Boilerplate
I’m Harold Dykstra. I’m retired, but I go to food bank distributions all over Tracy and talk to people that need someone who will listen to their story. My time is well spent. A police lieutenant suggested that I write down the conversations that I had with an angel. I did not know she was an angel at the time. The angel, for a little over a year, indwelled a life-sized posable action figure my children bought me, so that I would not be perceived as travelling alone. And in a way, she was training me for what I do while talking to the needy. She probed my heart to find out what I believed and how I express love for others. She changed my life.
In her leaving, she said someone would come. I had thought that was Jesus, in His second coming, but a new Babs, a little older, the model for the posable action figure arrived. While I had no desire to start over with romance, Morrie helped her move in, thinking she was the other Babs who had returned.
This Week’s Question
One day last week, Babs and I took a foliage tour.
This week Babs was dressed in a maid costume and she was dusting. I guess she would feel silly dusting without being dressed as a maid.
I was focusing on my sales jargon. I was trying to wordsmith the concepts that B.B. (Bossy Boss, codename for Mary Sheltie Jones, who volunteers to create advertisements for the mission downtown and the police and fire auxiliaries’ efforts to feed the homeless at Tracy (FHAT)).
Babs asked, “Harold, baby, move over maybe.” I shifted in my chair so that she could get around me. “Oh, thank you. You’re true blue.” As she passed, I patted her on her bottom. She turned and said, “Please, my squeeze, I am just the maid, and I need to get paid.”
I smiled, “Babs, what are you doing?”
She replied, “Work, I must. This house, full of dust.”
I sighed, “No, with all this rhyming.”
Babs shrugged, “I like to rhyme… From time to time.”
I sighed, “But I have not heard you rhyme before, Babs.”
Babs said, “The Bible’s poetry … has gotten me up a tree. It’s wisdom’s sublime, … but I cannot find a rhyme.”
I sighed, “Come over here and sit on my lap. We can talk about biblical poetry.”
Babs shook her duster at me. “If I do, some rules for you. Don’t get fresh. Don’t touch my flesh. Keep it sweet while I’m on your seat. Don’t touch what jiggles, it gives me the giggles.”
I sighed, “I agree to your demands.”
Babs mused, “Hmmm, thinking of demands, control your hands.”
I nodded, “No problem there. My hands will be thumbing through the app.”
Babs sat on my lap and giggled, “You use your app with me on your lap.”
I sighed, “Let’s start with what Hebrew poetry is. It usually contains parallelism. Proverbs 7 is a good example. The theme is the adulterous woman. It starts with synonymous parallelism. ‘My son, keep my words and store up my commands within you.’ (Proverbs 7:1). But then the next verses build on that. ‘Keep my commands and you will live; guard my teachings as the apple of your eye. Bind them on your fingers; write them on the tablet of your heart. Say to wisdom, “You are my sister,” and to insight, “You are my relative.” They will keep you from the adulterous woman, from the wayward woman with her seductive words.’ (Proverbs 7:2-5).”
Babs replied, “Harold, you are not addressing my qualms. My difficulty was in the psalms.”
I snickered, “How about antithetical parallelism? The two lines show opposing views. ‘For the Lord watches over the way of the righteous, but the way of the wicked leads to destruction.’ (Psalm 1:6). ‘You save the humble but bring low those whose eyes are haughty.’ (Psalm 18:27).”
Babs sighed, “Are my eyes haughty or are you trying to be naughty?”
I replied, “We could look at emblematic parallelism. That is the use of metaphor. ‘Not so the wicked! They are like chaff that the wind blows away.’ (Psalm 1:4). But then how about climactic parallelism?”
Babs purred, “I’m glad you got to that one. This might be fun.”
I sighed, “But, Babs. You said no touching the flesh, not getting fresh.
Babs smiled, “It’s no fun, you fool, if you don’t break a rule.”
I groaned, “That’s not very biblical, Babs. Besides, a climactic parallelism builds to a climax.”
Babs groaned right back. “This is getting absurd, again he used the word.”
I moaned, “Before we get this completely out of hand. Here is an example or two. ‘Ascribe to the Lord, you heavenly beings, ascribe to the Lord glory and strength. Ascribe to the Lord the glory due his name; worship the Lord in the splendor of his holiness.’ (Psalm 29:1-2). And then in Psalm 93. ‘The seas have lifted up, Lord, the seas have lifted up their voice; the seas have lifted up their pounding waves.’ (Psalm 93:3).”
Babs purred, “The thought of pounding waves has blown my mind. You, Sir, are being quite unkind. You have me sit upon your lap, but it’s as if I take a nap. Here I sit trying to allure, but then you treat me as if I were pure. See these things that bounce and jiggle. Tease me now and make me giggle. Pucker your lips and do not miss. Ravage me slowly but start with a kiss.”
I did as commanded, but after a long kiss, I started undoing a few buttons. She was giggling… a lot.
And then the doorbell rang.
Babs jumped up to answer the door without thinking about the progress we had been making. It was Mike and Maddie.
Mike said, “Umm, Mad. Your grandmother is halfway wearing a French maid costume. I never saw my mother wear a French maid costume, much less halfway wear one.”
Babs huffed, “Heavens, Mike! Nothing important is showing. Now, another button or two and you might be accurate. Help me out, Maddie.”
Maddie grabbed Mike by his cheeks and pulled him in for a kiss. That gave Babs time to button a couple of buttons so that a wardrobe malfunction did not lead to what Mike was thinking.
I came in and laughed, “Babs, do not test Mike’s resolve. ‘I made a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at a young woman. For what is our lot from God above, our heritage from the Almighty on high? Is it not ruin for the wicked, disaster for those who do wrong? Does he not see my ways and count my every step?’ (Job 31:1-4). So, Mike and Maddie, do not get any wrong ideas here.”
Babs laughed, “Mike, look up. Up here. Look into my eyes. ‘Rather, clothe yourselves with the Lord Jesus Christ, and do not think about how to gratify the desires of the flesh.’ (Romans 13:14). So, while I go to change, think about Jesus.”
I moaned, “And why are we blessed with both of you?”
Mike said, “Mom and Dad were going to the Flintheart football game tonight. And Mad’s Dad said that if we called to tell you we have extra tickets, you would find an excuse. Coming by here, you would hate to not go. So, was Mad’s Dad right?”
I sighed, “Yes.” Then over my shoulder, “Babs, put on clothing suitable for a football game.”
Babs shouted back, “Okay. But you may need to take a quick shower. Either that or remember what Paul said to Timothy… ‘Flee the evil desires of youth and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.’ (2 Timothy 2:22).”
I excused myself to change my shirt and get my coat.
Mike told Maddie, “Mad, I agree with you. Your grandparents rock! And Grabbabs is the coolest ever.”
Maddie sighed, “Yeah, and you are going to have to confess your sins tonight. To God, not Mom and Dad. ‘But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.’ (Matthew 5:28). You might just want to roll your tongue back into your mouth. “Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body.” (1 Corinthians 6:18).”
Mike said, “You are starting to sound like your Pake and Grabbabs.”
Maddie purred, “Grabbabs gave us those verses to memorize. Verses that we can use when temptation strikes. Are you not ready to quote those to me? If you loved me, Mike, you would be ready”
Mike sighed, “Okay, I have not gotten them all memorized, but here’s one you did not mention. ‘So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh.’ (Galatians 5:16).”
Babs and I heard what they said, but then there was a moment when they were not saying anything.
Babs hurried into the entryway, where the two had never left. They were like two ravenous wolves, kissing and pawing each other. Babs scrunched her nose, “Pake and I are married. It’s just a little naughty when a Bible study gets our love engines revved, but you two need to cool it. Quoting Bible verses and then kissing like that. Something is wrong here.”
Mike said, “Come visit Aunt Jemima’s Sunday school class. Maybe once a month one couple starts to kiss and then it gets contagious.”
I mused, “Maybe we should. But let’s get moving. Where are your folks?”
Maddie replied, “They just dropped us off. Both sets of parents are already at the game. We need to ride with you.”
Babs volunteered to drive, “Harold, my precious. We missed out on the maid fantasy, but since we are going to the ballgame, I will treat you to the naughty cheerleader when we get back.” Then in a high-pitched girlish voice, “Rah, Rah, Ree. Kick him in the knee. Rah, rah, Rare. Oops, I forgot my underwear.”
The two in the backseat rolled with laughter.
Then, Mike sighed, “Yeah, Mads, your grandparents are the coolest ever.”
And I got an inspiration from all the silliness Babs had done. Why wordsmith ad copy when I could ask children to say what they liked about feeding homeless people and say it in a rhyme. It may sound goofy, but it would be real and truthful. Truth in advertising? A wild concept. It might not catch on.
Credits
All these conversations remind me of my conversations with my wife. We would talk about anything and everything. And most of the time, it sounded like a discussion in a Sunday school class.
This story was inspired by this afternoon’s quote regarding not acting your age.
I started thinking about how my wife would get an earworm. But instead of humming the song all day long, she would invent new lyrics to the song. Usually the lyrics were silly, but occasionally, especially when the boys were not at home, she might get a little naughty. But if this was a day where we were both together, she might have dreamed up 10-15 new verses for the tune by the end of the day. Oh, if I only had a recorder.
Soli Deo Gloria. Only to God be the Glory.
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