Thoughts from Mark "Hat" Rackley

All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.

• 2 Timothy 3:16-17

This is my third venture into Lost Essays.  My first was among my first posts, Lost Essays.  Then, about twenty-seven months later Lost Essays – Updated came out.

I am writing this one without even reviewing the old versions.  That may be somewhat risky, but this is taking a different turn, I think.

The concept of a “lost essay” is that idea that you get in the shower, driving a car, or somewhere else when you think of something to write about.  The idea being that as you continue on your way, without a means to write the idea down, your mind goes through the entire essay.  You think of the Scriptures you want to quote.  You think of a scholarly quote you would like to add.  You think of the direction your discussion of the topic will take.  Then you get to a table or desk with a pen and a piece of paper, and you can hardly remember your own name much less the essay that you intended on writing.  And rats!  You had the entire thing fleshed out – no research needed, completely developed concept.

But in the past year or so, those have been the norm, and few have resurfaced.  A couple have resurfaced a dozen times.  My reaction is always, “How could I ever forget that idea!  It is a great one.”  But the idea is now gone, some gone for a few months after resurfacing a dozen times over the year before.  I cannot even think of the triggers.  Someone cutting you off in traffic?  Nope.  A particular television commercial or television show?  Nope.  They are gone, at least for the time being.

In the original story, I decided that God was having a private moment with me, for my edification.  A private moment to teach me something, and once I have learned that lesson, it might return as a post topic.  This is not to say that everything that I have written are things that I have mastered.  Far from it.

And maybe for the past 6-8 months, it might be physical exhaustion and maybe mental, emotional, and some other kind of exhaustion.  I am running hither and yon trying to keep up with the schedule of tests to keep my wife on the kidney transplant list.  In the meantime, I have had a few health issues that my doctor visits of late think are minor.  My wife, of late, has been piling on.  She still has pain as her shingle outbreaks are shrinking and healing, taking the opportunity to stab pain in her general direction.  Her breathing is temporarily better.  The “C” in COPD is chronic, so it is just a matter of time, but we finally have a pulse oximeter, so maybe I can see it coming next time.  Oddly, her pulse oxygen is higher than mine – every day higher or the same, but 9 out of 10 higher by a couple of percentage points.  And we think she still has a GI bleed that is undiagnosed.  Doctors refusing to treat until more tests are done.  Clinics refusing to put her on the schedule until the doctor forces the issue for one test or another.  And of course the old lost e-mail routine, with clinics pointing at doctors and vice versa.  The house cleaning is not getting done, with the writing, Sunday school teaching prep, laundry, dish washing, cooking, and doctor visits taking up tons of time.  And with the exhaustion, naps happen when I feel that I should be doing more.

And what seems the most lacking is Bible reading.  To write the posts that I write every week, there is a lot of Bible reading, but other than studying for the Thursday morning Bible study posts or the Sunday school class, I have not done a deep dive into a book of the Bible in a while.

That gets me back to the Scripture.

Are the Lost Essays that enter my mind, fully develop, and then disappear a means of TEACHING me something?

Are the Lost Essays that enter my mind, fully develop, and then disappear a means of REBUKING me about something done or undone?

Are the Lost Essays that enter my mind, fully develop, and then disappear a means of CORRECTING me in my thinking, doing, prioritizing, etc.?

Are the Lost Essays that enter my mind, fully develop, and then disappear a means of TRAINING me for something even better?

All that anyone can say is, “God, You have my attention.  Now what?”

Soli Deo Gloria.  Only to God be the Glory.