I’m Lieutenant Deviled Yeggs. I work homicide in the big city of Tracy. Working for me are my old partners: Detective Sgt. Jim Wednesday and Detective Poached Yeggs, my nephew who is slowly becoming a good detective. But then again, I have all the detectives in the big city of Tracy reporting to me. Even so, I HELP them when they need help, but I WORK homicide.
It was one of those little miracles, or a God Made Coincidence (GMC) as a pastor once said. But we had all the members of our family in attendance. That is, we had my wife and I, all five children, our daughter-in-law with a bun in the oven (another child on the way), two future in-laws, and our grandchild, Stormie. Between our children, there has been working late to make prototype deadlines, softball games, concerts at the Snazzy Taz, and storm chases. It had been years since we were all under our own roof. Okay, I have been working late more often since I made lieutenant, missing maybe one evening meal each week on average. It happened only a hand full of times at the Crystal mountain, usually for family weddings.
I said, “I am so glad that all of you could be here including the boyfriends and girlfriends, whether betrothed or not.”
Gigi said, “I don’t have any of my boyfriends here.”
Margie cackled, “How many do you have, Gigi?”
Gigi shrugged, “I don’t know. There’s Joon, Thanh, Sammie, Ozzie, and Franklyn…”
Glyce said, “In other words all the boys in her class.”
Note: My wife, Trinity Naomi Tesla (TNT) Yeggs was nicknamed Nitroglycerin by her parents, Glyce for short. She was explosive when shaken. Our romance started when she learned that my bear hugs calmed her jangled nerves. Our fourth child, Gloria Grace, is showing signs of being just like her mother. And as for Gigi, as she says, “G.G. are just her nissels (initials).” Yes, she’s cute, and she’s working it.
Margie purred, “Gigi, you brazen hussy.”
Gigi giggled. Glyce asked, “Gigi, why are all those boys your boyfriends?”
Gigi said, “They let me play ball with them.”
Glyce nodded, “Just like me at that age. No need to worry about Gigi.”
Glyce said, “Emmett, will you say grace?”
We all bowed our heads and Emmett said in a deep voice, “Grace.”
Glyce said, “Emmett, that was uncalled for.”
Emmett shrugged, “That’s what you told me to say, and Rev. Joseph told me to beware that now that I have ‘minister’ attached to one of my job titles, people will expect me to bless the food… all the time … when everyone should bless the food.”
Stormie said, “I do it! Thank you, Jesus, bless the food. Aaaaa-men.”
Easy smiled, “We’ve been working on that.”
I nodded, “And Stormie seems to be learning. She’s the youngest in the preschool group.”
Jemima nodded, “But she fits right in. If they had held her back another year, she and Joan would be together. Those two play together a lot, but since Stormie was potty trained and born in 2024, they promoted her. I’m thinking she may stay in preschool and then stay with Joan Casey, or Joan will catch up. It’s up to their maturity and whatever rules Madelaine wants to follow. She promoted Baffy Niblick so that the ‘twins’ could be together, that is with Ibie Yeggs.”
Sophia asked, “Daddy, why are you having such a formal dinner tonight. You even brought out the fine china.”
Glyce answered, “If we did not make this a must-be-here thing, then Blaise would make an excuse to stay in the lab. Blaise, we renovated your room. I think you will like what we did with it. Your aunts and uncles have been gone for some time now.”
Note: With Maeve and Thou (my Dad) getting a new apartment at the mission, Maeve and her five children (twins, 3 years old and in the upper preschool, and triplets, newborn) had been living with us while she tried to get the triplets on a regular schedule. She finally succeeded just in time to move back downtown, a couple of weeks ago. With the room vacant, we took the opportunity for a fresh coat of paint and buying Blaise some new furniture, like a desk and a drafting board.
I sighed, “Blaise, your mother and I want to take advantage of this miracle that all of us were available. This is the first time in a long time that we could get all of you under this roof.”
Blaise grumbled, “Yeah, it’s been full of aunts and an uncle.”
Glyce smiled, “Give them a break, Blaise.”
Easy turned to Jemima, “See what you have been missing? We could have a steady diet of this kind of conversation if we visited more often. Without a storm chase this week, we finally get to visit.”
Jemima smiled, “Hush and eat your vegetables, dear. You too, Stormie.”
Gigi asked, “Do I have to eat all my vegetables, Mommy?”
Glyce asked, “Is Sophia eating all her vegetables?” Sophie nodded. Glyce continued, “Then you need to eat all your vegetables. She eats hers so that she can be a strong policewoman in another seven months or so. You need to eat all your vegetables to be a stronger soccer player when you grow up.”
With that, Gigi ate her veggies with renewed purpose.
When everyone was finished eating, saving room for dessert, Sophia gathered the dirty dishes, and she enlisted Emmett to give everyone a salad plate for the belated birthday cake and a clean fork.
I said, “When we were a family of five and all living at home, we would have supper here and then talk a little about our day. We would always start with the youngest. So, Stormie, what did you learn in school today?”
Stormie had a look of abject fear. Stormie asked her mother in a whisper, “What do I say?”
Jemima giggled, “Tell Granddaddy what you learned about colors and shapes.”
Stormie brightened, “I learned about yellow and green and blue and red.”
Easy whispered, “And the shapes?”
Stormie giggled, “Yeah, and stars and circles and I messed up with ovals. They kinda look like eggs.”
Glyce smiled, “That’s very good, Stormie. Now Gigi, what did you learn in school today?”
Gigi giggled, “Stormie and I are really in the same class. When Stormie had trouble with her ovals, I helped. That’s what I had trouble with a year ago. But during the nap time for Stormie and the others, Miss Stasya sat down with us older students, and we learned how to draw our nissels, but Miss Stasya says that I have to say initials. And then she said something terrible. She said we had to cuss our name by the time we go to Pre-K. I don’t want to cuss, and Aunt Pink makes you put five dollars in the swear jar, and I don’t have money.”
I said, “I think she said ‘cursive.’ That’s a pretty way of writing. It is not cussing.”
Glyce said, “Cursive and cursing are not the same thing. Do you like the way that I sign my name?” Gigi nodded. Glyce continued, “That’s cursive. They quit teaching that in the public schools, and I am glad that Miss Madelaine wants to have that as part of the Lily the Pink curriculum.”
Gigi asked, “Mommy, can Stormie and I go play?”
Glyce sighed, “No, Gigi, we have never excused people until everyone has been able to speak. You will learn things about what we do, and leaving before someone gets to speak shows disrespect, like you don’t like what Easter or Daddy are doing. We might not follow in the footsteps of others under this roof, but we respect them. But enlisting Stormie was a cute touch. Gigi, you get antsy when you sit still too long, but you need to know how to stay still longer.”
Gigi grumbled, “But when we do this, there’s just four or five people. There’s a bazillion people this time.”
I smiled, “Ten is much less than a bazillion. I agree with your mother. Sit still until we all have given our report and then you and Stormie can be excused to play.”
Gigi groaned, but she nodded.
I said, “Blaise, you are up.”
Blaise nodded, “I have tried to get them to test me out of the classes that I am taking, at least Statics and Dynamics. I have been making those calculations for a long time. I am learning a few new things in Thermo, ummm, Thermodynamics. And I love the strength of materials lab. I get to see the experiments that establish the decisions that I make in choosing one material in a design over others. As for the lab, we are in a lull with design requests, so everything is tinkering with some things that Aunt Hortense had not perfected. Fun stuff.”
Glyce said, “By age, Sophia is next.”
Sophia said, “Daddy, I may have messed up my career. The police procedure professor pulled me aside today. He asks questions, and since I have worked within the system, I know the answers. At first, he went with the first hand that went up. When I got all that stuff, he looked for others. When there were none, he went with me. The professor says that the guys at the university are getting jealous. None of them want to be my partner because I am teacher’s pet. I don’t think that you would approve me dummying down to let the boys win.”
I snickered, “You are right on that one. If these boys are serious about being policemen, they better look at you as the goal to reach. Getting angry, getting jealous, those reactions sound like they have given up on making the grade and now they want to squeak by. If that is their opinion, I don’t want them in the Tracy Police Department. Should I call the professor?”
Sophie shook her head, “The professor said something along your line of thinking. He is going to counsel each individually. I am the standard that they need to catch up with. And having worked around the police, I am familiar with a lot of it already. I have no privilege. In fact, I am being judged by a higher standard. But that does not mean that the green-eyed monster won’t appear again on the horizon.”
I smiled, “Thanks for letting me know. I know that the commissioner has been keeping an eye on the situation.”
Glyce smiled, “Margie, you are next, or should that be Marguerite?”
Margie laughed, “In a family setting, Margie is fine. I am getting a little verbal banter from the engineers. They don’t see a lot of female engineers. In a way, they are disappointed that I want to study the business and patent end of it. But this is the first time that Blaise and I have not had the same exact classes since middle school. That is except PE. In some ways, it’s weird.”
Glyce said, “I see you have the real ring. We have not said that Blaise could propose yet. We think 16 is that absolute minimum. Maybe after he gets his driver’s license.”
Margie nodded, “I understand. It was my choice to have Blaise as a friend for social media in high school, but then everything seemed to snowball from that point on. Frankly, I cannot believe it has been four years.”
I said, “Us either, and now it is Emmett’s turn.”
Emmett said, “Sophie’s last period is Physical Education. My last period is a dual enrollment music theory class. I am loving it. The professor has seen some of my arrangements. He thinks I can do better, but he is impressed with where I have come with so little education. He says that the people who improvise in jazz and play by ear often have a tough time making the transition. I told him that when I first went to the Taz to fill in for the saxophonist, I played some of my own compositions. But then, the other members of the band started feeling my vibe and they made up an accompaniment by ear. I was impressed by that, but then, I started writing the accompaniment myself. They taught me a lot and now I have the theory that backs that up.”
Glyce said, “When is the wedding, as of today?”
Sophie laughed, “Yeah, you have to talk in those terms. When Menzie saw that Em and I were getting that year of non-wedded fun, she wanted it, too. So that made it three years away. Then her abduction this summer has her moving up the date drastically. She wanted a quickie wedding right then. Angus and Missy want her to graduate high school first, so I am thinking in two years, right after graduation. To be honest, with Lauren and Sammie, Menzie will never have that carefree wild child experience, so why pretend by delaying the wedding another year. Regardless, too far out to pick a date.”
I smiled, “Next is Aunt Jemima.”
Jemima smiled, “As a Graduate assistant, I teach mostly freshmen the basics of meteorology. Easy and I both do guest lectures in Dr. Kildare’s class on careers in meteorology. I do some senior level classes in weather photography. There is a mixed class for that, photography students and meteorological students. And the rest of my time is taken up chasing Stormie around and helping B.B. with video editing.”
Glyce asked, “And how is the baby coming along?”
Jemima smiled, “Great! I am halfway through the first trimester. But it seems like three or four months in already.”
I asked, “Easy, anything to add?”
Easy nodded, “I am Dr. Ben’s personal assistant. He is out now and I have his sophomore and junior level courses to teach. He has already put the lesson plans together, so I just keep the students on track. Jemi makes a big deal out of it in her Sunday school class that I get exhausted when I talk a lot, but I can talk all day when thinking about weather patterns. Since I am doing research on weather patterns over mountain ranges, I usually teach those fluid dynamics classes even when Dr. Ben is available. He will postpone that series of lectures if I am storm chasing. That’s where I get my geek on.”
Glyce thanked all the children. “As for me, I taught two classes today. Then, I spent time with the basketball coaches, soccer coaches, and the managers of the baseball and softball teams. No real drama anywhere. Mostly they told me who needed my brand of therapy. That’s why I had them. Pauline met with the tennis, track and field, and golf coaches. We have not had too many issues where I have had to mediate as dean of the southern faculty.”
I sighed, “That leaves me. A murder was reported in the homeless community on the southeast part of town, farther east than the south campus. When we got there, their unofficial mayor had already solved the crime. He was more concerned for the murderer. Have you ever heard the story of ‘The Cookie Thief’?”
Glyce sighed, “Oh, no.” She began to tear up.
I said, “Valerie Cox is credited with writing this story. I have heard a few pastors use it as an illustration. It is used in church as a cautionary tale about being quick to judge. The story goes that a woman was at the airport extra early. She went through security and then she went to a bookstore to buy a book to read. While there, she bought a bag of cookies, something to munch on before the flight. She sat in the waiting area, and she took out her book to read. A man was seated next to her with a seat between them. As she was reading, she noticed the man open the bag of cookies. He removed one or two and ate them. The woman was furious that this man had the gall to eat her cookies right there in front of her. Angrily she reached into the bag and got a cookie. She could not let the man eat them all. He was rude and inconsiderate. Well, it came down to the last cookie. She wondered what this horrible man would do. He reached into the bag, and he broke the cookie in half and offered her half of the cookie. She did not want to make a scene. She took the cookie and ate it, just as her flight was being announced as ready for boarding. She got up angrily and went to her gate. She reached into her bag to put her book away, and she saw something that she did not expect, a duplicate bag of cookies. She had been the one to have the gall to eat the man’s cookies. She was the insensitive one, the rude one. But it was too late to turn around and apologize.”
Sophie asked, “I think I might have a guess as to how this fits with your murder case. But I am pretty sure it wasn’t a bag of cookies.”
I nodded, “A man who was troubled with PTSD saw his neighbor eating a sandwich. It was the same kind of sandwich he was going to eat. Something snapped inside him and he killed his neighbor. He didn’t hide the crime very well. He just went back to his tent, opened his backpack, and there was his sandwich.”
There were a few gasps.
I sighed, “The work that we have been doing in feeding the homeless has changed things. Before the FHAT, we would ask people and they would not know anything. But their mayor had talked to the murderer and told him that I was a good man, and things would be worked out. The murderer is already in custody. All the evidence has been collected, and the D.A. hinted that Chauncey Munsford had gotten a call to do the trial pro bono. Chauncey had made sure that the murderer has been sent to a mental facility and testing is underway. We are thinking that he will plead guilty and get time in a mental facility instead of general population in prison. His homeless friends can visit him once everything is concluded. But for now, after finding his sandwich, he is under a suicide watch.”
I hesitated, but then I added, “The murder victim was one of the people who had accepted Jesus at one of the feedings. I hate that word, but they like it. Feeding the Homeless At Tracy has ‘feedings,’ not dinners, meals, or something. I would think they would not like the connotation that it sounds like feeding cattle, but that may be the point, their little joke on the whole world. But after the body is cremated, the growing Christian community among the homeless wants to officiate their own memorial service and remember the two members that they have lost, the murderer, praying for his soul, and the victim, who is where there is no pain, even as we talk about him.”
Sophie asked, “There is licensing required for weddings, but what about funerals?”
I said, “Think about it, Sophie. The result of a wedding are vows taken based on a wedding license, thus there is a legal contract of sorts. With a funeral, the deceased is not coming back to complain that you did it wrong. There is nothing binding. Yes, the body is being cremated, but with an indigent victim, no prior preference given, no money to even pay for the cremation, it was the least expense for the city, but the cremation will be delayed looking for next of kin. That might change all the plans, but if the family wants the remains, the community will still have a memorial, just no ashes to scatter.”
Gigi said, “Can I go with you to the next feeding?”
I said, “We have not asked you to go because these people have not had a bath in a while. Some are rough around the edges. Some may have substance abuse problems. Are you sure?”
Gigi nodded, tears in her eyes, “I want to make sure they all have a sandwich.”
Glyce said, “How about having a step set up so that Gigi can stand at the window of the food truck to hand out sandwiches? We give them a meal right there and we have a message, but then they line up at the truck for a sandwich to go. That way we can keep Gigi safe, and she can be a part of the food distribution.”
Jemima added, “And having been the one that hands out the sandwiches in the past, I can talk to Miss Madelaine. What if all the children draw a heart or something on each sandwich bag and maybe their initials. That way, Gigi can tell each person who colored their bag from the initials.”
Gigi was dancing around. She loved the idea.
I was shifting between protective father mode and policeman mode. And keeping Gigi in the food truck was probably the best option, less moving parts, no shadows to walk through. But could I get her to sit still that long? No, I could not, but still enough.
But the night was not over.
Glyce came from the kitchen and carefully placed the cake facing Blaise. He was instructed to slice the cake. As he made the first cut, the cake seemed to explode, spraying icing all over Blaise and Margie, because she leaned in.
As they backed away in horror, while everyone else was laughing, Sophie said, “All those old science experiments have been avenged!”
Blaise asked, “Did you do this, Sis?”
Sophie laughed, “No, but I am enjoying it.”
Blaise huffed, “So, maybe you haven’t forgiven me. How about a hug, right now, to put all that behind us?”
Sophie agreed, and Blaise made sure Sophie got her share of the icing. Emmett started using his finger to lick the icing off his fiancée, Sophie.
Gigi asked, “The cake blew up! So, what’s for dessert?”
Glyce had already gone back to the kitchen and brought in the real cake. Glyce had not made the cake that had been booby-trapped, but my brother Scrambled instructed her as to how to get Blaise iced over and leave everyone else high and dry. His uncle loved him, but he enjoyed playing a prank on the boy genius. The second cake was a Mabel special.
Credits
I have never seen Blue Bloods, the television show. I have heard that the heart warming part of the show is where they all gather around the dinner table. If this looks anything like that, it is accidental, since I never saw the show.
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