrupted, “I have it taken care of.  I have some cod bites ready for the air fryer.  I have sweet peas on the warmer and macaroni and cheese.  And Gigi helped.  I had to stop her from helping any more or we would not have any mac and cheese left.”

I tickled Gigi, “So, that’s what I was smelling!  Mac and Cheese breath!”

Gigi screamed, “Stop it, Daddy!  That tickles!”  And then she rocked back and forth laughing.

A little while later when we had finished our dinner, Naomi asked, “What’s for dessert?”

Sophia replied, “I haven’t fixed anything.”

Gigi suggested, “How ‘bout Nilla ice cream and blackberry Surple?”

Naomi said, “Gigi, that’s blackberry syrup.”

Gigi said, “Not the way Soapy says it.”

“Oh?”

Gigi nodded, “It’s in a poem.  Roses are red.  Violets are purple.  Sugar is sweet. And so is maple surple.  I’m the seventh out of seven sons.  My pappy was a pistol.  I’m a son of a gun.”

I laughed, “Sophia, don’t tell her where that poem came from.”

Sophia replied, “Of course not, Daddy.  I don’t want to have to put five dollars in the swear jar.”

Naomi asked, “Does Pink still have that swear jar?”

Sophia said, “I was playing with the little ones in Pink’s office the other day.  Aunt Gwen came in and shouted the ‘D’ word four times in a row.  She pulled out a twenty-dollar bill.  Then she said, ‘I feel a lot better now.’  Pink quickly explained for the little ears, ‘Aunt Gwen was just talking about damming up the pee brook to make a little duck pond.’  I doubt if any of the little ones cared one way or the other.”

I shrugged, “Whenever Gwen has an outburst like that, it’s that gypsy blood.”

We all had Gigi’s suggested dessert, along with fresh blackberries and whipped cream, but as we finished, Naomi got a text.  It was from the Mommie Club – Expectant Mothers Subgroup.  Hannah was in the labor room.  And Pink had found out that Amy had her child the day before.  Amy, in her scatter-brained mode, had forgotten to call the Mommie’s Club.  We would have had people helping with breathing.  It was optional if they wanted Jochebed as a mid-wife to deliver the child alongside the doctor.

Hannah was different.  She came to town with Bonnie, and Jochebed met them at the Medical Center.  The doctor said that he would sit in the corner and be entertained by two midwives from two totally different backgrounds working together when they had always been the one in charge.  To explain, Jochebed was the wife of a former witchdoctor in Africa, and the role of midwife became natural.  Bonnie was basically Amish.

With Hannah having her husband at the Medical Center, I called Polly.  She went to the Gargoyle House to fill in as the police presence along the County Line Road.  We were afraid that criminal elements might keep an eye on the baby announcements and take advantage of his not being around.

I then drove Naomi to the hospital.  Since she provides therapy to some of the patients, she could go where I would not be able to go.

I dropped her off, and I went home.

Early the next morning, Hannah brought Conor McCreary into the world.  A healthy little boy, about mid-range in height and weight.  As for the forgotten announcement, Amy G. Dala and her husband, Ralph E Newman also had a baby boy, Chip Newman.  What else would two computer nerds name their son?  I asked if Chip was the middle name and Computer was his first name.  They laughed and congratulated me for understanding the name.  The hospital staff was wondering who the family member was that Chip was named after.

Sophia stayed home with Gigi, and they made it to the hospital to see Conor in the nursery.  And Amy and Chip had not been discharged.  They got to see Chip also.

But what Sophie told me later is worthy to report.

Gigi was talking to Chip.  Amy said that someday Chip might be Gigi’s boyfriend.

Gigi said, “But he’s just a baby!”

Amy snickered, “But he’ll grow up.”

Gigi said, “But I have so many boyfriends now, I don’t know what to do with them.”

Amy thought that was hilarious.

But then Sophia ended her report with some insights.

Sophia wrote, “Mom, Daddy, a year and a half ago, you were worried about Gigi being slow in her verbal skills, but she is making up for lost time.  Now, she can talk and talk.  She is really smart, but she is kind of like Arabella and Jemima’s friend Wilma.  What is rolling around in that little brain of hers is goofy.  Don’t worry about her talking about having a lot of boyfriends.  They are just every boy in the preschool.  She doesn’t flirt.  She just plays with the boys like she is one of them.  She has a lot of confidence.  Now, we’ll have to see how she reacts to the new baby in the household.  I think she will do just fine there too.”

And I was watching Gigi, I had to admit that she was cute.  And she was definitely “working it.”

Credits

I spent thirty years of my working career in Instructional Design, Development, and Implementation.  I also worked on getting some of the training departments certified, like a college.  In developing training on things that had no training programs, I spent time watching the personnel working.  I then documented how they did what they did, and where they could improve.  And then came the textbook writing.  In the evaluation of the training, I observed people working to see if they had developed unauthorized shortcuts that might affect safety or quality assurance.  Some days when I got home, my wife would ask, “Why are you so tired?  All you did all day was watch other people working!”

And when I taught class all day long, I found myself leaning toward the class to clearly hear their comments and questions.  In that posture, your calves get an extreme workout.  I have had such bad leg cramps that I could not sleep until I massaged my calves for a couple of hours, using a lot of an ointment that used heating and cooling properties.

And Gigi’s poem came from the Roger Miller song, Dang Me.  Thus, in explaining where the poem came from, Sophia would have to put five dollars in the swear jar.  I know, “dang” is mild, but it’s too close to something less mild.

And as for “Computer” Chip Newman, I struggled for a name, and then it dawned on me that they are so into computers that what other name would they pick?  And for those who do not read these stories all the time.  Amy G. Dala (amygdala) is a nickname given her by her parents.  She keeps the name socially and for business, but she is Amy Newman on her driver’s license and other documents.