Boilerplate
I’m Harold Dykstra. I’m retired, but I go to food bank distributions all over Tracy and talk to people that need someone who will listen to their story. My time is well spent. A police lieutenant suggested that I write down the conversations that I had with an angel. I did not know she was an angel at the time. The angel, for a little over a year, indwelled a life-sized posable action figure my children bought me, so that I would not be perceived as travelling alone. And in a way, she was training me for what I do while talking to the needy. She probed my heart to find out what I believed and how I express love for others. She changed my life.
In her leaving, she said someone would come. I had thought that was Jesus, in His second coming, but a new Babs, a little older, the model for the posable action figure arrived. While I had no desire to start over with romance, Morrie helped her move in, thinking she was the other Babs who had returned.
This Week’s Question
One day last week, Babs learned that Matthew and Mercedes had gotten past first base after finding some of her old naughty films where she starred.
This week Babs was making a preemptive strike with Mike and Madison.
Babs asked, “I am so glad you could come over. How is high school treating you two?”
Maddie smiled, “Grabbabs, I love Geometry. Mike and I have Biology and World History together. I am really learning a lot.”
Babs shrugged, “I hope you learn a lot in World History. I enjoyed that course in high school. But are you studying high school Biology or each other’s biology more?”
Mike sighed, “Maddie, she didn’t waste much time getting there did she?”
I was sitting across the room, studying something that Mary Sheltie Jones sent me. At times, she can be the Bossy Boss, B.B. But I had to snicker at Mike’s comment. Babs could be the nosey nose at times, especially when she was concerned for that person.
Babs said, “Harold, either you are part of this conversation or you are not. Laughing at something that was said can get you sent to the doghouse.”
I threw up my hands, “I cannot fit inside Sugar’s dog run. It is dog size, not people size.”
Maddie replied, “Pake, you can come over and sit next to Grabbabs. We left your seat alone so that you could be part of the group chat.”
Thus, chided by a high school sophomore, I moved into the conversation.
Mike nodded, “Okay. We know what happened between Matthew and Mercy. Mom and Dad like the idea of the two of them getting married. It’s also a great idea to have the wedding next summer, but since three couples that are turtle-eers, or fill-in turtle-eers, are all getting married next summer, that puts summer storm chasing at risk. Of course, B.B. and Home Wrecker had a double wedding on the Summer Solstice, at the precise time of that, and then they honeymooned and hurricane watched all at the same time. The next year, Mom and Dad did the same thing, sort of.”
I sighed, “I think the sort of is appropriately added. Your mother married the head of meteorology just before leaving on a hurricane watch. That got you added to the crew. And since then, Mercy was added. And to give you and your older sister arm candy, your partners in our wedding party went along. So, somehow, Babs and I are a bit responsible for you four youngsters meeting. We are flabbergasted that the four of you have become two couples.”
Maddie asked, “But Grabbabs, what do you mean by asking about us studying each other’s ‘biology’?”
Babs groaned, “Your brother, Matthew, has only known Mercy about a year. They may have known each other for years, going to the same high school, but getting physical, from the waist up after watching one of my old films does not constitute grounds for a stable marriage.”
I sighed, “I have known people who dated for six months and then were married for fifty years. But I can understand the concern that Babs has. And you have never answered her question, so we are both getting a little concerned.”
Maddie giggled, “No! We are not studying each other’s biology. Yes, we hug and kiss. We like doing that. Long kisses. Longer hugs. With the kiss thing, you have to come up for air on occasion.”
Babs nodded, “Yes, on occasion. But remember, ‘So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.’ (1 Corinthians 10:31).”
Maddie moaned, “Mike, I knew this was coming. Grabbabs and Pake are turning this into a Bible study.”
I sighed, “Maddie, you did not have to come over just because Grabbabs asked you to.”
Mike said, “I would get the same thing from my Mom and Dad, and yes, I call Dr. Kildare, Dad. My biological father was murdered three years ago. But you two are newlyweds, how can you dress in a slinky negligee and you two make the beast with two backs?”
Babs mused, “Shakespeare’s Othello? Impressive.”
I said, “Mike, we are married. Paul told the Corinthians… ‘The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.’ (1 Corinthians 7:3-5).”
I smiled, “You see, when Babs has the yearning to go to bed, then we must go. It is to God’s glory that we enjoy one another while engaging in horizontal refreshment, amorous congress, or the deed of the darkness.”
Maddie said, “I told you we could talk to them about it. They are cool. They have no hang-ups. And we get biblical answers.”
Babs scrunched her nose, “Harold, pleas remind me of those euphemisms once the children are gone. You have me so hot right now with your dirty talk, that we might have to have these two go play with Sugar for a while. ‘I slept but my heart was awake. Listen! My beloved is knocking: “Open to me, my sister, my darling, my dove, my flawless one. My head is drenched with dew, my hair with the dampness of the night.” I have taken off my robe—must I put it on again? I have washed my feet—must I soil them again?’ (Song of Songs 5:2-3).”
Mike asked, “Can your eyeglasses fog up when you aren’t wearing any? Are those verses really in the Bible?”
I smiled, “Yes, but God has many rules about not doing such things with relatives, thus incest. ‘“‘No one is to approach any close relative to have sexual relations. I am the Lord.’ (Leviticus 18:6). The punishment in many of these situations is death for both of them. ‘‘If a man commits adultery with another man’s wife—with the wife of his neighbor—both the adulterer and the adulteress are to be put to death.’ (Leviticus 20:10). But it does not specifically talk about unmarried couples. Some think that God’s concept of marriage is when you first consummate the relationship. ‘‘Isaac brought her into the tent of his mother Sarah, and he married Rebekah. So she became his wife, and he loved her; and Isaac was comforted after his mother’s death.’ (Genesis 24:67). But then, that binds you to that first one, then all after is adultery. But also, Paul told Titus… ‘Remind the people to be subject to rulers and authorities, to be obedient, to be ready to do whatever is good, to slander no one, to be peaceable and considerate, and always to be gentle toward everyone.’ (Titus 3:1-2). So when does the local government say that you are married? God does not bless a mess. God does bless a man and a woman who are joined in holy matrimony.”
Mike asked, “But Grabbabs did it with a lot of men. So, isn’t your marriage adultery?”
Babs smiled, “I go by a different verse. ‘Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!’ (1 Corinthians 5:17). God has washed my sins away. I can have a fresh start. But I know women who did not take God at His word. They violated what Harold read from 1 Corinthians 7. They could not forgive themselves for what they did in the past, and when they found real love, they could not enjoy what they were doing. It all comes back to the idea that when we do anything, we do it to God’s glory.”
Maddie protested, “What about Mike’s and my kissing and hugging?”
I laughed, “Mike, Maddie, I doubt if it’s a holy kiss. ‘All the brothers and sisters here send you greetings. Greet one another with a holy kiss.’ (1 Corinthians 16:20). And before you ask, there are a lot of cultures that still greet with a kiss, but nothing other than a peck on the cheek, at least in most cultures that do that. Your long kisses and hugs might attract onlookers if you are doing public displays of affection.”
Maddie said, “No, we just walk the halls and talk. We kiss on the bus a little, but not long kisses. We love going to the make out spots at Lily the Pink. We have tried them all. The security guards who watch the videos tell us we need to come up for air on occasion.”
I snickered, “So, these long kisses are when you are somewhat alone.”
Mike nodded, “Yes, Sir. We take the pink bus to Lily the Pink. We do our homework there. And then when Mom is ready to go home, she drops Maddie off on the way. If Mom is held up for overtime, she calls Dad or Maddie’s folks. We have more time to walk and talk when you have your Six P Group meetings. Mom and Dad are both here for that.”
Maddie said, “If the only kissing that the Bible mentions is the holy kiss, what about hugging?”
Babs laughed, “We cannot let you think that. Sure, there are instances of a holy kiss in the Old Testament, like when Aaron met his brother Moses in Exodus 4. Then when Israel met Joseph’s sons and blessed them. ‘Now Israel’s eyes were failing because of old age, and he could hardly see. So Joseph brought his sons close to him, and his father kissed them and embraced them.’ (Genesis 48:10). Then, when Jacob died… ‘Joseph threw himself on his father and wept over him and kissed him.’ (Genesis 50:1). So, maybe you can say that there is something about a family kiss, but when Jacob first met Rachel, it was love at first sight. ‘Then Jacob kissed Rachel and began to weep aloud.’ (Genesis 29:1).”
I laughed, “But to move onto hugging, there is a lot of familial hugs, but in Song of Songs, there is this: ‘His left arm is under my head and his right arm embraces me.’ (Song of Songs 8:3). And while we are quoting Song of Songs regarding expressing love between a man and a woman on earth, this book speaks in metaphor about God’s love for us and what our response should be.”
Maddie snickered, “Thanks, Pake, but what do we do now?”
I laughed, “Do what I am sure your parents have told you. Hugging and kissing are okay. Stay away from what a swimsuit might cover. There is plenty of time after you are married for that, if you stay on the right track.”
Then Mike suggested, “After marriage, we can bump uglies.” Maddie suggested, “Bumping furs. Beauty and ugly were in the eyes of the beholder.” Then they continued with each providing the next: shagging, the dance with no pants, hanky-panky, whoopee, ploughing the land, parking the bus…
I laughed, “Please, you two, the more you talk about it, the more you will want to do it.”
Mike asked, “Maddie, I think what your Pake is saying is that if we mention anymore euphemisms for doing it, you know, making love, he might have to excuse himself and do the deed with Grabbabs.”
I smiled, “Young man, you may be absolutely correct, but that puts us in a bit of a problem. You and Maddie are still here. So, to glorify God, why don’t we have some supper and then you two can talk about what you are studying in World History.”
Maddie said, “I like that idea. We are studying the Roman empire, and Mike and I would love to blend the book of Acts with what we are learning.”
I shrugged, “We might even throw in some Old Testament prophecies.”
Mike smiled, “Goodie!”
A few hours later after Sadie had picked them up, Babs reminded me. “Harold, we need to do something to the glory of God.”
I asked, “What is that?”
Babs said, “I like what Maddie said, that if we think it’s pretty down there, we cannot consider it bumping uglies. Bumping furs would work, but if we were to shave down there…”
I suggested, “Or as the French say, “Faire une partie des jambes en l’air.”
Babs gasped, “You could have said put the bread in the oven, but you said something in French. It could have been baking instructions for all I know. I don’t care! I cannot resist you any longer. Take me. Make an honest woman of me.”
Well, 1 Corinthians 7 says for me not to ignore such requests…
Credits
All these conversations remind me of my conversations with my wife. We would talk about anything and everything. And most of the time, it sounded like a discussion in a Sunday school class.
I went to a few websites to find euphemisms for “making love.” I thought a few were too crude, but then again, having searched for the expressions, what will my news feed include tomorrow?
But as I was writing this, I was thinking that I could have done a lot better, if I had taken this approach with … the TALK.
Soli Deo Gloria. Only to God be the Glory.
Leave a Reply