I’m Detective Sgt. Deviled Yeggs. I work homicide in the big city of Tracy. My partner is Jim Wednesday. Poached Yeggs, Junior Detective and my nephew, continues to assist us.
We would normally have Poached with us, but in favor of social distancing, Poached is working from home, using his computer skills to streamline our reports, organize and computerize our confidential informant records, and other such things. I hope this social distancing thing doesn’t last too long. Poached will have the entire department paperless, and Jim and I will need to look for new work.
But what work? It’s not like we had any homicides. Crime was down with everyone sheltering in place. Sure, there were probably more thoughts of homicide than usual, with everyone cooped into small houses with other family members. Parents wanting to get some peace and quiet from the kids. Spouses being reminded of that pet peeve that the other spouse did, but with going to work, you forgot about the pet peeve for a moment or two. Sure, there were thoughts, but no one was putting any of that into action. That didn’t mean that us detectives could take the day off. No, we had a relaxed rotation, with each pair of partners working all crimes, not just our assigned specialty, as if there was much to work in other areas either. With the relaxed schedule, only one set of partners in the squad room at any one time.
Jim and I, not the twins in the sky, Gemini, no, the two detectives in Tracy Jim and I… We had created a plastic face shield between our desks that faced each other in the squad room, although the desks kept us apart at least five feet. Jim said that he was afraid that I might cough in his direction, but maybe he said ‘scoff’ instead. I’ve been finding it hard to understand what people are saying with all their masks on. But I know his real reason for wanting the shield. He could steam up his side of the plastic and not have to look at me.
While normally Jim could look at my gorgeous mug, all he saw now was a mask. That’s all I saw too. We both wore masks of former presidents that we didn’t vote for. We both looked hideous. And before you send in letters saying that we are wearing the wrong kind of masks, we have N-95 masks on underneath.
Jim broke the silence by saying, “What’s up with Easter Yeggs?”
I replied, “Sure, we hunted for Easter eggs on Easter. We have a big, fenced in back yard. There is plenty of room for social distancing.”
Jim growled, “No! Your son! Easter YEGGS! I said nothing about Easter eggs.”
I said, “You know, if you weren’t wearing two masks and if there wasn’t a huge shield between our desks, I might be able to hear better!”
Jim responded with a challenge, “On the count of three, let’s take the Halloween masks off. One, two, three.” We doffed the outer masks. “Now, you always have a story about Easter Yeggs, your son, at Easter time, but this year, nothing. What’s up with Easter?”
I smiled, “Easter has a girlfriend now.”
Jim protested, “How can that be? With social distancing, how can he meet anyone new? We both know why no girl that has met Easter wants to date him.”
I laughed, “He hasn’t met her yet.”
Jim nodded, “Now that sounds like the Easter Yeggs that I know, in love with someone he hasn’t met, but who is this girl?”
I said, “She’s the daughter of our new pastor. You would already know her if it weren’t for the social distancing thing and having the worship services online. Our new pastor at the First-Third Metho-Presby Church is Rev. Dr. Charles Sunday Lucado. He has a daughter Easter’s age. Her name is Jemima.”
Jim smiled, “Now that sounds even more like the Easter Yeggs I know. He fell in love with a bottle of maple syrup.”
“Very funny! Pastor Lucado’s first wife died, and when his second wife had a daughter, the pastor named her Jemima after one of the daughters born to Job at the end of the book of Job.”
“Okay, but how did Easter discover this girl he’s never met?”
“Easter was down by the river, observing social distancing of course. Easter was doing what he’s good at, nothing, just sitting there, looking at clouds. The pastor was in the river with his family, baptizing them.”
“Wait! I may have started going to church just in time for the services to go online, but I do know that you sprinkle.”
“Yes, we sprinkle, but if someone wants to be immersed, they go to the river, since the church has no baptistry. The pastor, on the urging of Jemima, decided that an immersion baptism might be a way of bringing a good conclusion to their prayers regarding this whole virus thing. Easter said that when he looked up, he saw this beautiful girl emerge from the water, as if borne from the river, and he was in love. He recognized the pastor from his photograph in the church newsletter, so he found Jemima on social media and they have hit it off. They like each other. They have common interests.”
“Wait,” Jim interrupted, obviously confused. “Your problem with Easter is that he has no interests. You can’t get him to focus on anything. Is Jemima just as dull as Easter?”
“Now, Jim, that is an unkind thing to say. Maybe truthful in Easter’s case, but unkind. Jemima makes straight ‘A’s’. No, Easter has had his problems with normal school, but he has taken to online schooling, not as much as Blaise has, but Easter is now making all ‘A’ and ‘B’ grades.”
“What about Blaise?”
“Jim, when you next see Blaise, congratulate him on being a third grader. Glyce and I have both given him stern lectures, and we have revoked his computer privileges. Maybe someone could give him some encouragement. A little good cop, bad cop. You’re nominated as the good cop.”
Jim looked confused. “Blaise was just finishing the first grade. There hasn’t been any school to attend for what seems like months, and Blaise skipped a grade? How did that happen?”
“Well, it’s like this. Blaise loves learning. He’s a lot like his mother in that regard. When he got on the computer to do his schoolwork, he jumped ahead and took all his final exams for the first grade. He passed them all. So, just for fun, he, now being a ‘second-grader’, found the curriculum for second grade and completed all that too. The school computer system seems to have a glitch in it. Once a student has it in their file that the grade is completed, they can’t change it. Blaise Yeggs is now a third-grader. When the second grade teachers learn of this, they’ll be happy. We had to revoke Blaise’s computer privileges to keep him from graduating high school before Easter does. Can you imagine a seven-year-old in college?”
Jim laughed, “That sounds like Blaise, and I assume Sophie, or Soapy as she prefers to be called, has to be nailed to the chair to get her to complete her schoolwork.”
“That’s pretty close to it for Sophie, but this turn around for Easter is a good thing. I don’t want social distancing to last forever, but Easter’s interest in making better grades is a good change.”
Jim shook his head, “He’s probably learned that Jemima is a good student. All will change once the schools reopen for classes in the Fall. I expect the old Easter may return, with a bad case of the blues.”
“Why do you say that, Jim?”
“Deviled, what happens every time Easter meets a girl that he likes and then talks to her face-to-face? When the school year starts? That’s when Jemima will actually meet Easter.”
I threw a case file at him, but I forgot the plastic shield was between us.
If anyone thinks that I am making fun of a bad situation, I apologize, but we need to find the humor in all this.
As for the new pastor, who replaced Oswald Tozer when he retired, his name is Charles Sunday Lucado. The Sunday is for Billy Sunday. The Lucado is for Max Lucado. But the Charles could be Charles Stanley, Charles Spurgeon, or Charles Swindoll, or maybe all three. Then again, when you look at his initials, C.S.L., it could be C. S. Lewis. As for Jemima, the verdict is not out yet on this being a good thing. After all, she’s a P.K., preacher’s kid.
And since Jemima has older siblings from the first marriage who have children, she really is Aunt Jemima.
As for computer glitches, those exist everywhere, but I just had fun with Blaise getting ahead of his assignments. I have no knowledge of such glitches in the school system. We need to pray for these teachers who became teachers in order to interact with the students and are now learning how to communicate the information via the computer. We have had plenty of prayer requests for first responders, medical professionals, truckers, and grocery store employees. They still need prayers, but what of the teachers who are learning new job skills on the fly to keep our children learning? After all, Deviled Yeggs was worried that if Poached made their jobs totally paperless, Deviled and Jim might need to find a new job. There may be few of these teachers who are a wizard on the computer.